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Online erich hess  
#81 Posted : 25 April 2015 09:43:43(UTC)
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Katy bar the door! its that time again for the most exciting group in modern rockabilly to hit the road. and boy howdy are they bringing some friends! bold new newcomers :scratch and centipede machine. oh,you wanted girly ska? well, jayne wriggle is coming along too. if you are reaaaalllly lucky and are in japan,you'll get to see the harlots in their natural habitat.
do you want to be the laughing stock of your neighborhood? cant keep up with the Joneses anymore? rub it their fat faces and see this show!
no paid meet and greets,just stay after the show and we'll buy you drinks.




5/1-Ft Lauderdale,Florida.
5\2-Birmingham,Alabama.
5/3-HOTlanta,Georgia
5\4-Memphis,Tennessee.
5/5-louisville,Kentucky
5\6-Wheeling,west Virginia
5/7-Pawtucket- Rhode island
5\8- Atlantic city,new Jersey
5/9-Walden,new york
5\10- Toronto,ontario
5/11- medicine hat,Alberta
5/14-Fargo,North Dakota
5\15-Sioux FallsSouth Dakota
5/16-Oklahoma city,Oklahoma
5/17-Aspen, Colorado.
5\18-las Vegas,Nevada (show at the Nevada test site)
5/19-san Francisco,California (NOT at Gilman)
5\22- Osaka,Japan.. (special guests,the harlots)
5/23-Ho chi Minh city,Vietnam
5\24 Seoul,south Korea
5/25-Prague,Czechoslovakia
5\26-Bonn,Germany
5/27-Dresden,Germany
5\29-Trollhatten,Sweden
5/30-cork,Ireland
5\31- Edinburgh,Scotland
6/1-Cardiff,Wales
6\2- Leeds,England (final show)
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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Online erich hess  
#82 Posted : 02 October 2015 04:03:37(UTC)
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Every year atomic war bride releases a special Halloween ep and it quickly goes out of print. We usually limit pressings to 666,666 copies ( get it? I'm so clever.) due to popular demand,this year we are reprinting all previous hallowen rox. The physical records will be reprinted in New colors to differentiate them from originals. These repressings will be limited as well. After this month?they will be gone until I need more weed money. October will culminate with the 2015 Halloween ep that is based on......"psycho". So get that dress and wig ready,campers.

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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#83 Posted : 04 October 2015 14:19:39(UTC)
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Johnny: Gives me an excuse to come out of retirement.
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Ezra "Zeke" James

The Train Jumpers

Hennessy Daniels
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#84 Posted : 05 October 2015 16:00:58(UTC)
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#85 Posted : 05 October 2015 16:01:41(UTC)
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#86 Posted : 05 October 2015 16:03:11(UTC)
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Online erich hess  
#87 Posted : 05 October 2015 19:44:05(UTC)
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Erich: I will be there with bells on and we proceed to get so plastered that we walk like cotton hill. I have no idea what that is supposed to mean,but it's nice to set the bar high.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Online erich hess  
#88 Posted : 11 November 2015 10:05:05(UTC)
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A Damned Abomination


After a lonesome couple of weeks,
I stated to get the hint.
Things were kaput.
You weren't coming back,
the position of wife you had quit.

Now I'm sitting here half drunk,and mostly high.
nothing is making sense and I'd sure like to ask you why.
I thought I'd always love you.
But if a lion was eating your entrails,
I'd just a keep on driving by by by.

Booze had made my waking fuzzy,but mind hellaciously clear
. I don't know where you took your sweet ass,
but it sure as Hell wasn't here.
Now I'm left with all your things and shit.
I'd like to get some use of it,
but your pants just won't fit.

Now I'm sitting here half drunk,and mostly high
.nothing is making sense and I'd sure like to ask you why.
I thought I'd always love you.
But if a lion was eating your entrails,
I'd just a keep on driving by by by .

Are you out there trying to forget me and my face?
You got me drunk and stumbling all over the place
. A wise man once said to get over someone,get under someone else.
so that's what I'm aiming to do.
At the bottom of one of these bottles or in the next stranger's bed,
I can't wait not to find you.

ooc:sounds like:




Classic country music has always been one of Erich Hess' loves and inspiration....if more in the lifestyle of hank Williams,more than the sound. There's been a few flirtations with the sound, but " A Damned Abomination " is his first true country song. If not for the copyright date and the fact it's only available in mp3 download ( free from atomicwarbride.zzzzzz or from studio60's site) the song wouldn't be out of place in a run down jukebox where men too tough to cry at home,sit and silently weep into their beer mugs. This is probably Erich doing the same. Its guessed that even among his friends, most people get the public Erich Hess persona ,with the core heavily guarded.

A Damned Abomination won't be played at modern country bars. The rampant steel guitar and slow plodding pace takes care of that. like any good country music,its liable to raise your alcohol intake by at least a quart. thats not to say it doesnt wear its author on its sleeve,there is plenty of the trademark lines that only erich hess could write. for those few who still like the high lonesome country sounds of yesteryear,this is an interesting listen. for all others? stay away.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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#89 Posted : 12 November 2015 03:14:08(UTC)
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Kai: I feel like Johnny Cash and Erich Hess could meet for a whisky and shed a single manly tear in mutual silent understanding. It would be a spiritual moment. I feel the pain there, pal. Keep the pecker up. And definitely get under someone. Cure for any ills that.
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We are not a foolers!
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Online erich hess  
#90 Posted : 12 November 2015 03:34:03(UTC)
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Erich: up and with a little hat on the end. I'd have loved to met old school Johnny cash. I think we could have popped a load of pills and fucked a lot of shit up. I think I learned my lesson,though. Settling down is not meant for me.I'm a confirmed bachelor now.


Karoliena: wow! That bad,huh?

Erich: what? What do you mean?

Karoliena: "confirmed bachelor "?

Erich: yeah. That's what I am now. None of that marriage stuff of tied down to one woman again.

Karoliena: *snickers* yeah..that's what it means. Don't be surprised if you get a lot of men hitting on you.

Erich: I don't mind.I find it flattering.
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#91 Posted : 02 November 2016 05:25:04(UTC)
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Wonka's employee of the month commemorative record.
1.fuck you ,Charlie
2. just who is a this confectioner of contusion?
3. don't let your first factory tour be your last.
4.the great glass Wonkavator

band:atomic war bride
title:Wonka's employee of the month commemorative record.
label: studio 60
format: 12" vinyl only.
Serial numbered on clear purple or green vinyl. (666 will be on green and purple splatter pattern vinyl)





fuck you,charlie

Erich sez:"cheer up,charlie" I've hated this song since I was a kid. I nearly always got a snack or just zoned out when it was on. This is my take on just what I wanted to say to that goofy little bastard. It starts off generally just a little Ill tempered towards the cheery Mr bucket....then devolves into,well...honestly a good drunken dressing down. I mean seriously. What the fuck. The candy man IS LITERALLY throwing candy out to the kids in his store. But what does our " hero" do? Fucking mopes outside like an emo little bitch. It's like Morrissey and Robert smith fucked ,and Charlie bucket is the stain left on the Tori Amos shirt they cleaned up with. Jesus Christ ,kid. Yeah I know youre broke and probably have seen your grandparents have a slow, and not at all sexy,orgy in your one room house. But still. Those bastards are probably just exhibitionists and get their kicks from that. Grandpa Joe seems pretty god damned spry after Charlie gets his golden ticket. A pox, fucking pox on the entire bucket family.

Karoliena sez: I'm not near as.... passionate as Erich says when it comes to this song in the original movie. There really isn't much to say about the musical side of this song. I really just wanted us to follow the original sound of the song. Being the opening song of the ep,i did want it to start with a chime. For that magical feeling that you're entering a magical world where anything is possible.

2. just who is a this confectioner of contusion?


Erich sez: here we go. the man himself,the sultan of sweets, the colossus of candy...Willy fucking Wonka. Sadly,we lost gene Wilder very recently. (And no. This isn't a cash in on that. This record was started in July.) The story goes that gene wouldn't do the part unless he got to do that little tumble when the group first meets Wonka. that way,the audience never knows is wonka is telling the truth. Which is basically the inspiration for this record. But more on that later. From the get go,you KNOW there has to be more to Wonka than he lets on. Something isn't quite right. Later,he is pretty callous to anyone's Well being but his own
. Even that is suspect at times. This song doesn't try to give him a back story. (We know how that movie turns out.) He's like Michael Meyers. Nobody knows why wonka is how he is,he just is. And what he is,is terrifying when you think about it. For the lyrics,i take the character out of the framing of a kids film and it changes the entire dynamic.

Karoliena sez: now this ep starts getting fun,at least from a musical stand point. This song is fairly busy for an atomic war bride song. We have the usual set up of : vocal,guitar,bass,and drums. But we also have a Calliope, an organ and a theremin. When composing this song,i pictured things starting out like a carnival. A carnival that gets progressively more dark as it goes on. We build this until it sounds like a rockabilly phantom of the opera. We even +ahem* borrow the riff everyone knows from phantom. The theremin because....well,its a theremin. How can you not have one of those in a song like this?

3. don't let your first factory tour be your last.


Erich sez: here we go. This is the meat of this record. It clocks in at about 45 minutes. Very epic. with 8 movements. Each non charlie kid gets an introduction movement,and a death movement. Of course,the death movements are separated by our take on the oompah loompah song. When writing this song,i did dedicate a verse to the bait,er,the factory. That was wondrous building that lures kids into a sense of wonder and safety. You want to eat a flower? Do it. Eat a tree? That's ok. Drink chocolate from the river? Fuck you,kid. Dead. The death of gloop is where we see wonka for what he really is. He's like a brightly colored version of jigsaw. He gives these children opportunities to basically hang themselves and watches in sheer orgasmic joy. Wonka KNOWS how children are. He KNEW someone was going to taste that chocolate river. That's just the first one. Violet eats something that turns her into a blueberry. She fucking swells to enormous size. To which wonka calmly says she must be juiced. Yoj ever squeeze your own orange juice? I'm from goddamned Florida. That's like an Olympic sport down here. Anyways. An Orange doesn't exactly look pleasant after juicing. We go on and veruca is most likely incinerated After being a little brat. Which oddly enough,veruca was always my favorite wonka kid. Mike tv is shrunk and later taken to THE TAFFY PULLIN MACHINE! people do not stretch. Poor Mike tv is going to be pulled limb from limb. Probably to the great amusement of the oompah loompah .then Charlie and Grandpa Joe fuck up and steal fizzy lifting drink. Which greatly pisses wonka off.
The reason this is this year's Halloween ep and not a "proper" horror film? These kids are NEVER seen again (the remake pusses out and fixes this) . We just have to take Wonka's word for it. Which, going back to his introduction scene? He cannot be trusted.

Karoliena sez: this song is probably one our masterpieces. I love to compose overly complicated songs that people will automatically dismiss because of the atomic war bride name. It makes it all the more special to those who get what atomic war bride is all about. As Erich said,each kid gets a theme,anx then their own specific death theme. For gloop, his normal theme is sort of like a polka. For his death? We go full fucking Wagner on this. Honestly,gloops section would make a fantastic opera all on its own. Then,we pretty much ripped off the oeognL oompah loompah song. I wouldn't be surprised if we were sued. But that studio 60's problem. We changed the lyrics of course,but you can tell what it is. Violet likes bubble gum,so I went a real bubble gum pop sound. But more in the way of the Ramones than partridge family. For her death verse,we switch it to more of a 50's death ditty sound. you know,like " last kiss" and things like that.i sing this verse of the song. Erich can't sing about bubble gum convincingly. Nor can he sound juicy. veruca gets similar music to her song in the film. Very sassy and boastful. Naturally,i sing this verse too.b because im sassy as fuck. Mike tv gets a real all American Western sound for his theme. I really wanted to channel the image of John Wayne riding a bald eagle and lighting up a Marlboro. For mr TV's death,we go Sergio Leone and venture into ultra violent spaghetti western territory.

4.the great glass Wonkavator

Erich sez: now we reach our meaty conclusion. Wonka forgives Charlie and gives him the factory. Right? No. Wonka is so incensed at Charlie's defiant theft and his pathetic attempt to win his favor,(remember,charlie returns the ever lasting gobstopper) that he commits suicide. There is literally no one wonka can count on that isn't a thief in some way. Wonka lures Charlie and Grandpa Joe onto the great glass Wonkavator. Sure,it bursts through the factory roof just fine. But we never see it land. Wonka crashes it into Charlie's family. House, kamikaze style.

Karoliena sez: the grand finale. We Maxd things nice and airy for this song. Real bright guitar chords and shimmery vocals. At least until the point where it's clear just where the Wonkavator is going. We build and build to a dizzying crescendo and then abruptly stop. Because yeah,the Wonkavator crashed.





Ooc: yeah,the art is lame. I wouldn't be able to Photoshop something up until Saturday. Also,i can't post sound alikes from my phone. So.....find something by nekromantix or koffin kats.
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Online erich hess  
#92 Posted : 29 October 2017 01:06:39(UTC)
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ooc: dont click the spoilers if you ever wish to see this movie. the ending IS this movie.



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live from sleep away arawak

1.intro (a day at the lake).
2. enter Aunt Martha.
3. Welcome to sleep away camp.
4. Boiled pedo
5. Angela's rampage
6.

overall,sounds like:



1. Intro (a day at the lake)

Song synopsis: not a song per se. basically this is just a skit while some typical atomic war bride psychobilly is played over it. It tells the story of a dad and two kids at a lake. They are on a small sailboat that capsizes and dumps all three in the water. While the family is swimming,a speed boat runs over the trio. The propeller chops the dad and one child to bits. Leaving only one child alive. wounded,but alive.

Notable for appearances of Jody and Cole Summers as the voices of the screaming kids.

Erich sez: I like to think this movie took place on the same lake as the John candy movie, "the great outdoors" and at the same time. How wild would that be? A boat driven by Dan akroyd with John candy water skiing behind it kills 2 people? Fuck yes. Where's my TARDIS? I think I just made a great movie greater. In reality,the boat is piloted by a young girl and her boyfriend. In any case: fast speed boat + human bodies= death.

Karoliena sez: here we went with basic rockabilly rhythm. You know it,you love it. It's the same from pretty much any song from back then. The focus is on the story,not the music. So we didn't want to get too busy with things. We already had a boat engine mic'ed up. So it's terribly unpleasant to listen to as is. Also,my kids provided the screams of terror. It . Took. 39. takes. Which was about an hour straight of kids screaming. So basically a pared down version of every day of my life.

2. Enter: aunt Martha.
With the death of the father ,angela is sent to live with their Aunt and cousin. Aunt Martha is an... eccentric,if seemingly loving woman. She sends the kids off with lunches and the physicals required for summer camp.

Erich sez: oh my fucking God. Aunt Martha is my FAVORITE part of this movie. She is like a ray of sunshine fucked a rainbow while snorting Prozac off Faye dunnaway as Joan Crawford's ass. She is way too chipper, horribly acted,and terrifying. (Not a dig at Faye dunnaway as Joan Crawford. " She fucking owned that role. She's utterly insane in that movie) so naturally,I made this song worthy of it's namesake. We don't get much backstory in the film. But in my song,I made her a perfectionist where no frowns are allowed in her house,even after the horrible accident at the lake. Every word must be spoken in an overly staged and stilted way. And an obsession with little girls acting like little girls.

Karoliena sez: aunt Martha immediately gives the impression that something is wrong with her. The more and more the movie shows of her,the more disturbing she gets. So we start off the song in tune. But as we play on,we get more and more out of tune until the guitar and bass are nearly unintelligible.other than that,the song is upbeat and manic. just like aunt martha!

3.Welcome to sleep away camp.
here we meet the camp,the staff,and the campers. nearly everyone is an asshole. its like earnest goes to camp...with the cast of jersey shore.

Erich sez: in this song,we go through some of the people that will be in this movie. my favorites are meg and judy. dont these two know they're in a slasher film?! they are pretty much begging to be killed from the first time we see them. oh its blatantly obvious that angela will be the killer. shell shocked ww1 soldiers dont have the thousand yard stare this girl does. we also meet some boys who...honestly i dont remember their names. they are all basically the same asshole. there is a gruff camp owner,mel. he seems to be ok with fucking a barely legal,if that, camp counselor.
theres a pedophile chef who lusts after the campers as they exit the bus. unlike mel,there is no question on if his objects of lust are of age. he says the line, "where i come from,we call them baldies." ugh. in this movie where like 15 people are killed,this is the grossest part of the movie.

Karoliena sez:if we werent lazy and threw this ep together at the last minute,each character would have had his or her own theme. like a psychobilly peter and the wolf. but...cmon, you know what to expect when it comes to atomic war bride. here the song really just meanders along as if you're a ghost and flitting among the characters we introduce.

4.pedo al dente

erich sez: out of all the deaths in the movie,this one gets its own song. not only because seriously,nobody will miss the pedophile chef,but its one of the more unique deaths (?) does he die? maybe he just ends up wishing he was dead. anyways. ronnie,one of the few decent people in this movie, sees angela in her normal catatonic state. since its lunch time,he assumes she doesnt like the food. so he wants to help by taking her into the kitchen and seeing if the cook cant whip her up something to eat. after ronnie leaves,the chef doesnt whip something up...he attempts to whip something out! but angela's cousin,ricky walks in before anything happens. a few minutes later, cut to the cook standing on a ladder over the biggest ass pot of boiling water the world has ever seen. if this was an amazon cannibal movie? a child could stand up in this pot. not being a fan of old dick,angela...well her hands at least,are seen tugging at the ladder much to the shock of the chef. he falls over,taking the pot of boiling water with him. he screams and screams and screams. he is later taken away by ambulance. i assume he dies later. the other kitchen workers arent too shaken up by it and are excited someone gets a promotion. oh and singing about pedophiles...i needed a shower after this song.

Karoliena_S: until recently,nearly everyone could agree that nazis and pedophiles were bad people. at least we can still all agree that pedophiles are bad. im pretty proud at how this song turned out. we start it off kinda whimsical. this is mainly due to the fact we had ronnie's theme already written,so we incorporated it into this song. hes a good guy who probably doesnt know about the chef and he is usually nice to angela. but that whimsy tune soon gives way to an ominous and threatening tone. much like angela's swings from neat catatonic to murderous,i wanted to give the impression of pressure building and building until its finally released.

5.Angela's rampage

erich sez:wouldnt be much of a slasher film if people didnt die. since this is an ep,we condensed all the deaths into one song. while i'd like to,i am not writing a musical based on the film. so now we get to why you're here. theres some guy who gets killed by drowning. to which ronnie replies (funny,i remember him being a damned good swimmer). multiple people get chopped up with an ax. meg gets sliced stem to stern while in the shower preparing for her date with mel. mel gets shot in the throat with an arrow. and my favorite because its pretty damned out there....judy gets raped with a curling iron before being smothered with a pillow. angela doesnt take any shit. oh and my recollection here is out of order,but i assure you the song has them in order. it was a pretty intense post recording party and im still feeling the effects.

karoliena sez: here we do what we do best. fast as fuck music with more bass slapping than should be in any song. this song clocks in at about...5 minutes? which is like an epic for us.

[SPOILER]6. Peter is dead..... Angela lives.
without its twist ending,this movie would be ok at best. it really does seem like just another friday the 13th rip off. kids being killed at a summer camp. big deal. but it turns out there is more going on than that.

erich sez: holy fuck. who saw that coming the first time they saw this movie?! you see,when the boat runs over the kids at the start of the film,it never actually states which one is the survivor. it turns out that crazy aunt martha always wanted a girl. so when she takes peter in after the accident..SHE MAKES HIM BE A GIRL NAMED ANGELA! so like 10 years of being forced to be a girl, horny boys at a summer camp bothering her,pedo chef,bitchy girls who wont associate with her...needless to say,angela is one fucked up person! oh and for fun,the movie shows preteen dick when she turns around nude and holding some kid's head.

Karoliena sez: what a twist ending! so we also included a twist ending to our ep. the film was made in the 80's,so we switched up our sound to pure 80's hair metal. annoying pinch harmonics,3 guitar solos,a bass solo,and falsetto singing.
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#93 Posted : 12 March 2018 02:42:31(UTC)
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title:Tommy,the man who stuck sharpies in his ass and wrote diatribes of Ill repute.
artist:Atomic War Bride
format: free download. 12 inch limited edition vinyl (666,666 copies)
label:Studio60
rating: what the fuck?!
overall sounds like:

review:where to start with this musical abortion? one has to wonder if the hess clan's connections to musical acts far more talented than they,along with their dating movers and shakers in the industry comes into play when it comes to any success they have. (aside from mariko. she seems to be the only one that has an inkling of what a music career should be.) erich hess proves yet again why drugs are bad. this doesnt work as an exercise in bad taste,it simply doesnt go far enough. it doesnt work as a parody of a concept album,its not over the top enough. over all,it just isnt....enough. when erich jokes on twitter that he needs to tour because he needs beer money... i dont think he is joking.
avoid this release at all costs. it isnt even worth the free download.







1. That episode of home improvement where they found weed in the gazebo.


In a sunlit gazebo
Honey,why don't we go
And read some prime smut
Written by a guy with a marker in his butt.

(Tommy) what have you done?
(Tommy) you'll ruin your family's good name.
(Tommy) do you think this is fun?!
(Tommy) your inbreeding is surely to blame.

my best girl has quite the look.
With a shout and a pout
She put down the book.
She said,"surely you jest.
That story doesn't pass the smell test"

(Tommy) what have you done?
(Tommy) you'll ruin your family's good name.
(Tommy) do you think this is fun?!
(Tommy) your inbreeding is surely to blame

Only once could i forgive her skepticism.
Her unbelief wouldn't cause a schism.
I simply replied,
"Of course not. only the original manuscript smells of shit."

(Tommy) what have you done?
(Tommy) you'll ruin your family's good name.
(Tommy) do you think this is fun?!
(Tommy) your inbreeding is surely to blame



2. Sometimes the writing isn't on the wall.


With a shove and a grunt
Tommy was ready to start.
This was his craft.
This was his art.
But he dropped his pen
Whenever he had to fart.

His penmanship was the best in the land.
His ass was more steady than the best surgeon's hand.
The sharpie was a good switch,
Chisel points suck.
And feather pens itch .
For ink,he used liquid gold.
His anal calligraphy was a sight to behold.

His parents were always so proud
Until he read his work aloud.
Their faces turned red
And their blood would angry up.
"How dare you write this smut! Why are you wasting your gifted butt?!"



3. I learned it from you,ok! I learned it by watching you!!


(Where did we go wrong?)
Was it our church?
(Where did we go wrong?)
Was it Saturday morning tv?
(Where did we go wrong?)
Didn't we hug Tommy enough?
(Where did we go wrong?)
Was it you,or was it me?

Tommy Tommy Tommy
Under a bad sign you were born.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma didn't read you mother goose.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma only read you porn.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
A tidal wave of smut,you'll let loose.

Dad said to his lady:
(I blame you!)
You were always reading Daniel Steele!
(I blame you!)
On the mail man,you were always copping a feel!
(I blame you!)
You'd kiss Tommy good night after you would swallow.
(I blame you!)
I just knew in your steps he would follow!

Tommy Tommy Tommy
Under a bad sign you were born.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma didn't read you mother goose.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma only read you porn.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
A tidal wave of smut,you'll let loose

The lady of the house shouted at her man:
(I blame you!)
You always had your balls hanging out your shorts.
(I blame you!)
You let Tommy use porn tapes to build his forts.
(I blame you!)
You had that naughty sculpture made of glass!
(I blame you!)
You wrote thank you letters with pencils in your ass!!!

Tommy Tommy Tommy
Under a bad sign you were born.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma didn't read you mother goose.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
Mamma only read you porn.
Tommy Tommy Tommy
A tidal wave of smut,you'll let loose.


4. Jim Henson's smut picture racket babies.


Tommy,your parents stifled your passion and your craft.
They wouldn't let you wank or even fuck the pet cat.
So your shit you did pack.
Tossing your bindle like a hobo.
You hopped a train while your parents screamed,"Tommy,NO!"
Tommy,you were gone!

Bright lights,big city.
You got bit by a rat
And saw your first titty.
Tommy,nobody will hire you.
Tommy,what's a boy to do?

You were lonely and horny one night.
Crying and with a boner full of rage.
Surrounded by roaches and ramen noodles.
You used your teeth to open that sharpie package.
Up your ass it went and out came a tale of a nun fucking a dog...to be exact,a poodle.

Bright lights,big city.
You got bit by a rat
And saw your first titty.
Tommy,nobody will hire you.
Tommy,what's a boy to do?

With purpose anew.
You knew what you had to do.
Down to the bus station
Peddle materials for masturbation.
Within a week,your praises were sang.
All it took was a story about a Jane Goodall gorilla bang.

Bright lights,big city.
You got bit by a rat
And saw your first titty.
Tommy,nobody will hire you.
Tommy,what's a boy to do?

Hollywood soon came a calling
That casting couch wouldn't be blue balling.
Tommy's little stories were ready for the silver screen.
Too bad all the discharges were dripping green.

Bright lights,big city.
You got bit by a rat
And saw your first titty.
Tommy,nobody will hire you.
Tommy,what's a boy to do?


5. Shooting stars and heroin.

Tommy,your skill took the world by storm.
Your prose was inspiration for many kids to be born.
Tommy,your words of passionate fucking..they sure had Senate committees on decency a ducking.
Tommy,your bronzed ass will one day grace the Smithsonian.
Daily people will rub it with furious friction

Oh Tommy,don't you know you are a shooting star.
Stealing across the starry starry night.
Your god damned Aura shining bright.
Tommy,you filled our lives with words of carnal delight.
Tommy...can you hear me?

Tommy,you rubbed elbows with literary greats.
Frost, London,king,and Keats.
Kerouac, Burroughs,and Fred Astaire.
Many were dead,and that last one was a dancer.
But Tommy...Tommy!
You didn't care.

Oh Tommy,don't you know you are a shooting star.
Stealing across the starry starry night.
Your god damned Aura shining bright.
Tommy,you filled our lives with words of carnal delight.
Tommy...can you hear me?

Oh oh Tommy.
Like Icarus you flew too damned high.
You were found dead that night,a glimmer of mischief in your eye .
Your only company was a strung out hooker and needle in your stump.
Oh Tommy,
You were born without hands and to write,you had to use your rump.

Oh Tommy,don't you know you are a shooting star.
Stealing across the starry starry night.
Your god damned Aura shining bright.
Tommy,you filled our lives with words of carnal delight.
Tommy...can you hear me?
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 12/03/2018(UTC)
Online erich hess  
#94 Posted : 17 March 2018 01:43:55(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 35,742
Man
United States
Location: representing the 954

Thanks: 16768 times
Was thanked: 13492 time(s) in 8058 post(s)
It's about 3 am when the war bride bus' air brakes hiss to a stop. The doors fling open and Erich and karoliena step out. Erich curses and shoves his hands into his black leather jacket. He does the unthinkable and sacrifices looking cool and zips the jacket up. Karoliena simply adjusts her fur coat and looks around.

Erich: it's god damned fuckin cold here.

Karoliena: *takes off her cat eye glasses and wipes the condensation from the lenses*  it's not that bad,you big baby.

Erich: I'm sorry,I live in Florida where it's the cold air is scared to visit. This is insanity.

Karoliena: yeah...yeah it is. Why are we even here? *Eyes poster on the side of the building advertising a show*. The Presley family country jamboree?!

Erich: they aren't related to our King.

Karoliena: yea, no shit. They look like some real squares. Also,there are like 4 different shows using the word "jamboree". Thats an alarming number of jamborees. * Spots another poster and smiles warmly* Aww,the kids would like the amazing pets jamboree.

Erich: see? That's what Branson is. Corny, family entertainment. *Takes a drink from his flask,and passes it to karoliena*

Karoliena: again,why are we here? Nothing we do is family friendly

Erich: technically you could be wrong. Family means nobody gets left behind.

Karoliena: *giggles* I have four kids. Don't misquote Lilo and stitch to me. Seriously,why Branson?

Erich: I bet Conrad I could headline a show in Branson.

Karoliena: who the fuck is Conrad?!

Erich: some kid I knew in forth grade. Stupid bastard didn't give a Time span. Check and mate.

Karoliena: *rolling her eyes* yeah. You totally showed him.

Erich: shit,that reminds me. *Takes out phone and a crumbled piece of paper from his wallet. He dials a number and paces back and forth waiting for an answer.*  Hey! Is this Conrad?...Its Erich hess. ....Yes,the same. So you're Conrad, right? .......Wow,really?! You haven't moved since fourth grade?...well,no.i just assumed... Remember that bet we made in fourth grade?...no. the other one......no. the other one....no,the other other one...YES! check the Branson show listings,bitch! *Does DX chop* that's right,read it and weep. You owe me a million dollars!....what? Oh come on. It was a legit bet....*sighs* fine. Ok...ok....well fuck yeah I'll take that! I'll text you my address.  *Hangs up.

Karoliena: you aren't getting your million dollars from Conrad?

Erich: I'm getting the fourth grade equivalent of a million dollars : One cracked Gameboy. Six dollars and thirty two cents in change. Two hot wheels cars,a pack of fruit snacks and a GI Joe missing an arm.


Karoliena: someone read "the art of the deal".

Erich: I'm a harsh negotiator . That's why I'm band leader.

Karoliena: technically I'm leader. I'm the one fucking our Manager.

Erich: well...well....I'm

Karoliena: got that ,player?

Erich: fuck you, let's see if we can score some drugs.

Karoliena:* looks around and only sees empty streets and a lone elderly man in a motorized wheelchair* if we're in the market for blood pressure medicine, I'd say we hit the mother load..

Erich:*puffs his pompadour up to it's full height and bounds over to the man* saaaay,old timer,you know where we can get some *ahem* candy?

Old man: huh? I won these Werther's originals fair and square. Get your own,ya hood. *Clutches bag of candy tightly to his chest*

Erich: no,I mean..you know, cocaine.

Old man: aspercreme? Sure. Here you guy. It works wonders on my trick knee.

Erich: * disappointed,but not wanting to let karoliena see he failed. So he squeezes out a line of aspercreme and snorts it....with great effort*. Yeaaaah! That's the stuff

Old man:*rightly confused* well.... that's one way to do it. Sonny,did that woman punch you in the nose?

Karoliena: he should be so lucky.


UserPostedImage

Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 17/03/2018(UTC)
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