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Offline kandii  
#1 Posted : 10 August 2017 02:57:56(UTC)
kandii
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Released: August 9th, 2017
Recorded: 2016-2017; personal studio
Genre: Alternative R&B, Alternative Pop
Label: Studio60 Records, Dahlhouse Entertainment
Producer: DrewWB (exec.), FancyN, inZane


GOLD



GOLD is the sophomore studio album by singer-songwriter, Airemese "Coke" Smith. The record was released on August 9th, 2017 by Studio60 Records with additional support from Dahlhouse Entertainment. Purposely coinciding with the 1 year anniversary of her debut album, GOLD serves as the follow up to the platinum selling Dans Ta Tête. At an earlier time, the project was planned to be a re-release of Coke's debut. Those plans were scrapped once the artist began to get more emotionally attached to the songs she was writing. With a dark Alt-R&B and Alt-Pop sound, Coke explores themes of mental health, pill addictions and family like never before.

In July of 2016, Dans Ta Tête was leaked in full by an anonymous Twitter user. Not only did this force Coke's team to rush the release of her debut album, it was reported that the leak played a big role in Coke's disinterest towards the record. Immediately after it's release, the singer went on a secret getaway with her husband, Kidd Amaze. The months she was scheduled to promote were spent travelling around the world, against her label's and management's wishes. The couple returned in November, where Coke caught up on writing for other artists, including Aikya Balan and Dae Ho Park. At this time, Studio60 Records and Dahlhouse began discussing ways to relaunch Dans Ta Tête's era. As talks of re-release began to manifest, Coke had began recoding songs for the project, creating the track "GOLD" and writing bits and peices of "Happy Song", both inspired by and written for her husband.

Just when plans of a re-release for Dans Ta Tête began to solidify, tragedy struck. On December 30th, 2016, Coke lost her father and began writing song after song, despite wanting to take time and grieve instead. The songs "DEAD", "HUSH" and "One Pill A Day" were written and recorded in these darker moments of Coke's life. By now, a re-release was no longer on the table. Management believed she had an outline to what could be an even better album. Thus, GOLD was born. From there, writing and recording for the new album lasted all the way around late June, just a few months after Drew Westbrook was appointed as the executive producer.

After being completely turned off by the vagueness of her own debut, Coke decided to bare it all her second time around. "I didn't know myself so I couldnt write as myself." Coke comments on the writing process of GOLD and how she planned to transition from Dans Ta Tête. "I wrote for myself like I did for any other random artist and it just really felt like a lie. I wanted to be honest with myself this time, I wanted to put it all out there." The album's main theme is how Coke's bipolar disorder affects her life a d career. With the 12-track project, she resents herself, drops her friends and pushes away her mom, all while fearing she'll lose her husband. With so much happening in her life at once, Coke forces herself to work through it all and she reaps the consequences. In a way, the emotional whirlwind could alternatively be described as an overdue "coming-of-age" story: while there is no happy ending to this tale, an epiphany does occur. "I realized [...] that no matter what, I was still making it through this hellride." Coke explained in an exclusive interview with PICTUREPERFECT. "I'm a survivor."

"GOLD is a whole new direction for me." Coke comments on the album's sound. With the darker themes comes darker production, Coke putting a dramatic spin on Alternive R&B and Alternative Pop production with obvious Electronica, Trap and Punk Rock influences. She reunites with Dans Ta Tête's producers, all except for the upbeat production duo Flame 1&2 to create an album full of showstoppung guitars, hard hitting drums, slapping basses and plenty of synths. Her signature melodic background falsettos float in and out of the album as well, tying all of the different sounds together.


Track listing



UserPostedImage

The Metamorphosis
Now You See Me
DEAD
One Pill A Day
Stay Away From The Water
Case of the Broken Cunt
HUSH
Click Click
GOLD
Happy Song
HOLES
Live & Learn


Total length: 54:35

Edited by user 04 September 2017 09:03:12(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline kandii  
#2 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:03:19(UTC)
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4:31 · Alternative Pop · Airemese Smith · inZane

The Metamorphosis is the opening track on GOLD. Written by Airemese Smith and produced by inZane, it brings the album in with a gloomy tone. Inspired by the 1915 short story, "The Metamorphosis, Coke draws comparisons between her life and Franz Kafka's fiction on the track.

The original story is about a man named Gregor Samsa who wakes up and realizes he's turned into a cockroach. He tries to ignore it and focuses on the state of his career instead but it becomes clear that he, a bug, can no longer work for a living. His family tries their best to take care of him but it only makes them miserable. Thanks to Gregor, they are now poor and it doesn't help that they can't stand the sight of a human-sized insect. They slowly begin to resent Gregor up until the day he dies. When the day comes, they are relieved. By then, they no longer saw him as a person, just another pesky bug.

Coke uses this scenario as a metaphor for when she crashes after a manic episode. A manic episode is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder Type 1 in which for a period of time a person experiences extremely elevated moods that hinders all sense of reason for them. During this episode, a maniac is very likely to lose sleep, hyperfocus and abuse drugs as well as become hypersexual and violently irritable. The episodes could last hours, sometimes even weeks, and pose a great threat to not just a maniac's state of health but also the state of their life. The sudden urge to gamble, fight, use drugs and have sex could easily ruin their relationships and finances. Coke writes about the aftermath of this, singing from a place of guilt, warning everyone in her life to move on and never look back.

With a pacing guitar riff and a hard hitting bass drum, Coke sings in a small weary voice that gets more intense by the line. Just as she starts to really show the anger/desperation, the song's production almost feels like it falls into a dark pit. This is where the hook comes in, Coke chanting in a deep voice as melodic echoes pass from ear to ear.


Coke

Can't get out of bed
Woke up not myself
I can't stay in bed
I'll let down everyone else
I don't have help
I just get scorned with scars
My rags were never torn, unlike my heart
They don't understand
At this point, don't try
Lash out on my man
He never asks why
It's hard to explain
For now, silence is fine
Soon he'll wake me up with papers to sign

Good thing I only take it day by day
Whenever I look ahead, my mind strays
And my heart strains
Hindsight is what's working, that's why I'm working through all the pain
I'm the gold standard for dead weight, don't wait

Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling

I'm entitled
But I wasn't raised to beg
It's been a while
I'm no longer daddy's princess
Shattered
I've polished every peice
Bite every complaint, smile with my teeth
The power of red whine and Vaseline
Yeah, I said it but it wasn't me (it wasn't me)
Up in arms over nothing, you were just in arm's reach (just get away)
My mind's a jungle (Oh) swinging from tree to tree (Oh)
Just before I fall, I cling on to everything anything

Good thing I only take it day by day
Whenever I look ahead, my mind strays
And my heart strains
Hindsight is what's working, that's why I'm working through all the pain
I'm the gold standard for dead weight, don't wait

Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling
Long as I run, run, run, run
I'll get used to crawling

Baby, you should run, run, run, run
It's The Metamorphosis
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Offline kandii  
#3 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:05:29(UTC)
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Single: Now You See Me
Artist: Coke
Label: Studio60 Records, Dahlhouse Entertainment
Release Date: May 21st, 2017
Genre: PBR&B, Alt-Dance
Written by: Airemese Smith
Produced by: DrewWB
Length: 4:36


Now You See Me is a song recorded by Canadian singer-songwriter Coke from her sophomore studio album, GOLD. The song serves as the lead single from the album, seeking to impact radio on May 21st, 2017 by Studio60 Records with additional promotion by Dahlhouse Entertainment. Written solely by Airemese Smith, the production is handled by DrewWB. Released May 20th, 2017 for digital download, Now You See Me is a midtempo track that fuses neo-soul, indie pop and electro-R&B together to make a PBR&B track. Providing a much lighter PBR&B sound than what listeners might be used to from Coke's efforts in the PBR&B duo, Rum & Coke, the singer once again setting herself apart and giving her solo music it's own identity. Lyrically, Coke writes about depression and sharing the spotlight with her flaws despite her efforts to hide them.

Written, recorded and produced in early April of 2017, Now You See Me is one of the later tracks recorded for GOLD. Initially, the project was only intended to serve as the re-release of the singer's debut album Dans Ta Tête but as the project further developed and the lyrics dug deeper, Coke decided they​ deserved to be on their own full length record. Now You See Me was written well after this decision. It was meant to be the lead single from the start, Coke wanting a track that was broader and less emotional than the others to promote heavily. The song is composed by Coke, the first versions of the track being recorded as an acapella. Drew Westbrook ended up being who Coke chose to handle the track's production, completely building the instrumental around her vocals. She was pleased with his work so much that she assigned the New York born producer as the executive producer of GOLD. In an April interview with Cara Zayn, Coke confirmed that she would be releasing new music soon and in May, Coke filmed a video for the single and released a behind the scenes video that included teasers and further information about the single.

Now You See Me is an midtempo PBR&B track that incorporates elements of Alt-Dance and has a length of four minutes and thirty six seconds. Though it's not exactly uptempo, it has the kind of beat that makes it perfect to dance to. With a motor driven synth that hums through the track, it has an riveting instrumental full of claps, snaps, an electronic hi-tat, ricocheting 808 and even a soft xylophone. The song is one of Coke's more laid-back tracks, her vocal delivery depending a lot more on her dreamy layered falsettos.



Coke

It's getting hard to smile, don't look at me now
Keeps me up at night, always got me down
So much going on in my life but I feel empty, how?
I just can't keep up, my head's spinning 'round

Dont you just feel like you wanna die?
Push yourself away to get a look on the inside
Watching faces blur, praying time passes by
Spent hours in the mirror, now I'm hiding from the light

How come no one ever says, "be the woman you have to be"?
I clip my own wings, wouldn't know what to do with free
Trying to turn my hate for everything into positive energy
Nothing ever seems to work... fuck!
Now you see me

You take a chance every time you take a glance
Wrestling with the spotlight is my favorite dance
Hold your applause
I suggest you don't, regress your wants, change your stance
I fear I'm a lost cause but what's the plan, Stan?
Should I try again?

Don't you just feel like there's a better way to live?
If we're all just gonna be reborn, what gives?
Witness the roof turn into a plank, wondering, "what if?"
Spent hours in the mirror, saw the truth and hid

How come no one ever says, "be the woman you have to be"?
I clip my own wings, wouldn't know what to do with free
Trying to turn my hate for everything into positive energy
Nothing ever seems to work... fuck!
Now you see me

Nothing ever seems to work, I just get back to work
It only ever seems to hurt but I just put in more work
Would change the man in the mirror but fuck, that's way too much work
Stand by my flaws, strut to the applause, long as they stare in awe, I'ma work
Work, work, work, work
Work, work, work, work

How come no one ever says, "be the woman you have to be"?
I clip my own wings, wouldn't know what to do with free
Trying to turn my hate for everything into positive energy
Nothing ever seems to work... fuck!
Now you see me

How come no one ever says, "be the woman you have to be"?
I clip my own wings, wouldn't know what to do with free
Trying to turn my hate for everything into positive energy
Nothing ever seems to work... fuck!
Now you see me
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Offline kandii  
#4 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:11:31(UTC)
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6:09 · Ballroom Dance (Vogue), PBR&B, Trip Hop · Airemese Smith · FancyN, Aikya Balan

DEAD is the third track on GOLD. While the hit single, "Now You See Me", seems to hint at a depressive episode, DEAD is without a doubt a manic episode in song form.

In the span of 6 minutes, Coke manages to hyperfocus on everything but actual treatment, even going as far to completely discredit her mental health, claiming all of her problems aren't real, they're just "in my head". An obvious nod to to her debut album Dans Ta Tête [English: In Your Head], a phrase that was once used as a way to empower herself is now being used in a darker, dismissive light. Bipolar Mood Disorders are a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, yet she blames herself anyways. Right now she's in a sensitive state of mind: her tunnel vision to work (or as worded in the song, dance) herself to death, matched with a heightened sense of self worth which is oddly juxtaposed with hyper-vigilance against herself. Coke sees herself as weak which, in her head, makes her the biggest threat to her goals. She makes a vow to work/fuck away and cut loose all dead weight before it slows her down, but the "dead weight" seems to be her mental disorder, her father's death and her very self.

Produced by FancyN, with assistance of first-time producer, Aikya Balkan, DEAD is 2 different songs in one in terms of production. With ambient beats, pacing percussion and murky synths, Coke uses the first half of the song to rap to a beat that is obviously Ballroom Dance inspired, a genre that is without a doubt thanks to Aikya Balan. Romeo Lefévre makes a brief appearance, yelling at her as any dance coach would. In no time, a parade of drums and airy vocals take over the song, though they quickly fade into the second half of the track. With creeping piano keys and a pulsating bass, the Trip Hop track lives up to it's name, with elements of PBR&B as well.


Coke
Romeo Lefévre


Guess I'll just do this shit by myself
Sells and airplay plus streams, that's how I calculate my health
Fame over fortune, I was born with the wealth
I was born with the talent
Some of us were born above the balance
I was born without a budget, I can dance circles 'round it
I can dance circles 'round you
Should've did it all without you
Phantom of the opera
Been cursed ever since I found you
What do you have to say, Love?
What do you have to say for yourself?
You threw and threw rice and now the doves are choking to death
Working like my money ain't right, strutting like my feet don't hurt
Walk in like I'm that bitch, treat myself like I'm the worst
Write like the words don't sting, perform like it's not a curse
I bet if I sung my sins it'll still sound like heaven on earth
I've been holding that pose, you really expect me to hold my tongue?

I come alive when the music comes on
I pose, I vogue, I strut, I run, I cunt
Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt
Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt
Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt
Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt
I'm not alive until you bring the beat back
I pose, I vogue, collapse, they clap, I cat
Cat, cat, cat, cat!
Cat, cat, cat, cat!
Cat, cat, cat, cat!
Cat, cat, cat, cat!
I lay lifeless on that flo'
Its like I have nothing to live fo' until they go
Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!
Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!
Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!
Coke! Coke! Coke! Coke!

Hold that pose for me!
I said hold it!
You gotta hold that pose for me!
That's right, hold it!
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it
Hold it

Collect your tears
Pick up yourself
Sometimes the pain can be the muse you need
But here, that just wont help
Keep it caché [hidden]
Suck in that ribcage
The floor is where the chaos comes out to play
You gotta come up with another excuse, babe
C'est seulement dans votre tête [It's only in your head]

How privileged
It was easy to keep balance
Your life standing upright
How well will you do after you've lost a limb?
One with the wind
Now you can never feel this pinned, finally, I'm safe
Si c'est dans ma tête [If it's in my head]
Dance it away
Work it away, I'll fuck it away
Burn the pain before I burn with the pain
Dead weight

The glory, it's all in your head
C'est la vie [That's life], it diminishes
Choke me, tonight, I wanna feel
Cunt! Cat! Conceal!

I hope she's dead
The bitch you knew
Got them on their feet for it
Baby, I still can't stand you
Who you tryna fool?
Would sell your soul if the price was right
Left his name out of all of your songs
Is this why?

You gotta come up with another excuse, babe
C'est seulement dans votre tête [It's only in your head]

If you're gonna break, break
Finally, I'm safe
Si c'est dans ma tête [if it's in my head]
Dance it away
Work it away, I'll fuck it away
Burn the pain before I burn with the pain
Dead weight

Just don't burn with the pain, dead weight
Don't burn with the pain, dead weight
Don't burn with the pain, dead weight
Dead weight
Dead...dead...
Dead weight
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Offline kandii  
#5 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:14:18(UTC)
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3:53 · Alternative Pop · Airemese Smith · FancyN, DrewWB, inZane

One Pill A Day is the fourth track on GOLD. Coke goes straight from talking about her episodes to questioning her medication after it yet again failed to save her from her mania and depression.

With One Pill A Day, Coke describes exactly what it's like for her to live completely dependent on meds. A topic she's hinted at plenty of times before in past music, Coke has been taking Lithium everyday for the past 12 years of her life. Lithium is a popular medication used to treat Bipolar Disorder Type 1. It helps reduce the severity and frequency of mania as well as relieves depressive episodes. Like most mood altering medications, it tends to leave the patient emotionally "numb", something Coke only begins to realize now. After 12 years of taking medication, it has become all she truly knows. Starting the treatment so early on in life, the pills had given her stability and as shown in the song, it's hard to turn her back on that. It's hard to tell if she's addicted or just complacent but it's clear that to quit her meds means to quit tradition: and Coke is extremely scared of what that could bring. In this song, she becomes aware that maybe the meds are covering up her problems with paint instead of fixing them and it throws her off completely. Instead of quitting her medication after they're clearly not working for her, Coke begins to double up on her dosage and even tries taking other medications with it, in hopes that they'll have a stronger effect and completely prevent her episodes.

Produced by FancyN, DrewWB and inZane, the song is led by a jumpy cello which fades in and out from distortion as Coke sings. Her voice is much stronger on this song, her stubborn stance on sticking by her pills creating a really stern juxtaposition to the hesitantly mellow instrumentation. At one point, a xylophone solo is played by Drew Westbrook which only leads to a loud drum set bringing intensity to the track in matter of seconds as Coke stacks up on different meds.


Coke

I'm crazy, you're the only thing that helps
Our little secret, why can't I keep this one to myself?
He makes me restless with questions I just don't have time for
Don't expect an answer, ignore ignore ignore ignore
No leeway, it's the only way
No leeway, take it same time everyday
We've lasted longer than any relationship, we've lasted longer than any dream
We've lasted longer than the faith I held in myself, we've lasted longer than me
I saw you empty once, my heart wept solemn tears
Dying with or without, I don't know which is my biggest fear

One pill a day and for tomorrow's sake, everything's okay
I feel tranquilized but with a glass of wine, I start to seem human again
I admire the lone wolf until it walks astray, I can never live that way
I'll accept I'm slipping and cling onto anything
One pill a day

I'm crazy but I'm beautiful with you
Find it easier to love me if I could do what you do
At your mercy, never cared if I survive
One pill a day, one day at a time
It's easier, for you and for I
It's easier if I don't look him in the eye
Take it all in, I want to feel it all at once
I wanna know you whole, I want to know what they're so scared of
I want to see that light, the one that signals I've gone too far
Made up for who I'll leave behind when I gave the world a star

One pill a day and for tomorrow's sake, everything's okay
I feel tranquilized but with a glass of wine, I start to seem human again
I admire the lone wolf until it walks astray, I can never live that way
I'll accept I'm slipping and cling onto anything
One pill a day

Two pills a day and for tomorrow's sake, everything's okay
I feel tranquilized but with a glass of wine, I start to seem human again
I admire the lone wolf until it walks astray, I can never live that way
I'll accept I'm slipping and cling onto anything
Three pills a day

Four pills a day and for tomorrow's sake, everything's okay
I feel tranquilized but with a glass of wine, I start to seem human again
I admire the lone wolf until it walks astray, I can never live that way
I'll accept I'm slipping and cling onto anything
Five pills a day
I feel tranquilized but with a glass of wine, I start to seem human again
I admire the lone wolf until it walks astray, I can never live that way
I'll accept I'm slipping and cling onto anything
Six pills a day
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Offline kandii  
#6 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:16:59(UTC)
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Single: Stay Away From The Water ft. Dominic Brown
Artist: Coke
Label: Studio60 Records, Dahlhouse Entertainment
Release Date: July 20th, 2017
Genre: R&B, Latin Rock
Written by: Airemese Smith
Produced by: FancyN
Length: 3:35


Stay Away From The Water is a song recorded by Canadian singer-songwriter Coke featuring guest vocals from R&B singer Dominic Brown. The song serves as the follow up single to her top 5 hit, Now You See Me. Seeking to impact radio on July 21st, 2017 by Studio60 Records with additional promotion by Dahlhouse Entertainment, it comes just days after Coke confirmed the completion of her sophomore album, GOLD. Written solely by Airemese Smith, the production is handled by FancyN. Stay Away From The Water is a mid-tempo Latin-inspired song, consisting of Latin percussion, acoustic guitar lines and riffs that are heavily sampled from the 1999 hit single "Maria Maria" by American Latin rock band Santana. Serving a much more urban R&B sound than she ever has in a solo song, she trades her alternative sound for a sultry Dominic Brown appearance, the catchy single featuring deep sexy voices from both singers as sing-rap their way through the sinister song. Lyrically, Coke and Dominic Brown persuades someone under the influence to join them on the beach shore, in hopes that they'll drown and kill them.

On April 30th, news broke of arrests made at a Japanese airport involving Coke and Aikya Balan. Their personal assistants were found guilty of attempting to smuggle drugs into the strict country, trying to sneak in 2 full bottles of Adderrall with Coke's prescribed Lithium medication for her bipolar disorder. Despite the fact that only then assistants were found guilty after airport security conducted a private investigation, the media blamed Coke and began spreading rumors of an alleged pill addiction, a theory courtesy of "anonymous sources". Coke didn't even take the time out to deny such ridiculous tabloid gossip, her team refusing to comment on the situation at all. Stay Away From the water draws inspiration from the groundless controversy, mocking all speculation that questions if Coke is a functioning drug addict without actually dismissing the conversation. Whilst writing the song, the singer definitely did her research, using popular songs about bad trips as reference for the song's lyrics. The two tracks that had the biggest impact on the song include the iconic song often thought of as an ode to LSD, "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles (which is referenced in the song) and also Jody Reynolds' all time classic, "Endless Sleep", the song that inspired Coke to personify herself as the sea, something she hadn't thought of on earlier demos of the song. Dominic Brown didn't become apart of the process until after the song was written, the two had plans to collaborate but they didn't come to fruition until Coke showed Dominic Brown the track.

Stay Away From The Water is a mid-tempo Latin-inspired song, that consists of Latin percussion and "slinky acoustic guitar lines. Written in the key of C minor, it has a tempo of 96-100 beats per minute in compound quadruple time. The song follows a chord progression of Cm–Fm–Cm, and Coke's and Dominic's vocals spanning from C4 to G5. Billboard editor Andrew Unterberger noted that the track has "a catchy groove" to it, deeming it a sure-fire hit. Okoth-Obbo described the lyrics as straddling the line between "suicidal and carnally amusing", the lyrics that advertise suicide as reckless fun accidentally giving the song a second meaning. He went on to praise both singers' controlled delivery, as well as implied that if it wasn't for the story behind it, the song could be taken in many different ways by listeners.


Coke
Dominic Brown
Both


Let's make it something worth resenting
That rabbit hole has gotta be your favorite clinic
That's my kinda prison, oh yes
It's your birthday but your mind's still pending
Get your licks in, the situation's real sticky
It gets tricky down by the bay
That pill can carry you away
But can it carry all of your deadweight?

Give me all you got
Or give it all you got not tuh
Give me all you got
All in, ain't talking poker
If you're not
Stay away from the wa-ta-ta-tuh

Let's make it something worth regretting
Ima end ya but it's better if you let me
Lightweight rolling heavy, aint the first
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and the matching fur
Today's the perfect day to splurge, get it how you living
Step a little closer, baby, how ya feeling?
My shore's a little cold but my hold is warmer
I'm not what you think, are you shy with transformers or are you Shia with Transformers?

Give me all you got
Or give it all you got not tuh
Give me all you got
All in, ain't talking poker
If you're not
Stay away from the wa-ta-ta-tuh

Stay away from me
Nothing's what it seems
The secret you can't keep
An astral projection of what you feel down deep
My waves crash
You get a little dizzy
Your world is spinning
Your world is spinning


Let's make it something worth repenting
Can't live a life without facing consequences
Karma's a bitch but girl, I'm relentless
High's right, stronger than the wind is
That's how you lose all direction, you should just take directions from me
Before you come down, come on down by the beach
Now you see me, the situation's real sticky
(real sticky)
It gets tricky down by the bay

Give me all you got
Or give it all you got to walk away
You wanna know my aim, I shouldn't even have to say

Connect the dots, no polka!

Give me all you got
Or give it all you got not tuh
Give me all you got
All in, ain't talking poker
If you're not
Stay away from the wa-ta-ta-tuh


All you got
Give me all you got

Or stay away from the fucking water!
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#7 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:19:39(UTC)
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3:34 · Alternative Pop, Trap, Surf Music · Airemese Smith · DrewWB

Case of the Broken Cunt is the sixth track on GOLD. In this song, she begins pushing all of her friends away, questioning their true intentions with an emotional anthem. Produced solely by DrewWB, the song is made up of an Alternative Pop sound with a huge Trap influence thrown in the mix to make a truly hard hitting track.

Coke sings passionately on this one, showing all of the frustration in her voice when it comes to the people in her life. She finds it weird that certain people only check up on her when they know she's doing bad. Having to listen to other people's worries about her and buy into their half-assed pep talks makes her feel like a "charity case", someone who people only help to make themselves feel like a better person. In deeper thought, Coke could very well be loathing herself again, this outburst could root from the very fact that she believes her disorder makes her a bag full of problems and therefore, unworthy of any actual real friendships. While playing her part as "The Broken Cunt", she definitely shows more vulnerability than stubbornness.

Drew produces the smoky, soulful ballad that Coke sings in a style that is very reminiscent of the late great Amy Winehouse. She sings to a psychedelic jingle, echoing synths and a bass guitar that has the murkiness of a guitar one might hear in surf music. One of its more striking qualities is the hammering bass line it has, giving it just the right does of Trap music that really makes it a standout.


Coke

Don't know why I'm up
Don't know why you care
And honestly, I wish you never did
You're reaching out for me
I'm all the way out here
Pushing me away by treating me like I'm a kid

While you're worried, I'm still sick
Going through the motions, tryna make sense of it
If I can pretend I'm perfect
You can too, you're just selfish

You don't care, I'm just your charity case
You already put in your hours, why're you still in my face?
You only care because I'm gonna break
Someday you'll get your chance to shed a tear and say,
"Not everyone can be saved"

That's not how it works
Go and pick up a book
You think you can save me from me?
Babe, you're misunderstood
Maybe I'm spoiled
Maybe I'm just a cunt
Or maybe I've lived this war my whole life
And know who comes out on top

While you're worried, I'm still in pain
Never know why but I've learned fast that what's hard to explain isn't safe to say
If I can pretend I'm okay
You can look the other way

You don't care, I'm just your charity case
You already put in your hours, why're you still in my face?
You only care because I'm gonna break
Someday you'll get your chance to shed a tear and say,

"Poor, poor Coke
She was all alone
Even though we tried
Even though I tried"
And I'll be screaming from hell
That bitch made it all about herself
Sad but not surprised
The case of the broken cunt is all I'll ever leave behind

You don't care, I'm just your charity case
You already put in your hours, why're you still in my face?
You only care because I'm gonna break
Someday you'll get your chance to shed a tear and say,
"She didn't want to be saved"
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#8 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:21:05(UTC)
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4:43 · R&B · Airemese Smith · FancyN

HUSH is the seventh track on GOLD. Produced by FancyN, HUSH is a groovy R&B song with minimalistic production. One of the more simpler tracks in sound, Coke sings in her breathy falsetto to a beat that only consists of one looped piano riff and a banging bass line. Lyrically, the song is a diss track to her own mom, Anniken Dahl-Smith. Coke calls her mom out for her greedy controlling ways, whispering her doubts that Anniken loves her daughter more than she loves the money her daughter could make for her. She challenges her momager, threatening to expose to the world Anniken's biggest weakness: Coke.


Coke

Fake it 'til you make it
Nothing worse than feeling naked
You love me and you hate it
Your only enemy is you
Big fish out of water
For everyone, you make life harder
Taught me to be an archer
Now I shoot, shoot, shoot

Always in control, ain't got a handle when you aren't
Love it when they whisper, hate it when they go too far
Said it out of spite, meant it with my heart
Hungry for a star, made it my goal to see you starve

Everything goes through you
Any other way just won't do
Soon, I won't be the only one who sees through your bluff
Every open secret starts with a hush

No longer shaken by your stare
Hurt a hair on my head? You wouldn't dare
What hurts is I'm still not aware
If it's 'cause you've got love for me or cause there's money to make for you

Always in control, can't handle it when you ain't
Love it when they whisper, mad you can't tell when them they can't
Said it out of spite, a lil' to old to be spanked
While you're chasing after bank, you're losing your family

Everything goes through you
Any other way just won't do
Soon, I won't be the only one who sees through your bluff
Every open secret starts with a hush
(Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!)
Can't keep it hush
(Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!)
Can't keep it hush

All that's in the dark, always comes to light
Can't keep it for long, don't know why you try
Always in control, I keep you on your toes
Can't keep it for long (Can't keep it for loooong!)

Everything goes through you
Any other way just won't do
Soon, I won't be the only one who sees through your bluff
Every open secret starts with a hush
(Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!)
Can't keep it hush
(Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!) Hush (Shhh!)
Can't keep it hush
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#9 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:22:41(UTC)
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3:09 · Alternative Pop· Airemese Smith · Aikya Balkan, FancyN

Click Click is the eighth track on GOLD. A flirty song about her amboptions, for once, Coke makes a fun song out of a modern day struggle. With a percussion heavy instrumentation, the track is full of a beat that knocks and "clicks" over warbly synths. Coke's voice is casual but sexy, dedicating a song about balancing being a wife and being a star to her husband, Kidd Amaze. Even while trying to keep the conversation light-hearted, Coke can't help but bring up how she doesn't believe she deserves Kidd, knowing that if it came between choosing him or her career, she believes she'd choose her career.




Coke

Six-foot-nix covered in caramel skin
Now that's what I call a man
The game plan is getting him alone
But who knows when I'll be home again
It's such a waste

When I put it first, I come off as selfish
Leave you to wonder if your love will ever make me feel as valid
Well...I don't know
When I put it first, I come off as selfish
You get jealous, you can't help it
I'm addicted, if you didn't notice
Are you my muse or just another solace?
I'm scared to know

Fuck the world and make it mine
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Fuck the world, it's you and I
It's just that your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights

I've got the big dreams to match perfectly with my big head
But I'm gonna take a wild guess that's not why you're begging me to stay in bed
It's such a waste

When I put it first, I come off as selfish
You get jealous, you can't help it
I'm addicted, if you didn't notice
Are you my muse or just another solace?
I'm scared to know

Fuck the world and make it mine
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Fuck the world, it's you and I
It's just that your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights

When you see me up there, do you ever just smile?

Fuck the world and make it mine
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Fuck the world, it's you and I
It's just that your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Fuck the world and make it mine
Your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
Fuck the world, it's you and I
It's just that your golden girl goes so well with (click click) flashing lights
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#10 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:24:13(UTC)
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3:48 · PBR&B · Airemese Smith · DrewWB

GOLD is the nineth song on GOLD, serving as the title track. It is the first song written for the album, as well as the first song Coke has ever written about/for Kidd Amaze, her husband. In the song, she explains why it's taken her so long to write a love song about the man she's loved for years now. "I just didn't want to jinx it...To this day, it still feels so unreal." Coke comments. She compares the love they share to "gold dust", something so rare and valuable that she just wants to keep it to herself. It's clear that her biggest fear right now is losing him, as it's not the first time she's brought it up on the album. To the tune of soft rock synths, percussive thumps and a loud midtempo bass, Coke switches back and forth between her sultry falsetto and sexy lower register.



Coke

5'5 with an attitude, worth more than your weight in gold
Those hardest to love need it the most, or at least that's how the saying goes
You dug and dug for something deeper, stumbled upon my soul
I tell you you're my muse, leave you to wonder why your name's not in my songs
It's because I've..

Never known the taste of gold dust
Scared that if I told the world, it'll slip right off my tongue

You roll up when I need you most, should call you Rumpelstiltskin
Even if I never go gold, I know I'm still the one winning
All bent out of shape when alone, melt when we're together
Should be worried about tomorrow but I'm too stuck on forever, I've never..

Known the taste of gold dust, baby
Scared I'll be too busy singing bout you and it'll escape me
What we've got our hands on here is something so rare
Want to cherish every moment of it, can't do that when I'm not there

Who knew the fountain of youth was right there in your arms?
Drown me in your love, I can't get enough
Gold dust (gold dust)
What everyone reaches for but only few touch

No matter what comes around, nothing can break me down
All's good 'til you cross my mind, damn, why'd I leave the house?
Used to love being alone, I just love being alone with you now
I love the bite in your kiss, keep the golds in your mouth
You know I'm..

5'5 with an attitude, worth more than your weight in gold
Those hardest to love need it the most, or at least that's how the saying goes
You dug and dug for something deeper, stumbled upon my soul
I tell you you're my muse, leave you to wonder why your name's not in my songs

I've never known the taste of gold dust
Scared that if I told the world, it'll slip right off my tongue
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#11 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:25:39(UTC)
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2:55 · Pop Punk · Airemese Smith · inZane

Happy Song is the tenth track on GOLD. Yet another song dedicated to her husband, she tries to take up on his advice one more time. Produced solely by inZane, Coke serves a catchy uptempo Pop Punk song reminiscent of her previous hit single, "Home Alone".

Coke begins the song by listing all the things about her husband that makes her happy. He's not just a distraction from all of her problems, he is a positive motivating force within her life. He inspires her to be better and never fails to make her feel better, except, of course, in those moments where control of her emotions is out of her hands. Whenever he makes a suggestion, whether its about her life or career, she takes it seriously and does all she can to follow his wishes. The last song, GOLD, was Coke finally getting around to writing the love song her man has been asking for for years and now Happy Song, was her attempting to make at least one happy song like he had asked her too. And for a while, it feels like a happy song is supposed to: upbeat, loud and generally positive. But then comes the bridge and Coke begins to stumble on her words as her doubts start to intercept the song's intent. She starts to overanalyze his request, thinking about how insufficient it must make him feel to not be able to make his own wife truly happy, leaving him to settle for a "happy" Coke song that even he knows won't truly resonate to a happy Coke. It's a thought that burns deep into Coke's skull, one of the many reasons why she wishes he be a little more vocal on the negatives of their relationship.

With it's strong vocals and catchy melody, inZane provides the perfect production to such a lively song. Featuring a showy guitar and an enthusiastic drum set, the producer manages to give the song's instrumentation a raw punk feel. Surprisingly, it goes well with her power pop delivery, making it the perfect song to scream the lyrics to.


Coke

He's my favorite lie, he's my favorite dream
He's never surprised when I make it all about me
He's my favorite Batman, the others just don't count
He's elevator music, something to distract me while it's all going down

He doesn't care what it takes, even if I have to fake
He said to make at least one happy song
He doesn't care when, even if I have to pretend
He said to make at least one happy song
Told me, "Nothing was ever the same, my world turned upside down
I want them to feel the same, show em your smile
And just maybe the bearer of hope will find her own
You won't know until you make at least one happy song"

He's my favorite high, he's my favorite ride
I can take on any height with him by my side
Go off on a limb, come back with all four
Reminded me that losing everything isn't all that taking a risk is good for

He doesn't care what it takes, even if I have to fake
He said to make at least one happy song
He doesn't care when, even if I have to pretend
He said to make at least one happy song
Told me, "Nothing was ever the same, my world turned upside down
I want them to feel the same, show em your smile
And just maybe the bearer of hope will find her own
You won't know until you make at least one happy song"

I'll try
Just cause you asked
Quick question, real fast
Do I ever make you feel like you're not enough?
Whatever you do, it's never enough
I know it's eating away at you

He doesn't care what it takes, even if I have to fake
He said to make at least one happy song
He doesn't care when, even if I have to pretend
He said to make at least one happy song
But really, I just think he wants me happy
But between the downers and the mood swings, it's just not happening
He'll settle for anything, I bet he burns to see
Baby baby, why don't you just tell me?

He doesn't care what it takes, even if I have to fake
He said to make at least one happy song
He doesn't care when, even if I have to pretend
He said to make at least one happy song
Told me, "Nothing was ever the same, my world turned upside down
I want them to feel the same, show em your smile
And just maybe the bearer of hope will find her own
You won't know until you make at least one happy song"

I'll try
I'll try
I'll try
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#12 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:27:43(UTC)
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Album: GOLD
Song: HOLES
Track: 11
Artist: Coke
Genre: PBR&B, Alt-Pop, Electro-R&B
Label: Tric-Jam, Studio60 Records
Written by: Airemese Nicole Smith
Produced by: inZane, FancyN
Length: 8:50


HOLES is a song by singer-songwriter Airemese Nicole Smith, better known as Coke of Rum & Coke. Written by Smith and produced by inZane with the help of FancyN, the song is a PBR&B track with elements of both Alternative Pop and Electronic R&B in it's entirety of eight minutes and fifty seconds. The extensive song is better described as 2 different songs in one.

The first half of the track is a whopping five minutes on it's own. Though it has a dark pop essence, it is an airy experience: dreamy synths, bubbly harps, subtle xylophones, waning ticking and a thumping bass all creating a sound that could easily be described as what one might hear when arriving to the gates of trap heaven. While Coke's heartbreaking voice dressed up with layers of soft falsettos only add to the angelic feel, the production is juxtaposed with lyrics about Coke trying to write her way out of depression in the midst of a demanding career and an unplanned pregnancy. She compares her depression to a hole where some days she can feel herself falling endlessly and other days she stands up and realizes it's not as deep as she thought. Either way, everyday she is stuck in that whole with no real escape but music. With a literal clash of thunder, the first half of the song fades into much darker territory. A minimalistic harp leads the way, the production being less instrumental and much more electronic this time around. There's a blatant Trip Hop influence that accompanies Coke as she sing-raps about yet again choosing her career over everything, including her unborn child. Continuing the theme of trying to write her way out of depression, she vows to instead use the talent to find her true self, something she doesn't feel she ever got to do due to being put on mood-altering medication at such an early age. When she's not picking herself apart, she's criticizing all of her surroundings, including her own audience. Despite having the darker sound of the 2 songs in 1, it reveals itself as the more hopeful, Coke managing to write herself out of hiding from herself. "It's good, it's gold", she sings, possibly referencing that everything is going to be okay.



I could try
I could fight it
I could lie
Could stay silent
I never have the time, only ever get around to writing
Words come out just fine, but the solution is hiding

Some days I look up and see locomotion
A blurring open, out of focus
I try not to focus on the fact that I'm stuck here
Can't help but notice my life's up in the air
Count to 3
Try to breathe
Something's got a hold on me
You long to drain my eyes
Soothe my soul
I'm too busy

Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep
Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep

Could catch them up
Pretend my mind isn't made up
Maybe you'd catch some luck
Put it all on hold just because
If it all boils down to resentment
I'd rather the bitch that's used to it
Spare us both the indulgences
Carry so much dead weight, I chauffeur it
Not much to show for it
No point in dragging you

Some days I look up and see the sun
This hole is infinite as long as I sit in it
With shaken legs and wary arms
I pull my weight but today, I won't let it drain me
Don't wanna jinx it
Hell, I'm probably dreaming
But I got a hold on me
You long to tear my flesh
Share my body
But I'm too busy

Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep
Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep

Today makes 2
Some days I think of you
All that is, all that could be
You aren't the missing peice
Tonight makes a sea
A river that outruns me
Let it pool at my feet
We'll wade

Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep
Digging these holes
Letting go, oh
Hoping to grow
But I only fall deep

Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Oh



My pen is like a gilded shovel
Write to dig up my soul without moving a muscle
The difference it makes inside is so subtle
But when it drops, I'll need to push back on the push back with a whole rebuttal
Force myself to take stand for my mistakes while my soul crumbles away
For what it's worth, it's never worth the trouble, babe
I'm running from myself and my shadow loves the chase
Pretend all bets are off in this race
I'm the broken kind of brave and that's brave
If I do say so myself, and I say
If you ask me, I'll say

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's good
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's gold
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's good
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
All gold

When they see me they see Rum, yeah, I noticed
No time to rethink what I want, losing focus
Way too far down this road, path back's broken
Slaved myself for 5 whole years, I just don't show it
Bet if I started out broke and alone, my name alone would be more potent
Did it all my way but I guess that's not important
Never forget, this is my wave
They ride my coattails while I wade
Carry the whole world on my back
I don't have room to fall flat
Hate to be a downer but I'm sinking
Been on downers since I was thirteen
Last year, I cold-called me
Realized inside, there was nothing
Replaced my meds with Molly
Do I feel at all? Hardly
But I can feel this beat and that's something
A start, a beginning
This time I'll start up with just me, learned my lesson
Scared to lose me
They never had me
Tonight, I'll fall deep
But I'll fall deep as me
If you ask me

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's good
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's gold
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It's good
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
All gold

Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Letting go, oh
Oh


Edited by user 27 February 2021 10:44:06(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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#13 Posted : 11 August 2017 15:29:06(UTC)
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5:03 · Chillwave, Synth-Pop · Airemese Smith · FancyN, inZane

Live & Learn is the twelfth and final track on GOLD. Written to her deceased father, Dakari Smith, Coke reflects on her dad's death, which leads her to question her own life.

Produced by FancyN and inZane, the song is just as emotionally musically as it is lyrically. An 80's inspired Chillwave ballad, the song is layered to the gods with airy synths, peering keys and a wailing guitar. Coke seems to fade in and out of the track as all of her different vocals form their own girl group. Her heavenly falsetto almost plays as a background singer while a stern, emotional voice takes the lead in the verses only to linger and adlib during the chorus and hook. The entire song gives the listener goosebumps but what really takes the song to the next level is the bridge. The electronic guitar completely takes over the song with a breathtaking solo and Coke begins to plea in her hazy lower register, ending the moment with an explosive belt, one of the lowest she's ever done, a pleasant surprise from someone who's so well known for her higher notes and childlike falsetto.

On December 30th, 2016, Dakari Smith died of heart failure after a lengthy battle with heart disease. At the time he was awaiting his third heart transplant, something the Smith's had kept completely quiet. The news came as a shock to everyone but the family. Her father's death was a harsh fate that she had accepted long before it occurred and yet it somehow still hurt Coke as bad as it would if she was blindsided.

In the heart-wrenching song, Coke reminisces on all the time she had spent with her father in the hospital. In the oddest way, her love for her dad manifests into a burning hate for the hospital he was stuck in: she didn't trust that strangers knew how to take care of him, she didn't like that all the wires made it hard to hold her dad like she wanted to and she couldn't help but feel like the seemingly endless beeping of the heart monitor was somehow mocking the entire situation. People were supposed to go to the hospital to get better, but deep in the back of her mind she knew that her father was in the hospital to die.

Her father had used some of his last months on this earth to be completely honest with his daughter. As she sings about it in Live & Learn, it's clear that Dakari's honesty with himself ignited a few sparks in her own mind. Coke thinks about his flaws in his final moments more than ever. Just like herself, her father was not perfect. This leads her to seek for his grand life advice and as she begs him to stay, it's clear that it's not just because she'll miss him. It's because she won't ever hear his answer.


Coke

Can't say I didn't see this coming
Assumed the clip was empty, knew it wasn't
I don't trust them, I want to take you home
You'll live forever where you're loved, where you're known
You know

I don't want to live without you
I don't want to let go of you
In another life, I'd hold you so tight
Kiss on your forehead, apologize

It's the flesh against soul, it's man against machine
It's a peeling rose, it's a peering eve
It's a cruel scene, I want to hope but it's all mocking me
My eyes stoop low, with every piercing beep

I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived but did you learn?
I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived but did you learn?

Can't say you were perfect
You didn't always have an excuse
To say I loved every part of you is a lie
Bird set free, send you off with the truth, it's time
Stop time

I don't want to live without you
I don't want to let go of you
In another life, I'd hold you so tight
Kiss on your forehead, apologize

It's the flesh against soul, it's man against machine
It's a peeling rose, it's a peering eve
It's a cruel scene, I want to hope but it's all mocking me
My eyes stoop low, with every piercing beep

I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived but did you learn?
I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived but did you learn?

Screaming out into the void
Just wanted to hear your voice
Hard to say goodbye but damn, I'd love to
Get another chance to say I love you
Stay

It's the flesh against soul, it's man against machine
It's a peeling rose, it's a peering eve
It's a cruel scene, I want to hope but it's all mocking me
My eyes stoop low, with every piercing beep

I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived but did you learn?
I think about who's hurt you and everyone you've hurt
You've lived, you've lived, you've lived...

What did you learn?
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Offline kandii  
#14 Posted : 23 August 2017 13:41:27(UTC)
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So where do my euthymic hobbies, interests and aspirations end and my manic ones begin?

That was the question that lingered in the back of my mind as my mother succeeded in pinning me against a wall and forcing medication down my throat. I had finally stopped fighting because my mom had tears in her eyes. She doesn't cry but she could never help it in moments like this. I watched as she fought through her tearing eyes and cracking voice just to reprimand me: "You're not in your right mind...How do you seriously think you're okay?...Don't fucking fight me!.."
That's the worst part about the episodes: you don't realize you're having one until after the fact. In that moment, I had felt like I was dragged into an asylum and strapped down. "You're the crazy ones!" I'd cry, pleading my case of sanity. But I was 'tranquilized' anyway. It always felt like this for me, my mind had been playing these mind games since before I could remember.

I am not my disorder. I've been telling myself that since I was a pre-teen so it must be true, right? The true me was simple, the true me was natural. I was like water but I was cursed and muddied by a Bipolar Mood Disorder. The meds were supposed to "filter out" the imperfections (or at least that's what I hoped) but they only ever diluted the solution. If you're reading this, you probably know well from my songwriting that I love to get carried away with metaphors, so let me explain. The "solution" is me. Everything I have felt, everything I can feel, all of it was scientifically diluted by mood-altering drugs.

The meds weren't a cure, they were a symptom reliever. Their sole purpose was to weaken my mood swings and I was thankful for that when desperately gulping them down during a depressive episode but completely resented them when forced to take them during a manic episode. Depression, for lack of better words, makes me want to roll over and die. Mania does the exact opposite: I want to live, I want to get up, I want to accomplish something NOW. I want to fuck, I want to fight, I want to feel...how can you deny me the right to feel? To take pills that stop you from feeling means just that: to take pills that stop you from feeling. My meds do not know where my genuine happiness ends and my manic pleasure begins, so it just sucks it all away from me. Greedy bitch.

UserPostedImage

So where do "I" end and my disorder begin?

I have gone through hell and back for the last year trying to figure that out. I had planned to write my debut album all about me but I was genuinely stomped because I didn't know me. That's why when I locked myself in the studio to record and write Dans Ta Tête, I didn't realize it was a manic episode. I thought it was a blessing, that I was just suddenly "inspired" and I had finally realized who I was. I wrote that album in 2 days and god, I loved it. Seriously, I would've fucked that album if given the anatomical chance. Every lyric, every melody, every note: it was all so euphoric to me. I was so excited and everyone else was too...until 2 days turned into 5 and 5 days turned into a full week. Someone would try to talk to me and I'd yell at them for being a distraction. Someone would try to pull me away and I'd immediately swing on them. This is why my mom had to pin me down, shove meds in my face and drag me out the studio. Sooner or later I would've crashed and have been sent into either an intense depressive episode or an all-out mental breakdown. If it wasn't for her, that week could've very well been my last.

What that experience had given me was fear of my love for music, something I'd never had before. But it had also left me with the strangest aftertaste...it had given me an idea of what real passion feels like and that scared me the most. Why? Well because now I couldn't ignore how numb my medication leaves me. Just thinking about that intense mania made me feel so dead inside.

Just when I started feeling my emptiest, I started actually losing things. I lost trust in my medication. I lost control of my album release. I had lost all interest in my career. I ran off with my husband and lost all the faith my team and fans held in me. I returned only to realize I had lost a lot of money and traction thanks to my impulsivity. And just for that extremely assertive cherry on top, I lost my father.

So where does my thank you letter end and my album begin?

Well, this one I can actually give a straight answer: Right here. I could go on and on about how dark things got for me and how it's still uncertain if I truly made it out this hellhole. In fact, I did. I poured my heart and soul into every lyric and every note on this album in hopes that the music would get a chance to speak for itself. So thank you for reading this letter but I have a golden tongue. If you think I'm great with words, just wait until you hear my sound.

UserPostedImage

Edited by user 23 August 2017 13:57:12(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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#15 Posted : 24 August 2017 09:23:05(UTC)
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Zinner: I just became a huge fan! This is the kind of music I really enjoy! It's so creative and unique but at the same time catchy enough for me to really grasp it in my head. You are so beautiful by the way!

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kandii on 24/08/2017(UTC)
Offline kandii  
#16 Posted : 04 September 2017 09:09:54(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: chaotic_princess Go to Quoted Post


Zinner: I just became a huge fan! This is the kind of music I really enjoy! It's so creative and unique but at the same time catchy enough for me to really grasp it in my head. You are so beautiful by the way!


Coke: Thank you so much, mama. Its so hard putting your soul into a song while still trying to make it relatable. The fact that any of thie resonates with you means so much to me.
thanks 1 user thanked kandii for this useful post.
chaotic_princess on 04/09/2017(UTC)
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