OOC: I wonder how do you manage to write songs in Japanese, they're so freaking adorable I loved it!

Julia: Gimme ice cream Hitomi! of course I'm talking about the ice cream in respect to your wife ;P

Magie: I just love everything of this! and I really hope people will put one of these songs at the number one spot of the charts, because there's nothing sweet and sexy as this on mainstream right now, these songs are just so fun and fresh, how could I ever imagine you could sound like this Erica? You're a K-pop DIVA! Haha

OOC: Lmao I love all three of these. IBIZA is my fave though :). Silly and witty, gotta love this. Good job :) So now just stop doubting yourself! You are great with Erica :P

hey hey! to quote a crusty clown. but this harlots update is no joking matter.oh no. today we release the new "midlife crisis machine" single! it comes in lovely 7" vinyl. with completely random artwork! each one is unique and public domain artwork. we care like that. if we dont use public domain things,who will? as for the "b" side? there isnt one. each record is lovingly etched with a not so accurate etching of the cast of "three's company". to avoid lawsuits,we used stick figures. but i think you will know who is who.






song description
The harlots fire up their stolen tardis and visit 1980's east bay. The song has a short guitar intro by nina sangria. Her telecaster thin and trebly. Between the fuzz and reverb effect,it sounds not unlike surf music being played in a beehive.
When Erica comes in with the vocals for the verses.,they are delivered extremely rapidly. Recorded in one take,there are occasions when the rhythm comes out of sync. But it's part of the bands charm. The harlots are many things but polished will never be it. Before the chorus, there is a slight drum roll before All the instruments stop. The bass enters with alternating high and low notes. The girls start clapping and sing the chorus like a cheer. Before the verse is started again,Chloe does a little drum roll. Wash,rinse and repeat. There is no solo. (The harlots are punk as fuck that way.) overall,a shining example of punk rock's emphasis on enthusiasm over technical ability.

Erica sez:
I may be Japanese,but I pretty much have adopted American culture as my own. What's more American than weekend highways packed with middle management types on their motor bikes? All decked out in Harley Davidson gear. More leather on them than cows have. living the american dream of freedom....at least until monday. Then its back to being up tight. Identity through purchasing. bleh


sounds like:

but with a shrieky girl singing.

if youre keen on hearing those kind of vocals...and i like posting xray spex tunes.

OOC: Lol is all.

Dylan: This is....wow. I'll be honest it kept me laughing the whole time with the lyrics and the beat, it was kinda crazy. I'd love to know the mind of anyone that created this song lol.

Jordan: Umm, it was funny. The lyrics are just...wow. I'm interested to see the guy they used as an example

OOC: When I heard the music I picture a old Japanese business man montage of him trying to get is coolest back to sleep with schoolgirls, who are of age I'm not sick, and at the end he couldn't get it up and people just laugh. So MUSIC VIDEO YEA!

It was bitter cold and windy as the girls stood on the tarmac. The airplane people were taking ages to get their bus out of the cargo plane. Loud machines and men yelling in a foreign language barely could be heard above the screaming wind. The harlots huddled closer together with every gust of wind.

Nina: it's fucking colder than a witch's tit,it is.

Chloe: tell me about it. I think my nipples just cut through my shirt....should I put chap stick on them?

Erica:on it. * stands behind Chloe,and cups her breasts* I love to help.

Chloe: mmmm.its like I've got tiny toasters on my nips.

Jen: my boobs are cold too. *looks to Nina*

Nina:* scowls at Jen* keep walking,Skippy.

Chloe: *points and laughs at Jen* ha ha. Welcome back,bitch. You need to learn the pecking order.

Erica: now now. Let's not be mean. Its nice to have Jen back.

Jen: but I never really left.

Erica: yes.it has been a long time since you've traveled with us,Jen.

Nina: we already rummaged through your stuff,love. We assumed you weren't coming back. *unwraps a rather phallic stick of beef jerky*

Jen: I just bought thAt at the airport! You took it out of my back pocket.

Nina: lets not bicker and argue of who bought What dick shaped snack....seriously,were you going to fuck this,love? Did you buy it at " Ron Jeremy's house of disembodied horse dicks"?

Jen: no..they have those in Finland?!

Nina:I think so.

Erica: I heard Wal-Mart makes a store brand version that put all the local horse dick jerky farmers out of business.

Chloe: you going to eat that?

Nina: ew. No. Why? You want it? *starts rubbing the beef jerky over chloe's face and lips* ooh tell me you want it.

Chloe:*giggles and starts trying to coerce the snack into her mouth with her tongue* if Want me to suck it,quit moving it away from my mouth!

The man from the depot finally comes over with a clipboard. He looks at the bizarre scene in front of him. One girl getting felt up and having a beef jerky stick rubbed suggestively over her face. All while another girl watched.

Depot man:*clears his throat* if I could just have your signature,please.

Chloe: *instinctively turns to the voice,getting jabbed in the eye with the jerky.she drops to the ground,howling in pain* holy shit,it burns! Why the eye?! The Hell is wrong with you?

Nina:*grins widely at the depot man* amateurs. It takes a few Times,but they rapidly learn to keep their eyes shut.


Depot man: uh....right. Sign here and off you go.


Erica starts filling out the paperwork.
Nina helps Chloe to her feet and they over see Jen loading the few bags they have.

Erica:* keeps looking at the paperwork and then to the man.after a few seconds,She yells* OH MY GOD!!YOU LOOK LIKE THE STORE GUY FROM FROZEN!!!!


Nina and Chloe look up and start giggling,then singing "do you want to build a snowman?"


Jen: *throwing the last bag in to the bus* do you have any big summer blowout items?

Erica: boooo,Jen. That's rather uncalled for.

Nina: JeeZ. Insult the poor man's mother or some thing.

Chloe: sir,we are so sorry our friend is such a bitch.

Erica: "friend" is actually being VERY liberal with the term.

Chloe: you want us to hold her down while you kick her?

Nina: it's the least we could,love. Shes the sort you just can't take anywhere.

The man just grumbles and walks away. He isn't paid enough to deal with morons like this.

[Center]
The harlots pile into the rv. The interior is very 70's riffic.and even includes a groupie/bus driver android..[/center ]

Jen:* in shock at the strange woman on the bus* gah! Who is she and why is she on our bus?!

Erica: Ingrid. She's our driver android...she also shoots lasers from her eyes. So don't piss her off. *laughs*

Jen: so she is a robot?!


At this moment,Ingrid the android comes to life. She turns her head in a slow and deliberate way. Some gears whir deep inside the torso and two green lasers disintegrate Jen's shoes.

Jen:*jumps back and hides in her bunk* what the fuck?! She nearly took my feet off!

Erica: yeah...we don't use the r word around here.Ingrid finds it very offensive.

Nina: Jen...we're going to leave you somewhere in the darkest of Scandinavia, if you keep this shit up. Ingrid? To the nearest liquor store,please.


Ingrid: *sits kn the driver's and starts the rv* yes,ma'am. The nearest liquor purveyor is 50 miles away.I advise you that I do have onboard rum and coke stores. This should tide you over until we reach our destination.


Erica and Nina look at each other in surprise. Neither of them read the user manual for Ingrid. They both just assumed she drove busses for wacky rock stars.

Nina: *straightens up and says in her best Picard voice* rum and coke. Make it so.

At the command,the android unbuttons her blouse and lactates some rum and coke into three glasses.

Jen : I am not drinking anything that came out of robot nipples!

Ingrid: I warned you before. Good bye. *she shoots lasers at Jen,who then dissolves and reappears outside the rv.*

The rv lurches forward and the harlots European tour begins. Erica and Nina look at each other and shrug. Rum and coke from an android's mammaries is not even in the top ten strangest Things they've experienced.

Nina: hey! This isn't real coke!

Ingrid: trademarks. Even I can't fight the coca cola corporation.


Ooc: continued later...and yeah. Its supposed to be way over the top.

there was heavy sleet coming down in the wilderness of finland. the harlots had done well with their first black metal fest. if by well is implied they were chased off the premises by hordes of gothic looking kids with a viking fixation. ingrid the android was exceptionally talented when it came to navigating the worst of conditions,but clearly the black metal mages had conjured up a hell of a storm.

ingrid: ladies,we need to pull over. if we do not,there is a 100% chance of death. i also need to refresh my rum stores. SOMEONE was sipping all night.

Erica: you try to resist booze oozing boobs and see how it works for you! besides,all the festival had was mead. the fuck is that?

Chloe: its awesome is what it is! mead an mutton legs! it was like was lady estellington and you were my loyal subjects

nina: chloe...how many times have i said "no Renaissance fair talk"?

Chloe: *sighs* too many.

Nina: right.

Ingrid:*slows the rv to a stop* we wll rest here until the storm passes. shutting down main functions. engaging air distillation.

the harlots are at a tiny truck stop in the middle of nowhere. with the heavy snow,its impossible to know if its day or night time. the girls do the most sensible thing and stand outside the rv.

nina:it was getting stuffy in there,loves. its nice and brisk out here!

erica: my drink is frozen. oh well. *starts licking her martini pop*

chloe: jeez. those people really didnt like us. *pulls a battle ax from the side of the rv.* and they have lousy aim. must be a bunch of mump ridden rat catchers.

nina:*smacks chloe* i told you. i bloody well told you. no more of that.

chloe feels the heft of the ax.it seems to be of fine quality...or at least weight. that means quality,right?
the rest of her troupe were milling around outside the rv.

Nina:think we can score some drugs around here?

erica: from a truck stop?! are you mad?! truckers are all perverts. they are just waiting to pounce on two luscious things like us.

nina: we could send chloe,love.

chloe: the hell you will! *she chucks the ax which totally misses her bandmates and sticks into the hood of the truck with a cartoon like boing*

erica:*lighting up a blunt and watching the chaos unfold in front of her.* well i'll be damned. it looks like ingrid was right. that could have been us.

Nina: should we go help?

erica: are you kidding?! no. we go back inside and film the carnage through the window. sell the video and live like kings!..er queens!

chloe:looks at her mickey mouse watch* we still have like 4 hours until the rum is ready. im not going back in there .it smells like feet.

erica: i know! its crazy how that android has smelly feet! why would anyone put that feature on a synthetic human?

nina:foot fetish people,loves. nutters go all horny for some smelly feet.
*sighs and starts walking over to the crash.* maybe they have a foot fetisher and we can see this process in action.

erica:ew, nina likes to watch.