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Offline erich hess  
#1 Posted : 26 March 2013 13:13:35(UTC)
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let's get to know our heroine.......

she is how old??!: 28 years old.

she is how tall?: she towers at 4"'10"

how much does she weigh?: lets not get nosy,bub.

where does she live?: Ishinomaki,Japan. (currently living aboard the duke of winchester)

what does she do to pay the bills?: singer,semi famous comic artist,and Japan's worst prop comic.

what other musicians does she rip off...er,is inspired by?: zombina and the skeletones,boyd rice,the crystals,los straitjackets,the creepshow,katy perry,gg allin.

what genre of music does she play?: bubble gum deathrock.its a real term. trust her.

can she play an instrument? she can play anything.but you wouldnt want to hear it. she just sings,but does compose all of her own music. how is this possible? who the fuck knows? jello biafra did it,and mariko is way cuter than him.

favorite weapon: on stage- wakizashi. offstage- thompson submachine gun.

wait...she wields a sword while singing?! yes. the handle operates as a mic. it is functional,so be careful!

a sword wielding schoolgirl? seriously?! isnt that just a cheap gimmick?: maybe? it actually came from when mariko first started.she had little time to travel from school to the venue,so she just kept her uniform on. it has since become her trademark. fuck off,if angus young can do it,why cant mariko? nobody accused angus of being a cheap gimmick.

any fun facts?: she is militantly anti-nintendo. she once ate at hardees. her twitter handle comes from her owning a mini cooper.(its a 1970 morris mini s) her favorite color is yellow. she owns no pets. she would be a vegetarian,but she likes bacon too much. her least favorite person in the world is rosanne barr/arnold/whatever the fuck she goes by now. she cant pass cucumbers without blushing. people coughing piss her off.


message from mariko:
hello! it is me,mariko! i had a fantastic website before i emigrated to the usa,but i do not think many can read japanese.so we came up with this. *waves arms around like a tv presenter girl* yes,i know it could be better. once i get some releases and art work up,it will be great! maybe throw some glitter and scented candles around. what is your favorite scented candle? i like the ones that smell like candy. i loooove candy,especially strawberry and apple. though i have yet to have a strawberry or an apple that tastes like its candy counterpart. they should make human flavored candy. i bet we all taste like pork. logic would say chicken,but i have my doubts.you take a good look at your neighbor and think "chicken,or pork?". i would say your mind is going to go with pork. so there you have it.i want human flavored candy that tastes of pork. make it happen nestle! what was i writing about again? sorry for being so scattered brained. i have been spending a lot of time with my cousin.if you know hitomi,you can guess what we have been up to. oh yes.i am kicking off my english language career! my first show is the day after day 2 of aphrodisiac. so pllllleeeeeaaaase come see me. love,mariko!

Edited by user 26 August 2017 11:52:10(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 2 users thanked erich hess for this useful post.
niggajones on 26/03/2013(UTC), Walton on 27/03/2013(UTC)
Offline niggajones  
#2 Posted : 26 March 2013 16:13:22(UTC)
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Trent: Bubble gum deathrock? so, Christian Death meets that ponponpon girl? Sounds brutal.
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erich hess on 26/03/2013(UTC)
Offline Andre Gandra  
#3 Posted : 26 March 2013 21:31:20(UTC)
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Julia: I think my neighbour tastes like chicken, she often goes to her yard to scratch while muscle guys are working on a construction in front of her house. Maybe she only wants a cock, if you know what I mean.

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Characters

Magie Lena *Resting*
Abie Lena *The Comeback World Tour*
Julia Volkova *Resting*
mISTER_b *Retired*
Groove In Downtown *Working on a second album*

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erich hess on 26/03/2013(UTC)
Offline theonlysorrow  
#4 Posted : 26 March 2013 21:34:22(UTC)
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Landon Perry: Wait....Japanese and anti-Nintendo? Isn't that like being British and going to the dentist? Wowzers. I agree with you on the Nintendo front incidentally. If I was hanging from a cliff and being offered the hand of Sonic, Crash Bandicoot and Mario, the little fat plumber would be the last one I would trust. Why would a plumber lead the search party for a princess? He's hiding something!
Envy /\/\/\ Stacey Pilgrim



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Offline erich hess  
#5 Posted : 26 March 2013 22:37:28(UTC)
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Mariko: Trent,that is exactly what I am going for.you do not wish to know how many times a day I sing that song...

@julia I nearly shot my morning orange juice out of my nose. Maybe your chickeny neighbor should set up a cock fighting ring,with herself as judge. This has now gotten so filthy,I think I may pass out from blushing. Maybe she should Also ask her construction to come inside,she has a wonderful cat she wants to show them. *cackles madly* ok I am done.

@Landon oh yes indeed. Does anyone over the age of 12 play anything they make? I also do not trust Mario. I wager the mustache is not real. He wears it so no one recognizes he is actually Peter Mahoney. The mushroom Kingdom's most notorious sex offender. Those wacky bouncing mushrooms are the severed peni of his victims.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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Andre Gandra on 26/03/2013(UTC)
Offline BrownSugar  
#6 Posted : 27 March 2013 03:18:10(UTC)
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Billy: I hear the word 'threesome' ;)

Riley: Billy, I don't think Andrea would like that. You two are married :/

Billy: Shut up, Ri. Just cos you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't dribble over the menu ;)
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WEEKEND // JOSHUA GRIMMIE // ANDREA // PUBLIC WARNING // LINCOLN
DENEIL // MERCEDES // VICTORIA BLACK // MICHELLE GREEN // CHICAGO NOBODY
REUBEN // CHRISTOPHER HUDSON // BLAKE // ASHLEY GRIMMIE
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erich hess on 27/03/2013(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#7 Posted : 27 March 2013 03:31:53(UTC)
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Mariko: I hear it too! It is the strangest thing. What isthis "Andrea" like? Is she into this sort of thing?

Erica: Mariko! You stop this instant!

Mariko: *giggles*

Erica: Ive see. Billy's willy. It is no laughing matter. Why do you think no one has heard from Andrea in ages?

Mariko: blowjob gone horribly wrong?

Erica:*nods sagely* it looked like a reversal of the impalement scene of "cannibal holocaust".

Mariko: you were there? You dirty monkey!

Erica: well...no,but there has to be a reason.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline BrownSugar  
#8 Posted : 27 March 2013 03:38:35(UTC)
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Billy: Yeah my willy gets me into a lot of trouble. Just ask Andrea....well...maybe ask her when she has recovered...
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WEEKEND // JOSHUA GRIMMIE // ANDREA // PUBLIC WARNING // LINCOLN
DENEIL // MERCEDES // VICTORIA BLACK // MICHELLE GREEN // CHICAGO NOBODY
REUBEN // CHRISTOPHER HUDSON // BLAKE // ASHLEY GRIMMIE
Offline erich hess  
#9 Posted : 27 March 2013 03:49:48(UTC)
erich hess
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Mariko: I do not know if I want any part of that! I like to be on the other end of the whole "pain" thing. I am delicate.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Online snap_itshannah  
#10 Posted : 27 March 2013 06:44:42(UTC)
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Nichole: Any relative of Erica's is a relative of mine. Welcome to the clan.
Offline Squeege  
#11 Posted : 28 March 2013 18:06:12(UTC)
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Hen: Sounds like something out of an awesome over the top Japanese ninja film! I want copious amounts of blood Legend of Rickie Oh style! Machine Girl amounts! I want to see this during a concert as well.
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Owner of: Nobody's Darlings

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Ezra "Zeke" James

The Train Jumpers

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Offline erich hess  
#12 Posted : 28 March 2013 22:16:48(UTC)
erich hess
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Mariko: aw,Nichole. I have heard so much about you....all good,of course. I will have to come visit. Mr hen,I assure you,my show is very interactive. It is recommended to put cell phones in plastic baggies. There is much...dampness in the air.all of it red.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline erich hess  
#13 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:00:16(UTC)
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yay! i did a show. i have official musical presence in north america! san francisco to be exact. i wanted to play gilman,but the stodgy people are against japanese people or something. i do not know. or they were super booked. i call shenanigans.but i dont know if i can have that right...can i? or do i need my green card first. i do not know. a big congrats goes out to my cousin,hitomi! i think she slept with her friend's husband and is impregnate by him. this man.this "sam fischer" must be very virile. i should be wary of him.i think he wants to plunge my ovaries into pregnancy. i am just kidding! i actually am staying with sam fischer and his wife,nichole. they are lovely people....unless they plan on opening a small,japanese themed brothel as hitomi is also staying here.i am rambling! too drunk.. here is the review of my show.



Quote:
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mariko kobayashi



saturday night and gilman was sold out.i think a greenday tribute band or something was playing. even my press pass couldnt get me in. i needed an article and i needed it quick.no article,no meth..i found this little venue,waaaay off the beaten path.i am pretty sure it didnt even have a name. the place smelled of bo,stale beer and barnyard. i grabbed a beer and got ready to an evening of fun. the opening act was "mariko kobayashi",i've never heard of her before. the hipster infested crowd pretended to know her. she spent a good 15 minutes setting up various mannequins on stage,and carefully laying baby dolls on the the stage. she made some last minute adjustments and motioned for her band to come out. the band started to warm up/ entertain as mariko went off stage.i used this time to refill my beer. anything with this many mannequins cannot be good. i was about midway through my watered down and tiny cup of beer when the houselights went down. mariko had returned to the stage,now clad in a schoolgirl uniform and holding a short sword. ugh,i just knew this was going to suck. it wasnt even the overly sexy school girl outfit. no tiny skirt,no crop top...just normal length everything. mariko wordlessly counts 1-2-3 on her fingers and the band starts. what comes out of the speaker is so catchy,i am still humming it. the hipster crowd looked very disappointed with the perky singing of mariko. they clearly were expecting something a bit more harsh to the ears. mariko jumps and somersaults on stage,all while singing into the handle of her sword.i start tapping my finger to the oddly familiar song she is singing. she opened with "i kill everything i fuck" by gg allin! instead of the anger and guttural roar of one kevin allin,it is dancable and poppy. at the end of every chorus,mariko plunges her sword into one of the mannequins and blood sprays across the room,soon drenching her and most everyone near the stage in fake blood. the first time she did this,the screams of the crowd drowned out the speakers. i dont know what the next song she played was called. all i can tell you was it was bass heavy and very surfy. i could pick out something about moonlight and fucking. i couldnt pick out if "fucking was used as a verb or adjective.for this song,she mainly jumped up and down on the previously placed baby dolls. the made very convincing "pop" sounds,as very thick red syrup splashed everywhere. for the final song,mariko finally addressed the crowd. "hello!" she squeaked with a wave. "we have had a super duper time playing for you tonight.i hope this show makes you think.what you think about is up to you." she wrings the blood from her shirt and silently counts 1-2-3 again. the last song sounded like the happy days theme song after a sheet of acid and some morphine. it was catchy and creepy. as mariko sang,she would causally walk the stage and decapitate the mannequins. each decapitation provided a never ending fountain of red liquid.by the end of the show,mariko was completely covered in red fluid and giggling madly. the song abruptly ended and she bounces of the stage. the crowd and myself wander what the fuck we just witnessed.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 2 users thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 02/04/2013(UTC), niggajones on 02/04/2013(UTC)
Offline niggajones  
#14 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:03:58(UTC)
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Zander: anything with that much blood has to be good. you could show me the pope getting fucked by dogs, and as long as there's blood i'll be entertained.
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Offline erich hess  
#15 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:06:54(UTC)
erich hess
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mariko:i imagine there would be blood in a pope fucking. they seem like such tight asses.i guess it really depends on the dog.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline niggajones  
#16 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:12:05(UTC)
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Zander: this is all such good inspiration for a rock opera...imagine: the werewolf bastard child of pope francis and lassy!
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Offline erich hess  
#17 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:13:23(UTC)
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mariko:we must make it happen,mr zander! it will be the jesus christ superstar of its day. i love jesus christ superstar. its so funky and 70's.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline niggajones  
#18 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:19:03(UTC)
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Zander: exactly my point! we'll pull out all the stops. get a children's choir and a trumpet player. it'll be a pop-death-cabaret-orchestral-alterna-rock-core-thrash-funk masterpiece.
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Offline erich hess  
#19 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:22:40(UTC)
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mariko: it will have a cast of thousands! we will be paranoid about germs and peeing in jars by the time it is complete. i want to be in it too. i am open to tasteful nudity...but only if i am a nun...like an evil nun.an evil nun riding a trolly!

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline niggajones  
#20 Posted : 02 April 2013 12:25:49(UTC)
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Zander: I think you make an awesome evil trolley-nun. I'll be the pope, the hat can hide my baldness.
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