The only thing they had the was decent was a grey jacket that I extremely liked, to bad it only came in small, and of course; extra small.

Woke up at Nelson's today, went to Birmingham, got my nose pierced, and Lianne got banned from Urban Outfitters. Productive day!

Learn from it. Mental illness is a two-brained experience - part of your head thinks that the fucking craziest things make sense, but there's part of you that's still what you are without it. And talking too much is good for you.

Keep on with the doctors, and get the right ones. Even though I'm just some randomer online, I'm glad you didn't kill yourself.

I finally got an Xbox! yes it's sad that I just got an Xbox. However, I also got Fifa 11, made an epic portrayal of myself who plays Attacking Mid (as do I) for Barcelona, is 20, and already captains the team! I've only played 3 friendlies as well and I think scored somewhere around 10-12 goals (I prefer to play as one player because on the defensive end I suck and I feel like if I'm going to make myself might as well be me the whole time), I figure by the end of the season when Barca wins the Copa Del Rey (their league's title) and the Supercopa (another league title) and probably the champions league (international club title) I'll win player of the year.

More like:

Lol bloody phone. I actually changed the other one which read supercola

I'd really not recommend it. Especially not by overdose. I used to work with a woman who was training to be a nurse, and I remember discussing what she'd done that week (she worked with us at weekends to supplement her student loan) and she'd been in Accident & Emergency and saw this teenager who'd OD'd on something. So they shove activated charcoal down your throat to try make you throw up all the pills, which is really unpleasant. But for this kid it was too late for that to work so they had to sit by and basically watch as her kidneys, liver and other organs slowly and excruciatingly painfully stopped working over the course of three or four days.

I don't know about you but if I'm going to die I'd really like to do it in some kind of tranquil manner where I'm in as little discomfort as possible. ODing is not that way, certainly not on prescription meds. The other thing to remember is that any meds that can be used as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds tend not to be the sort of thing that you OD fatally on. And yes, I have looked into that.

I don't know what you have going on in your life to make you feel that way. Hell, half the time I don't know why I feel inclined towards suicide. But it really should be something regarded as a last option, a way out of intolerable levels of physical or mental pain. And I certainly haven't covered every potential option open to me yet. I'd suggest that you should perhaps try something new as well? What? I don't really know to be honest. I'm kind of bumbling around cluelessly myself, I don't really feel confident of giving some life affirming advice. But try something. Do the things you enjoy. Try to focus on the positive shit. I'm not sure how you do that, but the theory certainly sounds good.

Edited by user 28 November 2010 03:17:58(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

A guy being a cunt really isn't worth offing yourself to be brutally honest. Also, how old are you, 17? 18 maybe? You will find that as you mature personality becomes about 5000 times more important than appearance because believe it or not men mature a bit too. Probably that isn't a massive help right now, I don't know, but it is something to consider (I know how hard it is to think rationally when such thoughts are racing through your head). What he's quite possibly done in the manipulative way that some men do is try to belittle you in order to make him feel less shitty about cheating. IE he didn't really think of other stuff when with you sexually, he is retroactively saying this some sort of justification for his lousy behaviour.

What you need to do is channel your anger towards him. It is he who has left you feeling like this through both his words and his actions. Live to spite him, at least initially, until you find something more worthwhile to live for. I mean I'm sure you still have strong feelings for him but the bottom line is that anybody who cheats on someone is a cunt and not worth the time of day, never mind your life. <ost people would tell you that you need something more positive to grasp onto but for me, any excuse to continue living from day to day is better than none.

Also just out of my own morbid curiosity I just did some calculations based on the LD50 of the drug, and assuming you are on a standard 20mg tablet of Zoloft and you weigh maybe 60kg it'd take about 3000 tablets to have any sort of chance of killing you. So it's not at all practical :)

I know, I personally don't give a shit about physical looks, but all people around me seem to find it the most important thing.
I've been going to therapy again, and I was having a nice positive attitude yesterday. I'd even remember all the times we spent together and open a big smile because I at least had them for a little while, instead of suffering because I won't have more.
I need some time alone, and wouldn't take him back even if he wanted to. It just hurt me that he didn't find me attractive at all. He's a compulsive liar and when I asked him about the affairs he had when with me, he couldn't think right and said things that made no sense at all. I guess he was just trying to hurt me, because he got all angry when I told a friend he had some trouble getting an erection. It hurt his 'manliness' apparently.
He said he's sorry to me today, that a part of him still loves and cares about me, that he needs some time to digest everything and grow up. Being friends with him is better than nothing, so I'll stick with it while I feel shitty.
Thanks for listening, Forkboy (:

Haha, I didn't know that. Epic fail to my plan haha.