Time for the Truth
MattY's legs felt a little numb, he sat down on the floor across from Cherise. Her eyes didn't leave him once; he couldn't make eye contact with her again. As he made contact with the floor, he let out a slight gasp as he realised how cold the floor was. He looked over at Cherise, who quickly hid a small smile from her face. She looked straight through him, "Come on then..." she said.
MattY opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know where to start... "Where...?"
She cut over him and said; "The beginning. I want to know everything." and with this MattY gave an audible sigh. She already hated him anyway, so what did he have to lose? He then closed his eyes and took one last breath of his cigarette. He exhaled slowly and then put his cigarette out on the floor next to him and then pushed away the cigarette butt.
He opened his eyes again and then started to tell Cherise the tale of how things got so bad. "I've been taking drugs for years, like before I even came back to London. I've been doing drugs since well before I met you; they just weren't quite such hard drugs. But y'know how they say that soft drugs always lead to the harder stuff, well they did. I came down here and started my music career and all of these avenues and possibilities become available to me. I could afford any of it, I mean even High and Dry gave me enough money to get enough drugs to keep my high for ages."
His hand instinctively went to his pocket and he could see a look on Cherise's face that suggested that she would actually kill him if he still had some on him now. He figured that his hand was already going that way anyway, so he slipped it into his pocket and pulled out a small bag which he then put in front of him. Cherise opened her mouth and then just made a noise which highlighted her disgust in him. He shrugged his shoulders and then continued with his story, "Well yeah, I now had the opportunity to have as much drug as i wanted, so basically I just got high at every opportunity. Eventually I met you and Celeste, and you know we become good friends... My addiction gradually got worse and then we got together."
A brief smile crossed MattY's face and he caught Cherise's eye and knew that she just did not feel the same towards him anymore; something inside of him sunk. He could feel his eyes starting to dampen. But then he pulled himself back together again. 'She can't see you like this... Not again..' he thinks to himself; and then he sighs; allowing the emotions to escape slightly, but in a more controlled fashion. Then he continues again. "Things were good for a while, but then my addiction was getting out of control and I tried to stop... but it just got me involved with the gang life that is London. I couldn't help it. It just sort of pulled me in and I had no hope of escaping it. I got into a bit of drug dealing; it was easy and simple and I got money out of it as well as free drugs. But that started getting me into trouble... I wasn't supposed to be taking as much as i was and my 'superiors' were getting pissed at me. I had to get back into their good books, so i started working harder for them, and that was why I initially delayed work on Growth. But then I decided that I wanted to release some more Grime-y, street music, and did still put out a mixtape...."
MattY realised that he was going off the original trail and then shook his head to help get him back onto the right track. "But yeah, so i got back in with them all and had a pretty chilled few months, things were going really well between us... but then all of a sudden my source got cut off and i started getting withdrawal symptoms and that was when we started getting into arguments and stuff. So yeah, then we got back from the IMAs together and you got pregnant." MattY saw Cherise wipe her face, he wasn't sure if she was wiping a tear away or just brushing a hair out of her face, but either way he wished he could still be a part of her life - a good part... not a bad memory.
"But how come I found drugs in your flat then?" Cherise asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. The sound of her voice hit MattY again, he couldn't believe how much he had missed her voice, it was crazy. He hadn't expected this question, but the answer came naturally to him.
"My supplier got back in touch with some new stock the day before you came over."
"You had a friend over the previous day... Was he your supplier?"
MattY couldn't really see the relevance of the question, but he nodded. It made things easier for him. She nodded back at him and then sunk back down into her previous state. MattY couldn't help but feel his heart sink again as he watched her go back into her shell.
"So yeah, you told me you were pregnant in that argument and I ended up in hospital... And then we decided i would go to rehab... I didn't go to rehab." Cherise's face remained unchanged, MattY wasn't sure why he was expecting a response, he had already told her this. "I was actually on my way to Rehab but then Ky... he told me that I was needed on a job. D'you remember that bank robbery a while back? Well I was with them, and it was me that shot the guy that was caught too... And that is why shit went down." MattY went quiet for a few minutes as he thought through what he'd done to himself and his baby...
"It's all my fault." He shocked himself; he had finally said it out loud. He knew it was his fault for ages, but to actually say it out loud was pretty crazy. He stood up again and fumbled around in his pocket for another cigarette and for his lighter. He lit up quickly and breathed in the smoke that he so desperately needed. He needed to go home, “Cherise. We need to go back to England.”
She stared him straight in the face and said; “Why? Why should I ever trust you again? You haven’t even finished the story yet.” MattY was getting annoyed now; she already knew most of it, why did she need to know the rest? He sighed again and took in another deep breath of his cigarette before continuing with the story.
“So you went to Australia and they were obviously pissed at me. Joe wanted to see me, so I went over there and we had a confrontation… He handed over my address to the guys that I got myself into trouble with before and then they came over and trashed the place… They were hoping I was in… And then obviously you came round like a week or so later and you went crazy because the house was a complete shit hole. We talked about things, blah blah blah. Then you went for the scan and I couldn’t get there because the taxi services were stupidly bad, and then I got there too late…” He could feel is throat drying up now. That was when they had taken her. He could see the fear coming through her eyes, and all he wanted to do was to hold her again; to show her how much he still loved her. To show her how much he cared.
“Was it Kyle?” Cherise asked him, her voice cracking under the strain of the memories. MattY couldn’t bring himself to speak, he just nodded and he heard her let out a small sob. He took in another deep breath of his cigarette again. He turned around and looked over the edge of the tower again; he just wanted to go home now and forget everything that had happened.
He knew he had to finish his story though, so he continued. “They sent me a letter with a list of things that I had to do to get you and… and… Angel back. And I did them all, I got you back and took you to the hospital-”
Before he could continue though, Cherise had cut in; “What did they want you to do?”
MattY took a deep breath; “I had to burn down Red Hot Recordings-“
“You did WHAT?!”
“-and then I had to give Kyle Monk On Fire Music and cancel my contract with the label.”
“So you gave up everything for me?”
“You are everything-“
“No Matt. Don’t do this now…” She said to him, a tear visibly rolling down her cheek; she didn’t care to hide them anymore. He had seen her in worse states, and seeing her in a mess didn’t bother him. He loved her; he just wished that he hadn’t been so stupid.
“That isn’t all though… I gave Kyle a little visit.” He could feel the anger rising through him again. He clenched his fists and crushed his cigarette in his hand. It burned slightly, but he didn’t care. His hatred for Kyle burned more, and the satisfaction that night had given him had been very good. He couldn’t help but feel that he had been followed for the past few weeks though… “I got revenge for Angel. I got revenge for you.”
“You didn’t do anything stupid did you?!” Cherise exclaimed, thinking that anything could be possible after he burned down something he had built up himself.
“I only gave him a slight beating…” he lied; he knew that Kyle should have gone to hospital. But Kyle was tough, he wouldn’t have given MattY the satisfaction of seeing him in hospital, but even so the thought that something bad was just around the corner could not escape him.
They sat there for a few more moments before MattY spoke again; “There is a massive event going on for the mother and baby ward at the hospital. I got it organised and then came to look for you C. We’ve got Hyde Park booked, and we like have almost no tickets left.” He smiled at her, but saw that he was getting nothing in response. “I did this for you C; we have loads of massive artists playing. And then I thought that we could have a bit of a small gathering to go and plant a tree in memory or something. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to after that; but I just want to say goodbye to Angel, me and you together, one last time. Cassie is gonna perform, and Myky. Alicia Lena, Eric Quillington, we even got GirlSpice involved! Everybody wants to wish you all the best babe.”
She looked up at him, the tears were streaming down her face now, and she couldn’t believe he had done this for her. He just simply smiled; he didn’t know what else to do. “Come home C; come home…”
She nodded and they went down the tower together, back to the life that Cherise had tried so hard to escape from.
