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INTRODUCING...  SCOTT RAMSAYWith the recent loss of our brother and guitarist Rob Heath, Acts of Hate have been searching high and low for somebody with the chops to replace him. Finally, we believe we've found that man. Scott hails from Vancouver, B.C., where he's played in several obscure and unknown death metal bands such as Facially Fistfucked, Gutwizard, and Twisted Ferret Massacre. We met him through Tony, whom he played with in a short-lived "blackened industrial deathgrind" band called Rectally Penetrated by Powertools. After Tony's urging, we decided to give him an audition and to say the least he wowed us with his skills. He's big, he's bad, and he can shred like Eddie Van Halen on crack. Please welcome our newest member - Scott Ramsay. |
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erich:*narrows eyes* i dont know. this guy will have to prove he can not crack under pressure. could he possibly stand up to a corn wielding horde of elderly farmers?!
karoliena:so much corn on the bus..so much corn. |
  "I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Scott: corn? couldn't they be wielding something more fearsome than corn?
Tony: corn is a terrifying weapon, Scott. Picture a bus of corn.
Scott: yeah?
Tony: well...picture having to ride in a bus of corn.
Scott: sounds...
Tony: mildly uncomfortable!?
Scott: yeah.
Tony: SEE! TERRIFYING WEAPONS! |
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karoliena:mildly uncomfortable?! i had corn in my bra...in my BRA!
erich:a cob could get stuck under the brake pedal and kill us all! |
"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Scott: Well if you put it that way, yeah it does sound like a problem. Does your bus get flooded with corn every time you tour?
Tony: ...more than you'd think. |
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erich:dont worry,scott.. i will teach you.....HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF FROM A MAN WIELDING AN.....EAR OF CORN! there is little else that can strike fear into your heart like a corn cob coming at your jugular. first,we.....use a flamethrower on the cob armed assailant. this pops the corn,we then EAT the corn. thus ,disarming the corn soldier! |
"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Neil: can you teach us to defend ourselves against somebody with a pointed stick?
Tony: when the hell would we ever need to defend against a pointed stick!?
Scott: yeah, Neil, god. this nice man is trying to teach us information that could save our lives in a food fight. |
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erich:oh! neil is too good for corn,huh? thinks he knows it all,does he? you try asking about pointed sticks when you have a cob halfway down your throat!
karoliena: and our dorkhood is complete. pick up your starfleet manual on your way out,thanks! |
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OOC: Favorite MP sketch. I love both of you so much right now.
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INTRODUCING... JAY ADLEROf the hundreds of bassists who auditioned for the job, Jay was an obvious choice for us. He's from Seattle, Washington, and played bass for a tech-death outfit called Fisted Until Regurgitation prior to auditioning to fill the gap left by Jeff's departure from the band. In his hands, the bass is used less to hold down the low end and more as an actual instrument; his audition video showed him flawlessly incorporating Cliff Burton style bass licks into rock-solid covers of our songs. He's an amazing musician and we're proud to welcome him into our family, please welcome the newest member of Acts of Hate - Jay Adler! |
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erich: *steely,yet drunken gaze* hrumph. i guess you'll do.you arent canadian, "jay". if that is your real name. these canadians will eat your frozen corpse on the plains of medicine hat if need be. you need thick,canadian blood to withstand the candadian cold. i can only due it because...well,hell,i dont know how i can. but i do. |
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Jay: Seattle's kind of like Canada! ...well, Vancouver, maybe. The only difference is that in Seattle you can buy Pibb Xtra and go to Red Lobster.
Tony: It's true. We don't have Mr. Pibb over here. It's a conspiracy, I tell you! They push that Dr. Pepper guy on us and deprive us of poor mr. Pibb, the layman's soda! |
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erich:tony,i love you and fully approve of you chloe. but i refuse,nay,i i categorically deny mr pibb! as a southern gentleman,i must defend the honor of the good doctor. mr pibb is the fucking bootleg of dr pepper. get with program man. jay,i will agree with you on red lobster. that shit is delicious.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Tony: Dr. Pepper gets all up in my face with his fancy degree. I don't like it. I don't trust any doctor - not after that one tried to put his finger in my-
Neil: ear?
Tony: No, my-
Neil: mouth?
Tony: No, goddamnit, I meant my...you know what, maybe it's best if that story goes untold. |
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chloe:oh tony! he had his way with you?! you poor thing!
erich:duly noted.i am also distrustful of the learned elite. but dr pepper and a reese cup is a traditional southern breakfast! |
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Tony: yeah...for further reference, Chloe, never try to put your finger...there. I may karate chop you by reflex.
Scott: ....I'm not gonna lie, that's some fucked up shit right there.
Jay: So far this band has been all about corn cobs, soda, and buttholes. My kind of band. |
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chloe:um..ok. but only if you return the favor.
erich:oh you new guys are going to love it. wait till the first acts of hate/atomic war bride show. you will either quit,shit yourself,or learn exactly who you are....maybe a combo of the three.
karoliena:on the upside,you two are safe from matrimony. we are out of single women. |
"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Scott: out of single women? that's the worst news I've heard in a long time.
Jay: I'm sure we can get chicks on tour. Chicks love death metal guys, right?
Neil: Jeez, you guys have a lot to learn. |
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erich:neil speaks the truth. acts of hate's crowd is nearly all men. luckily,you'll have atomic war bride along. our crowd is about 50/50.
karoliena:actually,the female ratio has dropped off dramatically. as they fear ada....hell,i fear ada.
erich:ada?! she is as sweet as they come.
karoliena: mention that rum has a nice outfit in her presence and see how sweet she is.
erich:i cant help that she has a good thing and wishes to hold onto it. *smiles widely* |
"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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Tony: I wouldn't want to trifle with Ada. She could whup my ass with a belt.
Scott: You mean the red-haired german chick? Yeah. She seems fearsome.
Neil: Watch yourself around her. You never want to make a German mad. Some Jewish kid stole hitlers lunch money in the second grade and WHAM! - genocide! |
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