The last forty eight have been a complete blur to Ryan. From the minute he got off that plane Thursday afternoon, his life has been turned upside down. This weekend has far been what he had planned in his mind, he the entire weekend thought up in his head already for weeks; The first day he got into town, he was gonna spend the day with Nadia at her place. They were just gonna have a day dedicated to themselves.... and of course, having a lot sex. On Friday, they were gonna go out, spend a day away from the city and the limelight. Somewhere that no one would know their whereabouts. On Saturday he already had reservations for this quiet little place just outside of the city, where they first went on a date, the first time they dated which was at least a year ago. It was gonna be a romantic dinner. Then Sunday they were going to the Chaos Awards together.

Safe to say, none of that has happened this weekend. Ever since Culture Uncut broke the story of a meeting occurring in Hollywood, California, between Ellie-Grace Summers and Ryan, his being deemed a villain, a scumbag, a cheater. He never really cared for what the media thought of him, but this time it was different, because he wasn't the only target involved in these cheap shots, it also involved his girlfriend or possible ex, Nadia Berry, and this young nineteen year old girl, Ellie-Grace, who was just starting her career. Those facts made him feel godly awful. Despite popular belief, he never put out to come off as a bad boy or a bad person general. Arguably, some things he has done in his life could be considered a bit jazzy handy, but he had no problem admitting to such occasions. He is no stranger to controversy, although he has done a good job to keep it way from his life up until now, he has always found a way to come out of it with just a scratch.

This was different. It felt as he had dug himself a hole that was too deep to get out of. It wasn't a situation where he could use his tactics of charming women and being an all-round modern day womanizer to get past this. Both girls were smart enough to know what game he loved playing, especially Nadia whom has known him longer on a personal level. And he was sure Ellie-Grace had also heard stories of his ways. He knew he had to change his approach and just be bluntly honest with it all. For the last two days, he has spent his time locked away in a hotel outside of the city, where his management team advised him it'd be best if he stayed at until the Chaos Awards. Both days which were spent trying to get any form of communication with both Nadia and Ellie-Grace, but both resulted in countless failed attempts. He has been trying everything, phone calls, text messages, e-mails. And when he wasn't trying to contact both women, he was drinking, a lot of scotch, and that ran out he would opt for red wine which was easier to take in. Any form of alcohol wasn't a good idea, not only did it naturally make his train of thought go blurry, it also was highly advised against by his vocal coach. It didn't make a difference to him.

Finally, strangely how they first started dating the first time a year ago, Twitter was where he was able to get in contact with Nadia. He hated that fact so much. He did not want to speak publicly about the matter, much less discuss it with her via it. At the end of it all, he was just a long sigh of relief that she at least accepted to see him. With how things were shaping up, with the fact that Chantal and the rest of GirlSpice basically took her hostage, he felt as though he wasn't going to see her. While his management tried their best to advise him that this wasn't a good idea for various reasons, nothing was going to stop him from going and seeing her. Ryan threw on a pair of black baggy pants and a long-sleeve plaid shirt, at least something that didn't have a scent of scotch or any other alcohol he consumed.

He had a driver pick him up around the back of the hotel he was staying at. To cause some diversion, he even hired a limo, which had no one important inside, but just for a circled around the block where Nadia's apartment complex was at so he could make his way swiftly in and out without the paparazzi's taking notice of him. Making his way to her apartment, his mind finally hit him with the fact that he had no idea what he was going to say. He gives himself a mental pep talk to calm himself down. When he finally reached her front door, he took a long breath, running a hand through his messy uncombed hair. After a few beats, he knocked a two or three times on her door. "Nadia... it's me." Ryan says in a soft voice, taking a few steps back from the door.

It was a cold breeze that hit his body as she opened the door. This was far from the usual welcome they both have become accustom to in recent memory. Once you got them in a room together, it was nearly impossible for them to keep their hands off each other. He caught her faint gaze for a second, it was a heart-wrenching feeling to see. He mentally scorned himself.

While she followed his foot steps into the lounge, in a home that he was already familiar with having spend many nights there when he was in London. He walked with his head down, toying with the idea of he should actually take a seat or not. His mind told him that it was best he should take a seat hoping Nadia followed. "I'm....," he starts, looking over at her as he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry.. about everything. Everything I put you through." Ryan says slowly, bringing his hand to comfort his forehead as he was stricken with a painful headache. It was strange to see how a man so good at talking and communicating, had such trouble getting simple sentences out from his lips at this moment.

He heard her speak, noticing the obvious mistake he had made to start this conversation. He was saying sorry for everything he could imagine apologizing for. His eyes shifted to the floor, hearing her voice get heated. Ryan fought off the urge to reply to her because an argument at this point was just going to make matters much worse. He nodded his head when she said she didn't want to argue, finally the two agreeing with something. Even if it was just that simple fact.

"Nadia... how do you think I felt when I called you, over and over again, but you didn't answer me." he said bringing his eyes back up to look at her. "You never gave me a chance. You believed everything that the media was saying, and what Chantal or whoever else told you about me." He took a moment to pause, and let a sigh escape from his lips, lowering his sight back down to the floor. "I, I never cheated on you..." He said in a near whisper, closing his eyes.

Ryan hated the fact that Chantal was filling her mind with all these things. He obviously knew that she wasn't pleasant of him, much less of the fact that he was dating Nadia. Obviously, it wasn't the first time he was dating a girl and all her friends saw him as a bad boy. With his dating history he accepted that fact, he never saw himself as the ideal boyfriend because he wasn't. All things considered, he was far from it. "I understand that. But you could have called me today. You didn't have to make me go on Twitter so you could notice me and agree to meet me."

He remembered that tweet he had saw Ellie-Grace posted on her Twitter account. That's what broke the story and without thinking twice, everyone was taking shots at him. "We met in the studio, where I'm working on my album," he starts off bringing his eyes up, but not looking directly at her. "I called her label to produce her record, I made the proposal and all parties agreed." Ryan took a short pause, catching his breath, before continuing. "We met a few days later, we talked a lot. About music, about life." He brought his hands down to rub against his legs, nervously, "And.. we kissed. I, if you wanna hear me say it aloud, I didn't sleep with her. I know that doesn't make anything better but that's the popular belief and it didn't happen."

He knew that the fact it was just a kiss between him and Ellie-Grace, didn't make the situation any better. Ryan did not think just because he didn't sleep with her that Nadia was going to rush back into his arms. Not at all. He rubbed his fingers against his temples, his headache only getting worse as he heard her reply.

"I'm an idiot. It was in the moment, we were having a good time, and we kissed.", he rushed the words out of his mouth, not really taking too much time to think before he spoke. "No, no, of course not. Yes, temptation is all around me. And I know.. I know I love women and I love sex too much. I just... it happened. I have no excuse for what occurred between Ellie and I." He rested his face into his hands for a moment, before lowering his hands and looking over at her. "Nadia, I... I still love you so much. My intention has never been to hurt you, but this is me... I'm a guy who... who hurts the people he loves the most. And I don't know why." he paused after every few words, rubbing his neck nervously, trying to keep his composure.

Edited by user 07 August 2011 10:30:30(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Shifting his position, he stood up from the chair and sat next to Nadia on the sofa. It was a sinking feeling he felt in his chest as he saw her eyes well up, and that single tear escape her eye. He couldn't express how much he hated to see her this way, especially when he knew he was the cause of it. He couldn't bring himself to touch her and actually comfort her because it didn't feel right, but at least he felt he was closing the literal gap between them.

He scoffed slightly, shaking his head. "Nadia, I've met the girl once, I've had two conversations with her. I don't love her." He didn't, right? He processed the idea in his mind and he knew for a fact he didn't love Ellie-Grace. If he wanted her was a loaded question. Of course, he found Ellie highly attractive, there was no denying that but he has spent nowhere near as much time with her to toy with the idea. "You wanna know something? I'm scared... I'm terrified. I got scared hearing that you were gonna go on tour for three months. But I, I don't want to lose you." he lets the words roll off his tongue, as he let his eyes meet hers.

Once she rested her head against his shoulder, he almost instantly let his arm travel around her waist. It was comforting for him that they had at least some contact. In all honesty, Ryan should know better. He knew about her whole history with exes hurting her, as well as the breakdown she had when a previous relationship ended and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He never wanted to feel like he was using her.

If anything, he was grateful that with everything that has happened and other things people have told her about him, she still found she could trust him. "I know but I hate this distance between us. I know it's always gonna be like this for us because of our careers. We're perfect when we're together, but whenever we are away from each other things fall apart." he tells her with sorrow in his voice, remembering that distance was a reason for why they broke up last year. "I know, I know," it was strange how she was the one saying that he wasn't going to lose her, when he's the one in hot waters. "Yeah, I heard. I have to try and make it to one of those dates.", he says returning her one of his charming smiles. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "[i]Are you sure about that? I mean I'm probably the most hated man in the industry right now. It's basically as if I burned an ideal. I know all your friends hate me. Why would you want to be with a guy like me?"

Ryan smiled down at her, laughing softly at her comment. "Well if you only give me those two options, I'll stick with you." Moments like these were ones that reminded him why exactly he loved being with this woman. Distance was always going to be a problem no matter who he would date. Just these next few months he too had some unannounced touring plans as well as promotional stops for his upcoming album.

He found her remarks loving and heartwarming. It was special to him that despite his constant fuck ups, she was still able to love him. "Well I think I might love you even more right now, for the fact that you're sticking by me," he smiled warmly down at her. "Yes, I agree, mostly me. I have to grow up a little more I guess. And you know, don't kiss pretty country girls, and stick with my beautiful popstar girl." He chuckled lightly, clutching his grip around her waist in a reassuring matter. "I know how you feel babe, he sighed after her. He could just envision all the headlines that would be made out of their decision to stick it out together. "I still think I might take Katie Coyle on her offer and go away for a little bit. Everyone knows I can't go back to Los Angeles right now. I need a breather." he says calmly, looking down into her eyes. "I love you and I don't care if the whole world turns against me. If you're still with me, I'll find a way to look past it all."

The moment she kissed him passionately on the lips, was the point where all doubts he may have thought she had, were all but gone now. Perhaps this wasn't even the most difficult part of their relationship yet. Maybe in these next few months when they were going to be in opposite continents most of the time, their relationship might reach another boiling point as it did last year, and become too much of a hassle to balance with their careers.

He laughed along at her comment about them looking like hot messes at the Chaos Awards. "That's impossible babe. You're too beautiful to ever look like a hot mess." He smiled as he returned to kiss her lips, rubbing a hand on her back. "I'll stay here. If you want I can sleep on the couch," he told her with a small chuckle, gently tracing his hand along her leg. "I was meaning to ask you; that song that I heard was removed from the new GirlSpice record, that one was the one that was about me or us, right?"

One could say that Ryan has always had the ability to charm women. Outside from singing and playing guitar, that was one of his better known talents. In this occasion he didn't feel as though he had done any charming, he was just being honest with Nadia and all that had happened and how he felt about her.

"Oh thank god," he sighed sarcastically, before letting out a soft laugh. "It's been three weeks. I need some kind of sexual connection before I explode." he laughed along his comment. He listened to her explain the whole situation around the song that the rest of GirlSpice removed from their album. It was understandable, he was in a band before so he knew how everything worked. He nodded and smirked, "Yeah, I know Nadia. Hopefully sooner than later because you're gonna hear a song in less than twenty-four hours, that may or may not be about you." He flashed her a teasing smile before he swayed her body so she was sitting on top of him. "I like that you went back to the blonde, you look lovely," he tells her in a soft voice bringing his hand to remove a few of her hairs that were on her face.