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K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. official site


K.ETTLECHIP SMASH
lead vocals, crap guitar

Kettlechip (aka. Kaethe Grietje Jenkins) started K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. in late 2005, after a fallout with her main band Moronic Changeling. She thought that MC was far too serious for her (considering this was "Fruitilicious" era Moronic Changeling, that's saying something), and she wanted something more fun and happy. Alongside her daughter, some friends and some random people, she created an eight-piece band which was apparently thrash metal, though this may have been a Spoonerism. However, their hyperactive craziness and just plain being different gave them a comfortable spot on the metal scene for a number of years. (Weird as it seems, there were fans who could listen to their debut single "Mashed Potato", all 20 minutes of it, all the way through without switching off or dying. Not very many, granted, but there were a few.)

Kettlechip is the oldest member of the band at a spritely 41, half-German half-Dutch, mother of a six-year-old son, and part of the highly respected (and rolling in money) van Mouschi dynasty. She's not good at learning things - for example, the English language, and guitar - she's been playing for over 20 years and still doesn't know how to play a B chord, but insists that she's freaking awesome at it. Born abilities are a different matter - Kettlechip has a stunning, unique voice with an excellent range. She is a kind and friendly woman who wouldn't hurt a fly unless it hurt her, or insulted mashed potato. Yes, mashed potato addiction to the point of insanity is possible, and this woman is proof. Her name Kaethe and she like mashed potato.


I.NGRID KOCH
mandolin, screaming

Ingrid Koch (yes, that is her real name) was the third to join the band, after Kaethe and Kaeli. She is 27, German (but speaks competent English), and was Kaeli van Mouschi's best friend since they were children. The original plan was that Ingrid would learn to play bass guitar, but her talent as a mandolin player was too good to pass up, despite mandolins in thrash metal bands not making sense. Her playing is very good, but inconsistent - Ingrid tends to play as her mood takes her, rather than making it match up to what the rest of the band is playing. She isn't actually meant to be a vocalist, but she screams on some songs because she feels like it.

Outside of music, Ingrid is known for her flaming red hair, love of tattoos, and two semifamous couplings. She brought her long-term girlfriend, Kade Falls, into the band as lead guitarist in 2009, but since they split up, Kade has decided not to return and we could not respect this decision more. She also had a short affair with Stacy Blitz of the Madbirds masonry. Don't worry guys, she swings both ways - but she's a hard one to handle. Her nickname is "Miss Pissed Off". Why she's pissed off, we don't know. She just is.


C.ATRIONA COMATOSE
flugelhorn

One day, Kettlechip was somewhere in Scotland. She can't remember why she was there in the first place, just got lost on the way to Bristol or something, but anyway. She saw a busker on the street, playing of all things, a flugelhorn. If there was a big market for solo flugelhorn players in popular music, surely Catriona Bottom (as she was then) would have topped the charts, but there isn't much room for it. However, in K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E., there's room for anything. Ketz picked up the messy street musician and told her that she would be joining the band. Cat seemed pretty happy with this. Cat told her about her life - she made money busking by day, prostituting by night, to bring home cash to feed her two younger sisters. K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. essentially saved this family's life, and brought out a great talent - to be able to play thrash metal songs on the flugelhorn is hard enough, let alone play them well!

Catriona, 35, is the best-known original member of the band apart from Kettlechip. Mainly because her baby sister is Kamikaze Kate, but aside from that, she didn't choose a life as a prostitute just for the money. She's a total slut, and throws herself at any man she can get her hands on - however, her main fixation was with fAthOm. She went on the reality TV show "Big Member" and famously had sex with lead vocalist Syke. She found out that she was pregnant soon after. The baby wasn't Syke's, but his bandmate Jason "Comatose" Robbins'. Still, she named the girl, who is now two years old, Skye after him. In 2009, Cat married Jason, during the fourth Madcore Tour. Since Jason's death, Catriona has reverted to her slutty ways. She wants you.


K.ATHLEEN KERRY
backing vocals, rhythm guitar, second bass

Now, the new second K. in K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. needs no introduction - but being as everyone else gets a couple of paragraphs, it's only fair that she gets something. Kathleen Kerry, otherwise known as "Kamikaze Kate", started her career as a black metal vocalist/guitarist at the age of 11, with the help of K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E., their management and Moronic Changeling's Nick Biggs. Kathleen is very determined, and a hard worker if there ever was one, with talents in art and promotion as well as music. She wanted to get her name out there. Her debut album "Lower Ratings = Better Songs" was a total flop, sophomore effort "AK-47" only doing slightly better, but it was because she did so badly that she was so popular. Her third album, "Kathleen Kerry", which was more mainstream than the bitchy black metal she was used to, sold fairly well. Kamikaze Kate is definitely a household name! Totally up there with the cleaning products.

After creating "the Madbirds masons", a band which seems to split up and get back together again every five minutes, Kathleen searched for a more stable metal band situation - hopefully, being the second K. in a band with her big sister (and don't they look alike!?) will provide this for her. She may be only backing on record, but on stage, she has a presence which definitely takes the lead. Her and Kettlechip together will be a show to watch! Outside of music, Kathleen is known for - well, lots of things, she's done more at 17 than most people do in their entire lives. Could this be the best K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. line-up yet - or is there no second K. but Kaeli van Mouschi?


A.NDREW LUCAS
church organ, piano, keyboard

Aaaaandrew Lucas (it's a band in-joke - when he introduced himself, he lengthened the first syllable of his name for about 10 seconds and sent the six people in front of him into hysterics, and they never say it any other way) was the seventh to join, and the only remaining member directly brought into the band by Rekordfirma van Mouschi. He played piano and keyboard parts on "The Stupid Album" and "Silver Mother", but around the time of the recording of "Thrashed Potato", he saw an organ in a church and decided that he wanted to play it. (Dark Blue Music can't say which church it was, in case they come after us for stealing it.) Ever since, he's never really felt quite as comfortable playing anything else.

Andrew has long been known as the lazy one. He can't play a show unless he has a nap straight before and straight after (and occasionally, like many of us, falls asleep during "Mashed Potato"). There are cats who sleep less. He prefers to keep away from the limelight, avoiding all the parties, and despite being 23, has never had a girlfriend. "I'm not interested in all that, too much work," he says. "I just want to play music." He claims that his permanent bowl-cut hair keeps all his musical ability inside his head. "I know I'm never gonna be the most famous in the world," he says, "but I hope that some pianist somewhere thinks I'm good enough to name his penis after me." We're sure they have, Andrew.


R.ANDOLPH SNOWINGTON
bass guitar

Randolph, hailing from New Zealand, was the first male to join the band. He was playing some NZ Gay Pride gig backing pop legend Emma Blunt, a few other RvM artists were there including Kettlechip, Ingrid and Kaeli, and the girls snapped him up straight away. They liked both his talent on the bass, and as a showman - Randolph is a great bassist, but he's even better at dancing. When he isn't strumming during a gig, he treats his bass as his dance partner, wowing the audience. And plenty of men have admitted to wishing that they could be that five-stringer.

You know that guy who's REALLY camp? You know, the guy who almost makes James from Team Rocket look straight? That's Randolph. He was no straight ally at the gay pride gig, he's at least 100% homosexual and proud of it. He talks with a lisp, he uses the limp wrist, he's just so stereotypically camp that it's untrue. He is also 23 and best buds with Andrew, the two are joined at the hip, but they constantly deny that they're a couple, despite it really looking like that. Randolph is also the most talkative male of the band, and probably the most sensible band member. (That's not saying much, but there you go.)


S.EXY PETE
lead guitar

After the departure of Saul Saxon, original guitarist, there was a casting call for a new one. This coincided with the breakup of Joshy Firecracker's side project, Kersenplukken - something which Kettlechip took a great interest in. Joshy's older brother, made redundant by this, was quickly snapped up by K.I.C.K.A.R.S.E. to replace Saul. He said that he would join under the moniker "Sexy Pete". That's not his name (his name obviously isn't Sexy, and it isn't Pete either), but Kettlechip Smash and Catriona Comatose aren't real names, so hey, why not?

Sexy Pete is 25, plays guitar, and plays it well - he's also, as his name suggests, sexy. He believes that he's God's gift to women, and won't be discouraged. He thinks of his brother as a lesser being than him because he made so much of his career through reality TV, while Sexy started his career by .... sponging off his reality TV star brother!? Oh, never mind, at least he's a REAL musician, Joshy! Sexy may be the newest band member, but watch out for this Firecracker, it's clear that he doesn't know his place.


E.D MONKEY
drums

This isn't much of a bio, but only because we have no idea who this dude is. Neither does the rest of the band. We don't think even he does. He's a man in a gorilla suit who plays drums, who wrote down at some point that his name is Ed Monkey. He only ever says (well, shouts) one thing ....

"I'M A MONKEY! I GO MOO!"

FORMER MEMBERS
Kaeli van Mouschi (2005-2007)
Katen van Mouschi (2007-2009)
Kathy Mason (2009, touring only)
Karenna Reyes (2009, touring only)
Kade Falls (2009-2011)
Saul Saxon (2005-2011)

DISCOGRAPHY

The Stupid Album (2006, Rekordfirma van Mouschi)
Silver Mother (2007, Rekordfirma van Mouschi)
Thrashed Potato (2008, Barbarian Records & theKiRSTYcollective)

in loving memory of

kaeli van mouschi. katen van mouschi.