Getting To Know ... ERICA HESS!!!
Recording or Performing Live?Both have their good points.but I'm going to go with live.nobody buys me drinks in the studio,and i like free drinks. For those interested,I'll drink anything except tequila.that shit is nasty.
Morning or Evening?morning.but like,really early morning.the hours where everything is covered in dew,and bathed in orange from the street lights.it feels so desolate,yet really fans the creativity furnace.
What is your worst habit?Being terminally cute? *giggles* some people say i have a bad habit of taking joy in making people feel uncomfortable......prudes.
What is your favourite song of the moment?Aqua's "barbie girl". It has an amazing ability to drive people crazy.i like to visit bars and dump a hundred bucks into the jukebox and play nothing but "barbie girl"...and watch the chaos unfold.
What is your favourite song of all time?"Identity", by xray spex. I dig poly styrene. She had a voice that could shatter steel,but yet it sounded so sweet. I played the hell out of this song when i was a kid. I'm sure my parents and neighbors know the lyrics as well as i.
What is your favourite musician/band?Dead Kennedy's. They were perfect.the sound,the lyrics...everything. they were political without being preachy or boring. Humor is very important to good punk rock. You take things too seriously,and you get crass or skrewdriver. Nazis are Nazis no matter what side of the political spectrum they are on.
What is your favourite movie?"Lone wolf and cub: sword of vengeance". Who doesn't like samurai films? This is sorta like the "goodfellas" to "the seven samurai"'s "godfather". Both are great films,but one is a tad more epic and less gory. "Sword of vengeance" delivers blood by the bucketful. Go see it.now.
What would be your perfect day?I'd like to start off the day with the ol' wake and bake. People who don't smoke weed really don't know what they are missing. Seriously, smoke out and drink a milkshake. That will be the tastiest milkshake you will ever have......now i want a milkshake... Follow that with some good old fashioned board games.i fucking love "monoply" and "clue". Then some swimming would be in order. I love being in the water, until the thought of people peeing in the pool grosses me out. I dint care how much water vs pee the ratio is. Would you eat a chocolate bar with a wee bit of poo on it? I didn't think so. Then would come a shower,some romping in the bedroom,then a hot bath. People who don't shower after....you know,are just gross. Some more board games and a dinner of fettuccine Alfredo.
What is your best memory of your childhood?Stealing the driver's ed teacher's coffee thermos and finding out it had a good portion of brandy mixed in. On a more family oriented memory,just my parents period. They have always been super supportive of me and what I've done.
Tell us something nobody else knows about you?Um..as teenagers,Nina sangria and i practiced kissing with each other..oh,and i can complete grand theft auto: vice city without dying once. The first one is more interesting,but the second one is more impressive.
If you could date anyone in the music industry, who would it be?Well as you know,i prefer the company of women,so...here goes: Katie coyle,Nadia berry,Stephanie fierce (now that she has hair again.) Abie lena, lily,Erica Hess..what? I hear she is cute and very limber..oh,and Layla,the hot one.not the really young one. I'd be up for some drinks and a round of clue with any two of these girls. That isn't a euphanisim. Clue requires at least 3 players.
What would be your 3 wishes?1.constipation vision.it's like superman's heat vision,but way more useful for everyday vengeance.
2. Diarrhea vision. For those times i want instant vengeance on people.
3. To save the whales. See? I'm not just a vindictive bitch.i care about whales too. Though i seriously doubt whales would give two shit about us if the roles were reveresed. There would be whales puttering about in human blubber fueled cars,human bone corsets,you name it. On second thought,fuck those whales. I wish for a grilled cheese sandwhich and a trip to seaworld. I want to sit beside Shamus's tank and eat my sandwhich.I'd taunt shamu with the fact i could have saved her race,but i wasted my wish on a common grilled cheese...then I'd use my diarrhea vision on shamu to further ruin her day. Damn dirty whales trying to potentially harvest the human race.
Would you rather have worldwide success or true love?Love.the realist part of me wants to say success,but look at Chris farley.he had success and died in the company of a hooker who left him to die alone. I don't want that to be me.either Chris,or having to have sex for money...or paying for sex.
What do you think happens when we die?Our heart stops beating,duh. In a more metaphysical sense,i think we travel to a plane of existence where everyone is naked and constantly having sex.the pornos would feature formally clothed people doing mundane tasks like taxes,checking the mail,washing dishes. The whores of the world would look like Eleanor Roosevelt ,and a hand shake would be considered the filthiest act a person could do. In this world,people would actually buy those terrible archie comics! This is why i never want to die..ARCHIE?!?! No.
What are your 5 life goals?1. To be on the news,and get asked "so what did the tornado sound like?" To which i would reply: "your mom!"
2. Make this sorry ass world a little more fun for everyone...
3. To snort coke with an actual nun.
4. Rid the world of morning radio shows.
5.
Ooc: seriously do not click this if you get offended easily,or are unfamiliar with what the "aristocrats joke" is.
OK,this family walks into a talent agent's office. The agent says " look,family acts went out in the 70's.sorry.",without looking up from his work. "OK,but at least check us out." The father replies.then punches his youngest son right in the teeth. Blood and teeth spatter against the wall. One of the kid's molars lands right in the talent agent's glass of whiskey. The sudden violence scares the shit out of the daughter. A stream of yellow brown liquid spreads from the rear of her pants.the mother shoves the daughter over the agent's desk stapling her ears to it,while the now toothless son starts using the cooling fecal matter to paint his face like gene Simmons.he then starts,fucking his sister,while singing "Detroit rock city".
This gets mom hot and bothered,so she starts blowing the dad. The family dog starts nibbling the mother's bare bottom,when the mother swats at the dog,the dog deftly dodges and bites the father on the crotch. The dog fiercely shakes it's head until the father's balls rip loose.
The son stops fucking his sister and gets on all fours,he and the dog start playing tug of war with his dad's disembodied balls. To startle the dog,the mom starts fisting the dog....a Pomeranian. The dog howls with pain and attempts to run away,but is stuck on the mother's arm. The son ends up swallowing the balls when the dog suddenly let go.
Enraged,the father starts sodomizing the daughter with one of the agent's golf clubs.the sand wedge to be exact...and he isn't using the handle. The mother,petrified at the thought of her husband being a eunuch,starts punching the son in the stomach.with the yelping dog still on her hand.
Finally the son vomits up one of the testicles. But no matter how many times the mother hits him,he will not bring up the other. The dog's howling has gotten to the point here nobody can tolerate it any longer. The boy stuffs an m80 in the poor dogs mouth and lights it. A muffled explosion is heard and bits of dog and hand go everwhere.
Angered over the death of her dog,the mother starts stabbing her son in the eyes with the protruding bones of her arm. Blinded,the kid starts running around the room until he runs into a wall.the daughter fights of her dad,pulls the golf club out of her ass,and starts beating her brother to death with it. She pours the agent's glass of whiskey on herself,and sets it on fire. The mother and father turn to the talent agent and take a bow.
Speechless,the talent agent asks," well...what do you call yourselves?"
the mother,father,and daughter say,"THE ARISTOCRATS!!"
. Done.Tell the aristocrats joke in an interview.
