Chapter Twenty-Eight: Infarction and Annihilation

The time in a hospital after a heart attack is uncomfortable for anyone. I've heard that everyone goes through the same stages of progression. Apparently there is the first period, which is one of disappointment in yourself and the things you did or didn't do to prevent the attack. The second is one of anger as you find yourself helpless as doctors and family flock to you to make sure that you aren't going to kick the ever half empty bucket. The third is the acceptance and readiness to move on in your life. I guess I skipped the first two this time however, as I had already experienced them before. I refused to let myself go through all of that again, so I just accepted it as quickly as possible and waited to leave the damn hospital.

The guys were all wondering what was going to happen with the band and the massive tour we were planning. Joey was wondering about Stephanie and her letter. I tried to keep them all in the dark when it came to answers. Not because I wanted to spite them or anything ridiculous like that. I simply did not have answers to their questions, not to mention the questions I was asking myself. So they continued asking, and I continued changing the subject. But I knew there was a reckoning coming, and the guys deserved it. One fine afternoon, they all entered my room. It wasn't long before I was to be let out, so they took their chance.

"Boys. I know why you are here." I smiled.

"Listen, boss...we know you need to think about your family and health first. So if the band is out of the question, then let us know so we can move on with our careers man." Randy was always kind of left handed in his kindness. But a great guy.

"I know Rand, and I owe you that much. I must admit to having given it a lot of thought. I'm told that a "tour" of any kind is simply out of the question. However, I have asked what the doctors would think of one last gig...would you all be interested in that?"

They all looked at each other and nodded. I smiled and we all chit-chatted for the rest of the visiting hours. They left and I lay in my bed trying to sleep. I was thinking about something silly, I can't remember what it was now. I remember a guitar and a stage. I was alone, I don't know. I was probably just dreaming and thought I was awake. Either way, I felt sort of odd about this idea of one last gig. I knew it would have to be as perfect as a gig as possible. I just couldn't think of an event that deserved such an occasion. Then it hit me.

Total Annihilation.

On a quick side note, I always preferred to tell people that I had an "infarction" over saying "heart attack". I just thought it was funny to see their faces as they tried to figure out what an infarction is.

Edited by user 07 December 2011 00:13:53(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

OOC: Lol, I heard it on t.v. and had to use it somehow.

OOC: I've been neglecting this for a while, as I've been working some important stuff out. But I'll get back to it soon. ;)

Chapter Thirty-One: Baron

The marks on my calender were slowly creeping towards Total Annihilation. I was excited, and not anywhere near as unhappy as I thought I would be. Things were just far too peaceful in the days leading up to it. Everyone was smiling when I spoke to them, and Robert was giving me regular updates on his life with his wife and how the pregnancy was going. I enjoyed that we were speaking again; I had almost forgotten how cool of a guy Robbie was and how good of a person he truly was. The guys were all talking about their plans for after the band, and I was too. It was just a truly great time, and considering the horribleness of the event at Stephanie's home...well, I was glad that things were running smoothly and on course.

I knew that I couldn't escape it though, I was a father after all. I considered waiting until Stephanie contacted me and ordered me to clean things up like she so rightfully usually did. But a few weeks after Robert's announcement, I decided I would have to clean this up myself. If she would let me. So, I called her one Monday morning. She answered quietly and not unkindly.

"John, hello." she said.

"Stephanie...I have some news."

"Really? Good news I hope." she spoke shockingly happily.

"Yes, it really is. Stephanie, Robert visited me the other day...well a few weeks ago actually. He's gotten married, and his wife is pregnant." She had always like Robert, together they were the reason I broke myself off of drugs in the first place.

"That's great John. I'm glad he is happy and that you're speaking again."

"Yea, it's great...he's made me godfather...of the baby."

"Really?" She said this slowly.

"Sure did. I made sure that he was positive first...I know that I haven't been all that trustworthy on those sort of things..."

"Johnny..."

"...but things are going to change now Stephanie. I know it this time, but I'm not going to say it anymore...my words are empty. I know that, but I promise you that my actions will prove true."

"I believe you John....I really do. I have to go now, okay?"

"Alright...watch me Steph...things will be different now." I was happy and I hung up thinking she was too.

The next day Robert called me and told me that I should get to the hospital as soon as possible. My godson was soon to be born. I rushed to them and prepared myself for the birth. They would be in the room alone when it happened, but I would be alerted as soon as it was okay for visitors. I sat in the waiting room and smiled at the roof for much of the time that I was there. A few people gave me odd looks and some pointed and whispered my name. I began thinking of my career and my life. That's when I started thinking about that damn hospital. I whispered aloud, "My God...have I really been in this place that many times?" I no longer remember the count, but at the time there had already been quite a few visits. There have been more since.

They called me into the room close to three-o-clock and I shed a single tear when I saw that baby laying in his mothers arms. Robert hugged me and together we walked over to the bed. We both knelt down and the baby grabbed an index finger from each of us. It startled me a bit because he looked like he was sleeping. Robert was crying, and smiling. I was too.

"He's perfect Robbie...congratulations."

"Johnny...this kid is going to be something really great...I know it."

"I'm sure he will be Robb, just like his father." I winked at him.

"Ha ha, and you'll be there to help him be great...if you still agree of course?" he asked and looked at me. Looking back, I remember something odd in his eyes...some odd expression. Maybe I'm just adding things to my own memory...

"Of course. It would be an honor." I smiled and we hugged again as the baby opened his eyes. Robert looked at him and put his hand on the boys head.

"Baron..." he said.

OOC: I don't care what anyone says, this is my favorite RP right now lol. I've not found anything else that I've read for so long and it still interests me :]

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Great Gig That Ended It All

Watching the other acts play has always entertained me at festivals. I like watching the younger guys give it their all as I once did, and confirm my faith in the ultimate survival of good music. I also like to watch the guys who have been at it as long as I have, and see that like us; they still have the drive to go. So, Total Annihilation that year was no different. I got to see the acts that would succeed me, and a few that preceded me. I wish I could remember who really got into my mind and rocked the place, but it has been a few too many years since then. Needless to say, they all gave it their all. It was a great show.

But then it was our turn. We had all been praying and doing our usual preparing rituals for the minutes leading up to the word from the stage manager. But when he walked through the door, we all had a slight chill run down our backs. I had not performed in front of an audience for a while, and that just made me all the more nervous. With every sign pointing to this being my last live show ever, we all were shaking as we walked up to the curtain to await our name being called out. I looked at all of the guys, Randy to Gary, and then to Joey.

"How are we Joey?" I asked.

"Good."

"What do we do after this is over?" I asked a bit more urgently as the announcer began his intro.

"Like you say John...we keep on rocking...just in a different way now." He smiled.

We stepped through together and found ourselves staring at a crowd that had already seen many of the best. Now it was our turn to prove ourselves worthy of being with them. I walked to the mic with one hand raised and pointing at Heaven. I looked out and saw faces I had known, long before. My parents were in the audience, though they had passed away. My cousins and friends, people I had not actually seen in years. I saw them all in that crowd, though none of them were there. Each person looked at me with a smile on their face and raised their arms with me.

"How are you guys?" I asked as the applause died down a bit. As usual, that brought the cheers back to life. I turned to the guys as they all waited for my signal. I caught eye contact with Joey and smiled, then to Gary. I nodded and he began the count.

"1..2...3..4!" and we were off.

We opened with Too Tough, the hit that made us famous. It was an old song and some could argue it was getting tired, but the crowd popped when I began my first line of lyrics. I knelt down on the edge of the stage and shook some hands, hands that I had held before...briefly.

I looked out as so many familiar faces bounced in and out of my memory, some of them blurred with the crowd, and that made me confused. But I kept singing.

"When the goings gone and it gets rough, remember me and what was much too tough..." I was thinking too myself about our history. These lyrics are so primitive, I can't believe I could ever write this...silly things like that. I walked over to Randy as I always did when he began the guitar solo. I mimicked his facial expressions as he played, which caused the crowd to scream and cheer. Finally, the first song was over, and I wasn't dead.

I stepped up to the mic stand at the front of the stage again and smiled a slow smile and took in the sounds of the arena.

"You guys are crazy!" I said as I shook my sweaty hair out of my face. The lights were a bit too hot, a bit too bright for my tastes. "These lights are too damn hot, hey turn these down you bastards I want to see the people out there tonight." The lights came down. I didn't usually curse in my show, but I was having fun.

"This next song..is a road song I guess. You know that feeling when you know you're almost to where you're going but you think you might have missed your turn? That's what this song is about. Go Randy!"

He began the opening riff and we continued into The Long Road Home. Another staple of our live shows that I had grown close too. It was a decent song, one I had written when I was young and a bit tired of the routine of touring. I stood on an amp towards the left edge of the stage and looked up at the sky...or was it rafters? Sometimes you can confuse the two. I looked down at the guys behind me and smiled as they rocked their parts.

The song came to an end and I looked out at an audience that was enjoying themselves. That made me happy, and so I felt a bit sad to continue with my next sentence.

"This next song...ladies and gentlemen...will be the last song that The Rockers perform as a group...it's one you have never heard before too. It's..." They started cheering too loudly for me to continue. I shed a tear or two and had to step away from the mic. Joey met me in the middle of the stage and hugged me. The audience cheered, but all I could hear was Joey whispering in my ear.

"This isn't the end John. Not of everything." I met his stare and grinned as Helle popped into my minds eye.

"It's called Where Does it End."

That song was powerful. I was singing about the family that I had given up and where I had been lost for a while. I even mentioned my relapse, though some critics never picked up on it. The audience came alive as I raised my fist and Randy broke into his solo. It was the best he had ever written. He knew it too because he really put his soul into it that night. I felt high through every second of the song. When it ended the lights went out and the stage was dark. I met the guys and we huddled in the center of the stage.

"Thank you." I said as I broke into more tears. They all nodded and left the stage. The lights came back on and I had to face the audience alone. One cold blue light shone down on me and I walked to the mic.

"You people have been all I ever let myself love. You have given me support and returned my love to me, for that I thank you...I've given up a lot for the music...but now I have more important things...I want to leave you with a song that had meant a lot to me...and the words remind me of whats really important."

It was then that I saw her. Stephanie Fierce was standing off the front of the stage watching me, crying. I looked at her and smiled.

"For those I have hurt...I'm sorry..." She nodded and mouthed a "thank you"

The band came back to the stage and we played Hallelujah as Stephanie watched. That feeling was miraculous...Hallelujah indeed.



OOC: I had edited this video to say The Rockers, but I deleted it since TA4. Here is the Bon Jovi video, it's how I picture The Rockers doing it completely though, and makes for a fitting end.

Edited by user 11 January 2012 15:38:51(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

OOC: It was a bit hard to write as well, as I had Hallelujah playing the whole time. But I think this chapter was actually the easiest as far as getting it to flow creatively. It worked well and I'm glad you agreed with Stephanie's part to play.

It's not over yet though. I've still got quite a bit of life to go through.

OOC: That's fine, I can see how you could think that. If I was smart, I would end it here, because the next part will be sort of different. But I promised to take this story to the end, and so I am going too.

Chapter Thirty-Four: After Annihilating

I knew the show had been special. I knew we had done everything right, and I knew that I would be heading into some great times regardless of my leave from performing live. I walked off the stage as the lights went out and felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Not since my wedding to Stephanie. I felt; calm. If there is anything I can advise people on, it is to never take for granted the calm moments in life. There are less than you think, and they give you a time to sit back and look at life and how precious it is.

When I began heading to the dressing rooms, I saw Stephanie leaving through a side door. I wanted to stop her and talk very badly, but ultimately I knew that I had to let her leave. My one apology and a mouthed "sorry" were not going to be enough to fix everything. Even if there was a new calm between our storms, I still had a lot of work to do. So, I decided to just enjoy the calm as it stood, and met the guys in the backstage room that would be our last dressing area. They were all sitting on a couch and eating pizza. I had to avoid the pizza, but I did take my place on the couch beside my friends. My brothers.

"Well then..." Joey said softly when the talk died down.

"We finally got to the end." I said. "It's been a long time and this ship has been cruising along diligently." I put on my most philosophical voice and continued, "We now move into the second stage of life, the times of joy and happiness lie in front of us."

They laughed and Joey smiled at me, "Where did that come from? Some author?"

I grinned, "Probably...but none that I've ever read."

We spent about an hour or so eating the pizza and talking before we felt the need to leave. It had been a great night, but I still felt more than a little sad to turn out those lights and close the dressing room door. I walked out of the building and loaded my bags, then boarded the tour bus that would carry me to my hotel in England. I then sat and watched as the building that had rose over the horizon, sink below the moon. It was the setting of my sun. I was moving into a new daylight.

I arrived home a few days later. It was good to be in my own house and feel that sense of comfort that only your own can bring. It was empty, as it had been since Stephanie left. But I did find a few messages on my home answering machine. I walked over and clicked play...

Robert's voice came out through the speakers, "Hey John, just wanted to let you know I caught the show on pay-per-view. You let it go gracefully, and they had a great camera shot of you and Stephanie exchanging glances....that's great. Hey listen, I would like to bring Baron over some time to visit you. He's growing fast, and looks just like me. Haha, or so his mommy says. See ya John."

I enjoyed the message, and did indeed want to see Baron and Robert again. I listened on.

Stephanie's voice...already? "Hey John...er...well I just wanted to let you know that me and Helle will be over on Saturday to see you. I think it will be good for you and her. Bye."

I smiled. I picked up the phone and called Robert.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Robbie! It's John. I think Saturday will be a good time to bring Baron over, what do you think?"

"Uh...sure. We'll be there."

I hung up and smiled. My godson, and my daughter would be here together. My best friend, and my closest love would be here as well. Good things were to come on Saturday. Or so I thought...I wish now more than anything that I had invited Rob and Baron over on another day. What happened was not directly my fault, but there is always a feeling that when something happens, you could have done something to prevent it. I would only find myself feeling helpless again...and in a hospital again.

OOC: Lol, I'm working on it! :)