erich hess involuntrarily committed
stock photo
file this under "news we saw coming a mile away". famed "musician" and minor tv personality,erich hess has officially been deemed : a danger to himself and others. he is currently spending two weeks with those nice men in the clean white coats.
this stemmed from hess' early monday morning joy ride in a stolen golf cart. he was seen zipping down
south beach streets,colliding with several parked cars,doing (very slow) donuts in the center of vital intersections,and generally being a nuisance.
officer kaplun,of the miami beach police dept comments," i've been doing this for twenty years and every time i think nothing surprises me...something like this happens. i pursued mr hess for a short time until it was clear he had no intentions of stopping. eventually,the subject's vehicle struck a curb and toppled over.hess then emerges in what can only be described as a spacesuit made from cardboard and duct tape. he then starts yelling "john glenn ****ing plays through!" ,over and over. i subdued him without incident and brought him in."
it is unclear if erich hess was under the influence of any drugs.it is safe to say he was,have you ever seen erich hess sober? according to the police report,no drugs were found on erich or in his golf cart.however, he was carrying : $4.50,a small mr t figurine,6 "marital aides" contained on a bandolier,and a book of dirty limmericks.