Title: Trying, Crying, Smiling And Dying
Released: May 13, 2012
Format: Digital Download, CD Single
Recorded: Capitol Studios, Los Angeles, California
Genre: Alternative Rock, Rock, Emo
Length: 7:38
Label: Nomad Records!
Writer: Amy Meyer, Jason Greenberg, Justin Mullen, Adam Benjamin
Producer: Riot! In The Boulevard, Giovanni Rose

‘Trying, Crying, Smiling And Dying’ is the first single from Riot! In The Boulevard’s sophomore album ‘Cradle To The Grave’ Written by Amy Meyer, Jason Greenberg, Justin Mullen and Adam Benjamin in December 2011, each member of the band with the exception of drummer Nathan Mullen took part in the writing process of the song, at 7:38 in length, it’s the longest track from the album and certainly a surprising choice as lead single from the album. It’s a dark song which ties into the primary theme of the album, according to Amy, “Going into the recording process for the album I always knew that I wanted something a little darker this time around and I wanted to write that one song that could cut to the core and really take you the journey of a lost soul of sorts, I just wanted to do something that challenged me as a songwriter” It’s the young rock band’s fifth official single and follows on from previously successful efforts including, ‘Sweet Little Fantasy’s’, ‘All The Non Believers’ and ‘Long Distance Conversations’ and is set to be released on May 13, 2012.

Song Description
A soft melancholic piano introduction from Amy Meyer opens the song with an eerie feel to it and it plays right the way through the whole song which relates to the darker subject matter of the song, it’s an extended introduction that lasts just over half a minute, quickly followed by the powerful beat of the drums as Amy starts singing the first verse of the song with an emotional vocal, the other instruments are nowhere to be heard until the third verse when a guitar chord is struck and the music becomes more dramatic and powerful, the combination of the other instruments in full swing add to the feel of the song as it mixes emotion and power together, perfectly complementing the dark and eerie nature of the lyrics, an electric guitar solo midway through the song by Justin Mullen adds to the dramatic spectacle and give the opportunity for someone other than Amy to take the limelight for a short while, the power of the song is quite clear but things soften after that and we go back to hearing just the piano, drums and vocals for the rest of the song which puts emphasis on the emotion of the song’s lyrics, Amy’s vocals are as clear as ever, filled with emotion and sadness as she takes on the feelings of the character in the song, which provides this seven minute track with everything that it needs for it to work. The song closes out with the soft emotional vocals and a relatively quiet drum beat from drummer Nathan Mullen.

Music Video



Songwriter’s Comments
“Anybody in the music industry will tell you that singles can become a very important part to what you do and the kind of success that you have often comes off of the back of singles and so making the right choice on which songs you decide to release as a single is often a very important decision, I think we’ve been very lucky as a band since breaking out into the industry around March 2011, we put out a debut single called ‘Sweet Little Fantasy’s’ and the way we approach a lot of songs that we wrote was to create something catchy and a lot of what we created for our debut album was pretty much tailor-made for radio. With the second album, we really looked at ourselves and we came to the decision that we don’t want the focus to be on the singles but instead on the full work that we put into the album. We considered not releasing any singles from our second album in order to move as far from our debut album as possible but after talking about it we all decided that we wanted to at least showcase one or two of the songs from our sophomore album and therefore we started to consider certain songs for release as a single.

The decision was made to release ‘Trying, Crying, Smiling And Dying’ as the lead single from the album, not because it’s a seven minute long song and we wanted to be self-indulgent but because we all felt that it was our favourite song from the album, it had a very strong emotional meaning that each of us became attached to and it showcased the theme of the album better than any of the other songs in our opinion and also the fact that it was written together with each member of the band having an input into the lyrics with the exception of Nathan who has always distanced himself from the songwriting process, we felt that it’s quite clear that I write the majority of the bands lyrics and we wanted the opportunity to show that we are a band together and that although I may get looked at as the focal point of the group not only as lead singer but as the primary songwriter it is still very much a group situation, we make decisions together and we do write songs together sometimes and this is one of those songs that we’ve written together and it’s a song that we all felt really pleased with when we took a step back and listened to it fully for the first time. We all connected with the theme of the song and growing up together as close friends particularly in highschool I can tell you that we’ve all went through some really difficult times emotionally, of course not to the extent of the character in the song but we’ve certainly all had our own share of darkness and I think that was pushed to the forefront of our minds when we sat together and wrote this track. So there you have it, the lead single from our sophomore album, ‘Trying, Crying, Smiling And Dying’.
- Amy Meyer

Lyrics
What are we really here for?
Is it for love or some higher power
So what is the real meaning of existence
When I’m all alone at this ungodly hour
Well there’s this time bomb ticking inside my head
It’s telling me that I’d be better off dead
I’m thinking of jumping and I wonder if anyone will care
But I’ll be fine because I know
I’ll be closer to the clouds up there

So when those dark thoughts start creeping up on me
I look around my soul and see that it’s empty
There’s nothing more to live for in this world so cold
I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to grow old
They say it’s better to burn out than fade away
I know that it’s selfish but I can’t take another day
Of feeling so empty and left alone with my thoughts
I’ll take a gun and hold it to my throat

So I’ll just close my eyes and I’ll count to ten
I’ll take a deep breath and open them again
I’ll feel my knees as they start getting weak
My hands start shaking as my tears run down my cheek
I’ll close my eyes and count out again
But I can’t pull the trigger
I’m still alive when I open them

Why can’t I do this when there’s nothing I want more
To feel my body one last time as it thunders to the floor
The echo of the floorboards under the weight of my lifeless limbs
Is the final noise I want to hear
It’s the final noise I want to hear
But something keeps stopping me
Something more than fear

In a moment of anger and frustration with myself
I’ll stumble to the kitchen and take a bottle from the shelf
Resting on the table are the three things that I need
The pills to lessen my discomfort
A pen and paper for my final thoughts
And the knife to make me bleed

No one can stop me now that I’ve made my decision
I’ve taken this sharp knife and I’ve made the incision
I look at my body in the mirror as it’s weak and it’s dying
I’ve never been perfect and I’ve grown tired of trying
I’ve got your name imprinted inside of my mind
I’ve never really been important
I knew I’d be the one to fall behind

There’s a knife in my back, there’s scars in my soul
There’s tears in my eyes, and no one to catch me when I fall
I used to smile at strangers in the hope that they don’t see
The pain that’s eating at my soul
The pain that’s slowly been killing me

I’ve always hid behind my smile because not all my scars show
But not all wounds will heal and sometimes you can’t always see
The pain someone really feels
I’ve just grown too weak to continue
So with my final thoughts that I’ll say to you
Will be the most important words I’ve ever said
I’ll never say anything more true

I’m tired of trying (people just hurt me)
I’m sick of crying (they just don’t see)
Yeah, I’m smiling (I’m hiding how I really feel)
But inside I’m dying (take this pain away from me)

I’m tired of trying, I’m sick of crying
Yeah I might be smiling, But inside I’m dying
I’m tired of trying, I’m sick of crying
Yeah I might be smiling, But inside I’m dying
I’m tired of trying, I’m sick of crying
Yeah I might be smiling, But inside I’m dying

Personnel
Amy Meyer – Lead Vocals, Piano, Lyrics, Production
Justin Mullen – Lead Guitar, Backing Vocals, Lyrics, Production
Jason Greenberg – Bass Guitar, Lyrics, Production
Nathan Mullen – Drums, Percussion, Production
Adam Benjamin – Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals, Lyrics, Production