The battered van that belonged to Acts of Hate pulled up into the parking lot. Sam, Jeff and Kyle got out, followed by Neil, who's face was covered with A1 steak sauce. Neil looks into the side mirrors of the van.

Neil: Shit, I DO have steak sauce on my face.
Kyle: We've been telling you that since last night but you wouldn't believe us.
Jeff: We go out for steaks with some cool guys who are willing to foot the bill and what do you do? Shovel it in your mouth. I swear to god you weren't even CHEWING.
Sam: Hey look, it's Erich and Erica! Whats up guys?

Neil: Are you insinuating this is perio-
Jeff: Silence, anus.
Sam: Morning, gals. So, Erich, I heard Floyd got some complaints from a few gents in the mens room yesterday. Something about a "maniacal acoustic performance / voyeur / general interruption of a public bathroom?"

Sam: I think you might've been playing on the wrong stage.
Kyle: Not really a stage at all...you should refer to the map.

erich: a port-o-let has great acouastics.plop plop,twang twang..johnny cash can keep his prison shows. bathrooms are the way of the future.

ACTS of HATE NEEDS YOU!

Guitarist Kyle Badriju and drummer Nick Osborne have up and left Acts of Hate following their show in Mansfield. Acts of Hate will NOT be pulling out of the Carnival of Sounds, but WILL need people to help fill in. Neil Willamette and Jeff Koenig have agreed to play drums and bass, but are looking for a replacement to play guitar for the remainder of the tour. The setlists will be simplified in order to make it easier on the replacement.

Vocalist Sam Fischer on the subject: "They're a bunch of fucking traitors and I hope their motherfucking plane crashes. But I'm not pulling out of this tour. If I need to bring a fucking fan on stage to play guitar, I will. The show goes on."

The guys from E.S. stood behind Jeff, Sam, and Nick. The news was shocking. Three days in and they were already being left out to dry.

Kevin: Damn, hosers. Wait, am I using that term right? Anyway, that sucks guys.

Kevin hands a couple beers to the boys to try and drown away their frustration.

Anthony: Wait a second guys. Clearly you have all you need right here in front of you...me and Jeremy.
Jeremy: Both of us would be more then happy to play thrash with you guys.
Anthony: Works out great since we're all going to the same place anyway.

Sam looked up at the guys from E.S.

Sam: Really? Do you guys know our songs? Enough to get through a set, I mean.
Jeff: What about Hugh? We already gave him the job. We can't have three guitarists.....can we?
Neil: that sounds pretty brutal.
Sam: Yeah. That does. Hm.

Sam Neil and Jeff sit outside the tourvan. Jeff is sitting with Hugh Keeley, Anthony Bryant and Jeremy Chance. He is holding his guitar and trying to teach them the various riffs they will need to learn for todays set.

Jeff: No, no, no, I said SQUEADLIE not MEADLIE
Neil: Don't you think there's a problem with a self-taught guitarist who knows nothing about musical jargon trying to teach those guys how to play our songs?
Sam: Mah. They'll figure it out.

harlots show review/overview




setlist:
1. son of sam- dead boys cover
2. too much of having too little
3.drunk,pissed off,and ready to rumble.
4.ted the atomic toaster who keeps finding his way into people's bathtubs.
5. if i had katy perry's boobs (i could save the world).
6. the further adventures of a highly motivated yard gnome.
7. the pirates of broccoli cove vs the ninjas of cucumber lane.
8.drowning in a dinty moore sea.
9. dont kill me behind a chain restaurant.
10. lawn darts (death from above).
11.invasion of the w.a.s.p people
12. nobody like you because you're in a jam band.
13. idenitity- xray spex cover
14. hello kitty built my hotrod.

to the unitiated,the harlots are a bit hard to take serious. erica hess's overly cutesy vocal style,backed by a motorhead-esque din is almost gimmicky. in fact,i heard several fellow concert goers ask, " are you fucking serious?!" when the band first started playing. but soon a pit of ferocity usually reserved for metal shows formed,and never dissipated. the harlots do to seem to believe in stopping once a show starts. only a slight slowing down and erica speaking the next song's title,seperate songs.
their setist is a smattering of old songs,covers and a few songs written for the carnival of sound tour. the hess surname has become synonymous with absurdity,and these songs do not fail to deliver on their heritage. does erica and co pop some sort of psychoactives and write whatever comes to mind? i cannot say,but it's a hell of a lot of fun.