caridad cruz
erich hess
it's very,very early in the morning.crickets are still faintly heard. caridad is sitting in the press area,waiting for erich hess. she makes last minute adjustments to her video camera and drums her fingers on the table. erich hess arrives slightly earlier than scheduled.
caridad gets up to greet erich. they exchange an air kiss,then sit on the press couch.
caridad: hi.this is caridad cruz,live at carnival of sound 2012. i have the infamous erich hess with me today. first off,thanks for being on time for the interview. i had serious doubts you'd be here at this time.
erich: i hate being late. for anything. it shows terrible disrespect.
caridad:...wow,you are surpringly sober and coherent.*laughs*
erich: i may be.. sober,but....you're pretty. when i wake up in...morning....meh,fuck it. the phrase works better if i am drunk and you're ugly. wait, can i say "fuck" on here?
caridad: it's a web show. anything goes.
erich: *raises eyebrow* really?
caridad:*nods*
erich: in that case,time for some nudity! *lifts shirt and bounces up and down*
caridad: ...ok. i think thats more impressive if you were female.
erich: ok.your turn.
caridad: oh,i dont think so.
erich:*slowly lets shirt slide back down his chest* thanks for making me look like a crazy person.
caridad:..what the hell.* quickly lifts her shirt and laughs* oh my god,you are such a bad influence,mr hess!
erich: i'd feel like a failure if i wasnt.
caridad: ok. we've had foul language,a topless male,and i showed the world the ugliest bra i own. lets get down to business. how's your country act been recieved so far?
erich: *lights blunt and starts smoking* once we win people over,it's all good. people have been so put off by nashville's pop country offerings,that they instinctively avoid anything with the " country" label. fuck,who could blame them? that shit sucks. *offers caridad the blunt*
caridad:*takes it without thinking. then realizes she is on camera. shrugs and inhales deeply* why should people not avoid your take on country?
erich: i need the attention and money! * laughs and lights a second blunt* this shit doesnt come cheap. hell,i cant come up with a real answer for that question. at least not without sounding like a pompous ass. basically,check us out if you think country started with garth brooks and ended with toby keith. if the names ernest tubb,jimmie rodgers and kitty wells mean nothing to you. if the only hank williams you know of,ends in junior...... we'll set you straight.
caridad: wow....that was pompous.
erich: *tokes sagely from his bunt* told ya.
caridad: this tour has a huge roster,have you hit it off with anyone?
erich: i love the guys from erin's silence and acts of hate. good guys who know a good time.
caridad: how about anyone you dislike?
erich: not really. a lot of people arent that social.i guess that is what happens when people think you are a booze swilling,pill popping,sex maniac.
caridad: *smiles* well,arent you?
erich: well,i think maniac is a bit strong of a word.i prefer "enthusiast". ..."swilling" also has some bad connatations too. but i'll be damned if i can think of a more suitable word.
caridad: gah,my battery light is flashing!
erich: you're a robot?!
caridad: the camera,you goof. this is caridad cruz-
erich: and erich hess!
caridad: signing off from carnival of sounds 2012. see ya next week,where i'll be hanging with karoliena verlinden of the phil spectres.
erich:hey,i know her!
video feed ends.
