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 ALANBILLY
DUSTYN
OSCAR
RILEY
SCOTTWelcome back to Alan Carr: Chatty Man. Later on in the show we'll be joined by the beautiful Cassie Valentine who'll be performing her new single; 'Thinking Of Me' but first, they are five boys who have taken over the globe. This time last year they were just your average teenage boys; drinking, being rowdy, having sex.....Alan pauses for a second and the audience laugh...Well, old habits die hard. Everyone please welcome......WEEKEND!!!!The audience scream and cheer as the five members of Weekend walk down the stairs and head towards the living room style set. 'lock It Up' plays as they all walk toward Alan and greet him. Little Dustyn is first on the set, followed by Billy and Oscar. Scott waves at the audience then follows on, with Riley at the back. The five boys sit on the couch and wait until the screaming crowd calm down. Alan and Weekend chuckle at their reaction."What a response! Do you guys ever get tired of this?""All these screaming girls? Not at all, just part and parcel of the job...plus it's quite nice..."It would be better if it was boys though.....girls is icky sometimes"Alan adjusts his glasses and moves forward in his chair"Well....if you're looking..."He giggles along with the audience"Nooooooo (giggles) I has my Blakey""I'm just joking, love. I know. How are things with you and Blake? You seem so cute together.""Things is great. We isn't seeing much of each other lately cos he is doing touring with Isabel but we Skype a lot""Even though Blake's not here, all we hear is 'Blake this, Blake that'"Well I love him"The audience all 'awww' at the same time"OK, well now that 4 of you are 18. What would you like to drink? Don't worry Dustyn, I've got a little can of coke for you...""Yeah, he's quite fond of coke...."Oh stop it Scott, you naughty naughty boy. Anyway, for you guys, the 'adults'....and I use that term quite loosely because have you seen how these guys behave? Like a bunch of bloody animals!...anyway, I've got some Lambrini.""What does that taste like?""It's OK, I don't drink"It tastes like piss, Oz. Riley, it's not the fucking BBC, you get what you're given here at Channel 4. Sorry if it feels like you're slumming it here but at least be grateful."The audience all laugh along with Alan and the boys"So who wants some?""Eh, I'll pass on the piss, thanks"How ungrateful are you lot? I had to barge Kerry Katona out of the way in Iceland to get the last bottle!...I've got this lovely looking green stuff in a bottle. Straight out of Lidl, yum!"Go on then we'll have that. I've had worse things in my mouth""I've heard, love!"He passes the bottles to the boys "So, you're living the life. 2 number one albums, 2 number one singles, countless top 10 hits. Not to mention, so many advertising deals and being involved with some of the hottest girls and guys in showbiz. How are things holding up?""Pretty good, actually. We can't believe how fast things have progressed for us. We released our first single back in January this year and it just seemed to have taken off at an immense speed. At times, I actually question if I'm dreaming or not because it is such a weird, indescribable feeling you get when you perform on stage or hear that your number one and even hear one of your songs on the radio.""All of that wouldn't be possible if it weren't for our amazing fans. They will literally do anything for us....some go a bit too far but it's really nice to see how much you mean to someone and how much time and effort they'll put in to promoting, supporting and listening to us. It's wonderful.""Some of your fans are right nutters though, am I right or am I right!?"Some are...very attached to us""Attached!? They're worse than Katie Price when she gets her claws into a man! They are absolutely obsessed and won't leave you alone. I know you might see how much they do for you and go 'awwww that's so sweet' but there must be some times when you just go 'You actually need some help', right?""Yeah I gots sended videos of a girl cutting herself ages ago, I think she needed lots of help""Stuff like that really worries me because, we're not God or anything, we're just singers so I don't know why people go to the extreme just to show us that they love the band. We love all our fans equally so they don't need to do things like that""So, why do you think you've gained such a huge and dedicated fan base in such a small space of time?""I just think the timing was right when we arrived on the scene. There hadn't been a big boy band in the charts for years and so when we got signed and started to release stuff, people were curious and decided to give us a listen because it was different from everything else in the charts at the time and obviously quite a lot of people liked it so, yeah, that's probably who we managed to stand out.""Also, all of us have really different personalities and style of singing voices so between the five is us there is bound to be at least one member you really like or can relate to.""With a successful group like yourselves, comes a lot of negativity. Do you find it hard to cope with that or is there like one member who deals with it all, looks after the others and is quite vocal when it comes to the hate?""I'd say, I'm quite vocal...."Everyone laughs, knowing fine well that he is more than just 'quite vocal'"No! You!? I would never have guessed!"Yeah, B isn't as shy and retiring as people make him out to be. When it comes to the negative stuff, we generally take it in our stride. There are some times when we're just not in the right mood and something will be said and one of us might retaliate...some members are quicker off the mark than others... *coughs* Billy *coughs*..... " "One thing we all want to know is what you guys think of The Stat Nerds. We know there's been a few words said here and there. Is this really going to escalate into a Stephanie and Tisha type thing? Will there be quiffs and curls flying around the place?""I thought we already made it quite clear...""Ozzy, you has to be nice""Don't worry Dusty, I'm joking. I admit that I was wrong to start having a go at them but I've apologised to them, don't even know how many times members of Weekend have wished them luck and insisted that there is no hard feelings yet they still seem to think we're against them so I don't know anymore.""What do you think about them using all your single titles in their latest single?"Well if they hate us so much, why use titles of our work in their song? I don't really know to be honest and I just give up on the whole thing because no matter how many times it's tried to be resolved, we've either been shot down or ignored.""So no collaboration with them in the near future?""If things are sorted out then I'd love for us to work with them, they are really talented guys and I think it'd be really cool to hear what we'd come up with.""Maybe a West Side Story number....""Now, that is something I'd love to do!"Now on to something completely different......Billy......we've all seen your willy....."(laughing) "Yeah...yeah you have." "No need to be embarrassed, it's a nice one. Just looking at the pictures.....which I ACCIDENTALLY searched for and saved to my laptop, I'm just wondering....are you Jewish?"Everyone in the studio bursts out laughing"It's a serious question! So, are you?""No, I'm Muslim, not a very good one. They're all burning pictures of me. But no, I'm not Jewish but I am.. (makes scissor cutting motion with his fingers)Ooohhhh I see. I pray to God that it was your parents' decision when you were a kid and you didn't just let Suzie near it...."Haha, no it was down to my parents. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have wanted it to happen but shit happens. I'm the only one in the group who is so I feel like the odd one out.""On the subject of the trouser area...."Alan turns to Oscar and a ripple of laughter fills the studio as they know what's about to be brought up"Now, Oz. Someone has been making home movies in their spare time haven't they?""Yeah.....which unfortunately was viewed by people who weren't supposed to see it. Meaning, the whole world.""Now I've seen clips of it because I was ever so slightly curious and I just thought...'Mmmmhmmmm, bitch is getting some tonight!'....you went AT IT!""Oh God, um, yeah we were a bit frisky that night. I know people will say it's our fault but it was intended only for us to watch if we ever got 'in the mood' and unfortunately it ended up in the wrong hands. I've apologised about it though and many people have been supportive so I thank them all for that""Awww you can be as sweet as you like about it, people still know Billy is bigger than you. love"(laughing)"Thanks for that, Alan!""My awkwardness is showing....""Dustyn's actually the biggest...""Dustyn!? Dusty, you're like 5ft 2 and if you're bigger than Billy that must make you a human tripod. Are you really the biggest?"Dustyn blushes and nods"Why is embarrassing stuff always on live TV? I is going to get lots of pee pee tweets now on Twitter after I leave here.""Who's the smallest?"Next subject!..."OK, so I'm going to talk to Riley, the quiet one. Because he can't seem to get a word in edge ways. Anything I say from now on, you can answer. How are things going with you and Michelle?""Really great, thanks. We've been going out together for the best part of a year now and it's still exciting and fun. She's an amazing girl and such a strong and determined person. I absolutely love her""Is that wedding bells I hear?""Eh, no, not for a while yet, Alan. I'm not getting married until I'm a lot older. I'm only 18 and I know B is married and Oz is engaged but I just don't think I'd be able to cope with it at such a young age."That's great to hear. Hey Ri, since you're the only one that can talk let's have a little bitch. Which one of the boys is the smelliest?""Billy....sometimes Dustyn but most of the time it's B....."Billy stamps on the floor and stands up, obviously joking though. He puts on a heavy Pakistani accent"Pick on the minority why don't you, you racist bastard!"Everyone laughs"Billy, whilst you're on your feet. Stay there. You 4, get up, now, come on, quickly!"Alan turns to the audience and points to a female in the crowd"Now we don't have much time love. We have another guest coming on so need to make room for her. So we need to get rid of one of these guys. You can pick any member to go and sit beside you on that spare seat. Any member at all. Pick your favourite, the best singer. Just bare in mind that you'll hurt the other four members' feelings.Girl: Dusty!"That was bloody quick, you heartless bitch. You've upset the others now!" Riley and Scott go down on their knees whilst Billy pretends to cry. Oscar looks genuinely pissed off that someone chose Dustyn over him; the lead singer. Dustyn joins the audienceWe don't have long left but what I want to know is when will there be a new album and will there be any of your famous friends featuring on it?(calling out from audience)"It should be out in summer 2013 and the lead single should be out at that time too and I is excited! Music makes me happy!!"Glad that was cleared up....Dusty are you on something again!?(shouting out again) "No, I is just hyper. I isn't allowed fizzy drinks but I taked some Dr Pepper earlier and it's making me jumpy""He's so cute, like a little puppy only less intelligent"Everyone chuckles and knows he wasn't being mean about the comment. Dustyn just looks confused"Anyway, any famous friends going to make a cameo appearance on your next album? I imagine with the amount of success you've had this year, people will be battling it out to work with you."We've had quite a few offers. People say they want Michelle on a track with us but I just think that'd be so cheesy since I'm her boyfriend and...nah....just, too cheesy""Same goes for Eilidh, she has a great voice and people are saying, 'oh it'd be so cute if you did a song with her', but I have to agree with Riley, it'd be quite corny."I'd love to work with my mate, Rory. I know our styles are really different but he's an amazing singer...not as good as me but please, who is? Joking, obviously. Just thought I'd clear that joke up before Culture Uncut post an article tomorrow titled, 'Even More Reasons To Hate Billy Khan: He Thinks He's Better Than Everyone'....anyway, yeah he'd be pretty cool to work with and he's a great laugh.""Finally, tell us what 2013 will be like for you guys"(calling out again) "It's going to be the bestest year! I wants to do lots of fun stuff and make lots and lots of music and then travel the world and then meet lots more new people and then learn to do writing properly and then have a first birthday party for Shay and then......I forget......""Hopefully things won't be as stressful as they were this year. We were just starting out this year and making lots of mistakes but 2013 is a brand new year, brand new start and hopefully the start of a brand new Weekend.""We should have our second album out, lots more singles for our lovely fans to listen to. We're in talks of doing another world tour which will be incredible as I absolutely loved our first one. Also next year I'll be doing the voice of a new character in Family Guy which I am really looking forward to.""I'll be a father next year. Andrea is due to give birth in February. A lot of learning will be going on next year and a lot of maturing""My daughter is due on the 27th of this month so just like B, I'll be learning and maturing all throughout 2013. I actually can't wait for next year, nervous but really excited""Thanks for the lovely chat, boys. Join us after the break when Cassie Valentine will be on the sofa and Weekend will still be here as I challenge them to a dance off....bring it on bitches....I'll see you in 3! |
 WEEKEND: BILLY • DUSTYN • OSCAR • RILEY • SCOTT
PUBLIC WARNING: BEAU • CARTER LEE • JAKE • MYLES • ZANDER
THE STAT NERDS: BRIAN • CHRISTOPHER
THE ZONE: BLAKE • CHRIS • JASON • LIAM
JOSHUA GRIMMIE • LINCOLN • LAYLA • MERCEDES • MICHELLE GREEN
ANDREA • DENEIL • CHICAGO NOBODY • BLOOM • SONNY • VICTORIA BLACK
REUBEN • ELLIE-GRACE SUMMERS • ALFIE SUMMERS • MICAH DELISLE
JAMIE JACKSON • KONSTANTIN • FAYETTE • SAYYID |
