OOC: I was about to slap a bitch. Good job.

OOC: Shit. Fucking amazing.

OOC: I almost cried. I mean, I cry really easily, but that was fucking intense.

I leave the hotel bar and stalk out onto the street. I figure nina and castor might want...alone time. Sometimes I get the feeling that castor doesn't exactly like me. Meh, I am sure he is quite stressed by all this too. I am very grateful for he and nina letting me stay with them last night. I'll have to send them flowers And a fruit basket after this is all said and done.

i'm pleasantly tipsy but far from drunk. I shove my hands in my pockets and enjoy the anonymity of walking in New York. My visit with Ada gave me loads to think on. She was very justified in being pissed over my comment to Abie. I've known abie for awhile,and I know she knows its completely innocent Ada,on the other hand...she has no clue how long ive known Abie. Thinking about it before bed last night,I'd be very hurt of she said " it's a shame I'm taken." To another man. I'd be hurt.very very hurt. I'm sure Ada trusts me,but if keep this shit up,that trust will be short lived.

I pass by a hot dog cart.mmm it smells so good. Especially on a bitter cold day like today. I spent the last twenty I had at the bar. Nina still has my wallet,so no hot dog for me. I keep walking,mentally drooling over the hot dog smell. I was scared shitless when Ada said she wasn't ready for me,last night. For her own well being,I should have kept going out the door instead of coming back to her. I'm lousy at this marriage thing. So is erica . Erica is constantly leaving and never telling Natalya where she is..at least until after the fact. Maybe erica and I are just so fucked up from those years of being together,that we can't do a regular relationship. Sure,staying with one person is easy...it's all the small things that are hard.

I wonder how divorce works in Japan? The more I think of ,it the more I'm convinced Ada would be better without me. She last was in a hospital at 14, she's..... Fuck,I don't even know how old she is now. In any case,shortly after meeting me? She's back there again. That cannot be coincidence. Each step I take,walking down broadway,I get closer to knowing what I need to do. From one of the theaters I hear "mein herr" Blaring. I shake my head and whisper," no mein Frau,you're better off without me." And start looking up the number for the correct office in Japan to file for divorce. If you love something....set it free.

I sit in the sidewalk and dial the number.The phone rings and I prepare myself for dealing with typical government bureaucracy...in Japanese.

The water from the shower head falls on me like a hundred pissing leprecauns,all aiming for yours truly. New York water,supposedly makes for better bagels....still tastes like inferior Krispy Kreme donuts to me. The water pressure sucks.the shower is unsatisfactory. Sure,I'm CLean,but I like the water to sting a little as it hits me...I guess I'm a mascochist...or I just like lots of water pressure. Plus,a one person shower just isn't fun. Now a shower with Ada? Holy hell,yes. Her hair turns such a swell color when wet. I can't wait to be all over Europe with her. Other than Cassie,I'm not sure I know much of our tourmates.a couple years ago,I'd have given a toe to tour with Cassie. I...had a wee crush on her. Dear penthouse, I was touring with Ada and Cassie and all of a sudden..... I chuckle and step out of the shower speaking of the euro tour,I have to go meet karoliena and hammer some things out.

As the shirt goes over my head,inspiration strikes.eris works in mysterious ways,and her ways have yet to lead me wrong. Its time for my bomber cap and ether soaked. Bandit mask. I throw in a few shots of ever clear,and a handful of dxm pills. I put on the Tom jones and dance i
On the balcony until the bricks on the adjoining building start to pulsate. The bricks dance until they shoot out from their posts and try to impale me. "Go to hell,you damned bricks! Mario and Luigi fuck your shit up on the daily!" I yell across the alley. I slink back inside before the bricks call back up,a koopa trooper at this point and time could render me impotent. Those bastards are like that,you know. Turtle shells,mushrooms,gaping pipes....Freud would have a field day in the super Mario universe. I dash out my front door and into the elevator. Panting in a drug panic,I take in my surroundings. The elevator is tiny,fanless,and slow. The kind of place where ghorvon,the god of flatulence loves to hang out. As the doors close,the withered arm of our neighbor,old lady setter,swings in and stops the door. Ugh,I hate riding in elevators with people. She squishes herself into the farthest corner and glares at me. I can read her face,she is thinking " great,I'm stuck in the elevator with half of that pervert couple from next door. All their noisy love making interrupts my golden girls,wheel of fortune,jag,and matlock."
I look away from her,as she is either scared I'm going to hit on her,or turned on by my readiness to have noisy sex with Ada. As I stand,trying my hardest not to sing songs from "Oklahoma" or " South Pacific".....it happens. ghorvon flicks his stink line encrusted finger my way and my tummy bubbles. Time slows down and miss setter focuses her eyes on me. I smirk and ghorvon's finest work to date emits from my heinder. It is loud and very long. Uncomfortably long actually. It sounds remarkably like " old folks at home." Steven foster would be proud.

Miss setter looks aghast,her mouth falls open in horror. I do the only gentlemanly thing one can do in this situation....pass the blame." Ew! You dirty old woman! There is only two of us in here,did you think I wasn't going to know it was you?!" At the lobby,the elevator stops and I walk out gleefully.

Down on the street,a staggering man wearing a bandit mask and old bomber hat blends in like a boner in sweatpants. The concrete has become fluid after near a century of being solid. I must step carefully or I'll become tangled in its roman created soup. Fuck the Romans. If they knew the shithole Italy was to become,they'd have moved Rome. Actually,I like Italy....kinda. I wade through the concrete and look around. It seems New York is full of jesuses,as nobody else seems to be having the trouble I do. Hmm,maybe I need I jettison some weight. I chuck my shoes off and towards a cab. I may not need a cab,but my boots might. They are helpless without being sodomized by my feet. Fucking perverted footwear. Sans shoes,I still can't walk on the concrete like everyone else.i briefly consider jettisoning my trousers. But it's cold out,even on this plane of being,shrinkage still occurs in the cold. " quit looking At my groin!" I say to the nearest person." It's cold out here! Everyone loses some inches in the cold!" I quickly splash away from the crowd,they are trying to gawk at my wiener.

I finally make it to where I planned to meet karoliena. I sit at the table where she is. She is eating a slice of pie and drinking coffee.
" hi erich." She greets me as she stirs her coffee.

" hey karoliena! You ready to tour Europe?" I ask excitedly. The fluorescent light of the cafe is tangible.its giving me cancer as we speak.

Karoliena nods,her face full of pie.

"Good,me too. See ya!" I get up to leave,I need to get going before this common cancer becomes the permanent kind .

"That's it?! You should have just called me!" Karoliena screeches.

"Phones are for suckers and virgins. I am neither." I say ad head out for New York. I need to get home. Great,more liquid concrete,shrinkage,and New Yorkers.

" Richard never would do this"
Those words hung in the air like a piñata. I honestly can not believe ada said that to me. That only confirms what I've worried about since day one with Ada. I am constantly being compared to a dead man. I never,no matter how mad I was at Ada...and today I was furious with her. I would never compare her to Erica. That just isn't cool. its about as bad as when suzie told people that one guy had a small willy. That will be next. "Richards...Richard was twice what Erich's is ." She may have already put that out there. Possibly with photos and a rather well done power point presentation. Maybe she got John madden to do voice over.

I lean against the rail of the duke. I never went to Amsterdam. I certainly wouldn't have went to the red light district. I crack open the third mason jar or the day and greedily guzzle its contents. "Richard would never do this" no matter how much I drink,I can't silence those words. Did he love her more than I do? Did she love him more than she loves me? Suddenly,I feel like I am being cheated on. In my drunken minds eye,I can see them together. Fucking in their Teutonic perfection. In defense my mind thinks of nina. Nothing happened between she and I. Not that I don't find her attractive. Her eyes alone could inspire men to kill each other. But she is not my wife,so she is not on the menu.

I drink until I fall on the deck. I may not have passed out,but I'm not feeling any pain. I roll over and look at the sky. It's slate grey and rather cloudy. It's going to rain And the see is going to get choppy. Fuck it. I'm laying on the deck. Neptune can blow me if he thinks he is scaring me. I miss Ada. I miss her voice,the way her hair feels,the way she smells. Seriously,she can do an entire set and still smell nice. If the Teresa situation is any indicator,I will never see Ada again.the woman holds a hell of a grudge. ..,,on the flip side,so do I. I don't think I can ever forgive her for saying what she said about Richard. I can stay out here on the duke forever. I don't fucking need anyone. I drunkenly light a blunt and dare Neptune to come at me. I'm erich fucking hess.i need no one:

Bored.






As my bus rumbles down the highway,I occupy my little room in the back. The door is locked,I am alone and I am naked. It is just me and the bus driver. unless buses have autopilot now,I doubt he is sneaking a peek. Besides,Martin is one of those men who is totally devoted to his wife. As he should,Gina is great. He has worked for my cousin for years. He is loyal to hitomi as she made him probably the only millionaire bus driver. She is booting the bill for my entire tour. No one can ever accuse her of being stingy. Hitomi is like a sister to me. Our fathers were twins,so maybe we are genetically half sisters? I do not know. When she found out about what I did with Trent and vara,she called and bitched me out. Entirely in Japanese. That is how you know she is pissed off. when she speaks an entire sentence in Japanese? Watch the fuck out.

I lie back and run my hands over my bare tummy. It relaxes me, I can certainly use relaxing. Envy forgave me for my...mistake. But I wish she did not. It does not feel right that I am not made to suffer for what I did. She said she wanted to hit me when she heard. Again,I wish she would have. How do people do this? I have been cheated on several times,but this is the first time I have been doing the cheating. I feel like I want to die. I do not understand how people can habitually cheat on their loved ones. I know I will never do it again. I feel so shamed, i do not know if I could even be naked in front of envy again. If I was envy,I would not want to touch me. Vara was right,I am a dumb whore. I certainly allowed myself to be treated as such. By now I am sure she has dished to the entire no venues roster and crew just what a night with Mariko kobayashi is like. I reach into my drawer and pull out the box erich gave me when he left. I select the unsmoked portion of a blunt and light it up. After the first hit,my bed instantly becomes more comfy. I wonder how Trent is? I did not know he had cocaine problems. I want to go see him,but cannot. I am sure vara is there,and it would not look good to envy. " hey envy,remember that guy I fucked? I need to go see him in the hospital." . I can imagine how that conversation would go. I sigh and take another hit. Trent will probably never respect me as a friend after what we did. I do not know if I could even face him anyway. One tour friend down,one to go....who am I kidding,pixie would not want to be seen with the likes of me now. She is too sweet to be seen around a whore like me.

I blankly smoke the rest of the blunt. The world is moving like an ocean and I am floating along with it. I want to leave the tour. I want to go away and never be seen again. My phone rings and brings me out of the land of self loathing,it is hitomi. I turn the ringer off and stare at the ceiling. A few minutes later,hitomi calls again. Kuso! She is not giving up.

"Moshi moshi" I answer quietly.

" hey Mariko-chan! How are you?" Hitomi says in her chipper voice. Sometimes it is painfully clear she was a cheerleader.

I take a drink of water to fight off dry mouth. "How do you think? I still feel like shit." I answer her back.

"Did envy forgive you?" She says simply.

"...she said she did,yes." I answer to her.

" then stop being a little bitch. Shit happens." Hitomi says. I can she her giggling and shrugging as she says this. " Natalya and I are just as happy as we always were."

" well yes..but you did not have sex with Nichole,you just kissed her." I stammer .

"Yeah,after telling her I loved her! It wasn't like Nichole and I hadn't fucked the shit out of each other before. The act may not have been as invasive as what you did to envy,.but the emotions behind it were more of a betrayal than your little threesome was." Erica says. What she is saying makes perfect sense.

" I guess,hitomi. I just feel I got off too easy,you know? Envy barely even yelled at me! I do not want her to think she traded one over bearing and cheating lover for another. What if that is why she did not really lay into me? What If She thinks that is all she can attract!" I panic and start to cry a little. This is why it hurts so bad. At heart of things,I let envy down and insulted her worth deeply.

Hitomi sighs softly before speaking. I hear Natalya's voice in the background. I would be upset if it was anyone else,but Natalya and hitomi have been where I am. " do not be stupid,Mariko-chan. Envy is not the same woman she was with pilgrim. If she thought that,she wouldn't have flown to see YOU. She'd have just let it lie and not said anything about it."

"You are right,hitomi." I say softly. "I could not see it because of my guilt. ....she said she loved me." I say happily,crying for joy finally.

"See? Let it be the past,like envy is doing. If I didn't let things be the past,I wouldn't have a best friend in Nichole. If Natalya didnt let things go,we wouldn't even be married now. You have a great girlfriend in envy,don't fuck it up!" Hitomi says before hanging up. I love my cousin,she never says goodbye on the phone. She just hangs up when she is done talking.

I look at my phone's background. It is envy and I,cheek to cheek and grinning. We are on the duke and the wind is blowing her hair all over. I smile and pull the covers of me. I need sleep.

It had been several hours. Several mind bending hours since I had left the Sun splooged shores of Miami. I had always disliked the town and would be damned if I'd meet my rate in it's borders.no. my fate was to meet my maker in the middle part of the state. Somehere like where 2000 maniacs was filmed.

Driving while very drunk is a skill most anyone can learn. Just know your exaggerations and reign them in. Reign them in like the wild fucking stallions they are. Now driving under the influence of lsd ....well,that's an art form. You have to have nerves of steel and balls like George s Patton. You have to operaTe on several planes of existence simultaneously. Each with different rules of time,space,and physics. You have to...not think about explaining how to do it!
Shit,that was close. A god damned semi truck full of fashionable cannibals nearly took Me out.time was drawing close. I saw the thicket of palmetto bushes looming on the horizon.I have no fear of death. I know we continue on. I know this through Elvis Presley. Many years ago he had come to me. It was he who sent me into this world to bring rock and roll to the masses. Jiggle some rumps, shake some asses. My only real concern was if in those final moments,everything is revealed. Will I find out of aliens do exist? Did Hitler really die in 1945? Ford or Chevy? Will I be missed? Does the illuminati really run the world? Did Michael Jackson fuck those kids? Just what the Heck Selene does for a job? If the screen just goes black without any ending credits....let's just say I'm going to raise Hell in the afterlife.

It was time. 3:47 am.November 18,2015. Remember remember the 18th of November. I downshift into second and the engine roars in protest. It fails to realize I'm the captain now.dumping the clutch,the rear tires break traction and the world turns sideways. The brief sound of plAnts hitting the car and the smell of freshly disturbed dirt.....and it's over.

Like always,the first two chords of "jail house rock" sound. But this time,it's different. The sound booms. Its a not so much as sound as it is an all encompassing ...thing. Like being in ocean and not being able to see any land.you know there are other thing out there,but all you experience is water. When the chords fade out in wavering reverb,I wake up at Graceland.but this Graceland extends to each horizon. The yard extends to a third horizon...as far as what is in the fourth direction...hell if I know. I guess a big pool or somes shit. I stroll towards the front porch. Its odd, I'm now stone sober...what a gip.I paid good money for that acid. After what feels like a month,I finally arrive at the porch and ring the doorbell....which doesn't work.I guess repairmen don't make it to the afterlife.or perhaps Wayne Newton has them all on stand by for when he kicks it. So I decide to knock. When I knock, I don't feel the impact of my on knuckles on the door,but I taste banana. I'm trying to wipe my tongue off,as I dislike banana,when Elvis answers the door. The man looks great. If you've never been in the king 's presence...I feel for you. Photos do not capture the divinity of 50's Elvis. He's wearing his gold jacket and black trousers.my god I feel under dressed for my own death.

Elvis: the hell?! Erich? What are you doin here?

Erich : um...being dead? Why else would I be here?

Elvis: well that damned Joan rivers keeps sending people over to do the flaming bag of dog Crap trick... Its getting dangerous.

Erich: dangerous? Its flaming poop and you're immortal. What's the problem?

Elvis: it's that hound dog. Cerebrus. Things got three heads and is the size of bus. You know how much dog Crap that is? I stepped in a pile yesterday and nearly drowned.

Erich: well..shit. *cracks up laughing* ok. So what's to so in the afterlife? When do I get to hang out at Frank sinatra's pad? I bet he hosts some killer shin digs. Ooh,I can finAlly meet Bettie page,Marilyn Monroe,Jayne Mansfield. and mamie van Doren. *smiles devilishly*


Elvis: mamie is still alive.

Erich: really?

Elvis: yeah. However,We do have her original breasts floating around. Damn things freak me out,man.

Erich: I can work with that. Ooh! Lets hit up Dean Martin. I think he needs to know how lame Jerry Lewis and his telethons are.

Elvis: you can't.

Erich: whAt the hell do you mean? I put in my dues. I spent my life entertaining the slack jawed masses.I will be damned...no ,GOD DAMNED, If I'm going to b list afterlife. I'm better than Gallagher! You can't do this to me,Elvis.I did everything you asked. Fuck it,I'll join the Joan rivers armada if I have to.

Elvis: Joan rivers runs b list afterlife..but you aren't slated to be there either. There are different plans for-

Erich:*interrupting* fuck you! I'm not going below b list. You can't put me in the realm where every movie has been reshot to star only pauly shore and Nicolas cage.

Elvis:*looking panicked* umm..how do you know about that?!

Erich: Ouija board.

Elvis:you asked what true hell is,didn't you?

Erich: yup.nice touch even including all the pornos to star cage and shore.

Elvis: thAt was actually Anne Frank's idea. Seems she has quite a mean streak.

Erich: I'm not going and you can't make me.* clings to one of the Columns on elvis' porch.*

Elvis: *lAughs* you aren't stated for that either. Come on inside,Erich. We have much to discuss.

It had been several hours. Several mind bending hours since I had left the Sun splooged shores of Miami. I had always disliked the town and would be damned if I'd meet my rate in it's borders.no. my fate was to meet my maker in the middle part of the state. Somehere like where 2000 maniacs was filmed.

Driving while very drunk is a skill most anyone can learn. Just know your exaggerations and reign them in. Reign them in like the wild fucking stallions they are. Now driving under the influence of lsd ....well,that's an art form. You have to have nerves of steel and balls like George s Patton. You have to operaTe on several planes of existence simultaneously. Each with different rules of time,space,and physics. You have to...not think about explaining how to do it!
Shit,that was close. A god damned semi truck full of fashionable cannibals nearly took Me out.time was drawing close. I saw the thicket of palmetto bushes looming on the horizon.I have no fear of death. I know we continue on. I know this through Elvis Presley. Many years ago he had come to me. It was he who sent me into this world to bring rock and roll to the masses. Jiggle some rumps, shake some asses. My only real concern was if in those final moments,everything is revealed. Will I find out of aliens do exist? Did Hitler really die in 1945? Ford or Chevy? Will I be missed? Does the illuminati really run the world? Did Michael Jackson fuck those kids? Just what the Heck Selene does for a job? If the screen just goes black without any ending credits....let's just say I'm going to raise Hell in the afterlife.

It was time. 3:47 am.November 18,2015. Remember remember the 18th of November. I downshift into second and the engine roars in protest. It fails to realize I'm the captain now.dumping the clutch,the rear tires break traction and the world turns sideways. The brief sound of plAnts hitting the car and the smell of freshly disturbed dirt.....and it's over.

Like always,the first two chords of "jail house rock" sound. But this time,it's different. The sound booms. Its a not so much as sound as it is an all encompassing ...thing. Like being in ocean and not being able to see any land.you know there are other thing out there,but all you experience is water. When the chords fade out in wavering reverb,I wake up at Graceland.but this Graceland extends to each horizon. The yard extends to a third horizon...as far as what is in the fourth direction...hell if I know. I guess a big pool or somes shit. I stroll towards the front porch. Its odd, I'm now stone sober...what a gip.I paid good money for that acid. After what feels like a month,I finally arrive at the porch and ring the doorbell....which doesn't work.I guess repairmen don't make it to the afterlife.or perhaps Wayne Newton has them all on stand by for when he kicks it. So I decide to knock. When I knock, I don't feel the impact of my on knuckles on the door,but I taste banana. I'm trying to wipe my tongue off,as I dislike banana,when Elvis answers the door. The man looks great. If you've never been in the king 's presence...I feel for you. Photos do not capture the divinity of 50's Elvis. He's wearing his gold jacket and black trousers.my god I feel under dressed for my own death.

Elvis: the hell?! Erich? What are you doin here?

Erich : um...being dead? Why else would I be here?

Elvis: well that damned Joan rivers keeps sending people over to do the flaming bag of dog Crap trick... Its getting dangerous.

Erich: dangerous? Its flaming poop and you're immortal. What's the problem?

Elvis: it's that hound dog. Cerebrus. Things got three heads and is the size of bus. You know how much dog Crap that is? I stepped in a pile yesterday and nearly drowned.

Erich: well..shit. *cracks up laughing* ok. So what's to so in the afterlife? When do I get to hang out at Frank sinatra's pad? I bet he hosts some killer shin digs. Ooh,I can finAlly meet Bettie page,Marilyn Monroe,Jayne Mansfield. and mamie van Doren. *smiles devilishly*


Elvis: mamie is still alive.

Erich: really?

Elvis: yeah. However,We do have her original breasts floating around. Damn things freak me out,man.

Erich: I can work with that. Ooh! Lets hit up Dean Martin. I think he needs to know how lame Jerry Lewis and his telethons are.

Elvis: you can't.

Erich: whAt the hell do you mean? I put in my dues. I spent my life entertaining the slack jawed masses.I will be damned...no ,GOD DAMNED, If I'm going to b list afterlife. I'm better than Gallagher! You can't do this to me,Elvis.I did everything you asked. Fuck it,I'll join the Joan rivers armada if I have to.

Elvis: Joan rivers runs b list afterlife..but you aren't slated to be there either. There are different plans for-

Erich:*interrupting* fuck you! I'm not going below b list. You can't put me in the realm where every movie has been reshot to star only pauly shore and Nicolas cage.

Elvis:*looking panicked* umm..how do you know about that?!

Erich: Ouija board.

Elvis:you asked what true hell is,didn't you?

Erich: yup.nice touch even including all the pornos to star cage and shore.

Elvis: thAt was actually Anne Frank's idea. Seems she has quite a mean streak.

Erich: I'm not going and you can't make me.* clings to one of the Columns on elvis' porch.*

Elvis: *lAughs* you aren't slated for that either. Come on inside,Erich. We have much to discuss.

Erich follows Elvis into the huge structure. Once inside the building seems to be in a fluid state of change. Rooms appear and vanish at at will. As they walk,they pass a room with a tv in it. Erich calmly pulls a pistol o out of his trouser and shoots the tv. The television explodes and a small one hundred appears above it.

Elvis: stop that! Give me the gun. *holds out his hand to Erich like you would a child*

Erich: no. Its mine. *another room appears with a t.v. in it...which Erich promptly shoots. It then explodes and a 200 appears above it.*

Elivs: Erich! Give me the gun. Now.


Erich:* sighs loudly* fine.


Elvis: *puts the gun in his pocket and continues walking* ok. Like I was say-

Erich:* interrupts Elivs by shooting another tv. A 500 appears above this one.*

Elvis:* ok....how many more do you have on you?

Erich: none.I don't even know where that one came from. It Just sort of appeared in my pocket.

Elvis: ok.let's keep walking. You see, are a special case,erich. You are what we term-

Erich: *Interrupts,loudly shouting* ROBERT GUILETT!

Elvis: what? On my tv?! Not today,guilett! *Elvis spins around and shoots another tv that appears in the room. This time a chime rings and a 1UP appears*

Erich: mine! *he runs over and snatches the 1UP from mid air*

Elvis:*slowly claps for Erich* well done. Like I said,you're a special case. You see,I hand picked you as my representative,my man on the street,if you will. You'll be immortal until the 100th. Anniversary of my death. Then you'll be ascended into Graceland to forever keep Robert guillet off my television.* Elvis does one of his karate poses* hail to the king.

Erich: hey! That's not all that special! 100 years after your death?! I was born in 19- * Erich is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Elvis: hold on a minute. Let me get this. *they are transported to the front door.Elvis looks out the window.* ugh. Its this orange clad nutjob. How many times does it take to realize I'm not this king kai cat! * Elvis waves his hand and Erich disappears.*


Erich wakes up on the duke of Winchester.it's nighttime and The ship is in the middle of the ocean and is completely deserted. Erich slowly stands and gets the feeling he is completely naked....aside from the Elvis sunglasses he is wearing.

Erich: well...that was interesting. Onward and upward.