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Nichole Shade's Blog - NEW BLOG: A game to help you along your journey of self-centered madness.

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snap_itshannah		#1 Posted : 14 January 2013 15:33:44(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		AN OPEN LETTER TO GOD, OR WHATEVER Dear God, I’m not exactly sure what you think you’re doing, but let me just make this clear: I will kill you/send you a strongly worded letter if you continue to allow this whole colored denim trend to happen. What is this? Compton? Oh my god. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, we can get down to business. Clearly, you’ve been slacking. I mean, I get it. Between Swayze’s death and the whole Galliano scandal, we’re all a little shaken up. Sometimes when I think about it for too long, I have to go into my room, build a nest out of last season’s clothing, and scream/cry until somebody from the apartment below me hears me, and comes running. Anyway, you seriously need to sit down and take a look at your priorities. I mean, did you see the new Louis Vuitton bag this season? Yellow/orange plastic and towel material? Really? No. I know you know that I know you know what I’m talking about. This whole debacle makes me sick. Literally. I’m super sick. You would be so jealous if you knew how ill I can make myself over things like this. What you need is an assistant. Someone who’s beautiful, funny, has a fierce sense of fashion, and who’s totally down with the whole ethereal thing. I know what you’re thinking: Serenity Scott. I thought so, too. I mean, she is that girl. She’s everywhere. On billboards, on TV, on your phone, at the Oscars after-party, sitting on your boyfriend’s lap, drinking your Diet Coke that he was supposed to get for you. Serenity, what are you trying to do to us? Are you some kind of witch? I don’t know if I love you, or if I hate you, or if I love you because I hate you. I mean, you have perfect belle-hair, you’re smart-sexy act is so fucking rude, and your stylist dresses you like a French-fifties-princess. WHAT EVEN IS THIS? Sorry. Let me collect myself. Serenity’s not who we’re looking for; she’s way too busy with her whole “classier version of Clara Thompson” thing that she’s trying to pull off. So chic. Here’s a list of suitable non-Serenity candidates: 1. Princess Margret: Already dead; I can’t even handle it right now. 2. Hermione Granger: Fictional super-genius. So chic. 3. Cassie Smith: Obviously 4. Arianna Harley Okay. So now that I’ve addressed the pressing issue, I have some questions. You better answer these. I’m fucking serious. 1. Why did Mary have to give birth in a manger? You should have gotten her a hotel room. But, like, a nice hotel room. 2. Why doesn’t Riley Hamilton have his own TV show, and then get nominated for an Oscar? Because I’m only going to that fucking awards show if he’s gets nominated (Moral support). 3. Can I reserve a room in Heaven for when I die? 4. Is butter a carb? I leave you with some quick words of encouragement, but, like, really quick, I’m late for lunch with Monica Lewinsky: I know that sometimes your life gets bothersome. You may even wonder why you got yourself into this whole high-stress situation. I’m aware that sometimes you want to ask your parents (I’m assuming you’re the product of Stephanie Fierce and Adam Benjamin's perfect genes somehow morphing together) what their problem is, or request that Stephanie quit wearing leotards to the dinner table, because it makes you feel fat, even though you aren’t. Please don’t be fat. Someday, you might even want to go discount denim shopping, but remember this: You’ll get diseases. When you’re in times of trouble, there is only one person in this entire universe that completely understands you… No, not Gemma Urie. Me, Nichole. Okay, well. Talk to you later. Namaste. Love you. Mean it. Nichole Edited by user 22 January 2013 04:11:05(UTC) \| Reason: Not specified

6 users thanked snap_itshannah for this useful post.		Osprey037[Reported Failure] on 14/01/2013(UTC), erich hess on 14/01/2013(UTC), Walton on 15/01/2013(UTC), BrownSugar on 15/01/2013(UTC), FiveT on 15/01/2013(UTC), kandii on 08/07/2013(UTC)
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Osprey037[Reported Failure]		#2 Posted : 14 January 2013 15:42:20(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 03/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 2,348 Thanks: 1149 times Was thanked: 1780 time(s) in 805 post(s)		Matt: Matt Collins at your service. I'm beautiful, funny, fashionable, and super chic, and I also play the bass. Pick me!
		I might give Satan a swirly

1 user thanked Osprey037[Reported Failure] for this useful post.		snap_itshannah on 14/01/2013(UTC)
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erich hess		#3 Posted : 14 January 2013 22:14:13(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,816 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 21856 times Was thanked: 18083 time(s) in 10504 post(s)		erica: um,hands down, hermione granger. if not for her,harry and ron would be dead several times over. the series shoulda been called hermione granger,and everyone knows it. harry potter rolls off the tongue easier,so he got all the glory.fucking bullshit,man.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.

1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.		snap_itshannah on 15/01/2013(UTC)
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genocidal king		#4 Posted : 14 January 2013 22:42:24(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 21/07/2009(UTC) Posts: 54,407 Location: Leeds, England Thanks: 3469 times Was thanked: 11549 time(s) in 5886 post(s)		Cassie: Wait...is she suggesting I should die? Or what? I'm lost. Fucking hell. OOC: Made me laugh.


1 user thanked genocidal king for this useful post.		snap_itshannah on 15/01/2013(UTC)
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snap_itshannah		#5 Posted : 15 January 2013 04:48:07(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		Quote: Cassie: Wait...is she suggesting I should die? Or what? I'm lost. Fucking hell. OOC: Made me laugh. Nichole: Nooo... God needs an assistant here on Earth. Silly.


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genocidal king		#6 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:20:15(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 21/07/2009(UTC) Posts: 54,407 Location: Leeds, England Thanks: 3469 times Was thanked: 11549 time(s) in 5886 post(s)		Cassie: Oh....right. Wait, I'm still confused? You're being nice to me?



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snap_itshannah		#7 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:26:53(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		Nichole: @Cassie Um... Yes. Are we having a feud that I forgot about? I don't have any problem with you that I remember.


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genocidal king		#8 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:31:03(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 21/07/2009(UTC) Posts: 54,407 Location: Leeds, England Thanks: 3469 times Was thanked: 11549 time(s) in 5886 post(s)		Cassie: No. Most people aren't nice to me. It makes me suspicious when people are.



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snap_itshannah		#9 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:37:13(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		Nichole: @Cassie Oh. Sorry, hahaha. I don't have any reason not to be nice to you. I think you're cool, actually. :)


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genocidal king		#10 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:41:29(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 21/07/2009(UTC) Posts: 54,407 Location: Leeds, England Thanks: 3469 times Was thanked: 11549 time(s) in 5886 post(s)		Cassie: OK cool :) thanks, I think you're pretty cool too.


1 user thanked genocidal king for this useful post.		snap_itshannah on 15/01/2013(UTC)
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Walton		#11 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:45:30(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 08/04/2012(UTC) Posts: 5,416 Location: Far away with Austin Mahone.. ♥ Thanks: 3017 times Was thanked: 1998 time(s) in 1105 post(s)		Serenity: My favorite blog evvvveerr. Nichole you really had me dying of laughter. And I'm not that pretty :( That's why I tried to call Marilyn Monroe, haven't I told you? OOC: Brilliant job! :) Had me cracking up lol.


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snap_itshannah		#12 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:51:15(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		Nichole: @Serenity You are too that pretty and I'll kill you if you say that again. :) And you tried to call Marilyn Monroe? Isn't she, um, dead? How did that work out for you? OOC: Thank you. :)

1 user thanked snap_itshannah for this useful post.		Walton on 15/01/2013(UTC)
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Walton		#13 Posted : 15 January 2013 06:59:36(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 08/04/2012(UTC) Posts: 5,416 Location: Far away with Austin Mahone.. ♥ Thanks: 3017 times Was thanked: 1998 time(s) in 1105 post(s)		Serenity: Aw, thank you Coley :) And yep, she passed like 200 years before I was born. I just tried calling out her name to see if her ghost would appear :')


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snap_itshannah		#14 Posted : 15 January 2013 13:01:33(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		HOW TO HANDLE A BREAK UP The other day, I was thinking about how fortunate I was to have met my soulmate. Not only because he’s an absolutely perfect man, but also because this means that I’ll never have to deal with another nasty breakup ever again. And if Sam Fischer tries to break up with me, I’ll fucking kill him. Back to my point. I was thinking that I need to pass on my knowledge that I’ve gained over the past twenty-one years of my life. I mean, everybody needs a little guidance, and who better is there to give guidance than the one person who’s already fucked up everything at least once in their lives? Sadly, I don’t know how to get in touch with Dustyn Blue, so you’ll just have to deal with me telling you how to deal with things. I think one thing that everybody needs to think about is break ups, because they will happen to you at least once. I mean, the whole break-up ordeal is a difficult situation. The “heartbroken mess” look is only a good look for about seventy-two hours. Everybody else is over it by then. And you don’t want to be the person who stays in love with their ex, because everybody fucking hates them. So here’s the Nichole Shade guide on how to handle your recent/impending heartbreak: What to Remember Directly Post-Breakup It’s okay to scream their name until you lose your voice. It’s okay to like the way your face feels against a cold bathroom floor. It’s okay to take a month off of work to stay in bed and process this whole high-stress situation. It’s okay to plot to kill them. It’s okay to eat your feelings in Ben and Jerry’s. It’s okay to text them seventeen times an hour until they text you back. It’s okay to write short stories about your future together/plan your wedding. Okay. Once you’ve finished with your post-breakup shitshow phase, you can move on to these steps: Step 1: Build a nest out of whatever is close at hand, and scream/cry until you pass out. Step 2: Run around your block until you can’t feel your legs anymore. Step 3: Delete their number, but DO NOT defriend them. I’m fucking serious. Step 4: Stalk them for the next 3-6 weeks. Step 5: Fuck all of their friends and all of their friend’s friends. Step 6: Show up everywhere they go in sexy clothing/lingerie. Step 7: Tell random people that your ex is gay. Step 8: Tell your ex’s parents that your ex is gay. Step 9: Whore out. Step 10: Date one of their parents. You’re welcome. Edited by user 15 January 2013 13:05:33(UTC) \| Reason: Not specified

4 users thanked snap_itshannah for this useful post.		erich hess on 15/01/2013(UTC), BrownSugar on 16/01/2013(UTC), FiveT on 19/01/2013(UTC), kandii on 08/07/2013(UTC)
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erich hess		#15 Posted : 15 January 2013 14:58:57(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,816 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 21856 times Was thanked: 18083 time(s) in 10504 post(s)		Erich: i agree and wish to subscribe to Your newsletter.hopefully i Never have to take this advice.
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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snap_itshannah		#16 Posted : 17 January 2013 09:54:12(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		The Last Four Letter Word: Diet Before I got knocked up, I was considering trying to eat healthier/lose some weight/become anorexic thing, but I was having a hard time finding a diet that sounded at all appealing. Where’s the fast food diet? Or the ice cream cleanse? Ugh. Anyway, I’ve decided to come up with my own diet. And not some fucking tease diet either, where your “reward” is a quarter sized piece of dark chocolate. I mean, really? I don’t know who fucking came up with the portion sizes on these diet books, but here in the real world (America), we can’t buy foods in change sized packages. So nice try. THE NICHOLE SHADE DIET: list of approved food - Lemon Salad: slices of lemon with salt. Repulsive, but also filling. - Low fat yogurt - Greek yogurt with honey. No, it doesn’t fucking matter how much honey. - Ice chips: A delicious snack/meal - Apples - 6-8 shots of Tequila: For the pain of not eating real food - A nothing salad: Literally just lettuce - Shadows - Hopes and dreams - Grapes - Anything that Katie Coyle has ever been pictured eating - Granola - Mouthwash Exercise Regimen: Nap. All the time. You’re welcome. Edited by user 17 January 2013 10:19:37(UTC) \| Reason: Not specified

5 users thanked snap_itshannah for this useful post.		mebeme101 on 17/01/2013(UTC), erich hess on 17/01/2013(UTC), Walton on 17/01/2013(UTC), Andre Gandra on 17/01/2013(UTC), FiveT on 19/01/2013(UTC)
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Andre Gandra		#17 Posted : 17 January 2013 20:37:52(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 12/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 4,147 Location: Brazil Thanks: 2880 times Was thanked: 3513 time(s) in 1683 post(s)		Magie: in therms of exercise Regimen, I'm interested in your 'nap all the time', if it works for you, it can works for me too. believe me, despite I have a gym at my place, I'm forced everyday to work out by my personal trainer, 'cause I hate it!
		Characters Magie Lena Abie Lena Julia Volkova mISTER_b Groove In Downtown I was gone for a while, but I'm back (not that you care about LOL)


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erich hess		#18 Posted : 17 January 2013 23:25:21(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC) Posts: 42,816 Location: representing the 954 Thanks: 21856 times Was thanked: 18083 time(s) in 10504 post(s)		Erica: I like it. For my exercise I drop acid and run from the crazy shit that is trying to get me. I'm the next tony little!
		"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.


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FiveT		#19 Posted : 19 January 2013 05:22:12(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 19/07/2010(UTC) Posts: 8,514 Thanks: 4174 times Was thanked: 3231 time(s) in 1294 post(s)		Tanya: Love your blogs, especially the one about break-ups. I'm tempted to try all of those steps. ^____^
		MY ACTIVE ACTS Titans (Laurence, Jo, Martina, Den, Tanya) Kegan Dawson - Actor, presenter, radio speaker, model, showman Cj Frankson - Youtuber, Actor, model, showman Rashai Mari - Model, Dj Igor Stanovski - Russian tycoon, businessman Claire Becker - Writer, vocal coach, presenter, radio speaker Augusto Lincoln - Enterpreneur, model, manager Lukas Paradiso - Model, Actor The Jollies Zafari Mari 👩🏾‍🦲, Rose Hemsworth 👩🏻‍🦰, David Hernandez 👱🏻, Natasha Stanovski 👧🏻, Fabriano Galore 👨🏻 Creating Sims content here on my YouTube channel! -----> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Tq0J8bDFMidZWlrFK0gtQ


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snap_itshannah		#20 Posted : 19 January 2013 05:57:15(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered Joined: 01/10/2012(UTC) Posts: 18,714 Thanks: 7752 times Was thanked: 6357 time(s) in 2889 post(s)		Quote: Tanya: Love your blogs, especially the one about break-ups. I'm tempted to try all of those steps. ^____^ Nichole: Aw, thanks! I haven't seen you since Big Brother, how have you been?


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