erich

karoliena before the show


dateline sometime febuary 11th. bowery ballroom,new york.

in the middle of a snowstorm,they came. atomic war bride, the lone band keeping the flag of psychobilly flying proudly. the band has been on semi hiatus since the marriage of erich hess to ada von wannemaker. the flame headed german wasnt spotted,but surely attended the show. the band took the stage promptly,as is their fashion. erich hess has an intense hatred of people being late,and refuses to be one of them. erich and karoliena practically had to be carried on stage though. the crowd cheered madly,as who wants to see a sober erich or karoliena. the intoxication is integral to the show.if you saw a sober shane mcgowan,you'd ask for your money back,as that isnt the real shane. such as it is with karoliena and erich.

erich took the mic,partially to start the show and partially to hold himself up. it isnt known exactly what was said. but the agreed on translation is "hey,you mother fuckers. it's colder than a witch's tit out there. thats about 30 degrees lower than being colder than a welldiggers ass,and only about 5 degrees colder than being cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." he then proceeded to kick what can only be imagined to be disembodied brass monkey balls,while telling off color jokes in a poor bob hope imitation. after kicking untold number of balls and a few bad jokes.erich hit that window of clarity that allowed him to put together a few chords. "ok,as you folks know.i married a lovely woman,ada von wannemaker.. she dances to tom jones,so i knew it was going to be forever.anyway,this first tune is dedicated to her.i didnt write it.,but hey.fuck you. you didnt write it either. it's a little tune by sam the sham and the pharaohs..little red riding hood." unexpectedly,the war bride slowed the song down and really upped the sleaziness without changing a word of the song. erich's crooning drunken elvis style of singing inspired bra flinging within minutes. his simultaneous guitar playing,singing,and basically dry humping the mic stand completed the deal,and underpants were tossed about. the funny part is ,people werent taking them off. people brought spares it seems.

after "little red riding hood", erich grabbed a pushbroom from offstage and cleaned the stage of undergarments. "this is a fucking fire hazard. granted we all want to go in a pile of flaming panties.but i got shit to do tomorrow. this next one is "pineapples arent grenades...even if you bite the stem off and throw it like one."" erich and karoliena trade off vocals for the song,which becomes very muddled by the 3rd line. the song is fast and probably the product of many "lines" .

next,karoliena takes the mic. "hello new york! now we're going to play an old one of mine. this is "baby,you can drive my hearse"...feel free to throw panties.i like the attention too." she giggles and starts the bass intro. the song is peppy and fun.soon,the entire bowery ballroom is doing the twist...some were doing the time warp...which oddly worked pretty good with the given song. for old time's sake,karoliena performed her trademark strip tease while playing bass and signing.being that it was cold,and she and erich are no longer romantically involved,she only went down to her bra and underwear. "sorry guys,it's cold out,and i dont want to put an eye out with these things!" she laughs and hands the mic duties back to erich.

from here on out the show became a blur.it is assumed whatever drugs they were on were peaking,and peaking hard.was it 10 more seperate songs or one long opus with several movements? nobody could really tell. the only thing that was definite was the final song,"tom dooley", the band's now signature closer. after the show,the famously anti merch band populated the merch booth and bought stuff from the audience. it is safe to say the war bride is back and this time,it's personal.