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Full Metal Jackie - An (accidental) Interview with Zander Gray
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Offline niggajones  
#1 Posted : 12 February 2013 07:13:29(UTC)
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Zander Gray

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Full Metal Jackie

Full Metal Jackie stands in a seedy looking alleyway outside the Vogue theater in rainy Vancouver, B.C. Zander emerges from behind a dumpster, straightening his pants.

Zander: Sorry, had to drain the main vein.
Jackie: Er, you said you could get me in to interview Meshuggah?
Zander: Meshuggah's playing here!? *he looks up at the marquee with awe* Jeez, I can't believe I missed out on that.
Jackie: Wait, what? You can't get me in? You said you were a roadie.
Zander: What? I never said that.
Jackie: Who the hell are you, anyway?
Zander: I'm an aspiring musician myself, actually.
Jackie: Oh, god.
Zander: What? An Interview?!? Well, I shouldn't...but anything for my tens of fans out there.
Jackie: *sighs* fine. What's your name?
Zander: I'm Zander Gray, guitar hero, solo artist, and possessor of a haircut that has been described as an egg wearing a hula skirt!
Jackie: Yeah, what's up with your hair? How old are you?
Zander: I'm thirty three, *he makes a noise like he just got shot in the throat* and it's fucking scary. I think that this is what happens when you smoke too much weed...although seeing as I'm the only person I know with hair like this, it's probably just genetic.
Jackie: Yeah. Why don't you just cut it all off?
Zander: All in due time, my dear, all in due time. I've a plan, you see.
Jackie: A plan?
Zander: I find a bank that's willing to insure my hair, cut it all off, and say it got singed off in a housefire! I collect the payment, and use that to fund my album. I'm a genius!
Jackie: You can insure hair?
Zander: You can insure anything! I just tell them I really like what little hair I have left. They'll buy it!
Jackie: I think I'm going to go now..
Zander: Heed my words, Full Metal Jackie! You'll rue the day you left Zander Gray mid interview! Rue the day!
*Zander runs up to the camera and tries to smudge the lens with his fingers before he gets tackled by the sound guy*
Jackie: This job fucking sucks.
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thanks 2 users thanked niggajones for this useful post.
erich hess on 12/02/2013(UTC), snap_itshannah on 14/02/2013(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#2 Posted : 12 February 2013 07:35:03(UTC)
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Erica: oh my god,I love this guy! Can metal have fan girls?

Nina: sure,love. Who do you think makes up the audience at an a7x show?

Erica and nina: burn!


Erich: you shoulda pulled the roadie card. Miss Jackie looks like the type...if you catch my drift.
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Offline niggajones  
#3 Posted : 12 February 2013 19:53:52(UTC)
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Zander: Fan girls? That sounds like a brilliant first step on my road to world domination!
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Offline erich hess  
#4 Posted : 12 February 2013 23:19:30(UTC)
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Erica: yes,you will build an army of screaming girls who will do anything you ask. They will form bridges with their very bodies so that you can cross rivers.

Nina: they will all speak in unison,and have their hair cut to match yours.
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Offline DarthMalachi  
#5 Posted : 14 February 2013 06:55:59(UTC)
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Michael: What a fucking brilliant interview. I'm sold. Jesus Knievel and Zander Gray, headlining...someplace! \m/
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AVANT-GARDE TECHNICAL INSTRUMENTAL METAL FROM NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

An Einstein-Rosen bridge into chaos.
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Offline niggajones  
#6 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:33:12(UTC)
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Zander: I'll have my people contact your people and our people will get together and we'll become people who play with other people and headline at a venue where people come to see people play kickass music.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#7 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:54:47(UTC)
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Castor: I realize that not everybody can look as dapper as myself, but... this might be a little overkill.
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Offline niggajones  
#8 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:56:48(UTC)
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Zander: maybe I should get a bowler hat to cover my baldness. If I honestly had a problem with looking like a dirty old hippy, I'd change the way I looked. but I don't, so I won't.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#9 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:57:59(UTC)
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Castor: I think you'd look good with a bowler hat. Everybody looks good with a bowler hat. Wear a bowler hat.
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Offline niggajones  
#10 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:59:00(UTC)
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Zander: I'd look hardly as debonair as you do, but I might give it a try, Mr. Drake. wish me luck.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#11 Posted : 14 February 2013 09:59:56(UTC)
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Castor: Luck has been wished upon you and your bald little head.
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Offline erich hess  
#12 Posted : 14 February 2013 10:11:53(UTC)
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Erica: his bald spot is cute! Though if Natalya gets that bald,I'm kicking her ass to the curb. Sorry.
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Offline niggajones  
#13 Posted : 14 February 2013 10:28:59(UTC)
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Zander: Thank you! But whoever Natalya is, don't kick her to the curb. If she gets that bald, she'll need all your support.
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Offline erich hess  
#14 Posted : 14 February 2013 10:56:58(UTC)
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erica:natalya is my wife. i;m sorry,bald girls arent my thing.

nina:at least not on their heads,love.

erica:dont be crude! like you'd stay with castor if he caught bald.

nina:you can catch it?! castor,come here this instant! stay away from this zander bloke.
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Offline DarthMalachi  
#15 Posted : 14 February 2013 10:57:19(UTC)
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John: Baldness does not excuse you from packing up your toque and guitar and getting ready to join us on tour...
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AVANT-GARDE TECHNICAL INSTRUMENTAL METAL FROM NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

An Einstein-Rosen bridge into chaos.
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Offline niggajones  
#16 Posted : 14 February 2013 11:05:40(UTC)
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Zander: Indeed it doesn't! Toque and guitar are being packed as we speak.
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