When Was The Last Time You Spoke to Her? A Reckless Abandon Tale
By Anna



Smoke hangs in the air for a few seconds before it disappears and dissipates into the atmosphere forever. In truth, it's still there. The particles themselves never truly leave, they just disseminate across the room and further afield until they are too small for us to appreciate. They're still damaging though. They still harm us in the same way, just on a scale that's far smaller. This was the sort of thought that often occupied her mind these days. That One Girl - she lay on her back and puffed out another cloud of the smoke that had become almost as essential to her as air itself. Sleep was little more than a distant memory at the moment, although she daren't air her grievances at all. Not to the man laid beside her.

To most people, That One Girl was nothing other than a homewrecker, a green/blue/red/orange/yellow-haired assassin who had essentially murdered the seven-year marriage of two of her employees by sleeping with the husband. No one saw the real thoughts that filled her head. Few people accepted the fact that she was actually a lot deeper. She had these kind of thoughts during extended bouts of loneliness. That was what she called it - to call it insomnia made it seem in her own head like there was something she was unable to do, and that wasn't acceptable. Ever since Envy had left the picture, it had been difficult for her to sleep. Was she guilty? Well, yes, but the truth was that that wasn't the reason she was kept awake at night. She never felt bad about what happened to her boss, because in her eyes, Envy was never really Pilgrim's wife. They had married young to allow Envy to escape a family who oppressed her to move to America. It was all about the convenience. Not love. Never love. The more she had repeated that mantra over the years, the more true it became in her own eyes. Repetition can teach your mind to believe even the most outrageous of things.

As she continued to puff on the cigarette, she shifted a little in the bed. It was warm and the thick air in the apartment made it feel like the height of summer, even if it was still just June. She shifted the strap of her bra against her back to stop it irritating her and sighed. As the roll up burnt her fingers she yelped a little and turned to put the last of it in the ash tray beside the bed. As she stubbed it out, she ran a hand through the hair and yawned just as she felt the arms wrap around her. Surprise made her jump a little and then she smiled weakly as she relaxed and let his hands slide across her smooth skin, his skin feeling soothing against her own. She lay fully down and allowed him to hug her from behind. He planted a kiss on her upper arm as he cleared his throat.

'Hey,' he whispered in that 'just-woken-up' kind of voice. 'How did you sleep?'

'Fine,' she lied. It didn't sit well with her to tell him of her troubles. Lay on a sofa for $100 an hour and someone with a bullshit certificate will tell you that opening up to people will make you feel wanted and help you feel better about your issues. Not to her - to her it seemed like seeking assistance was just a sign of weakness. 'You slept like a baby,' she said, turning her head towards him slightly and forcing another smile to stretch across her face. It almost hurt to do it.

'Shit, babe. You know that was some great stuff. You know where to shop. Puts my light right out,' he said with a smirk, referencing the heroin he had injected into his veins just the night before.

This was another source of That One Girl's worries, aside from the one she admitted would keep her from sleeping. Pilgrim, the guy she had worked for and slept with for the past five years, was a heavy drug user and she worried that his use of serious substances would take him away from her after years of her trying to make them a couple. In truth, she had little complaint given that it was always she who provided the drugs to him. She had originally been brought into his employ just to source and buy them, it was too difficult to stop and she couldn't air her worries to him. He had quite a temper if he didn't get to live the way he desired. She guessed it was the activist punk in him. That One Girl let out a gentle sigh and pulled his arms tighter across her stomach.

'Something up?' He asked, yawning and kissing her neck. She knew what that meant - sex. He always asked how she was if she was feeling down, but she wondered how much he cared. It never seemed to get in the way of his needs. She toyed with the idea of telling him the source of her not getting any sleep for the past while and then decided it was best to get it out in the open. Even if he treated it with the same nonchalant contempt that he did everything else, at least it would be out there and he would know how she felt really.

'When was the last time you spoke to her?' That One Girl asked tentatively. She was almost scared of the answer, but she plucked up the courage and asked anyway, closing her eyes as she waited for the blow. It wouldn't be a physical hit, Pilgrim had never raised his hands to her, but she still anticipated a mental punch after asking something so controversial, especially when he was still on his way down from his brownstone-induced high. She heard the sigh first and felt his hands slide away from her stomach and across her ribs. When contact was broken, she felt a sadness that came from the fear of losing him.

It was not a hard thing to envisage in her eyes. After all, he had professed to love Envy, only to kick her out of the house when someone better came along. If she pissed him off, she knew in her heart that he was likely to look at getting himself someone who was far less hassle. Someone who could detach themselves from feelings and love in the same way he could. Someone he thought she was when they got together all that time back. She heard him sigh again, but there was no answer. She could barely dare to turn over in case she saw anger in his eyes. He might not have loved like a normal human does, but she had fallen for him on the first day they had met. Something about him was just magical in her eyes - so alluring and powerful he was.

Eventually she turned over and looked towards Pilgrim. He was laid on his back now, the sheets draped across his waist and his toned torso on display. His tattooed arms were raised, hands behind his head as he puffed on a cigarette and stared at the ceiling. The look in his face confused her slightly. Through the smoke, she could just make out the half-nonchalant expression, mixed with a slight twinge of anger. She sighed, wanting him to say something. It was tough, because she knew how much of a hot head he could be. She also knew that her paranoia was a product of her own doing, given that she had almost stolen pilgrim from his ex wife through years of shameless adultery.

That One Girl stares at the silent boyfriend laid beside her for a while. A single tear rolls down her cheek as she waits for his answer. All she wanted to know was whether or not he had been in contact with Envy in the last little while, but he wasn't going to answer. To put her worries to rest. She eventually lay back down beside him and placed her head on his chest, feeling his breathing making her head rise and fall slightly.

'I think someone has some apologising to do,' the calm voice from above her came, the vibrations in his chest ringing softly in her ears. She knew what he meant, but she was upset and she just wanted him to hug her like he used to, all those months before, before she had found herself in the same position that Envy had in the past.

'I...I'm sorry, Pil. I just, I get worried that I'll lose you.' She feels another tear roll from her eye and onto his chest. 'I am sor...' Her voice cuts off when a hand clutches the hair on the back of her head.

'Shhhh....' Pilgrim says quietly. 'Apologise for real. You upset me.'

She looks down just as he kicks the sheets down from around his waist and pushes her head lower down his torso. That One Girl closes her eyes for a moment and tries not to cry. Was this her price for caring about him so much that the very thought of them not together hurt her? She didn't want to, but at the same time, there was no way she wanted him to be more upset. He was right, she supposed. Her question was wrong, and she could see why he was very upset at her.

As her head got closer to his midriff, she opened her eyes again and saw it there. This was always the way she had to apologise. She wasn't even sure he liked it when he was mad, but it was like he knew it would keep her quiet. That One Girl sighs one last time and closes her eyes. Opening her mouth, she guides her lips over it and hears him gasp audibly as he lets go of her hair at last.

To be continued..