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Nichole Shade's Blog - NEW BLOG: A game to help you along your journey of self-centered madness.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#121 Posted : 12 April 2013 11:03:50(UTC)
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Nichole: I'M A LITTLE PREGNANT RIGHT NOW! IT'S NOT THAT EASY ANYMORE! ;)
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Offline erich hess  
#122 Posted : 12 April 2013 11:14:05(UTC)
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erica:*giggles* you poor thing. but its for the best.i do not want a god child with dents in her head. castor and nina could have that one.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#123 Posted : 12 April 2013 11:16:27(UTC)
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Nichole: You're getting which ever one I give you, god damnit, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT! ;)
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Offline erich hess  
#124 Posted : 12 April 2013 11:21:56(UTC)
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erica:you know i will.i cant wait! they are going to be so damn cute.
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Offline genocidal king  
#125 Posted : 13 April 2013 03:38:27(UTC)
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Natalya : I once found Erica Hess's phone on a bathroom floor too. When I bent down to pick it up, it turns out she was hiding as part of a trap. She did unspeakable things to me. I loved it.
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Offline erich hess  
#126 Posted : 13 April 2013 03:42:23(UTC)
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Erica: you never know when I am going to......POUNCE! You bring it on yourself,naty. You and your cute butt.
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Offline genocidal king  
#127 Posted : 13 April 2013 03:46:21(UTC)
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Natalya: You're not lying about being a pouncer. How many times have you woken me in the night with "oh Natycakes I had a bad dream," before jumping on me and having your way with me? I lost count :P (never stop though)
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#128 Posted : 05 July 2013 01:51:47(UTC)
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FOURTH OF JULY WOOHOO


This year, with the impending birth of Kate Middleton's first child, reminded me that the Fourth of July is all about not being ruled by the British, and we should celebrate accordingly. And even though the prospect of a child being born into royalty is soooo chic/something I've always wanted to experience, it's also kind of fucked up that this still happens in 2013 (or ever). Unfortunately, it's always been hard for me to fully give myself to a holiday where people celebrate America by migrating to large bodies of water/drowning their vegetables in "mayo"/participating in "clam bakes." So, here are a few "do's" and "don't" to consider as you prepare to navigate the slippery slope between patriotism and gluttony this Independence Day.

Do: Truly experience your independence, and sever all personal relationships in your life for twenty-four hours. This day is about you.

Don't: Participate in any "picnics," especially if they include the consumption of animal byproducts.

Do: Remember that your teeth aren't British, and be thankful for that.

Don't: Eat any "salads" that have the word potato, corn, tuna, chicken, egg, or ranch in front of them.

Do: Red, white and blue = green (juice).

Don't: Drink "punch" out of a communal trough. It won't make you patriotic, it will just make you obsese.

Do: Feed your eyes. Fireworks ae a must, and they're best in bulk.

Don't: Attend any parties where people dress up in traditional colonial clothing, or attempt to reenact the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Do: Use this holiday as a justification to invest in a thoroughbred horse, because that's what George Washington would have done.

Don't: Use this holiday as a justification to invest in atrocious clothing just because it has an American flag on it.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 05 July 2013 01:53:38(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified
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Offline erich hess  
#129 Posted : 05 July 2013 02:07:06(UTC)
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Erica: I love you,Nichole. Seriously,I was just thinking the world needed a new blog from you.these are wise wise words,coleykins. You can save Americans from becoming 'muricans.
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Offline genocidal king  
#130 Posted : 05 July 2013 02:13:55(UTC)
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Scott Rose-Hilton: Forgive me if I seem bitter, but some British stereotyping and bullshit across Twitter all day has annoyed me. On this fourth of July, I will look at my British teeth...and not be shocked at how ill-informed that stereotype is, because aforementioned teeth have always be fine. Then I will look at my abs and be thankful my stomach is not American.

Happy Independence Day (I preferred the movie.)

Edited by user 05 July 2013 02:17:25(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline snap_itshannah  
#131 Posted : 05 July 2013 02:18:51(UTC)
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Quote:
Erica: I love you,Nichole. Seriously,I was just thinking the world needed a new blog from you.these are wise wise words,coleykins. You can save Americans from becoming 'muricans.


Nichole: Thank you, Erica. I don't think I'll be able to stop the evolution of Ameicans into "'muricans," but I can definitely try to stall it. ;)

Quote:
Scott Rose-Hilton: Forgive me if I seem bitter, but some British stereotyping and bullshit across Twitter all day has annoyed me. On this fourth of July, I will look at my British teeth...and not be shocked at how ill-informed that stereotype, is because aforementioned teeth have always be fine. Then I will look at my abs and be thankful my stomach is not American.

Happy Independence Day (I preferred the movie.)


Nichole: Oh, Scott... Don't be butt hurt. We love you, and know that you're the best looking British guy around. Calm down and spend the day enjoying the fact that you don't have to worry about the empty calories that are associated with drinking to numb the pain of being an American.
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Offline genocidal king  
#132 Posted : 05 July 2013 02:21:52(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: snap_itshannah Go to Quoted Post
Quote:
Erica: I love you,Nichole. Seriously,I was just thinking the world needed a new blog from you.these are wise wise words,coleykins. You can save Americans from becoming 'muricans.


Nichole: Thank you, Erica. I don't think I'll be able to stop the evolution of Ameicans into "'muricans," but I can definitely try to stall it. ;)

Quote:
Scott Rose-Hilton: Forgive me if I seem bitter, but some British stereotyping and bullshit across Twitter all day has annoyed me. On this fourth of July, I will look at my British teeth...and not be shocked at how ill-informed that stereotype, is because aforementioned teeth have always be fine. Then I will look at my abs and be thankful my stomach is not American.

Happy Independence Day (I preferred the movie.)


Nichole: Oh, Scott... Don't be butt hurt. We love you, and know that you're the best looking British guy around. Calm down and spend the day enjoying the fact that you don't have to worry about the empty calories that are associated with drinking to numb the pain of being an American.


Scott: My ire isn't directed at you, Nichole. You know I think you're cool. I just get annoyed at the way some people seem to think that today is a day to use twitter to just completely abuse my country. I apologise and stuff.

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Offline snap_itshannah  
#133 Posted : 05 July 2013 02:24:56(UTC)
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Quote:
Scott: My ire isn't directed at you, Nichole. You know I think you're cool. I just get annoyed at the way some people seem to think that today is a day to use twitter to just completely abuse my country. I apologise and stuff.


Nichole: Hey, we're cool, man. Peace and shit, I don't know. :)
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Offline erich hess  
#134 Posted : 05 July 2013 03:05:05(UTC)
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Erica: I wish I could evolve into one. I want to grow a big pair of knockers and ...nah,I like my butt as is. But no, I gain weight in stupid places....like my feet.

Nina: I am with Scott. England and the rest of the uk did continue to develop past the 19th century! Bloody amazing,I know! In fact,Scotland and wales,and Northern ireland are NOT England. As for the teeth? Castor says I have the finest teeth he ever came across.

Erica:*snickers*

Nina:what,love?

Erica: nothing.
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#135 Posted : 08 July 2013 04:08:34(UTC)
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Dear Nichole,

I've been talking to two guys for a couple of weeks. Nothing serious. One of them asked if I'd date him (which I said yes to), but now that we're in a relationship, I don't know if I should stop talking to the other guy. What if I break up with the first guy?

Help!
K******

Dear Past Me,

Based on the nature of your question, I assume you're one of my few fans that are still in middle school, which means you're going to have a minimum of five to ten "boyfriends" over the next few years, so these two won't really mean anything to you within a few months.

Here's a rundown of some likely options/scenarios you'll face in the future:

Nicholas: He goes by his middle name ("Zach"), smokes American Spirits and tells you you look like a sluttier Megan Fox. You let him touch your boobs in the back of his parent's Prius, which makes you feel dangerous and alive. You break up with him because he spends all of his free time creating a video game app and starts calling you "dude" around his friends.

Austin: He looks like a younger Kegan Dawson, wears raw denim jeans, and is "over" everything and everybody. He's literally perfect. Until he's gay.

Hunter: His mom is an eating disorder specialist, so he's incredibly supportive of your "changing body." He lets you cheat off his Geography tests since you don't care where Zambia is/have Google Maps anyways. In the end, you can't see past his transition lenses, oily skin, and thin hair. You break up with him, but get an A in Geography, and attend your first Jewish seder, which is all you ever wanted anyways.

Isaac: He has hair like Ellen Degeneres and gets the lead role in your school production of Jesus Christ Superstar. He asks you to be in an open relationship after he admits to fingering your best friend/Mary Magdalene backstage. You agree and continue hooking up until he transers to art school in San Francisco.

It's always important to have a few viable options lying around because you never know what shit's going to hit the fan.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 08 July 2013 04:11:28(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#136 Posted : 14 August 2013 02:01:37(UTC)
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Dear Nichole,

My cousin didn't want me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding because she thought I was too pretty, and I would steal her day. Now, she doesn't want me around because I'm too pretty and thinks I will steal her boyfriend. Why am I being punished for being naturally good looking? It's not my fault.

N*****

Never A Bridesmaid,

Your cousin didn't want you to be her bridesmaid not because you're too pretty and she's afraid that you'll seduce her husband. Your cousin didn't want you to be her bridesmaid because you're annoying.

Have a great week.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 14 August 2013 02:02:12(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#137 Posted : 25 September 2013 00:08:25(UTC)
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Random Comments on Life Right Now


Maturbation is legal on public beaches in Stockholm.

Now, American sexhibitionists are relocating to Sweden: A country that is paler, less clothed, and apparently more willing to allow sixty-five year old men to ejaculate into the sea than the United States.

Although I'm all about living on the sexual cutting edge, I just prefer to see a flaccid penis at the beach. Sooooo, while this new law may work well for sexually unrepressed Swedes, I'll probably opt for the clothing-optional waters of the French Riviera instead this coming summer.

Sweden is chic, but France is chicer.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 25 September 2013 00:12:38(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified
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Offline erich hess  
#138 Posted : 25 September 2013 00:19:49(UTC)
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Erica: fuck it. IM DOING IT! Sweden here I "come".

Nina: ew,love. Could you imagine stepping in cold cum? "Sweden,worlds crustiest beaches."

Erica:*blank look and slowly clicks off of Expedia *
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Offline snap_itshannah  
#139 Posted : 25 September 2013 00:21:47(UTC)
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Quote:
Erica: fuck it. IM DOING IT! Sweden here I "come".

Nina: ew,love. Could you imagine stepping in cold cum? "Sweden,worlds crustiest beaches."

Erica:*blank look and slowly clicks off of Expedia *


Nichole: Ugh. Ugh. I could not. I could not even think about going to Sweden now. Good luck, everybody who lives there. Hope penises are your favorite thing.

By the way, I'm just waiting for somebody to bring up Suzie. I just know that somebody is going to take this blog as a personal attack against her.
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Offline erich hess  
#140 Posted : 25 September 2013 00:39:40(UTC)
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Erica: I was thinking suzie was everyone's inspiration for willy beating. I was wondering if it has to be yourself you are working on? Could I bring a friend,and help them?
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