Everyone's favorite PSA star is at it again! What is that saying about the road to hell and good Intentions?
Erica is sitting at a table in front of numerous "kids". The kids are clearly retirees in youth clothing. Several are in walkers and others have the comical ear cone type hearing aids. Erica looks up from her table and smiles.
Erica: oh,hi there! We didn't hear you come in. We were just discussing vegetables and how very important they are.
Old man: what? Vegetables? I haven't been able to digest vegetables since Eisenhower. Where's my jello?
Erica:*forces a smile* Tristan, you know you weren't around for Eisenhower,I think you mean "Clinton".
Old man:,the hell I do,that panty waist couldn't do half the shit Ike did!
Erica: what,like beat Tina turner?
Old man: you mean ladybird,young lady?
Erica: mort, shut the fuck up or no more matlock for you. * Erica's eyes drift to the camera* I mean MTV,you wacky young kids and your MTV.*she laughs nervously*
The old man waves his arms and shuffles off. He takes off his taped on hipster beard and pulls the skinny jeans out of his ass "I didnt kill nazis so men could wear girls pants. Fucking kids."
Erica watches mort shuffle away. She clears her throat and plays with her silverware.
Erica.ok..where were we? Oh yes,veggies. A lot of times people ask me me, "Erica,your wife is far younger than you,and looks like she fucks like a minx. Where do you get the energy?" My answer? Yes,she does. And VEGETABLES.
Old man 2: wife?
Erica: yuppers! *she grins and looks off screen and whispers,"can we get a pic of natycakes up*
Seconds later,Natalya's picture appears behind Erica.
Erica: we were giving back to the community that day. Our car wash didnt have many customers,so we had soap fights.
Several of the men gasp and high five.one poor guys pacemaker fires. The old women shake their heads.
Old lady: lets she how she likes it when she is my age and she keeps kicking her knockers everytime she steps. I stepped on the right one once,hurt like hell!
Erica: as you can imagine . Don't imagine too much,Pervy petes! Vegetables are an important part of our diet. For you picky eaters out there,You don't even have to eat vegetables to reap their benefits. Naty sometimes has me take a cucumber and put it directly In her-
Screen goes black
The screen returns to Erica and her group of "kids" several are very red faced and Erica is holding a cucumber.
Erica: ok...I've been informed that there is no nutritional value to putting a cucumber,or any other vegetable,into any office except the mouth. See? We are ALL learning today.
Random old man: what about v8 juice? Can I get my vegetables that way? I lost my dentures,BECAUSE OLGA IS A FUCKING THIEF!
Erica:*shakes her head* silly boy. Teenagers don't use dentures. But to answer your question,I guess you could. If you're a communist. Quit being a little bitch, eat your vegetables like a man.
Old man: I don't have teeth!
Erica: oh,I get it l. Olga stole your grill. Well,sadly you gotta move on. Non platinum covered teeth still work. Kids and their skewed priorities. So what have we learned today,kids?
The crowd of people are shuffling away. It's jello time and there is a Bob hope special on. Erica has been forgotten.
Erica: ok. So yeah. Vegetables are a keystone to a proper diet. But you gotta be careful.some of these vegetables are frankenfood and will cause you to sprout a penis where there wasnt one before. Sure,it may look fun in pornos...hell,it is even fun to try once. But do you want to sprout a penis,then have Monsanto claim copyrights to your penis? Tell Monsanto you don't want to sprout a penis,if you're a girl. And if you're a man,tell them they CAN'T copyright your penis. Buy organic veggies. The farmers usually care about what they grow....and usually grow weed too. Think about it,weed makes you hungry. If you can't normally bring yourself to eat vegetables,get the munchies. There will not be a broccoli sprig in the house.. ...just be sure not to buy other munchie friendly food. No burritos,chips,crackers,cheese,pizza,Ice cream...etc etc. so how about it? Lets eat our veggies and fuck like minxes!
