OOC: Hooray! Thank you! :)

Erica: yay,my Layla IS adorable. I have to say though,I like anyone who's advice is "get laid". I find they solves soooo many problems.

Mariko: and can cause some too!


Ooc: you're swinging for the fences.loved it.

Naomi: "Who gives a shit?" ouch lol

ooc: Really enjoyed reading this I really love this character it's really entertaining reading these reviews great job :)

Edited by user 04 May 2013 05:03:47(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Alec: Yeah. Too bad they're not the same person, or else this band may have earned another star.

Mariko: I make a horrible sneaky person.

Max Pruitt (Max-Volume Magazine Editor): I love how every mildly musically inclined jackass with a computer now thinks he is a professional music critic when all he does is bash songs in order to maintain his own online persona. There used to be time when music reviewers knew the line between snarkily ridiculing a song and just being an attention-seeking prat. So please dont quit your day-job. the music industry doesn't need your full blown attention.

OOC: very fun reads. Review something of mine someday?

My father, god rest his soul, was married eight times throughout his life. As a child, I thought this meant that every woman wasn’t good enough for him, and that he was the coolest guy in the world (and, honestly, I think he thought that exact same thing as well). Anyway, when I was nine, I got one of those elementary school “girlfriends” to come over to my house and play cards. She wasn’t all that great at the game, and when I told her, she got pretty upset over it and went home. So when I asked my dad why she had left, he told me that I didn’t tell her how horribly she sucked at the game correctly. I didn’t do the “Compliment Sandwich.” That’s where you tell her something that she’s good at, then something that she’s bad at, and then finish with something that she’s good at. He told me that women are too slow to realize that you just insulted them if you start it and finish it with a compliment, and you’re more likely to get laid that way. At the time, I knew nothing of sex, so I didn’t try this approach, and as I grew older, I realized that if a woman was too thin-skinned to take some constructive criticism, then I didn’t want to sleep with her anyway. But Tisha Jackson is just hot enough for me to want to try this tactic, so here we go.

By the way, if you’re reading this blog because you want to know what that is that Tisha Jackson is wearing on the cover, and where they are sold so you can burn the whole place to the ground, I don’t know. I wish I did.

There are a lot of great tracks on this album, and a lot of tracks that made me want to vomit. And then the tracks inbetween that nobody is going to remember. There’s a standard edition, and a deluxe edition, which I recommend shelling out the money for, because it has one of the best songs on it. Some of the better songs are Speaking in Tongues and Good Lovin’ (which features, you guessed it: Our favorite little over achiever, Chloe!), both of which were needed in this album to make it a par album. Some songs that sucked? Kiss My Ass was less of a quality song, and more of a cry out for approval of what Tisha Jackson is doing with her life. Tisha Jackson has showed us time and again how, even when she’s trying to make it seem like she’s some bad ass bitch with a bad ass life, she’s really just a little girl trying to get mommy and daddy to accept her life decisions. Nobody is kissing your ass, sweetheart… At least not in the way that you’re asking them to.

So, coming back to that compliment sandwich again, I’m going to do this: I’ve picked my two most favorite songs, and my two least favorite songs. Compliment fucking sandwich time, sweetheart:


We all know this song, we all love this song, as we all should. This song is a perfect example of “life transition” song. Tisha Jackson isn’t whining, she isn’t bitching, she isn’t trying to get sympathy out of anybody – she is simply saying, “This is the way it is, this is the way it was, and if you don’t like it, then go fuck yourself.” Tisha Jackson’s had a hard time. She went to rehab, I think. And I think she was hit by her boyfriend, or something like that. Honestly, I don’t know a lot about the Plight of Tisha, but here’s my point: Tisha Jackson doesn’t give a fuck what you think about her Plight either. If this song doesn’t tell you that, then I don’t know what can. Maybe Oprah. Apparently she and Tisha are buddies now.


Oh, Tisha. I’m not sure what audience you were trying to target with this song, but it’s definitely not the audience that listens to you. You’re Tisha Jackson: Your whole persona has been built around you being a fucking bad ass, and even though we’re all slowly starting to realize that you’re actually not one, you still have to play that role. Welcome to fame. You don’t get to be your own person. You get to be our person, because your soul now belongs to the fucking media. Sorry you didn’t get that memo. My point: We don’t want to hear songs from you about how you and your first love fucking broke up, but it’s your fault and bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. First of all: That’s boring, and if I’m going to buy your album, I don’t want to be bored. Second of all: The majority of your listeners are people who are trying to put on the bad ass persona, just like you are. They’re not going to agree with this song at all, because apparently everybody in the fucking liberal media wants to believe that women should be treated exactly like men are treated, except in all the ways that men are treated. Therefore, the women that listen to your album want to believe that they don’t make any god damn mistakes in relationships, because if we (the men in the relationship) ever accused them of doing so, we would be fucking “emotionally abusing” them. Strangely enough, it doesn’t work the same way when that situation is flipped around. Funny how that whole “gender equality” thing works out, huh? But I digress. Your target audience do not want to hear about how they have the ability to make mistakes, and your song isn’t going to do shit to try to convince them otherwise. I’m sorry. You tried. Better luck next time.


Another example of Tisha Jackson trying to bad ass and failing completely. The idea for the song isn’t bad: Random ex shows up into a perfectly good relationship and tries to get their ex back. Something we’ve all experienced before. It’s not exactly an original idea for a song, but hey, fuck me, right? What do I know? So the whole song is some call out to the ex… At least I think it is. Here’s some of the lyrics from it:



I’m going to be honest with all of you: I’m not exactly versed in Ebonics…. But none of what she just said made any sense to me. What is a pum pum? Somebody please tell me, because I have no fucking idea, and I’m afraid that one day I’m going to be in a life-or-death situation and I’ll need to know, and I won’t. ”She didn’t carry any of your seeds…” Seeds, like… pregnancy seeds? I don’t fucking know what you’re trying to tell me, Tisha! Tisha! The ex is saying that her pum pum is turned up! But your boyfriend, Roderick, Stephan, and the whole hood are saying it isn’t! Tisha, now I’m not worried about the pum pum being on; Now I’m more worried about the fact that your last album sold ten millions copies, but you’re still living in the hood. Does everybody see the point I’m trying to make here? Great. Moving on.


[size=7]I’m not mushy guy. I don’t listen to sappy love songs, I don’t read Nicholas Sparks books, and I only cry during movies when dogs die. But this song is a legitimately well written love song, which is so hard to find now. Not only is this a love song that isn’t just “I can’t live without you bleh bleh bleh” and shit like that, but it’s finally a song where I think Tisha was being honest with herself about who she is. First few lines: ”At heart, I’m a modern day girl / The only difference is I just happen to pop up upon your TV / I’m really opinionated / Almost as much as the public is of me.” That’s some quality shit, ladies and gentlemen. I know we’re only in May, but I’m going to name this song: BEST LOVE SONG OF THE YEAR.

Or at least until I find a love song that’s better than this. Although I fucking doubt I will.

So there you are. A small review over the best and the worst of Tisha Jackson’s The Highway to Redemption. Buy it, don’t buy it, it doesn’t affect my salary any. But for the sake of Tisha Jackson, I would buy it. Like her or not, she’s a pop legend, and we don’t have many of those around anymore.

Edited by user 09 May 2013 13:47:54(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

OOC: Thank you! :)

Alec: At least somebody understands the truth of it.

OOC: Thank you for doing this! You rocked this shit, very entertaining and funny. BTW, to help you with the ebonics, pum pum refers to a womans vagina, and basically everyone in the neighborhood had the girl. & seeds means being being pregnant with child lol.

Edited by user 10 May 2013 13:49:45(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified