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REVIEW: Reported Failure's RomeAKATHIS REVIEW ISN'T FUNNY BECAUSE I LIKED THE ALBUM. FUCK YOU. Alright. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. Reported Failure's Rome. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know all about this album. If you haven't picked up a copy, then you've definitely heard about how cool it is from all your little friends. Let me give you some advice, kid: It's just as cool as your friends are telling you it is. In fact, probably cooler than what they say. I mean it. Album of the year already. What month is it? June? Don't care. Album of the year. Go home, bitches. Reported Failure nailed it. I know, guys. I know what you're thinking. "Awww! But you're Alec Holter! You're not supposed to like anything bleh bleh bleh!" Nope. Shut up. This is it. If Rome doesn't hit #1 for at least four weeks, I'm quitting as a critic. I mean that.
But I guess until society as a whole lets me down again, I'm reviewing this.Part 1: Change & RebirthYes, the tracks come in four parts. Seems weird, huh? Totally different than anything else? A little unexpected, but not totally unwanted? Rome.general. Part 1 consists of three songs: Days Spent in the Dark, Lunar Utero, and The Day After Forever. These songs are not completely unknown to us. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of these songs were the main reason why you bought the album in the first place. They're great songs. All of them are A-plus-pluses. And depending on which interpretation you take on the album, this beginning could be one of the most important parts.
Oh, didn't I mention that before? Yeah. Get ready for Rome to get ten times more complicated: Think of some of the most complex topics that can often be found in graduate level Philosophy classes. Did Plato come to mind? Maybe, reincarnation? Hmm? Yes? Well, lucky for you, all of these themes and more can be found as interpretations of Reported Failure's Rome. Sadly, for most of you who can't think for themselves, I won't be telling you my interpretation of it because 1.) it's time you figured out life for yourself, and 2.) this album is so full of twists, turns, and thoughts that any theory I could give you on my interpretation of it could easily be swatted away by another just as well thought out theory. That's one of the great things about this album: You can sit back, enjoy, and listen to the music, or you can think about it. It's your choice, world. Make a good one.Days Spent in the DarkAnyway, we open this album with Days Spent in the Dark. If you don't already know this song, let me try to some it up for you: Beautiful and creepy. All at the same time. And I don't get creeped out easily, especially by songs. If you have your Rome CD, take it out right now, and really listen to the lyrics of this song. In fact, really listen to the lyrics of all of the songs. The imagery is fucking everywhere, and it is perfect.Lunar UteroThen we go on to Lunar Utero, an equally as known and equally as beautiful song. Remember in Days Spent in the Dark, where all the creepy imagery made you feel uncomfortable, and you just kept thinking, "Well, I'm sure after this song, it'll get a bit brighter." HAHAHA NOPE! Welcome to Lunar Utero, which has lyrics that make you feel just as uncomfortable as the mental image of a lunar uterus does.The Day After ForeverAnd then, the last stop on our travels of Part 1, The Day After Forever. Sounds like kind of a cutsy name, right? Like something Nicholas Sparks would name one of his books. Maybe it's a love song? You're cute. The song, in any sort of interpretation, can be said to be about the afterlife, or at least has some connection to the afterlife. I don't know what Billie Beckett, that tall drink of water, believes in, but he's definitely ringing true to both himself, and to what his audience wants to hear. So good job, Billie. Good job. Your name is spelled the way one of my ex-girlfriends spelled her name. I'll over look that for you.Part 2: GiveAlright! Part two! Moving right along here. Part 2 is called Give. Why is it called Give? Fuck if I know. Does it really matter? Not really. There's the beauty of music for you. None of it really matters all that much. Of course, I get paid to act like it does matter, so I guess for some of us, it has to matter a bit. Featured in this part of the album, we have Awakening, Goodbye Innocence, and Landslide. And if you're thinking, "Hahaha, Landslide. I know another song named that," we know, because it's a cover. That's right, ladies and gentlemen: Reported Failure is covering a Fleetwood Mac song. But we'll get to that in a moment.AwkeningAwakening starts us off in this part with a darling little piano melody that quickly becomes louder until it's no longer that happy little piano melody, but a full out rock band playing. But such is life. If your interpretation of the album was something along the lines of trying to recover from a mental illness, this song would probably be the song that you would pull most of your arguements from. If anything, we can definitely say that this is one of the happiest songs, but not their best song. There's much more to come.Goodbye InnocenceAnnnnnnnnnd... the good feeling's gone. Now in the meat of the album, Reported Failure gets back to their sound of pure rock, and gives us another completely interflective and depressing song. Just a few lyrics from this song I would like to impart on you before we move on: Yes, goodbye, innocence / hello, my slow death So... Let's all have that thought go through you for a moment. For anybody who has ever forgotten that we're all slowly dying every day of your life, Reported Failure is here to make sure you never forget it again. Also: I can't wake up some mornings / the legs on my body are weak now / I could crawl away / But I'll stand in honor of my dying breed. That is all.LandslideAlright. Here we are. Landslide. Probably the song that I've listened to the most of this CD so far. I've already admitted to a couple people of how big of a Barbra Streisand fan I am, so I really feel no guilt over admitting how much I enjoy Fleetwood Mac. Especially Stevie Nicks... ESPECIALLY Stevie Nicks. There's something about Reported Failure covering this song and then sticking it into this album that is both SO out of place, and yet works so well. I can't explain it that well. The best I can do is tell you that if you're feeling like your emotions are getting fucked around with, they are, and it's not over yet.Part 3: Land and SeaPart 3, ladies and gents. Part 3. Also, our longest part, which probably means that everybody is going to have to do a lot more thinking when it comes to these lyrics. Are you ready? Yeah, me neither, but here we go. In Part 3 we have When I Talk to God, Arctic Stars, Frosted Peaks, and Land and Sea. Sounds like a fun time.When I Talk to GodOkay, so I think at least most of us vaguely remember when this song was leaked, and nobody really had any idea what the fuck was going on with it, right? Well, here it is on the album. The fact that the song is now on an album really doesn't clear up that question, but I think it makes everybody feel a little bit calmer about whether or not Billie might be commiting blasphemy with it or not. I don't care. Rock on. Whatever. It's just a weird song, that's my point. And for the people who were all up in arms over it, just chill out. It's a gorgeous song anyway, so who really gives a shit? Listen to the song. It's very soothing and relaxing. Listen... listen...Arctic StarsFor those of you who feel like you can't buy an album unless it has some love song of you and your significant other to call "your song" on it, here you go. You asked, Reported Failure delivered. Your love song. Another gorgeous song for a gorgeous album. We're getting to that point in the album where all the songs are so good that I'm running out of ways to describe them. So here you go. It's the gorgeous love song. Enjoy.Frosted PeaksWe all remember this pulchritudinous (I found an online thesaurus. This is a real word. Look it up.) single from not so long ago, and now here it is again on the album. It's odd, but the song actually feels almost like a completely different song when it's put with the rest of the album. Of course, it's not. It's the same song that I've heard overplay on the radio (not overplayed because I don't want to hear the song, but overplayed because radio DJs are paid way too much for how little they do, and if they feel like fucking off, they play the same song over and over again, which is basically what happened here) for the past couple of weeks. It just feels different when you hear everything else. It's like when you hear somebody complaining about somebody, but you don't realize why they're complaining about them until the complainee is in your house, drinking all your wine, and telling you your movie taste is shit. Not that I'm complaining about this song. I'm just, you know... giving a metaphor that I'm sure most people can relate to...Land and SeaBoth the title of this part and the title of the song. Magical! I know I've said this a few times before, but this is honestly one of the most beautiful/pulchritudinous/exquisite/foxy songs of the album. It's another song that is so easy to relax to, and yet has a lot of meaning, as all of the songs on this particular album do. The repetition throughout the song really drives the meaning home, and also makes the song really easy to listen to. One thing that sometimes bothers me about long songs that are not as well made as this one is that they get so platitudinous after about a couple minutes in. This doesn't happen with this song. So congratulations, RF.
Part 4: Rome
Well, my friends and journeymen, we've made it to part four. We've made it to Rome. This last part is definitely the shortest part of the album, with three songs: Enlightenment, Journey's End, and Rome (feat. Brandon Caulfield). The catch? Both Enlightenment and Journey's End are completely instrumental; they're both just a piano. Shall we review them? Let's reveiw them.
Enlightenment & Journey's End
There are certain moments when a band really becomes something beautiful. Sometimes it's when they're able to sing a capella and still sound just amazing, if there were still a band playing behind them. Sometimes its when they put on that amazing stage show that completely takes your breath away and turns you into one of the teenage girls at the Beatles concerts. And then sometimes it's like this. The final two songs before Rome are both only instrumental, and absolutely perfect. They sound like a sly mixture between Philip Glass type simplicity, yet with the Reported Failure twang of meaning. Both of them deserve standing ovations and bravos. Fantastic.
RomeAnd the last stop on our ride. Well, it's been fun, hasn't it? I think we all learned something about ourselves in this album. Maybe it's that you just don't understand this album. That's fine. The first step is admitting you have a problem.
In the Reported Failure tradition, their last song on the album is just as big as they are. And, well hey, Brandon Caulfield is part of it as well. It's a good ending to a fantastic album. You walk away from it saying, "Well, I feel good about what I just listened to," and then maybe listen to it again. Go ahead. It's alright. You can listen to it again. Maybe a few more times as well. It doesn't matter. Nobody will judge you for this. In fact, if you're the first person out of your group to learn all of the lyrics to all of the songs, you'll probably be the coolest, hippest one. So go for it. Dream big.Also...  This motherfucker right here. What.
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