Here's what you need to know about your new boyfriend:

1.) He comes from a small town in Norway, which is a country that looks vaguely like a penis.

2.) He stars in the short documentary, Whateverest, which is the most important film you'll watch this week.

3.) He has no life whatsoever. Instead he takes care of his sick dad, which is adorable.

4.) His sweet dance moves indicate that sleeping with him would be nothing short of ecstasy/terrifying.

5.) His hobby is cooking meth!

6.) He styled a "christmas-lights-over-shawl-over-sweater" look that he wears throughout the entire movie all by himself ON METH!

7.) His motto is "No Bad Days."

8.) He's completely unstable and probably dangerous.

9.) He may or may not be a real person, and this entire thing might be a joke, which makes him even more real. You know?

Now go watch it and tell me that your boyfriend is more boyfriend than this boyfriend.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 27 September 2013 10:14:31(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

erica:*whining* but i dont want a boyfriend! i like kitties!


nina:come on,love. you are bi and you know it.

Nichole: Yeah... no. No, Erica is a lesbian who likes penis when the boy with the penis is prettier than most women. Only then is she "bi." But Erica is a lesbian.

Nichole: On Andros? Shit, if I could get away with it, I'd be on Andros right now, too. Don't front.

You hate it when people try to talk to you about their dreams. It's not that you hate the person in general, you just hate them in that moment. It's okay. The same thing happens to me because it's fucking annoying.

It's fresh on my mind because yesterday, one of my besties/assistant, Faith Browdy (who you've never met but have for sure heard sick shit about) ambushed our juice-date/hike with an hour-long retelling of her dream from the night prior. I'm her friend/boss, so I had to at least feign investment in her story, but the trust is: I felt stuck. I had no where to go, and I couldn't listen to her harp about how it felt to be dream-married to Vanity for one more second. I was imprisoned by her dream. Enslaved even. That's what happens when you allow someone to not only re-tell you their fucking dream, but also discover new memories that they have from it, right in front of you. Witnessing someone's personal cycle of self-discovery is not easy for me.

The reason being: it's selfish. There's just nothing to say to someone after they do it besides:

"That's insane."

"That's fucking insane."

"That's so insane, whoa."

So, once I was home and safe and showered, I decided to take deaming out of my life entirely. It's basically pointless, no?

No more dreaming for me. I'm not going to dream anymore so that if - God forbid - someone tries to tell me about theirs, I can simply dead the conversation by letting them know that I do not dream, and will not understand anything they are saying. My sleep specialist is going to help me achieve this goal (she mentioned using topical goat oils, which sounds promising), and the only reason I'm telling you all about this is so you know that sleeping, dreaming, and Vanity are not convo starters that I'll be responding to henceforth. Thanks.

You're welcome,

Nichole

Edited by user 05 October 2013 10:22:29(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Erich:...ada is perfect. That is all.

Erica: for real. I think izzy is the only one of slated for role model material. The rest of us are various degenerates. Be you,dont be me.

Erich: never heard of it. I assume its about someone great and wonderful...it is,right?

Erica: I....kinda spent my youth doing that as well. Can you imagine a completely straight and uptight Erica?

Ooc:never!

Erich: whew. I was worried for a second. Some people could get the wrong idea of my little Teutonic cutie.

Erica: I know,right? What was youthful Nichole like? Butch truck driver?

Erica: aw,I'd have loved to known falsely confident coleykins. Though at that age,i would have been likely to call you ugly and pudgy to cover my own lust for girls....

Nichole: All narcissism aside: You should be your only role model. Not because you're awesome or amazing or anything like that, but because no matter how hard you try, you can't be anybody else besides Honor Wynter. So wooooh.