Erica hess kobayashi on "wake up! San Francisco"." clip
Host: and we are back! Halloween is just around the corner. She we thought we'd scare up a good time with that darling of the music world.........Erica hess!
Audience claps wildly.
Erica: *looking slightly scared as the host stands next to her* um.. Hi!
Host: so,Erica, what is your favorite part of Halloween?
Erica: the dressing up. I like to dress as a witch or a devil. The use my pitchfork of broom handle to *bleep* the * bleep* outta my natycakes. Which is all fun and games, until she pours hot caramel all over my *bleep*! She then Will take Popsicle sticks and stick them onto each one,making a pair of perky,yet tasty ,caramel apple looking things. With her being pregnant,we had to to e it down a little. So now I just *bleep* her with a frozen twizzler.
Audience looks appalled.
Host: um.. Erica?
Erica: yes? *looking innocent*
Host: this is a daytime talk show. Lets keep it pg,ok?
Erica: oh! I am so sorry. I thought this was that show with the old lady who answers sex questions,later she rates sex toys with charcoal briquettes on the hibachi of looooove.
Host: no. This show gives soft news,propaganda and human interest stories.
Erica: *bleep* I really wanted to meet sue. I bet she has some swell stories to tell.
Host: shall we get back to the segment?
Erica: sure. Don't let me stop you.
Host: so candy is your favorite part of Halloween?
Erica: no,I said the....*erica winks at the host.* oh yes. Candy is my favorite part of Halloween.
Host: your favorite candy?
Erica: dots. They are usually super rare in the Halloween goodie sack's natural state. That's what makes them soooo good. Anything gummi is good. It's like chewing on a fruity *beep* wha? I can't say *beep*?! Everyone's got a pair!
Host: no. You can't!
Erica: but yours are poking through your shirt!
Host:*glares at Erica and folds her arms over her chest.* no! I dropped candy corn down my shirt earlier.
Erica: oh. So that's why the camera man hand his head there. Bobbing for candy corn. We play the same game at home. But we use gummi bears.*erica giggles.*
Host: what will you be dressing as this year?
Erica: nothing! I am protesting the fact that every female costume seems to have the prefix "whore" or "slutty"! Seriously. I saw a sexy V costume. Seriously?! The same V who wanted to blow up parliament?! No longer an idea behind a mask...now it's about *bleep* and *bleep*
Host: wait..what? You just spoke of doing... Things with a twizzler and you're upset over sexy costumes?!
Erica: yes. And? I can be dirty and crude,but still dress as if I have self respect.
Host:I...just never expected it from you.
Erica: I'm *bleep* complex,god *bleep*.
Host: indeed. Being a big rock star,will you be hosting a big Halloween party?
Erica: are you being sarcastic?
Host: no! The name Erica hess is basically a household name.
Erica: wow...really?! *giggles* no. We are not hosting a party,or going to one. We will probably have a nice evening at home,giving out candy. Come see us,we don't give the cheap *bleep*!
Host: good, does anyone actually like Mary Janes?
Erica:*perks up* I do! I love Mary Jane. You wanna burn some after this?
Host: No! I am. It talking about marijuana! I'm talking about the candy!
Erica:*eyes dart around* me...um too. Warm and melty Mary Janes are....still gross! I admit it,I was talking about weed.
Host: you are a well know. PSA personlity. Any Halloween tips for the kids out there?
Erica: yes. Erica is all about the kids being safe. *bleep* that *bleep* about the razor in the apple. It never happened. And no one is going to dose your candy with drugs. Trust me,in this economy? Nobody is giving drugs away! Parents only say this so they can get the good candy first. Ok? Moving on . If a grown man Is dressed as any my little pony character? STAY THE *bleep* AWAY! Seriously kids,you have the Internet,you've seen what these peoe are capable of. Erica's safety tip number 3.....carry a flashlight or something brightly colored. Being a ninja all in black is cool...until a Lexus splatters you across the pavement. I am from Japan,so trust me. We have a lot more Lexi than ninjas there. But we still call a Lexus a Toyota. Number 4, you egg my house,I'm egging yours. But not by throwing chicken eggs. More like putting spider and snake eggs in your window. 5? Be careful,and be safe! Dying on Halloween isn't cool,even Anton lavey didnt really die on Halloween.