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Here's one I've heard that made me laugh out loud
"You're so ugly, when yo' mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!"
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I love ugly jokes. Ummm....not very PG this one...the only that came to my mind..
George and Harry were having a chat one day. George turned to Harry and asked..'Hey Harry, whats the best thing about having sex with a tranny?' Harry has no idea...'No idea George, what is it?', 'Well, when give it a reach around it feels like its gone all the way through!'
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 _____________ The Black Gates- Progressive technical metal The Infidels!- Retro doom funk grindcore The Graveyard Sluts- dirty, slutty rawwwwk Psycopathologist- old school death grind Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's just that your's is stupid. |
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That was a horrible joke.
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I know. I have a habit of telling horrible jokes. |
_____________ The Black Gates- Progressive technical metal The Infidels!- Retro doom funk grindcore The Graveyard Sluts- dirty, slutty rawwwwk Psycopathologist- old school death grind Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's just that your's is stupid. |
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A woman came into the boss's office.
Woman: Boss, I think I was sexually abused.
Boss: Why, what happened?
Woman: A worker came close to me and said "what a lovely hair you have"
Boss: But that doesn't mean you were abused...
Woman: Even if he's a dwarf?
... |
I own:
Andrew Guinnard (Post-punk/acoustic)
Lucy Tankeray (Pop diva/weird) |
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks 'What the hell is this, some kind of joke?' |
_____________ The Black Gates- Progressive technical metal The Infidels!- Retro doom funk grindcore The Graveyard Sluts- dirty, slutty rawwwwk Psycopathologist- old school death grind Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's just that your's is stupid. |
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Raphaela wrote:A woman came into the boss's office.
Woman: Boss, I think I was sexually abused.
Boss: Why, what happened?
Woman: A worker came close to me and said "what a lovely hair you have"
Boss: But that doesn't mean you were abused...
Woman: Even if he's a dwarf?
... Now this was funny, good punch line.
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Here's one about dogs..
Why it’s nice to be a dog…
No one expects you to take a bath every day.
Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.
When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.
If it itches, you can reach it.
And, no matter what itches, no one is offended if you scratch it in public.
You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.
If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap
Having big feet is considered an asset.
If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.
No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.
No matter where you live, you own the place.
Your mate never complains because you whine.
Puppy love can last.
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_____________ The Black Gates- Progressive technical metal The Infidels!- Retro doom funk grindcore The Graveyard Sluts- dirty, slutty rawwwwk Psycopathologist- old school death grind Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's just that your's is stupid. |
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Captain Insano wrote:Here's one about dogs..
Why it’s nice to be a dog…
No one expects you to take a bath every day.
Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.
When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.
If it itches, you can reach it.
And, no matter what itches, no one is offended if you scratch it in public.
You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.
If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap
Having big feet is considered an asset.
If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.
No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.
No matter where you live, you own the place.
Your mate never complains because you whine.
Puppy love can last.
I like it but its not really a joke, it is more like a personification.
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Captain Insano wrote:A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks 'What the hell is this, some kind of joke?' ZoEmGee, SIGGED |
Too much leather chair is unsightly and greatly increases your risk of leather-smell. |
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Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
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_____________ The Black Gates- Progressive technical metal The Infidels!- Retro doom funk grindcore The Graveyard Sluts- dirty, slutty rawwwwk Psycopathologist- old school death grind Everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's just that your's is stupid. |
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Well, most of the jokes I know are racist, anti-semitic or anti-michael jackson.
So here's one thats not rude.
'Why was tigger looking inside the toilet?'
'Because he was looking for pooh!'
lmao every time :)
Oh screw it.
Have you heard what they're doing with Michael Jacksons body?
No, what?
Melting it down and turning it into an etch-a-sketch, so his children can play with his nob. |
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No post has made me laugh in this thread.
I am disappoint. |
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I used to be love drunk, but now I have cirrhosis.
:D |
GirlSpice wrote:Oh well.. she sits outside then. LOL! |
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Should I post the rude ones I know of? But i'll do some mama jokes... "Ya moms so fat, when she falls off the bed she falls off all ends" "Ya moms so fat, when she walks around town in a yellow coat everyone shouts "Taxi!"." "Ya moms so fat, I ran out of petrol driving around her." Can't remember anymore. Edited by user 13 August 2009 10:12:31(UTC)
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troymazing wrote:I used to be love drunk, but now I have cirrhosis.
:D We have a winner, yet again. |
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How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?
Two more if I move my bike =D
- Frankie Boyle <3 |
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Taylr wrote:Should I post the rude ones I know of?
But i'll do some mama jokes...
"Ya moms so fat, when she falls off the bed she falls off all ends"
"Ya moms so fat, when she walks around town in a yellow coat everyone shouts "Taxi!"."
"Ya moms so fat, I ran out of petrol driving around her."
Can't remember anymore. "Your mother is so obese, her chances of diabetes and hypertension are greatly increased". |
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old.gregg wrote:Taylr wrote:Should I post the rude ones I know of?
But i'll do some mama jokes...
"Ya moms so fat, when she falls off the bed she falls off all ends"
"Ya moms so fat, when she walks around town in a yellow coat everyone shouts "Taxi!"."
"Ya moms so fat, I ran out of petrol driving around her."
Can't remember anymore. "Your mother is so obese, her chances of diabetes and hypertension are greatly increased". Another winner. I also enjoyed Gildy's post in another thread along similarly eloquent lines. |
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What's the downside of eating vegetables?
Getting caught in the wheelchair
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