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Erich hess interviews erica hess....? Erich hess Erica hess Italics = erich Bold= Erica beloved folk hero,Erica hess,bedazzled the world when she released "hitomi". The famed punk rocker went pop and we want to know why. We will not stop until we have answers...or she cries. Whichever comes first. you better not make me cry! If you do,I'll....I'll....I don't know. But it will be unpleasant. That I can assure you. fat chance of that. I'm an iron badger stuffed in a caribou's ass! I'm impenetrable. not what I heard. I distinctly remember you telling Stephanie fierce,and I quote..." Hell,I'll try anything once." anything looks like that if taken out of context. Remember Henry fords famous assembly line idea? It came from a porno he and tommy Edison filmed. Only later did he realize engines could be inserted into car frames as easily as tommy was inserted into...um,so Erica...why the switch to pop music? someone totally farted in the punk rock club house. And fucking blamed me! I was all like "no fucking way are you pinning this on me! I don't even eat broccoli. I have video footage of me throwing the broccoli off my general tso's chicken. It was a famous clip,as it went down Chloe's shirt. So, fuck you guys. I'm making pop music. They dont pass fart blame over there!". And I left punk rock,just like that. more and more genre switching happens that way. When will people learn the damage caused by passing fart blame? When will they learn,Erica?i wish I knew,erich. If I could save just one life... It'd be worth it. I reaction to your single have been overwhelmingly positive. Like so positive, I'm thinking you paid people off.. Or offered sexual favors. Did you ever think it was going to received so well? sure. I mean who doesn't like blow jobs? Ive yet to meet anyone who refuses to put a dick into a mouth. Shirley McLain . Shirley McLain didnt like blow jobs. Never has her penis touched another's lips. Well...unless lamb chop counts. That little puppet was all over every penis in Hollywood. Lamb and ernie had a contest on who could suck the most penises in half an hour. who won? hell if I know. I twenty three skidoo'd after lamb chop finished. I wasnt going to be busted as a customer in a puppet sex ring..again. good thinking. That's the sort of thing that follows you forever. Like burning someone with a crack pipe. Rick James may be Rick James,bitch! But he still did something as bad as burning someone with a crack pipe. One would think the crack smokers code would forbid such things. they sold the code for more crack. blow jobs aside. I think people liked it because it was cute and fun. It's getting a little colder out,and people are aching for that summer fun. It's black metal weather out there,so be careful! It's that time o year when a young mans fancy turns to corpse paint and church burnings. speaking of metal,the search party I formed to look for acts of hate was....unsuccessful. aww,that's sad. I figured with Trevor Phillips on everyones mind,Canada love would be at an all time high. Maybe all the child care is keeping them. I know it is keeping me. I mean seriously? Our child isn't even born yet and I am really at my wits end. The decision between pedicure,manicure,both,or all three and a Brazilian...It's enough to make a poor girls head explode. there are Brazilian nail salons ?! I thought there were just regular ones and Chinese ones. they won't let me in those. Fucking people are still pissed off. "Big deal,my people killed your people". Get over it. You don't see me being pissed at you for Hiroshima,do you? well to be be frank,you would bring it up everytime you didn't get your way. that must be someone else. That couldn't be me...or maybe it is and my brain is messed up...FROM ALL THE GOD DAMNED RADIATION YOUR NATION DROPPED ON MINE!!!! and that lead to you bringing this single to the world,I see. Very interesting. So let me ask a question that's been on everyone's mind,I know it's been on mine....why sing in Japanese? Why not Swahili or pueblo? Was it for effect? Or just so you could fuck with everyone...I mean really,why? the Japanese language is integral to the j pop sound I was looking for. I wanted to do something different,but still recognizable. As far as I know, Swahili pop is still underground. If I wanted underground cred,I'd have made another punk album. No. I wanted mainstream acceptance. why? for that reason right there. I'm fucking sick of people and their "that isn't obscure enough for me"mentality. When you are underground,people feel they own you. I think that is why Harriet tubby founded the Underground Railroad. To escape the fucking music snobs. That and the sex was FANTASTIC! sex on a train. A lot lower than the mile high club,but still something I want to try. It needs a cool name like....the amtrack splack. Yeah. That's it. The amtrack splack. With pop a acceptance,do you plan on taking this show on the road? You know,like malls and shit. That's what pop stars do right? i have three pop songs. 12 minutes on stage isn't worth me putting a tampon in. No way am I leaving my comfy home for 12 minutes on stage. Granted,the tampon is going in whether I'm on stage or not. But at home I can eat ice cream on the couch. oh ho! I see what you did there. So the ice cream song isn't really about ice cream at all! You sly little devil,you.... No comment! No,it's mostly about Ice cream. Being hot and the way it melts. Sometimes dripping into that little space between Natalya's ti-......Ive said too much! Next question. there is a lively debate going on in the world regarding your use of your actual name. Some say its the sign that the seven seals are to be opened. Others say it just means your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Still others believe this is proof that evolution is real and the fish are going to walk amongst us once more. Frankly that last one scares me a bit. I saw a weird video of a dolphin fucking a headless fish the other day. It was weird. if that isn't proof that animals are evolving,I don't know what is. Big fucking deal a chimp uses a wet twig to get ants out of an anthill. When species invent tools for pleasure..THAT'S when you got something. Finally those dolphins are leaving the dark ages. We are witness to a dolphin Renaissance,erich! A veritable cavalcade of dolphin art and sex toys! I love it,and am totally excited I get to live during this time. and your name? names are meaningless when you are being fucked by a dolphin! It's a matter of time before they use their sonar for mind control. We'll all be known as "Squeak squeak" when we are up to our ears in dolphin sperm! oh my god.you are right! Those lousy bastards! No wonder they are always smiling. They've been planning this all along. There were no dark ages.. This is an elaborate coup! Erica,go be with Natalya. I'll go to Ada. It's been nice knowing you in your non dolphin sex slave time. you take care of yourself out there,erich. Remember try plugging their blow hole...you know what you may have to do. It isn't cheating if its to kill a dolphin assailant.Edited by user 16 November 2013 04:54:51(UTC)
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  "I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones. |
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