There is a family that lives in the mountains and one day the whole family except the daughter go on holiday.
After a few weeks, the daughter is waiting for her family to return near a road. Filled with happiness she watches as her family returns in their van. The van gets uncontrollable and drives of a cliff,crashes, burns, explodes.
The daughter stands near the edge of the cliff , watches at the burning remains and cries loudly.
An old man comes near her and says ''what happened girl?''
daughter: my family drove off the cliff and died, its a very sad day for me.
The old man smiles and says ''yeah girly its a really sad day for you today'' *takes off his pants *

I feel horrible for laughing so loud. :(

Now that's funny. /\

What's the name of the cheese that's not yours?



Nacho Cheese!


/terrible.

I got a joke......




Oli Sykes.


it had to be said :)

Leeburn

Couple of old favourites of mine (not clean) -

Two partially-sighted old men miss having sex, and so they go to a brothel. One man says, "We'd like a lady each for the night please."
"Just a moment," says the brothel owner. He discusses with the women working there, and they all disagree with sleeping with the old men. But the brothel owner can't refuse business, so he comes up with a plan. He gets out two blow-up sex dolls and puts them on beds. "Your women are ready!" he says, and takes the men's money.
Afterwards, one man asks the other what it was like. "Oh, it was amazing!" he said. "I could do anything I wanted to this lady, she didn't mind a bit, and she didn't say a word! Best sex that I've ever had!"
"You were lucky," the other man replies. "We were just getting going, and she farted and jumped out the window!"

A young girl is getting ready to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time. Her *rather experienced* mother is downstairs, and says, "If you have a problem, just tell me."
The girl goes upstairs. Her boyfriend takes off his shirt, and she's shocked to see that he has a hairy chest. She runs downstairs. "Mum! He's got a hairy chest!"
"That's OK, all good men have hairy chests. Go back upstairs."
She goes back up, and her boyfriend takes off his trousers. She is shocked again, and runs downstairs again. "Mum! He's got hairy legs!"
"That's OK, all good men have hairy legs. Go back upstairs."
Back upstairs, and her boyfriend takes off his shoes. Due to some accident, half of one of his feet is missing. Again, the girl runs downstairs. "Mum! He's got a foot and a half!"
"You stay downstairs! This is a job for your mother!"

Hahahaha, I knew this one :P
Which reminded me another old people joke.

There was an old couple that every morning the old lady used to put her on hands on the man's crotch. They had been doing that for years, but one day the old lady saw another woman holding the man's crotch.
She got upset and went to talk to him.
Lady: But what happened? What does she have that I don't?
Man: Parkinson's disease.

No one should suffer wearing the grotesquely cartoonish drivvle that is Drop Dead clothing.

Elliot turned towards the light from that, and you shall too.

Please lord no, if anything, I'd rather you wear Drop Dead than fucking Mr-I-Can't-Use-Vowel's equally painful neon cartoonish clothing line.

How about clothing which isn't sold by utter cocks?

Blue Banana