She hoped for death but that would be too easy. She knew she was always destined for great things but at a price. Nothing had ever been easy for her and those words remain true today. Even when she was in the wrong, she somehow expected things to be okay but they weren't. Lights surrounded her as she heard the distant sounds of people talking, chattering. Not to her but around her. She was dreary, almost completely out of it, not even caring what happened or where she was. She just felt tired and weak. All she could think about was dying. The thought consumed her far more than it would an ordinary person but then again she was no ordinary person. Nothing would make her feel better anymore. After what seemed like forever, she coughed and then sat up, rubbing her eyes. It was probably the most sleep she had gotten in weeks, even months.

"Honor, good you're awake." She recognized the voice and turned to face him. He sat there, worried out of his mind but also as if he were used to this. He should be. It was only Honor's second attempt at suicide. Unfortunately for her, she wasn't very skillful at it. They both stared at each other. His eyes looked tired and so did he. She didn't know he had been up all night waiting for her to open her eye and be alright. He wouldn't tell her either. The two of them had a bond but it wasn't the typical father-daughter bond. They loved each other, sure, but they hardly talked to one another. He was just as surprised as she was when she decided to move back in with him, at least until she could find a place to live.

"You shouldn't keep doing this. One day....you won't wake up," he continued, "And then what?"

"And then I'll be dead, that's what." She said this in a low, dark tone. There was no feeling or emotion. It was almost eerie to hear someone so complacent and calm about death but she was and always had been. To the side of her she could see her things in a neat pile. Her father had been messing with them, she was sure of that. He was a borderline neat freak. Her purse was next to her shoes and clothes. It almost annoyed her but what could she do? Her father sighed. His daughter was stubborn, he knew that. It didn't mean he wouldn't try and lecture her anyway.

"It's not always you against the world. You hate cliches so don't put yourself as one." To the left of her, there was a window so she could see outside. It was bright and sunny. She hated it. She wanted the day to be dark and gloomy like how she felt. "I cheated on Alec. For months." It was the first time she had told her father.

"So that makes suicide glorious? Trust me, it would have done nothing if you were dead." He shook his head. He never judged his daughter for anything she did. He'd love her regardless but when she showed up to stay with him for a few nights, he was sure it was something she had done. It wasn't as if he thought low of his daughter but 8/10, Honor was putting herself in some fucked up situations but he would never turn her away. He wasn't the best father in the world, not until recently at least, but he loved his only daughter. She was always his weak spot. He'd do anything for her. Granted he was madly in love a few years ago and thought she was only trying to ruin his happiness, he still loved her.

"He hates me, he wouldn't give two shits if I was breathing or not." She continued looking outside. "I fucked up, dad. I fucked up badly and...here we are." She chuckled lightly. "If only people knew how fucked up I really was..." She looked at him. "I called him," he replied. Honor rolled her eyes. "Why? We're done, he's not responsible for caring for me anymore. He's off the hook now."

"Stop. A man doesn't love someone for so long and just ignore those feelings so quickly. You do know men fall faster in love than women? He's not out of love with you yet, but you're not his favorite person right now. Anyway, I called and left a message. I thought he'd like to know or visit." Honor didn't want that. She didn't want that at all. The last thing she wanted was her father there, never mind Alec. She didn't want his pity or anything from him anymore. She knew she had lost him. He'd never forgive her. She said some things that even she wouldn't overlook. "He's not coming. And even if he did, I'm sure it would only be out of guilt or something. I don't want that."

"What about your other friend, Billy?" Honor shook her head. "I don't want him here either. I don't want anyone here. I don't even want you here.." She sighed and he laughed. "You don't have to be tough all the time. I'm your father. I'll always be here." Honor just rubbed her face. "How the hell do you know about Billy?"

"Your phone. I didn't know who you wanted here or not so I just checked by looking at your contacts." He patted her purse then stood up and walked over to her. "How do you feel?" "Like shit, thanks." "Well I didn't tell you to go back into your little habit, did I? You know, they had to technically bring you back to life. You weren't breathing and your heart stopped. Why would you do this? You don't give up that easily. You were sober."

"I didn't feel like living anymore. Is that a good enough answer for you?" "Well you're lucky that I found you and brought you here. I don't know why you insist on putting me through this again." Honor laughed. "Put you through what? I didn't ask for you to be here." "Stop acting like a brat, Honor. You know you don't want to die, you don't want to be alone, and you want your family and friends here but you're too damn stubborn to admit any of that. I won't drag it out of you. But I won't just leave you either."

She sat there in silence. He was right and she knew it. She didn't want to be alone or be dead. She wanted to be happy and have love and be working. At the moment, death sounded like peace to her. She remembered the past few days, she had been doing coke for at least the whole week straight. Every other hour, she'd find herself out of her mind and not even knowing why she did it in the first place. She was sure that nobody would even notice and no one did. She didn't tell anyone and she was hoping she'd be dead by now but no, she was alive. There was a mixture of feelings in her. She pretended to be happy so often that sometimes she'd forget she was sad herself. She was great at fooling others. No one suspected a thing. No one asked about her, no one thought something was off. She even decided to keep her cryptic twitter messages and texts to herself. What was the point in looking for attention when she wanted to be alone?

But she wished someone had saw her and noticed. But no one would. Not Honor. She was just a pretty face with an opinionated mouth. When she thought about it, all of her friends and exes and even Kai would be better off without her. It was complicated to think about but she thought it was true. When she was gripping to her life, she only saw the images of two guys. The two guys that meant the most to her in the world. The two guys she cared about and never judged her or thought badly of her. In fact, they almost worshiped her since she was her own person. They loved her more than she would ever know and she wanted to protect them from everyone. Her brothers, Roscoe and Marshall. They weren't fully aware how unstable their sister was at times but she wanted to just be their big sister.

"When can I go home?" She was anxious and uneasy being here. "A few days. They had to basically flush all of the drugs out of you and you need to take it easy. I called your bothers. They'll both come by tomorrow. I think you should just be straight with them. They won't love you any less and they would want to help." He kissed her on her forehead. "You don't need to be the person that takes on everything by themselves." She heard her father but it went in her ear and out the other. She was always going to be this hardheaded and stubborn. "Just....don't call anyone else."

"I won't, but I can't be held responsible if someone shows up." She slumps back. "Tell them I'm dead and I didn't make it." He shook his head. "What happened to the girl that was obsessed with Barbie?"