Rachael grey
Karoliena summers.
After an almost too corny for daytime tv intro plays.Rachael comes bounding out to deafening applause. Its been rumored Rachael has nitrous oxide piped into the audience area,but this has never been proven. There have been many curious deaths investigating this,but again...nobody can prove anything. Rachael giggles loudly and bows. The audience instantly stops clapping. Careful tv viewers might catch the glint of sniper scopes from the balcony.
Rachael: today we have a very special guest. She has famously went from party girl to mother of three. No,not nichole shade,its karoliena summers!
Karoliena walks out and sits on a stool beside the kitchen's table. She's wearing the pictured green shirt,Capri jeans and bright red chuck Taylors. The audience grumbles before a hiss of gas is heard,then they start clapping madly.some members falling out of their chairs,still clapping.
Karoliena: um...aren't you...Rachael Ray?
Rachael: *shocked anyone would ask this* no.why do you ask?
Karoliena: no reason..it's just you look and this show feels a lot like Oprah's little lackey.
Rachael: o...prah? Who is that? My mentor is okra. You know,the second most successful woman on tv?
Karoliena: whatever. This feels like a weird way to get around using people's real names. What's next? Is a clone of me going to come out ,named juliya?
Rachael: juliya.. cher.....i can't say the rest of it. Kinda Russiany sounding?
Karoliena: she's Ukrainian,I believe.
Rachael: I think she is on Rachael Ray's show.
All of a sudden,a wall comes crashing down.audience members flee in horror. Rachael winces and holds her microphone out like a sword. Karoliena lets out a yelp and puts her hands over her head.
A guy looking not unlike bob the builder walks out and fearfully approaches Rachael.
Workman: miss grey? Are you ok? we were nearly finished with the box we were building,we had three walls up and the fourth...well,the fourth wall just came crashing down.
Rachael: I will have you fucking killed! The last person to cross me ended up as last week's risotto! Now fix that fourth wall and Let me get on with my job! You know,that thing you assholes can't do!
Karoliena: you sure this isn't the Rachael ra-
Rachael:*pointing a rubber spoon at Karoliena menacingly* don't say it!
Work man: whoa...the wall started to wobble again.
Rachael: quiet,you. * Regaining her composure,she turns to karoliena,instantly switching to tv nice.* so miss summers. You balance a pretty successful modeling career,a...well,it's a music career,a well known love life,and still find time to be a mom. How do you do it?
Karoliena: um..it's called life. Loads of people do it. Cassie and I are busy people,yes.being in totally different areas of the business,we manage. Work is work,home is home. Once inside those doors? Work isn't mentioned or thought of.
The audience seems to genuinely like this answer from Karoliena. Several look to each other and nod in agreement.
Rachael:so you two don't employ a Nanny?! I thought all celebrities have a nanny.
Karoliena: well...yeah. there is a live in Nanny. But she was there before I was,so the children are very attached to her. We couldn't just say" well,we''re a couple now. Hit the bricks,bitch." I think she may only work about one day a week. I rarely see the woman. If I got paid what she did to work about 5 days out of a month? I wouldn't leave either.
Some grumps in the audience elbow each other in triumph. They knew that karoliena and cassie had to have some help. Of course,they picture this as cassie and karoliena sipping martinis while a frazzled nanny chases 3 Ill behaved children.
Rachael: are the children's fathers involved in their lives?
The audience oohs and leans forward, ready for the juicy gossip.
Karoliena:* takes an audible breath. Clearly offended.* I am going to have to stop you right there. I will answer anything about me and me alone. The personal lives of cassie or the children is not mine to discuss. People have seen us with the nanny. That is public knowledge,or else I wouldn't even have told you that. *Karoliena bounces her foot in annoyance*
The audience is dead silent. Even the people responsible for the happy gas aren't sure what to do.
Rachael:*taken aback at Karoliena's own instantly changing attitude.* um...sure.ok. hashtag karoliena pic Monday is one of the more *clears her throat* popular days of the week on the internet .
Rachael has to stop due to the deafening growl of discontent from the audience. Karoliena pic Monday has very few fans among the legions of Rachael grey fans.
Karoliena only smirks and re-crosses her legs and waits for Rachael to continue.
Rachael: as you can see,its not well thought of among us! Don't you worry what example you are setting? A woman must show her body off to be appreciated?
The audience gives Rachael a standing ovation. Shd has to physically motion for them to take their seats. The likeness to nobody wanting to be the first to stop clapping for Stalin is not lost on Karoliena.
Karoliena:* shrugs* if that is your take on it,that is on you. I would say if you're threatened by mere pictures of me.....well,maybe you need to step up your bedroom game. * She crosses her arms.tired of this subject.*
The audience really roars and several people are taken out by snipers' tranquilizer darts. The hiss of gas is heard once more,slightly more aggressive this time. Moments later,it's back to smiling faces and idiotic clapping.
RAchael: on that note.....*scooting a bit closer to Karoliena.* so as a mom,and the primary demographic for "fifty-
Karoliena:* scooting away from Rachael before leaping to her feet.* no! Bad,Rachael,bad!
Rachael: what is wrong? It is well known your wife and you are members of the s&m community.why the sudden avoidance.
Karoliena: * picking up a cutting board and holding if like it could be used as a weapon at any time.* that...that fucking thing has as much relevance to the s&m lifestyle as toddler on a tricycle has to the hell's angels.
Rachael: *looking honestly shocked such a cultural touchstone could be wrong* so you aren't going to share any 50 shades of summers tips?
Audience lets out an enthusiastic "woooooooo!"
Karoliena: *letting out a long sigh* please,never use that phrase again. But no.I won't give any tips. Its a very personal thing,and people should decide for themselves. I think most people are not ready for the intimacy this can bring to a relationship. You REALLY get to know your partner. Remember, you are usually turning over complete control,sometimes your very life.
Rachael: oh stop being a drama queen. Your life? You and cassie playing Russian roulette or something?
Karoliena: see? That's why I'm not going to tell you or your audience anything.
A disappointed groan grows from the audience. Many people get up and leave
Rachael: that's the sole reason I wanted you on the show! Don't be like that,karoliena. I'll make you some of my grandpa's famous anipasta salad.
Karoliena: ew. No. I'd rather watch you and Jessica Tandy reenact every scene from 50 shades.
Rachael: you would?! Well you are in luck! Producers? Roll that footage.
The gas is heard filling the room as people begin to call and cry at the same time. They finally realize there is no escape from the even more hellish " shock treatment" .
Karoliena slinks out of the room as soon as the first smack sounds throughout the set.
Karoliena: remember,only you can prevent shit like this from happening. Never watch Rachael ra-
She is interrupted by a wall crashing down and the commotion of workers yelling at each other.
