A reveiw courtesy of THE DAILY MAIL......where truth, intergrity and unbiased reporting are pushed aside for the rich reward of sensationalistic journalism.

The world had though they had escaped the hideousness that was the world's self proclaimed "zaniest racist and homophobic post-James Brown doom funk grinding blackened popsters" The Infidels!. Following their horrendous incarceration at the hands of the Turkish penal system (hehe....penal..), they returned abysmally to their stupefying castle in Weston Super Mare to rest and recuperate before recording an abominable audio assault designed at terrorizing the music loving public by releasing the most ghastly music since Suicide Party...and anything done by Kamikaze Kate. Yeah, random, I know. Put it down to global warming.

This 'album' which clocks in at a collosal eleven minutes (it is essentially a grindcore album after all...and we know that metal heads have the attention spans of a toddler). It is full of references to talking dog Brian Griffin, homocidal handbags, a welcome return by Zombie Hitler, gay goats and Peter Andre and has very long song titles. In a rare moment the band have re-included guitars apparently, for its custom for these clowns to avoid guitars and use keyboards for the brutal, spazzed out mayhem they invoke. It's out now via their 'coolest label in the world' Shiny Metal Ass Records. What's it like? It's shit. That's all you need to know...but for some crazy unfathomable reason, it hit number 8 in Europe and 26 in Asia. Is Europe been invaded by idiotic, single cell organisms with bad taste in music? Read tomorrow for our exclusive report and investigation!

Ahem...



1. If It Walks Like a Gay, Talks Like a Gay, Looks Like a Gay...it's probably Peter Andre

2. Handbag Decapitation

3. Where's the Line Anymore? Well, I Got News for Ya, It's Not Rven On the Radar Screen! The Days of Decency and Virtue are Gone, Honey, BAM, Freakin' Evaporated Like a Dingy Stinkin' Mudpuddle. One Day You See Your Reflection in it and the Next Day it's a Damn Oil Spot on Your Cracked Driveway, Staring Back at You, Mocking You, Knowing the Perverted Truths That Rot in the Pit of Your Soul (The Crazy Satsumas Cover)

4. I Just Spent All Morning Watching a VH1 Special on Gwen Stefani. I Don't Know What a Hollaback Girl is. All I Know is That I Want Her Dead

5. Aiight, Aiight, So I'm Chillin With My Homies in Verona, When my Homie Busts Out With "Yo, Romeo, check out that biatch, Juilet, in the window." The Problem Is, Juilet's Peeps are Like East Coast Rappers, and my Posse's Representin' West Siiiide, Just Like my Boys Tupac and Biggie, Know What I'm Sayin?

6. Zombie Hitler and the Gigantic Testudo Formation

7. Kentucky Fried Klansmen

8. Cheap Wine and Three Gay Goats

9. You Know, You Could be a Prostitute but Because Your So Ugly I'd Get the Money Up Front Just in Case

10. I'm Not Drunk, All Right. I Just Have a Speech Impediment ... and a Stomach Virus ... and an Inner Ear Infection

The Infidels! are...Tomi (keys, pig squeals, racist taunts, joint roller), Guadelope (drums, death threats, bad Mexican moustaches), Habib (bass, racial stereotypes, awesome kebab maker), Jenny Donkeypunch (guitar, shreiks and screams, slutty behaviour, anal expert)

Whoa! an album worth listening to, That's rare these days!


--- Robert B.