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Breaking Down Irrelevant Shit in Destiny's Child and Pokemon Cards
Here's the thing people. We're getting dumber. Our test scores are getting lower. Our attention spans are getting shorter. Weed is becoming more accessible. How does a couple of Koreans expect us to simply remember how many of the fuck of them were singing on the debut album they released nothing but a year ago? It's all about being persistent and unless you're Queen Bey, you're not allowed to release unmemorable overrated albums. You know who I'm talking about. Mi•Mi. The no1curr of girl groups simply because these basic bitches who flood Twitter don't know how to type their names out on a keyboard. So let me fuck with some people. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
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These girls are quickly on the rise with their promise of bops and bops to spill into our lives and have just released one yesterday. Yas sistrine. A bop indeed. Until I Feel It In The Floor which is sadly shortened to #UIFIITF because we don't even have the ability to spell out long ass name titles anymore thanks to Twitter. And these girls have been frolicking round here lately, speckling specs of glittery K-pop speckle all over the place until they found the right kind of buzz. Because up until now, their buzz has literally been, "WAIT, THERE'S 4 GIRLS IN MIMI?"••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
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You could only imagine how much this shits on everything they've aimed to do with their debut record. Bitches can't even count the group members. Even though everybody knows there's about 60 girls in GG, can't nobody count to 1-2-3-4 without carrying 1, deducting 3 points for the stumble, adding 5 for the triple turn. (Yas I watch figure skating when I'm bored enough, obviously not enough judging by this rubric) You had Miki cussing bitches out over Twitter left and right in Korean trying to defend her group's honor, the other 2 girls trying to pack their shit and run back to Seoul because they have failed to make any impression on ANYBODY and Misu just sitting here looking awkward as fuck because people know who she is so this isn't her problem. They've tried their best to ignore the media's racist ways by even shading the hell out of their OWN "fans", relaunching their website and putting "COUNT TO 4" where you would originally see "BIO/ABOUT" Wouldn't you think people would just get some Google in their life and catch up? Nope. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
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Now normally this wouldn't be my problem. But as it turns out...these girls seem kind of promising. They all have vocals. They're all cute. Most of them can dance. And Rum & Coke is taking over the writing and production of their music so there must be some good ass ratchet Perks of Fame/Word of Mouth rejects to come out this motherfucker. What I'm trying to say is, looks like I'm going to be stanning my flat ass off for them and I need y'all to not comment back with "IDUNNOHA" or "NO1CURR" or "BUT WASN'T THERE JUST 2, SIS?" In the great words of their holy bop, "Forget what you know..." And let me break this down for you in a girl group/Asian language we all understand. Destiny's Child and Pokemon trading cards. Watch me enlighten y'all with my first blog.
With this card, if there is life after girl group, you are going to be the only one who's going to be happy about it.  Everybody knows it's only a matter of time before your solo album. This girl group is only to lengthen your resume. You are the face of every Korean campaign Mi•Mi has anything to do with and if the picture of all 4 girls is too big for posters, you're the last to be cropped out. Yas sis, you are the one, the holy, BEYONCE.
Name? Misu (gov.: Mi Sun Kim)
Code Name? Beyonce
Strengths: The obvious forefront. Vocals on fleek. Hips have been lying all along, you just never knew. Best performer. They give all the good lines to ha.
Weaknesses: Dumb as hell. Literally to a point where you get Toddlers & Tiara vibes from this mess of a group's management (Anniken Dahl-Smith says hi) trying so hard to "grow her up" by putting her in slutty clothes. Let's not get on the fact that you still having the mindset of a 3rd grader pretty much makes this feel like exploitation. This is also a strength though. Weird thing about Korea and K-pop idols is that they have a creepy public adult baby syndrome thing going on. They've just masked it as aegyo.
***Secret Weapon: You can actually write a nice bop when it comes down to it.
With this card, you are the rightful owner of Mi•Mi since the Beyonce of the group is too stupid to put any of her Beyonce powers to use. But this works for you. What are you even doing in a girl group sis? You're like a Korean Rihanna, you're more on the urban side of things which keeps your craft current and trendy. You obviously hold all the sex appeal in the group and you don't mind balancing it. You're labeled as the rapper of the group but I see you screamingbelting your way back into the album's spotlight. You can do everything Bafoonce can do... except hit them high notes.  But high notes are so overrated, you've got the potential to break the internet. Misu's everyone's little sweetheart but you ARE Destiny's Child. Mi•Mi without Miki Lee? Delete it fat.
Name? Miki (gov.: Mi Kyung Lee)
Code Name? Destiny's Child
Strengths: You got bars. You get to filter through the bops. You're the lead dancer of the group for obvious reasons. You give those bad girl vibes that let you get away with things every other K-pop girl would be dragged ruthlessly for. You bring the sex appeal to the group and help expand Mi•Mi's brand thanks to pushing more of a Hip Hop and R&B sound into the music.
Weaknesses: When fans want to complain, you're the first person they blame it on. Is the group dressed too slutty? Stop being a whore Miki. Does the music sound too much like American bopery vs K-pop slayage? Traitors of the Republic die Miki. Is Misu being mistreated? Get on your job Miki. You think those behind Misu would make her Beyonce with a Rihanna in the picture? You're the fall guy. When Mi•Mi splits, the internet is going to skin you alive.
***Secret Weapon: You can always pussy pop your way to the top.
 
With this card, you are Cinderella and  . You're really pretty and you can sing your ass off but they keep you locked away and give you some of shadiest cameos for Tumblr to make gifs out of. You see this shit? Not Miki assigning you to cleaning up after Bafoonce (oh my god Misu this is your new name). Not to mention that tea between you and Miki hating each other after Bafoonce's ass accidentally spilled it in an interview. You probably spend your days kissing up to Misu to stay in the group. Best case scenario, you get to spill some serious tea about how shitty being in Mi•Mi was for you in your tell all book that you'll release 2 weeks after the group breaks up. How does it feel being Kelly?
Name? Dae Na (gov.: Dae Na Geum)
Code Name? Kelly
Strengths: You can riff, you can run and you've got the indie fans of Mi•Mi who prefers underdogs who will always be on your side. Not to mention the countless number of Mi•Mi appreciation blogs that express their sympathy for you never being able to fully shine in this group. You have a nice personality on your hands, use it right and you can fight your way into relevancy like all the other thirsty ass wannabes (not me throwing shade at myself  )
Weaknesses: Any single with your solo will be post album and low promotion.
***Secret Weapon: You have plenty of time to write one hell of a tell all.
With this card, I'm being very shady 
Name? Mae (gov.:Mae Na Geum) Michelle
Code Name? "Why did they let her on stage?"
Strengths: You're in Mi•Mi. No, okay, you actually can sing, you got them vocals girl.
Weaknesses: You can't dance. You're too awkward to speak in public. All you have is your voice. And sadly everyone else in Mi•Mi can sing so... you're stuck keeping the melodies
***Secret Weapon: You actually are the secret weapon. People like awkward now...look at Taylor. I Wont be surprised if you went solo too and gave Misu a run for her money.
Edited by user 01 May 2015 07:55:46(UTC)
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