The story behind "Broken Down on Memory Lane"

-» Armed With A Cachet of Perfect Melodies And Hardcore-Lite Breakdowns PANIC! Rightfully Earned Their Place As Contemporary Pop/Rock Icons And Unexpected Role Models, Stirring Fans From The Dustbowls of Small Venues To The Huge Arenas Of United States And Canada. All They Needed To Do Now Was Earn Their Places In Each Other's Hearts.

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"I've been forced into this world," Ryan Ross Hernandez says flatly in Chicago the day after a show at the United Center. When asked about the tribulations of leading a now-public life, he admits. "It's been a process because I used to be vulnerable. I was so antisocial; I could only handle a couple at a time. I don't like when people invade my personal space and my personal life. That's kind of twisted to me-as if it's their business and they have some sort of ownership over us. Like their opinion matters, which doesn't. All we care about is whether they like our music."

It was after the relationship of Ashley Perry and Ryan Ross Hernandez was exposed to the public and soon after the break-up was also exposed, the members of PANIC! felt the itch to create new music, so they decided to re-team with the same production team in Los Angeles to record the follow-up to Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner. "I thought after Baby In the Corner things would be so easy. Like, I would just write in my spare time and then we'd have our next record," Perry admits in a low whisper. Curled up in the back lounge of the bus with a paper cup of hot tea, she's on semi-voice rest until the band's performance later that night. "But it was hard. [Yes] Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner was stressful, but it came easier because Ryan and I were hanging out all the time. He would come over to my house all the time so we would play songs together until they were finished. We would write everything first and didn't really show the guys until we got into the studio. Then we would jam for hours. I was just a different process. But with this [album], I felt lonely."

During the songwriting process, Perry became somewhat of a hermit often holing up in the bedroom of her Nashville apartment for days at a time with few showers, little makeup and zero visitors. She'd spend most of her time sitting in bed-a queen-sized mattress on the floor-surrounded by her guitar, laptop and a spiral notebook paper. The off-white walls of her bedroom were bare, except for an oval, Victoria-era gilt mirror and a framed New Found Glory poster hanging above an upright piano, the most recent addition to her abode courtesy of her grandfather. A collection of striped sweatshirts clad a freestanding dress form whilte other now-signature pieces littered the floor in front of her oversized wood dresser.

For the first time in a long time, Perry was alone, something that she wasn't used to, especially when she was supposed to be writing songs. She needed a sounding board, but with the relationship between her and Ryan somewhat strained and awkward at best, she turned to the people she trusted more than anyone: the fans. "I would stay up until the sun came out, and I would get on our fan-club chat room and talk to those kids," Perry remembers with a hint of a smile. "I really don't have a whole lot of friends back home, so I would just talk to fans all night. I would share lyrics and little things I would write them. Most of it came from complete boredom, depression and feeling like I needed people to bounce [ideas] off of because I didn't really have that."

Reconnecting with the ardent fans who encouraged her the most seemed to kick-start a wave of creativity that didn't stop flowing until Perry felt like she had finally purged herself of all the feelings she'd keep bottled up for who knows how long. "I do remember the few times I did see my family while we were writing my mom would ask how were going and I would tell her was bummed and there were certain things I wanted to say but I didn't know if I could," remembers Perry. "I felt judged and, for that, no parent wants to see their kid feel like a loser so I'm sure that bummed 'em out. My mom just said, "What you feel can't be wrong." Mom's advice soon became her mantra and the lyrics seemed to pour out from there.



"Everyone's trying to grow up and people are going through things at different times," explains Gabriel Hunter, one of the band's elder voice of reason. After all, there were still unresolved issues leftover from the now-infamous European/United Kingdom tour that nearly tore the band during the Winter of 2008. PANIC! even traveled to Spain when they suddenly hit the brakes, canceled the entire tour and booking individual tickets home to their respective hometowns.

The "whole story" was this: After nearly four years of close quarters and constant touring, the bonds between some of the members of PANIC! were starting to tear. And for two members in particular, they were breaking apart completely. Rumors had been circulation since the band's inception that core songwriting partners Ashley and Ryan had secretly dated for years, although the duo-in addition to their bandmates and anyone close to the PANIC!-camp-swore up and down that the romantic allegations weren't true. In fact, when PANIC! appeared on the cover of Alternative Press last-December, Ryan went so far as to dismiss the claims point-blank by saying, "People are obsessed with [us dating], but we're not." At the time, he was telling the truth-but not the whole truth, which was that Ryan and Ashley were an item for nearly three years until the couple decided to call it quits in the winter of 2008.

"We didn't know if it would look bad," says Perry. "We were so young, I had barely turned eighteen, and it seemed like it would look like a big joke." Adds Ryan, still reticent to talk about the whole ordeal, "We didn't want the band to be about me and Ashley being in a relationship together because then [the band] would be about our relationship, not our music. It distracts people from the whole point being in a band."

Breaking up is hard to do-especially when you still have to share the stage with your ex night after night. "Like any breakup where you've gone out for a long time, it went back and forth and it was scary and I felt like we were letting our best friends down," says Perry, who's understandably relieved to have her relationship with Ryan out in the open, even though she's now happily dating Chad Williams, a touring member for Breaking Dawn at Sunset. "I think it was definitely hard for everyone but they knew that [in the end], it was the only way for our band to be a band. It was either going to be the Ryan and Ashley Extravaganza and turn into a soap opera, or it was going to turn into a full-fledged band with all six of us being our own puzzle piece. It works better this way. It's way healthier."

However, before things got better, they definitely got worse. Tensions came to a head in Europe and the band felt like they bad no other choice but to press "pause" on the tour before possibly stopping the machine all together. "When we told people that use having issues and sturggles on the road was about the band and us being tired, that wasn't a complete lie," insists Perry. "My and Ryan's relationship did affect and make it harder. It's a family no matter how you look at it. It's a marriage no matter how you look at it-and it's not just between two people."

"When we were at the airport in Madrid, we didn't know [what was going to happen]," Hunter remembers. "We didn't want to assume that was it, but in the back of our minds, we wondered if this was the last plane ride home together from a tour." When PANIC! touched down on American soil, they took the next week to get some distance and clarity, with the hope of coming back together to regroup. They even sought out the services of a professional counselor, Metallica style, though newest member Nick Asher insists, "it's not as serious as it sounds."



"All he would have to do is ask one question and then he wouldn't even talk the rest of the time," recalls drummer Joey Fallon.

"He taught us how to talk because we didn't [talk]-not even during counseling," adds Hunter. "He wasn't even so much there giving us all this wisdom; he was helping us talk to each other [because] the minute our band become a business, we'll be over."

Sure questions like "How has this person hurt you?" and "What is your goal in the band?" were great conversation starters. But for a group of bandmates-and now-distant friends-who were all verbally challenged, it would take more than a few warm-and-fuzzy discussions to solve their interpersonal communication problems.

Thankfully for Perry, she was able to channel her frustration into the lyrics for practically forcing a necessary dialogue between her and the band.

"I think most of the songs, in some way, are applicable to all of our lives," insists Fallon, whose happy-go-lucky nature and even-keeled temperament often place him in the peacemaker of the group, even if he is the youngest of the crew. "Yeah [the songs are] from just Ashley and Ryan's perspective, but I think all four of us can say we've been in situations where we've felt the same things. If anything, those lyrics are very healing for our band, and we got a lot out on the table. Even though [the lyrics] used to make us upset, there's some sort of redeeming nature of listening to them afterward. She's saying negative things, but they end up being really cathartic."

After all, without the band working trough a alt-rock, pop/rock rager like "Disloyal Order of Ignorant".

PANIC! fans everywhere can breathe a collective sigh of relief that their beloved band aren't going anywhere any time soon-especially with the release of Broken Down On Memory Lane looming on the horizon. Without a flashy Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner backdrop and finally free from long-kept secrets, Perry and Hernandez are understandably nervous about how PANIC! will be received by both the lovers and the haters. "I think some of the press sees how much fun PANIC! have, how much success they have, how close they are and how much they love each other, so they try and twist that to make them look bad," explains longtime friend and bass guitarist for Breaking Dawn at Sunset, Patrick Lewis. "It's like the press just can't accept that once in a while a band are as genuine as they appear to be."

"The chemistry has always been there and always will be. It was a little awkward at first, but we got past it quickly," insists Ryan. "If it were any different, then we wouldn't have the record we have now. If anything, I think it's better now."



Adds Perry, "Ryan and I have always been close. My whole musical life I've spent with most of these guys and with Ryan, and we've always had a great relationship. Just because one part of it didn't work out doesn't mean that we can't have a great creative relationship, an amazing friendship and go on being better off than we ever were. It's one of those things that happen in life that's really big and it feels like it's never-ending, but we're in a good place and we know we did the right thing. There's not really much that can stand between the way Ryan and I write songs together. There are always going to be tough times; that was just one of them and we got through it."

But will the media be bummed that the couple lied about their relationship for so many years? Will the fans find the new album "Broken Down On Memory Lane"-worthy? Will the band gain even more success out of the album, than it's previous? Who knows? But more importantly, who cares? At this point in their history, PANIC! are enjoying the ride, no matter how bumpy and turbulent. More importantly, they're all on the trip together.

"No one knows for sure, but I really think where we are as a band is a result of everything that we've gone through-the mistakes, the triumphs," admits Perry. "Everything we've gone through has taught us a lot and we have a great record because of it that we're so proud of and we feel so deeply about. If anything, I think fans can be stoked with us, because we're onto a new chapter or a new, entire book of our band's life."