Deneil potters around in his new studio in the basement of his little flat in London. This room is his pride and joy. Everything he's ever recorded was created within these four walls and despite being a little slow on releases, his work has been pretty successful and acclaimed. His original little studio down here held some amazing memories and the songs that changed his life were all crafted in it but it was time for a change. He NEEDED a change. With the money he made from his successes, rather than living a lavish lifestyle like many of his fellow rappers or taking a well deserved vacation, Deneil decided to have the studio redesigned and expanded. It's not longer looking and smelling like a young guy's game room. Gone are the dangerous wires laying all over the floor, the claustrophobic feeling from the pod-like booth and the dank looking grey carpets. He's gone all out; knocked down walls, put in fancy lighting, had the floors laminated and walls paneled. The new recording equipment is something to be envied too. There are more buttons and flashing lights than one would know what to do with. With everything going on his life right now, Deneil needed something to focus on and save him. That was his music. He couldn't really be motivated though when even his little studio was looking sad and depressing so he changed it. It's made him a little happier, for now. He turns down one of his tracks that he had blaring out. It's probably another song that will never see the light of day as Deneil perfects and perfects everything before getting bored of it and starting again.

He switches off all of the equipment and sits in silence, all alone in his home. Suddenly he bursts into tears and holds his head in his hands. Deneil is not much of a crier and he even surprised himself. Sometimes the things he bottles away to the back of his mind subconsciously make their way to the forefront and he becomes a mess. He didn't even know he was thinking of all the shit that's happened as of late. Deneil was just looking at the wall and the next thing he knows, he's in tears. Everything from Mandy's condition, to the media and fan interference, to the whole confusion and fear over his own sexuality. Deneil thought that he has it easy. He lived a lowkey life, had a beautiful fiancee, his work was in demand and it looked like plain sailing from there. Now everything is on it's head. It not only upsets him but also frightens him. Being a Khan, he doesn't like it when he's not in control of things. If he has the upper hand, there's less chance of him being hurt. Now it feels like it's up to the universe and other people to choose what is next for him.

Deneil hears a faint knocking sound from down in the studio. It sounded like his front door but he couldn't be sure. In fact, looking at the clock, he was pretty certain that nobody would be knocking on the door at this time. It's gone 3 A.M. and every sane person is in bed by now or at the very least indoors. He wipes his eyes and decides that it's time to get some sleep before he becomes hysterical. Grabbing his stained coffee cup, Deneil heads upstairs and plans on going into the kitchen but stops in his tracks. While in the hallway he hears the door go again and he's certain about it this time. Nobody should be hear at this bizarre hour, nobody with good news or intentions anyway. Last time he received a visit this late, it was a police officer informing him of what happened to Mandy. It's never good. The only other explanation he can think of is that Billy and Jerry had a fight and his big brother has come to find a place to stay for a night or two. Cautiously approaching the door with his coffee cup still in hand, Deneil fumbles around and picks up his keys. When he opens it and sees Drew, his heart drops. He's glad to see him again the flesh as he believed he wouldn't be in his company ever again but he also remembers what happened last time Drew was this close to him. The door is only slightly ajar and Deneil stands behind it, showing only half of himself. "Drew? Drew...I-I...I don't want to fight." It's a shame how he now associates Drew's presence with violence. Deneil stands there in a Batman top, grey sweats and is barefoot with scruffy hair, looking rather worn out but also very fragile for some reason. His red eyes obviously aren't a sign of him being high. Deneil's been crying and he's also wary of opening the door widely. He's not himself.

Deneil looks at Drew and can see that there's no air of hostility around him but this still isn't the usual Drew. For a start, his eyes are watering and he's appearing as very sorrowful and demure. Still, it's better than the having the other Drew at his door - the one who was screaming in Deneil's face and beat seven shades of shit out of him up in the bedroom. Drew doesn't have to say much else as Deneil knows why he's here. Part of him really doesn't want to have this conversation right now. It's the early hours of the morning, he's lacking sleep, he's not prepared for it and he just balled his eyes out, meaning that his emotions are still running high and could cause him to say something he'll later regret again. On the flip side, he's thankful that Drew made the first move and that the possibility of reconciling is here. If Drew didn't turn up tonight to air things out and clear up the mess, there's no telling when the pair would ever tackle the subject. Deneil certainly wasn't going to deal with the problem any time soon. At least now that he's been put on the spot he can get it over and done with and check one thing off of his list of things haunting him. Deneil nods and steps back, opening the door and allowing Drew to come inside.

"You uh...you want something to drink?" Deneil asks in a very quiet, sheepish voice as he locks the door behind him. It's odd hearing him sound so tired and defeated. Deneil's usually very animated when he speaks just like his brother and has a strong accent and voice that you simply can't mistake when you hear it in a crowd. "Look...Drew...I..." Deneil looks to the side, finding it really hard to look at Drew and also find the words he wanted to say. He didn't even know what he wanted to say exactly but standing in total silence isn't going to solve anything either. Deneil has no idea how he wants this to be resolved and what he wants out of it. Yes, the first thing is to patch up and forget the punching incident but after that's dealt with, where do they go from there? They'll just be back to where they were before and as exciting and even life changing as it was, it was equally just as toxic. "...I...have no idea what the fuck is going on in life at the minute...but...but I do know that...hurting a-and offending you was never ever an intention of mine..." Deneil wipes his eyes and sighs, slightly mad at himself for being this emotional in front of Drew and right off the bat too.

Deneil heads into the kitchen and pours the two of them a glass of Scotch each. Deneil only drinks anything other than beer or vodka when he's looking for something stronger as means of an escape. He'll drink the good stuff when he really wants to drown his sorrows. The bottle is almost finished and with nobody else in the house, it's clear that Deneil's been drinking more than usual. Whenever he gets a bottle of whiskey or something similar, he'll keep it tucked away for a special occasion or if the company is right. Lately he's been drinking the stuff like tap water though. He returns to the main room and hands Drew his glass. Deneil doesn't appear to be as on edge or as cautious about Drew as he was earlier but he's definitely still not anywhere near his usual self. "I forgive you...but...I just want you to know that I don't want that to happen again with us. Whatever we are. I'm just going to lay it out on the table because if I don't I never will. I-if we do...fuck around again...if we even...one day...become a real thing, I don't want you to strike me again. Even if I piss you off, just leave or tell me to leave. I don't raise my fists to anyone I care about, even Billy when he's being a dick. I don't want that being done to me." Deneil feels like it's rich coming from him, asking to be treated with some respect. He's the bit on the side sleeping with someone else's fiance and yet he wants to talk about feeling valued more? Still, the issue of violence had to be dealt with.

"Am I okay?" Deneil exhales and shrugs, looking at Drew with teary eyes like a little lost puppy. "No...but I don't know what the fuck I can do about," Deneil confesses as he sniffles and sits down on the chair in front of Drew. Holding his glass with both hands, he stares into the liquid as he continues to speak, finding it really hard to give Drew any eye contact. For some reason, looking at people makes it harder for him to control his tears. As long as he looks at his drink and focuses on the trails it makes over his ice cubes, he should be able to keep it together. "Mandy is OK. OK as in she's still alive but she....she's not Mandy. She's fucking broken and I don't know why. I go to see her and she doesn't say a word. She doesn't fucking look at me. I don't know what she's found out or what's happened to her. I don't...I just don't know." Deneil sighs and bites on his bottom lip, feeling himself about to lose it. "Then there's all the other stuff". The other stuff clearly being him, Drew, his sexuality and all the other issues it creates. "I don't know what I'm doing half the time. These fucking days are never ending. When I'm not thinking about that stuff, I'm either drunk and doing stupid shit," he says, turning his foot to show Drew the emoji he spontaneously and drunkenly got tattooed on it. "When I'm not doing stupid shit, I'm in the studio and getting pissed because I can't come up with anything. When I'm not doing that, I'm....sometimes...sometimes even thinking of....well, put it this way, I'm starting to understand how Luke must have been feeling," Deneil confesses, suggesting that like his close friend Luke Striker, he's contemplated taking his own life. Deneil usually keeps things to himself and feels silly expressing his emotions and making a big deal out of them so it's pretty obvious that this is deadly serious and not a cry for attention.

Deneil nods when Drew says that he won't hit him again. "Thank you. I don't initiate fights with people I care for. Last time I was caught off guard but if there's a next time I won't hesitate in defending myself...and I don't want that to happen. We've got a fucked up relationship as it is but I don't want "the guy who put you in hospital" to be added to my list too or vice versa." Deneil is now finding it a little easier to say what it is that's on his mind and even manages to meet his friend's gaze a few times as he speaks. Deneil gulps some Scotch and as he swallows, he's met with some unexpected news. Hearing Drew say that they can't keep fucking around makes Deneil feel rather weird inside. It's a feeling that he can't quite explain. An amalgamation of positive and negative thoughts rush through his mind all at once. In a way he's over the moon that one of them just came out and said it. As much as he'll miss the fun and the elation of it all, Deneil knows that this is the right thing to do. If they didn't actually love their fiancees and weren't dealing with many of their other personal demons then sure, they could have potentially gone on to become something but that's not the reality. On the other hand, Deneil definitely feels something for Drew. It could be love. It could be lust. All he knows is that he doesn't see Drew as just a booty call and when they're together, as wrong as it is, it also feels so right on many levels. Drew opened him up to a whole new world and every visit from him brought along a new experience with it. Knowing that it's come to an end is rather bittersweet. "You're right. You're absolutely right". Deneil swirls what little is left of his drink over his melting ice cube and sighs. He's plucking up the courage to say what he wants to say next. "This is...this is going to sound so stupid but I have to say it. I want to say it out loud and put it out into the universe. I've spent...many, many nights trying to figure out what I am. Humans, we live life by category and you therefore must stay in your box and act a certain way because you're this or you're that. I still don't know what I am but the biggest discovery I'm made is figuring out what I'm not. I'm not a straight man. That's what I wanted to say," Deneil says with a little laugh, a mixture of relief and disbelief. "I've accepted that. I never thought I would but it's clear as day. People think I'm a straight man but...I'm not. I don't know why but I just thought I'd tell you..."

Deneil holds his hand up and shakes his head as if telling Drew that no apology is necessary. They were both in the feelings and let it get the best of them. "It's forgotten. I doubt it was the tweet that got to Mandy either. She doesn't read one remark, rumour or pissed off tweet and jump overboard. It's probably an entire concoction of things....it's just fucking hard to figure out what needs straightened out when she's obviously not willing to divulge. At least not to me". Deneil knows that he's a part of the problem. Mandy's in the music industry and she's not exactly an unknown artist so there's a lot of shit coming in all direction which could have been instrumental in her breakdown but Deneil knows that he wouldn't be given the cold shoulder like this if he weren't even a tiny bit responsible. Also, there's no way that Mandy would have slipped like this beforehand as she usually unloads her worries onto Deneil and he straightens them out for her. She didn't come to him, she never said a word. She just went out one night and that was that. Deneil turns his foot and looks down at the tattoo again, laughing at his own stupidity. It's a good job he didn't get it anywhere more noticeable. "I have no idea what possessed me. In fact, I do. This did," he says, holding up his glass. When Drew gives him advice about fighting the suicidal thoughts, he appreciates it but it's not the life changing news he wanted to hear. He's tried writing songs about it. God, he's tried. Going through a creative dry spell doesn't help so his songs tend to make him even more pissed, leading the vicious circle to continue. "I appreciate the advice, man. It's just that I've tried the song thing. Didn't work. I get high and I drink but sometimes the comedowns from those make things even darker". Deneil finishes his drink and stands up, about to head into the kitchen to pour another but backtracks. Drew said that he writes songs when he feels like that. Deneil had no idea that Drew had similar thoughts. "Wait, man...you've felt like...that too? I...I didn't know".

Deneil's never had a huge group of friends. In fact, he's never had a lot of genuine friends period. He's been popular in the UK grime scene for years now and has amassed quite a decent local following as well as a few people who he's friendly with but that's about it. He doesn't know these people past their everyday pleasantries or the facades they put up if they're in the industry. Drew is one of very few people that Deneil can honestly say he knows. Sure, he may not know every single detail of the guy's life, far from it, but there's a huge level of trust between them and fucked up sex filled nights aside, he can call him a friend. Deneil knows it will be difficult to maintain this friendship but he won't give up without a fight. Drew's been in Deneil's home, he's seen glimpses of what his life is like here in Hackney, he's drinking from a glass Deneil owns and is talking to him while he's looking ready for bed. For such a private person like Deneil, letting Drew do things like that is a huge step. He doesn't let just anyone into his real life. "I promise. It's going to be hard though...I'm not going to lie. I don't mean to make things even more awkward when I say this but, you do mean a lot to me. Our fucked up mess aside, we've had a lot of fun. Lot of laughs. Lot of good coke". Deneil laughs and flashes a warm smile, seeming rather genuine about his fondness of their friendship. "I know I should be speaking to Mandy about this but I can't. Not when she's like this. I just...I just felt like I had to get it off my chest to somebody. I couldn't tell Billy either because he'd start asking questions. Oh and he'd also get a chip on his shoulder, thinking that I'm trying to copy him in not being straight". Deneil chuckles but he's probably not kidding. Billy would sue.

Deneil looks down at his tattoo again and laughs lightly when the focus is shifted back onto it. However, Drew's remark about telling his future children about it strikes a chord with him which he tries his best to glaze over. Before Mandy's breakdown, even way before Deneil and Drew's affair, the young couple had a conversation about children. Reluctant at first because he lacks a paternal nature, Deneil was finally convinced by his fiancee and made a vow that after their wedding, he would try for a baby with Mandy. Now though, he's not sure if any of that will become a reality. "That's if I'm still living in 30 years, mate. I don't think a Khan has lived over the age of 50. We piss off too many people!" Deneil laughs and winks, taking Drew's empty glass from him in his left hand. Hearing Drew confess that his past holds many memories that he's not proud of and ones that still haunt him to this day makes it even easier for Deneil to relate to him. Spending some time on the streets and being involved with gang culture in his teen years, he too has many regrets that still play in his mind. "I'm pretty sure that when you have had lives like ours, there really is no such thing as normal. Wouldn't be much to rap about. I guess, and as fucking cliche as it sounds, the only thing we can do is accept that the past is not our present. Though, our present is not exactly a bunch of fucking roses either. If we dwell on things, we can't move forward. I learned that the hard way because fuck have I done some shit in my time! Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself," Deneil says with a little sigh, looking down at the floor before slowly meeting Drew's line of vision again. "Easier said that done though, right man?" Deneil gives a rather halfhearted smile, looking somewhat defeated as he walks into the kitchen to pour some more Scotch.

As he untwists the cap and looks at Drew's glass, he suddenly remembers that Drew must be driving. Him getting into a drunken and possibly fatal road accident is definitely not something Deneil wants. As awkward as it may be after their conversation, Deneil knows that Drew must spend the night here. There's no way he's letting him drive away with alcohol in his system. "Mate...don't take this the wrong way, but...I think maybe you should stay here for the night. I've got the spare room, you know this place well, it's fucking late and dark out plus...you've been drinking. I don't want you driving." Deneil speaks rather softly with a very calming tone, trying his best to convince Drew to stay without objection. Deneil doesn't want it to seem like he's forcing Drew to spend the night here, even though he kind of is as there's no way he's letting Drew get behind the wheel. "I know we just had that talk but...you're not getting into a car accident tonight or being pulled over by police."