OurLittleDustyn: @atomic_erich Greedy!! We ARE alike 😂

JoshuaGrimmie > Coke

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I love interacting with people. May shock some to hear but I am a people person. I love chatting and connecting whether it's in the flesh or online. I also get a lot of my news updates from here. Everything spreads so quickly on social media, I'm always up to date and informed. That's very important to me and what I do. The trolls...they do get to me at times though. Once I get over the nasty comments, they step it up and do something else. I don't like to play the "victim" card, especially when there's worse shit going on to people out there but I do feel like a lot of people out to get me. Things I say are always twisted and misquoted. The right and their damn smear campaigns smh. I don't take notice of every little thing said. If I did, I'd be manic 24/7. It's just that some things slip through the cracks and get to me.

JoshuaGrimmie > Coke

Hey...sorry for the double message but I really needed to ask you something. Couldn't bring myself to type it up in the last message but it's on my mind and I just have to get it out. Not to be morbid but when you get a depression from the bipolar, have you ever thought about or even attempted...ending it? I have. I'm not suicidal but you know better than anyone that when we have an episode, our minds wander into really dark and scary places. Places that even shock us when we hit reality again. I love life and the thought of taking my own seems preposterous to me but on a small handful of occasions, when I go to that dark place, I've found myself severely close to that edge. That fucking terrifies me. I can't control it. I could slip into an episode and not come back. Sorry if I've totally dampened the mood but I'm just real curious.

Coke > JoshuaGrimmie

Well, yeah. I think about suicide a lot and feel really guilty for it. I have so much to live for and so many people to love but it never stops me. I'm a burden to my family and living with this disorder is a responsibility I never asked for. You know how hard it is when everything hurts, and for absolutely no reason. In the last year alone, I've walked into many situations where my mindset was: "maybe I die, maybe I don't". Then I tell myself that it's not the same..."I didn't hang myself or anything, I just let "fate" decide. It's not the same." When I'm left to pick up the pieces while hooked to yet another IV, all I can feel is resent. I resent trying to die but I equally resent surviving...that's how I know it is. I don't know if that's normal, this is kinda the first time I've ever openly talked about it. Many have tried to have the conversation with me but no. I can't. People attempt to understand until you bring up suicide. The conversation goes down from there.

BillyBadBoy: Leave my family out of your mouth!!! RT @FAILURE: What's weird about seeing backstabbing, incest, with dragons, lovchilds, and assholes.

BillyBadBoy: I kid...

JoshuaGrimmie > Coke

Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch last night. I've felt the same way a few times regarding the "I don't care if I die but I don't care if I survive" feeling. It's scary looking back but at the time it's happening there is this weird numbness. Everything is just bleak and you literally do not care about anything. It sounds so selfish but it's part of this fucked up condition. I feel you. When I try to talk about it, people either tread on eggshells and don't know how to respond or they go ham and start listing all the reasons I've got to live for and start preaching about how suicide is never the answer. I know people think they're helping but words are empty...at least when you're bipolar. You can appreciate it in the moment but literally nothing matters when you're depressed or manic and nobody can truly understand it unless they have the condition too. I'm really appreciative that I have someone to talk to :)

sayyidkhan: Probably. People are into all sorts. - RT @Erica_rox: @sayyidkhan the only question I have is: do they get all turned on when you're in their mouths? I've seen something recently that makes that seem like a thing...

GrimmieNation: Joshua's latest IG post is so pretty. I wish my baby would be less self conscious about his sleepy eye though. It's adorable 😩😔

KissMeKeaton: I'd pay good money to hear @LincolnKeaton cuss xD

LincolnKeaton: @KissMeKeaton That's bad.