Ryan: Congratulations on being at the precipice of graduating high school. 2020 was weird. 2021 is still weird. I truly believe we are all seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now at least, which is promising. I truly commend teenagers and people in their early 20s who are having their high school and college experiences altered due to the pandemic, yet are navigating through it as best they can. In no way is your shifted graduation any less than those before you. I cheers you all with a cup of tea. I was going to open a bottle of wine but somebody told me that was not the best idea before I spoke to high school students. Surround yourself with people much smarter than you. It's also 8am on a Wednesday in Los Angeles, so. Here we are. Hit me with your best shot.
(laughs)How have you been dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic since it began?Ryan: A worldwide pandemic is the only thing that we all can say we've dealt with in the exact same time. It has broken my heart to see the deaths piling up. I have an enormous amount of respect for healthcare and frontline workers because they've had it harder than anyone else during the last 13 months. I personally can't complain because I'm healthy, everyone I know is healthy, and I'm in a privileged enough position where the lack of distractions is only making me focus more on creating music. At first it was difficult to sit down and write a song but a few months into it was I writing and playing guitar and soon enough I was back in the studio recording. It's been beneficial in terms of being creative. I was never binge watching during the pandemic. I've been binge working.
Is there anything about yourself that you've learned over the last year?Ryan: That's a good question. I'm no longer as antsy as I used to be. I'm a pretty patient and level-headed guy now for the most part. My foot was stuck on the accelerator for a long time, so a forced state of pause kind of recalibrated my mindset. For me, I said this recently in an interview, the final frontier for me in life is love. It's a wife. I want to be madly in love with someone. I want to be in a long-term, committed relationship. Most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships, so I feel kind of like an outsider when I'm around them now. I have nobody but myself to blame for that. I decided to live my life a certain way for a long time and that was fun. Now I want to share the lazy and mundane with someone. I've been in relationships in the past that were specifically constructed for the weekend. We would meet on a Friday evening and have through Sunday morning to be together, then we would go our separate ways. I want a Monday through Sunday love.
What's the first thing you're looking forward to doing once life is back to normal?Ryan: Getting back on tour sounds like a given, but it's been so long since I've been on the road that I'm excited about being on stage again. Due to the scale that we're thinking for this next tour, that probably won't be an attainable reality until 2022 at the earliest. So I'll say the first thing I will do once life feels like it's back to some sense of a normality is seeing my friends. There are some who I haven't seen in over a year and honestly this time apart makes you appreciate those people and those moments you share that much more. I was a bit paranoid at the start of everything. I live alone, so for the first 4 or 5 months, I didn't really see many people. As its gone on, there a few friends who I've gotten together with but that circle around me these days is still very small. There's only like 6 people who I see regularly.
What advice would you give your younger self?Ryan: Don't be an asshole.
(laughs) I'm sorry if I can't curse but truly that's what I wish I could tell myself when I was 18 years old. I was a very confident, brash kid back then. I was antsy. What do you do when at 13 you already know exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life? School was a chore for me after that point. I wanted to take the world by storm and nobody was going to stop me. I was able to accomplish pretty much everything I wanted, which is fantastic, but fame and fortune is very much a double edged sword. Which that goes beyond being a known figure, success in general can have its side-effects. There's no manual that comes with success. After you're caught up in a some messy situations, as time goes on, it is easier to see things differently. You grow as a person. I realize I could have been kinder a lot of times. That's what I would tell a younger Ryan. Keep you ego at bay, and be kind.
What was the outlook you had on your life once you graduated high school?Ryan: I had all my eggs in a single basket. I was 100% committed to making this music thing work. There was no back-up plan for me nor do I think you need to have that. If you create a back-up plan for yourself, you are already diverting attention that you can have upon becoming really good at that one thing you love more than anything else. For me coming out of high school, I felt confident behind a guitar. I obsessively played guitar every single day of my life as a teenager. I had that in my wheelhouse already. I started dealing with some anxiety issues my sophomore year of high school and that's where I found songwriting, so the songs I had at 18 were nothing special but there was something there. Singing was what came last for me and figuring out my voice. That's why I'm not a natural singer. I'm a singer by trade, if that makes sense. I never have nor will I have have the notes that someone like Hayden Merjos or Austin Nimmo can naturally hit. Those two are just an example of naturally born singers. My voice has matured but in that same vein, some years ago I was dealing with some issues that cost me a few edges of my singing ability. There was uncertainty in my life when I graduated high school. I know my mom was very concerned about me then. I worked some odd jobs here and there to earn enough money to move to New York City, which I did at 20. There I started playing gigs at coffee shops, bars, honestly anywhere they would have him. At 21 I recorded a four or five song demo which in the early days of the internet, started to gain a bit of traction. I signed my first record deal at 23, and well, the rest is likely on my Wikipedia page.
(chuckles)How were you in high school?Ryan: I was a pretty reserved and quiet kid. I didn't draw attention to myself. I also didn't have a lot of friends. I felt like I didn't have time to have friends and hang out because when I wasn't school, I was playing guitar, I was writing songs. For better or worse, back then, I thought that if I engaged in these activities that you're meant to experience as a teenager, I was somehow doing a disservice to my craft. Honestly, that's a big reason why I probably had those weird years later on in my life because I didn't party or drink or do anything like that when I was younger. Then all of a sudden, I was this very rich guy, who had the financial means to have every materialistic thing he wanted, who had famous friends, who was invited to everything, who figured out that he could flirt and date these beautiful women in the industry. It was dangerous going from growing up in a low-income household, spending a lot of time by myself, to having all these things only because I had this talent for music. I didn't have my first sip of alcohol until I was 21 and I was like 26 when I went to my first party ever. So this is a case of do as I say, not as I do. Allow yourself time to unwind and live your life because otherwise you might be a little older and be an explosion waiting to happen. It's easier to clean up when you're young, not so much when you're 34 or 35.
You've lived in Montana for a long time now. What initially drew you to this state?Ryan: I bought my property out in Livingston in 2012. I had been rattled up at that point. I was coming off two highly publicized relationships and I was kind of saying some stupid crap in interviews and social media. I wanted a way to just minimize the noise in my life as best I could. I wanted to remove myself from the Hollywood machine. I sold my homes in Los Angeles and New York City that same year. Since then I've returned to LA and split time between here and Livingston, so I don't want to say I'm a January thru December Montana resident. I'm so thankful that I was accepted and have continued to be welcomed by the community out there. I think that's only done by coming here and removing that pop star gloss. You can't move to one of the least populated states in the country and act as if it's your own, act as if you're above any of the people who live there. That doesn't work. I've always been humble and kind to everyone I run into when I'm out there. It's a fantastic place. Every time I tell a friend to visit, within a few days, they are like "ok, I get it. I see what you mean now." It's wonderful.
You had some people protesting outside of your home last year after you performed at the Fan Choice Awards. Did that alter your view of Montana at all?Ryan: No, not at all. That could have happened anywhere. I knew that In Hate We Trust was going to create a ripple effect. Every racist, every homophobe, every alt-right extremist was going to have an issue with that song. The response from certain individuals didn't surprise me. I'm not going to censor myself to avoid ruffling any feathers. That's never going to happen. The support for that song outweighed the issues some people had with it. It was a number one song for multiple weeks. I think a lot of people felt as if their voice was found in that song, which is special as a songwriter.
Do you see yourself settling down in Montana?Ryan: You know, I'm always going to have that piece of land. I don't see myself ever selling that home. I recently downloaded TikTok and I don't post anything on there but just scrolling through those videos, that's the first app where I realized that I might be getting a little old.
(chuckles) You know, not so much in terms of the trends, but kind of in terms of teenage lingo. I don't keep up with it. From TikTok I have learned that I might be a simp. For that reason, I can't promise that I'm going to settle down and raise a family in Montana because my wife will have that final say. I believe, even if I don't live there full time, which I already don't, it may be a holiday home to spend summers and maybe Christmas out there.
Are you ever going to record an entire album in Montana?Ryan: I hope so. My most recent album Sex with Former Lovers had a few songs that were recorded in my home studio out there but it is difficult. My albums are recorded in LA or New York because it logistically makes sense. My sound engineer lives in LA and a lot of the musicians I work with are based on either coast, so it's tough to align everyone's schedule and have them move out to Montana for months to record. I do believe in my heart that one day I will write and produce an entire record there. The time has not come yet. I'm a pop artist, regardless of what genre I'm tackling on a given song, I'm still trying to write songs that become popular. That's not a bad thing to say. In 10 or 20 years time, things may change. I might decide to make an album that is done entirely by myself and has zero commercial appeal. That would be doable in Montana.
I know the Fan Choice Awards are happening again in a couple of weeks and you have quite a few nominations this year. Will you be attending or perhaps performing at the ceremony this year too?Ryan: It's humbling to still be nominated at award shows after so many years in this industry. I never take those moments for granted, especially when the fans are the ones behind the voting process and their voices have to be loud enough to even get an artist or song nominated. It means the world to me. I'm unsure at this moment if I will be there. I'm currently recording my next album, so most of my time is dedicated to wrapping up that project. You guys will have to tune in and see if I show up. (smiles) Other than working on this album, the only thing on my calendar is attending an Amy Meyer's show next week. I'm taking a guitar just in case Amy lets me riff with her for a minute. I'm like that guy at a party with the acoustic guitar but it's even worse because I do it on a bigger scale.
(chuckles)Are there any music styles you haven't explored yet that you hope to get a chance to do in the future?Ryan: Oh yeah. Absolutely. Above everything else, I'm a music listener. I consume so much music every single day of my life from one source or another. That's why I'm a terrible person to date because I rarely watch movies or tv shows and if I do I'm like on the very last wave of watching something. By then, everyone has moved on to the next thing.
(laughs) It happens here and there when I hear a song and I'm like "damn, I want one of those." I want a big, bold, stadium rock song. I don't have that in my toolbox yet. I want a seductive, understated pop gem like that new Joshua Grimmie and Layla Sanchez song. The second that I'm no longer inspired by other artists and motivated to explore new sonic realms, that's my signal to call it a day on my career.
What do you think are the benefits and disadvantages of social media?Ryan: Social media can be a beautiful thing, if you can remove all the toxic elements of it. If you are a creator of any sort, having a platform to share your work and monetize it is amazing. That is a great benefit that folks didn't have some 20 or 30 years ago. I can only speak for myself and my experience with social media, which I know differs for others. I was very receptive of social media platforms. I was one of the first major artists to embrace Twitter, to embrace Instagram. I was on all those apps very early on. I'm guilty of misusing social media too and saying stupid things on there or getting into these petty arguments. All that is in the past. Whether you want to see it as a benefit or disadvantage, with the internet and social media, nothing every really disappears. You can delete something but it will always live on when you hit that post button. The internet does not forget. I took a step back from social media recently, which I have done a few times in the past as well, because I needed to remove myself from an environment that was not healthy for my mental state. You have to know what battles to take on and which are best left alone. I've learned that as I've gotten older. I can only exert energy on the people who support me and care about me. I can't waste headspace on the ones who will always find a reason to hate me. There will always be a small part of me that wants to be liked and accepted, but that is outweighed by the love I have for my friends and those who truly have my back.
I know you probably get this question a lot but would you ever be open to a PANIC! reunion?Ryan: Wow, aren't you like 17 or 18? You must have been like 5 when I last performed with them.
(chuckles) I'm asked this question ever so often. Truthfully, Ashley [Perry], [Gabriel] Hunter, and Nick [Asher] could always decide to bring the band back together. I would never knock them for that. I likely won't be a part of it. Overall, I'm at a different stage in my life and career. The music that I'm striving to make doesn't align for a band setting with so many different creative minds flowing. I don't want people to hold out hope that in a few years when PANIC's debut album has its 20th anniversary since its release, there will be a reunion tour or something of that nature involving me. I couldn't play you a single note of a PANIC! song even if I tried because I simply don't remember them. It's been over 13 years since I performed in that setting. It's beautiful that PANIC! is still remembered. I will always cherish that time in my life. It's just in the past.
Do you have anything left in your career that you want to do or does it feel like you've accomplished every goal you had set for yourself when you first started?Ryan: There will always be new goals and dreams I have for myself professionally. I don't know if they are as vast as they used to be when I was younger. I've been lucky that every goal I had for myself as a teenager or in my 20's, they've all been checked off. Now it's as though goals for my career are always revolving. There are so many artists who I want to share the stage with or meet in the studio and try to write a song together. I consider those things as targets I want to aim for. My dreams are less about any commercial success these days and more about challenging myself with new realms of possibilities.
Will you go to prom with me?Ryan:
(laughs) Do ya'll know what happened the last time I was seen with an 18 year old?! Google it! Everyone on social media loves to remind me of that every single day I'm alive.
(laughs, looking off-screen as someone is heard giggling in the background) I will not go to prom with you and trust me that will be for the best. There's a good reason why women don't get close to me these days, you can do your research on that. I respect the guts that takes to ask in front of your class. I didn't go to my own prom. Not only was I so focused on doing my own thing, I was also pretty nervous around girls. That's the counter opposite of my reputation now with women.
(chuckles)Ryan: On that note, I am being summoned elsewhere but I just want to say thank you for having me. Thank you for your questions and your kindness. I hope you all have a fantastic prom and graduation. I know Livingston well and I've met some incredible people there. I am certain you will all go to do some pretty special things in life. I send you all my best. I'll coordinate with your teacher and send you all some autographed merch and other goodies. It's a very small gesture of gratitude to you all. I'm honored that you've let me be a small part of the community. I know Montana isn't exactly a state that many people stop by to play a show there. I haven't seen many of my peers stop there on their tours but I promise I will always make time to play there whether there's a crowd of 100 or 12,000. Thank you so much for having me.
