There was this sense in Ryan's youth where he felt things were very black and white. Perhaps it came from his lack of believing in any divine power or out of his own complexities of believing that every little thing in life was a cause-and-effect. While he was not going to be the first to attend church, in recent memory he had become open to the belief that perhaps there were events in life that occurred without any rhyme or reason and having faith in something made that easier to bare.

Instead of interjecting, Ryan lets his friend speak and share his side of the story. He had heard early on in his reconnection with Ellie about the tragedy that had transpired a few years earlier with Alfie's best friend. Never did he actually hear it from him until now. It was upsetting to know that someone so young could just vanish into nothing by someone else's reckless actions. Hearing Alfie speak about it really brought it all into focus as it was easy to tell that he was still shook up about the whole thing. "I'm sorry to hear about Thomas, man... I know how hard that can be to manage through." He sympathizes, giving him a quick squeeze on the shoulder. In turn he did have his own direct correlation in regards to losing a close friend; Eric Quillington, who passed away in early 2010 from a drug overdose after battling with the early stages of Huntington's disease. He was not going to rehash all of that right now. "Life is just not fucking fair sometimes."

The point that his friend made did ring true. Ryan did not have many true close friends throughout his life. He didn't trust people easily and once he made it in this industry, it was more difficult to know who genuinely cared and who just wanted something from him, so it was easier to keep things surface level. It was special when he could let his walls down and build a genuine friendship. However, no matter how much of a valid point Alfie made, Ryan was still damn prideful. "I know I should hear him out. I know that I have my own responsibility to try and salvage the friendship. It's not solely on him or me about how we got to this point... but here we are." Ryan sighed out and finished the remains of his Old Fashioned. "I don't know if things will ever be the same again." He quipped aloud. There was no way of knowing that unless he heard Joshua out and tried to work on repairing things, which he was clearly still on the fence about.

"Thanks for the advice, Alf. I don't know what I'm going to do yet but I appreciate you sharing. I'm glad that at least have you as a friend these days." He states smiling warmly towards him before turning his phone over and checking if any new messages had come in.

The heaviness of their conversation now was a change of pace for the two. They were both capable of holding a serious chat when the situation called for. Their nights out to catch up were typically not the space for that. Over drinks they spoke more causally and joked around in an airy environment. Ryan didn’t fear for his own death more than he did about the unexpected departure of someone in his life. Folks around him like Alfie, Joshua, Ellie, and many others, they were all meant to go many years after he’s gone from this earth if life goes the course that it’s suppose to. “Losing someone is fucking hell. It’s never good to go through it but doing so makes you appreciate the people in your life that much more.” He knew that talking with Joshua and being open to meeting up would be the first step in trying to salvage the friendship. “I’ll think about this whole thing with Joshua before I make any rash decisions.” He assured to Alfie and himself, knowing better than to respond on impulse.

Late nights for Ryan were rare as of late. When him and Ellie would have date nights out, they were so calculated to avoid the press or any curious eyes, that they would usually slip in and out of a place at just the right time. It felt a bit depersonalizing from the outside looking, yet it’s what they had to do to keep their relationship private. He wouldn’t have it any other way as he stepped into the quiet years of his life. Still it was nice to cut loose every now and then. “Sure, why not? I should keep an eye on you anyways. Can’t have you falling into some tits or abs or whatever it is you’re into these days.” He states teasingly with a smirk and nod. “I’ll take another Old Fashioned. Put it on my tab.”

Ryan knew that if he were in a different setting or worse by himself he would have gotten way too into his own head falling the unexpected text message from Joshua. Hanging out with Alfie and kicking back a few more drinks made him, if only temporarily, unwind and not think about any hefty subjects. He was thankful to his friend for that. Now wearing a wool black overcoat over his suit he stood outside and kept his head down to not draw any attention to himself. "Fuck it, why not?" Ryan takes the lit cigarette that Alfie offers him and takes a quick drag. He was not one to smoke much, having even given up weed in recent years, although he did occasionally have a cigar with a stiff glass of scotch.

Returning the cig back to Alfie, he digs his hands back into his coat as the wind hits them. "A pipe? Do you think your sister and I live in a goddamn 1950s movie?" He scoffs with an eye roll and laugh. It was common for Alfie to take playful digs at his age all along and it was only likely to get worse as the years piled on. "So should I hound this dude about his intentions with you? Be a real asshole to 'em?" He taps Alfie on the shoulder and tilts his head, having no desire to do such a thing right now, however it was worth teasing him with the possibility.

After a few minutes of their banter outside, Ethan pulls up in a rented black car, not super luxurious but definitely a vehicle that wouldn't be an easy buy to an everyday Joe. After short proper introductions are done, Ryan slips into the backseat, not saying much as Alfie chatters on in the front seat with Ethan. It was nice to see him genuinely excited and happy about someone. He no longer felt a slight jealously when he saw others in loving relationships because now he had his own to cherish and grow. About a half hour of L.A. traffic later, he peers through the window to see home coming into view.

"Thanks for the ride, man. It was nice meeting you. Watch out for this one." He warns Ethan while giving Alfie a nudge with his elbow. "Call Ellie so she doesn't pester me about you, ok?" Ryan tells him sternly before stepping out the car and bidding his goodbyes to the pair. As much as he had a good time and enjoyed being social, he missed home, even if it wasn't a particular place for him and rather a person that felt like home.

For the first time in his life comfort and stability in a relationship was what he desired. Luckily he had that perfectly with Ellie. After so many years spent growing bored with girls and moving on to the next pretty thing, he was firmly set on making this work. For as often as he has been coined a forever-bachelor, he always knew if one day he got married it was going to be a one-time thing and he was not going to lower the high standard he had in whoever that woman was going to be. Ellie may just be that person for him and he knew was valuable that was.

Ryan’s alcohol tolerance was fairly high. It took a lot of drinks for him to not be in control of his actions. It’s how his personality was as he got older; careful, tactful, self-aware. “Yeah, it was fun. You know how Alf is. I got a few words in.” He removed his coat and sneakers near the entrance, soon following Ellie towards the kitchen as he sees Truffles hurry up the stairs. “How was your night in, babe? Were you up to something crazy?” He joked, knowing that she was rarely one to be considered a wild child, especially out of the Summers’ family.

Ryan removes his suit blazer and hangs it on a nearby stool, leaning against the kitchen counter and watching Ellie. “I did miss you though.” He states softly, smirking in her direction. It really had only been a few hours that they were apart but for a couple that over the last close to 2 years have been tied at the hip most days, any sort of distance was felt.

The demise of their relationship the first go around had plenty of factors. The outside noise, the different stages they were at in life at that point, the rearing ugliness of failure. Ultimately it came down to Ryan becoming scared of things getting to real and assuming that running away was better than bringing her a greater disappointment down the line. He tried his best these days to eliminate all those past what-if’s and invest himself entirely into the fresh stage their romance was at now some near 2 years into their reset. “Eh, you should have. I could have given you a play by play..” He smiled softly. What he would have perceived as clinginess when he was a young man, now seen as thoughtfulness.

“Thanks, babe.” He welcomes the warm mug into his hand of black coffee, blowing on it to cool it down. “God, you must know every line of that damn show.” Ryan shakes his head and chuckles, having likely guessed that her night-in by herself would consist of her watching Friends. “No, it was good. Alfie wasn’t too spacey today.” He finally takes a sip from the mug, the coffee instantly warming up his insides as it goes down.

“He talked to me about his best friend Thomas… what happened to him a few years ago. Hearing Alf talk about that was new territory I hadn’t seen him ever open up about.” He did not slip into yet on what exactly brought up the subject matter to begin with, however he knew there was time to get to that. “Last time I saw him that upset was when I met up with him after we got together and he punc…. pounded on me with questions. You know, the whole tough brother thing defending his sister.” Ryan takes another drink of coffee, hoping that his near blunder of words wasn’t something Ellie would hang onto. Alfie punching him when they first saw each other last year after 8 years or so was one of the secrets Ryan held onto for his sake.

"Yeah, I'm sorry again about that like 8 or 9 year break we took there." Ryan playfully remarks after her comment about him being the Ross to her Rachel. Their whirlwind timeline to get here not too dissimilar. He rests his hands on the island counter, still standing beside it as they continued their conversation. "It went well... I guess about as well as a conversation like that can go. He just kind of went through his thought process at the time as well as how he has coped with it all." He explained before pausing for a moment to take another drink of coffee from his mug.

Ryan lightly tapped his thumbs against the mug for a moment, stopping and looking over at Ellie after a hush of silence between them. "I received a text tonight from Grimmie." Ryan said point-blank, knowing there was no reason to sidestep around the subject any longer. Even if he had been short about his feelings regarding Joshua and everything that happened over 18 months ago, Ellie was the only one who had a glimpse into his underlying thoughts about this situation and all others he's dealt with since then. "He acknowledged the distance between us. He wants to meet up and have us try to sort things out."

Instead of continuing on, he digs his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and placing it in front of her on the counter so she can see the full scope. Aside from the small secrets shared by Alfie that he kept to himself mostly for Ellie's peace of mind, there was really nothing that he kept hidden from her. "I think that's why Alf opted to open up. He came back and I probably looked as white as a ghost after reading that message." He forces out a chuckle and tosses his hair back once he feels a few strands make it onto his forehead.

"I don't know what to do, babe..." He sighs out quietly. For as much as Ryan was calculated and wise about his moves, he didn't know what to do here. Maybe the answer was clear to everyone but him.

It was likely long overdue that the two had some sort of contact with each other. Ryan was too prideful and in his own feelings to be the one to make the first move. He knew that it made him seem like a bad friend to just avoid someone for this long but given how everything happened, he was unsure how to best approach things. “Do you think I’m the bad guy here? Should I have done more? I mean, he told me he was using and I encouraged him to get on stage… what the fuck?” He questions aloud for the first time. These were all thoughts he had but never spoke aloud. As smooth and confident as he carried himself, there were parts to him that were fragile and needed reassurance from having been painted as the villain so often.

The last thing Ryan ever wanted to do was put Ellie in a position where she had to make some sort of compromise or choice when he knew how deeply she cared about Joshua. He would never try to discredit her from being close to him. The two of them along with Layla were the ones that experienced that god awful morning and the weeks after waiting to see if their friend was going to survive or not, all from beginning to end. If it weren’t for Ellie dragging him away, he would have stayed by his friend until he woke up regardless of what it did to his mental and physical health. Those were the layers that only a few people ever saw, so it was easy to brand him as selfish and uncaring from the outside because of how he’s handled things now.

Ryan knows that Ellie is right with what she’s saying about his friendship with Joshua. For how protective Ryan was in everything he did, having genuine connections like that were rare and far between. Maybe he would have been more active in reaching out if he wasn’t getting the regular updates from Ellie throughout their mutual friend’s recovery. “Thank you, honey. I love you.” He welcomed her hug and kissed her forehead. Her voice, her touch, her scent, her presence, all brought him a sense of love and comfort that was unbeknown to him otherwise.

“I had nightmares for months after all of that in London,” he says calmly when their hug ends, looking down at the remaining coffee still sitting in his mug. “I honestly don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t have you with me in the aftermath of it all. Some nights I would jolt awake and see you sleeping right there beside me and everything felt fine again.” Ryan explained still keeping his gaze down. He tried his best to always make her feel equally loved and appreciated but it seemed quite minimal compared to everything she’d done for him without even noticing.

Ryan had a bad habit of wanting to be everything at once for everyone around him. It caused him to feel disassociated in the past because he had nothing left for himself when it was all said and done. He forgot at times that no matter how much of an information sponge he could be, he was never going to be an expert at everything and carrying any guilt for past mistakes were not going to do any favors. “I know… you’re right. It’s just fucking messy in here sometimes.” He says motioning to his head with his hands and exhausting out a small laugh. If there was one trait that he did not lack in was self-awareness.

At the mention of Ellie’s own troubles after Joshua’s overdose, Ryan is reminded at another aspect of what made this whole situation so intensely emotional and personal for him. He had to see the person he loves most in this world suffer and go through unimaginable pain seeing one of her dear close friends in a terrifying state. The memory of Ellie clutching onto him in a hospital corridor and crying in his arms when she could no longer manage was present in his mind to this day. He never wanted to see her that hurt and vulnerable again. “We all had it difficult then. We were all trying to be there and stay upright for one another. It was survival for Joshua and us. I’m glad we all made it through that. He’s doing better. We have each other.” He tried to spin it into the positives of what have come about over the last 18 months. Also a way to slip past having to open up further about that morning where he thought his best friend was dead and he was the one finding him. It was too heavy to discuss right now.

The FCAs were such a rollercoaster of emotions last time around. From the highs of the couple introducing their collaborative project to the world and having a rather intense celebration that same night in their hotel room to the lows of everything that transpired with Joshua afterwards. It left a sour taste in his mouth. Ryan nodded his head as he listened to his girlfriend. She was right. Regardless of how hard headed he can be, he had to acknowledge that Grimmie was not reaching out with any true hostility. “It is something. I recognize that he could have reached out in a different tone or with a different approach. I just need some time to sort my own thoughts out.” Ryan was thankful to have a support system in Ellie that allowed him to go about issues in his own pace without having to rush through.

“Of course I wish that our friendship could go back to what it was. I loved that kid. I saw a lot of myself in him. I don’t know if it’s realistic to expect everything to go back to that.” He had his doubts that their hefty conversation could create certain ripples that would affect the future of their friendship. “I still remember two years ago he was the first person that knew you and I started working together. He was sitting on my couch with a derpy smile when I was asking him about your relationship status and told him that I had a renewed crush on you.” He reminisced chuckling, knowing that not having Joshua around meant that he was missing that rock solid friendship where he could talk to them about everything.

“Maybe after the album is out, after the holidays are over… I can meet up with him and we can talk things out.” He mentioned while giving Ellie’s hand a gentle squeeze. He knew there was only a short window he had opened at the start of the year before the pair had to tackle an album release and world tour.

Ryan knew that his younger years and the reputation he formed then branded him as a pretty selfish individual. He was not always the most careful or tactful person when it came to the feelings of others and that went beyond just friendships and relationships. Ellie, unfortunately, experienced that some 10 years ago herself. He tried his best nowadays to be a better person than his past were to say, however that didn’t make him perfect and he knew that being caught up in his own pain could make others fall through the cracks. “I know. I remember seeing Layla that morning. That girl was terrified.” The three were always going to be tied together from the memories of that morning where their friend was nearly dead in a hotel room. “We should go visit Layla soon.” He gives Ellie a warm smile. While his closeness with Layla started developing around the same time he was reconnecting with Ellie, he knew the two had been long time friends for years prior. Plus, if it was in the pursuit to make the woman he loves happy, there’s not much he wouldn’t do to accomplish that.

“Baby steps… baby steps.” He repeats after Ellie to have it inked into his brain. It was the only way to move forward with this traumatic experience that he tried to ignore and bury deep down over the last 18 months. When she speaks about their young friend’s own experience and trauma through what he had to deal with, it was a whole new can of worms that he perhaps had not thought of throughly. It didn’t downgrade his own feelings as Ellie reassured him but it sure as hell make things more complicated for the pair. “Yeah, I know I have to take that into account.” Ryan said, soon followed by a defeated sigh. The heaviness of their conversation, whenever it occurred, was going to be intense and hurtful for both sides. For someone who ran from his problems for so many years, he was unsure how he’d react when he had sit down and hear Joshua’s story.

“I don’t do well with opening up if it’s not within the confides of a studio or on stage. I rather go through the fire alone than have someone try to pull me out because it’s easier at the time. I’ve gotten better about it as I get older but… it’s not easy for me.” Ryan pauses to take a sip of coffee. He didn’t want the conversation to become bleak, however Ellie was the only person in his life that he felt he could be completely open and honest with, so sharing his train of thought was easy to do in her presence. “I love my life right now. I have you, the love of my life. I have a solid group of friends who I care greatly about. We’re making the best music of our lives together. We’re building this beautiful life together. I don’t want to disturb or rattle it.”

Ryan had this reoccurring fear that everything he held dearly was one day going to abandon him at the drop of a feather. That came from scars buried inside of him since his childhood. It made him extremely aware of how difficult it was to love him and how delicate he was about people leaving him. So it was easier to be the one to go to save his own heart, as selfish as it sounded. “I’m going to go into it with as clear-minded as I can. I just need time to find a balance between sharing my own feelings and hearing me out to not be just blindly angry or too fearful of his state of my mind to be honest.” Ryan traces his fingers over her hand as it rests above his, letting things go quiet for a moment.

“Whatever happens… I don’t want it to affect us. Hell, I think even Grimmie would agree with that. He loved the idea of us getting back together from day one.” He forces a chuckle, attempting to look past himself and see that a negative outcome could possibly cause a blowback to those around them. Which put Ellie-Grace in the most negative position out of all.

Ryan had forgotten about the invitation to Oscar’s birthday party in the heat of all these flooded thoughts and emotions that came about thanks to Joshua’s text earlier tonight. Oscar was someone who he had grown close to over the last handful of months. He was thankful that as he got older, he was able to build these connections and friendships that would hopefully stand the test of time when all was said and done. "No, we should go. I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be a nice distraction from everything and probably good to see some of our friends." He smiled at her, knowing all too well that she loved to be present for those she cared for, never wanting to get in the way of that. The massive elephant in the room regarding another Weekend member was in all regards even more of an incoming storm than the looming conversation with Grimmie would be.

It was a constant battle within to remind himself that he had people around him who truly loved him. He did not have to take everything on by himself anymore and deep down that was a huge relief. There was no support greater to have than that of Ellie who was the sensible steady rock he needed in his life. "You're right. I shouldn't lone wolf it anymore with my life these days. I'm thankful for who I have around me." Ryan welcomed her cuddle, wrapping his own arms around her and holding her close. "If I can get, like a handshake from Jeanette, I'll take it as a win." He chuckles, knowing just how particular the eldest of the Summers' siblings was.

Sipping on the remains of his coffee, he ponders on Ellie's question for a minute. He knows that he isn't in a place right now where he should approach Joshua yet with a definite response or agreement on when they should meet. He needed to organize his thoughts and find a time where he could go into it as calm as possible. "Tell him that I'll get back to him about meeting up, but I just need some more to figure things out myself. I don't want him to think that I am just ignoring his message." He was thankful that Ellie could be the one to deliver the response rather than having to do it himself and possibly act hasty. "Thank you, darling."

Ryan laughs and cups her face in his hands, leaning down to give her a quick kiss on the lips when returns to stand before him. "I would never dare disrespect your throw pillows. I'm not trying to be a dead man walking here." He teases. Walking over to the sink, he too washes out his empty mug by hand. It was a habit that he had gotten from his girlfriend in the time they've lived together. "I do have to come back to town shortly after Thanksgiving to do some promo for Late Fragment. You can stick around longer in Nashville, if you like." He explains while cleaning up his mug and setting it to the side to dry. He loved having her on his side as much as he could, but never did he want to keep her from spending time with her family because they all were so important to her.