In Conversation with BILLY KHAN
Presented by Half-Moon Music // Interviewed by Ashford York
Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London, England
Saturday 15th April, 2023

One of my primary objectives when creating Half-Moon Music back in 2020 was to create a platform that truly delves deep into the music industry and the people involved in it as a whole. Early pitch meetings with the guys at Sirius XM and financial backers saw me presenting my ideas for these in-depth conversations that blend somewhere between a promotional platform, career retrospective and therapy session, I used examples of the sort of artists that we’d be aiming to have these conversations with and Billy Khan is a name that was frequently given as an example. An example of going far beyond just promoting their latest offering but touching on their life and journey, in all of its uncomfortable spectre.

It's been three years since Half-Moon Music launched, I’ve had the pleasure of speaking to a handful of fascinating people for this series as well as launching a handful of other programming on the platform. But today, I’ve finally managed to get the opportunity to sit down with the person who’s name seemed to crop up a lot in those early pitch meetings, Billy Khan. I flew out to London to meet him and get a small glimpse into his world and the places where he came from and grow up in. We were lucky to be given access to the home stadium of his beloved football team Tottenham Hotspur and sat in the stands of this modern state of the art sporting venue to have an incredibly in-depth discussion about his life from childhood to present day and even get a glimpse into what the future has in store for an artist that has battled his way to superstardom. It’s an absolute pleasure to present my conversation with Billy Khan.

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Billy Khan, I feel like this has been a long time coming, at least for me. I’m into the third year of doing this now and yours is a name that was mentioned back before we had even launched the whole Half-Moon Music platform when I was trying to put across what I wanted to achieve from this interview series. The idea that yes fundamentally this is a promotional platform for the artists, but that the conversations that we can showcase would hopefully go so far beyond the standard convention of regimented questions and have actual conversations with people that truly have more to say. I guess in a long-winded way, what I’m trying to say is thank you for finally answering my calls.
You're absolutely welcome. Thanks for pestering me non-stop! Seriously though, it has been a long time coming. Glad we've finally got to this point.

Before we get into it, and there’s a whole lot to get into. Let’s just talk about the location we’re at right now, North London, Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The home of your team. It feels vastly different from White Hart Lane which I’ve no doubt is the stadium you grew up with as a Spurs fan, a very traditional English Football ground in it’s day. Now your side play in this modern state of the art sporting cathedral that sort of goes a long way to showing how far the game has changed even in such a short space of time. What does this place represent to you, right now at this point in your career?
Not to sound so profound but I feel like this place has grown alongside me. Back when I was living rough and the family was struggling, this place was homely. That's the nicest way to describe it. Now that I'm in a very different position, this place has had a major glow up too. I mean, you can order a fucking katsu curry at one of the stalls. We've advanced beyond scrawny little meat pies. The same people and energy still fills the venue, though. Still feels like home. Despite all the new bells and whistles, it still has the same heart. I like to think the same thing can be said about myself.

It’s difficult to know where to start because although you’re still young, you’ve had quite an extraordinary life in so many ways already. I’m sure we’ll jump around a little here but I guess let’s go back to the beginning. For those that don’t know and I’m sure we’ll get into it, how was childhood prior to your teenage years?
Not even 30 yet and I could fill a whole book or two, ha! Uh, my childhood? Rough. Unconventional. Bizarre. Unfair. Confusing. That's not to sound like a victim. What's done is done. Those are purely the facts. It was shit, Ashford! I was basically in constant fight or flight mode. You know, I grew up in a very rough area where racism and all sorts of crimes were rife. I'm mixed race and that was pointed out to me as a "negative" at a young age. My parents were deeply unhappy. My dad was involved with gang activity. People were always fighting and yelling. Police constantly at the house. Religion being used as a weapon. You know those sort of 'poverty porn' shows about housing estates in Britain? It was basically that. Hackney in the 90's. Fucking hell!

You grew up in a strict Muslim household which would appear to be something that you don’t necessarily follow these days, how strict was that upbringing?
It was a mixed bag. Very confusing and contradictory. My dad is from Pakistan and a Muslim but was never a very good one in the eyes of those who follow the faith. He'd never apply it to his own life. Drink, drugs, violence, infidelity. It was all go. He'd attend Mosque and not eat pork. That was about it. He'd only make a big deal about faith when he was around his side of the family or if he was giving me and my siblings into trouble. It was used as a manipulation tool. It only really came into play when it was time to make some feel bad about something. That's why I can't deal with any sort of religion these days. They all feel like weapons and a means of control. I honestly don't see it bring peace and light to anybody.

Of course your younger brother Deneil is also a familiar name within the music industry. Usually what I find with younger siblings is that they tend to have a vastly different upbringing to the older sibling, was that the case in your family?
Uhhh, yes and no. He was around the same bullshit but being a little younger, he doesn't remember as much and definitely wasn't as impacted. There were four of us and I was definitely my father's least favourite. Maybe because I've got a mouth on me and was the only one that challenged him? Haha! I got the short end of the stick. Deneil being the baby, he sort of had protection. Even as we grew older, I made a point of looking out for my baby brother. If there was anything sketchy going on or if anyone was acting slick towards him, I'd make sure to jump in and nip it in the bud so he wouldn't have to endure it. I've physically fought people for him. I didn't care if I got bruised and battered so long as a hair on Deneil's head wasn't harmed.

And how would you describe your relationship with Deneil after both entering into the entertainment industry?
Extremely proud of him. Also disheartened that sometimes he gets discredited as being the "brother of". I know he got exposure once I entered the spotlight, but that kid was making up his own raps and songs way before I even auditioned for the band. He was always musically inclined. I'll even admit and say that I think he's got more talent than I have. We've always had a great relationship and I'll always champion and defend him. Still looking out for him to this day.



Your teenage years are a topic that is probably something a lot of your fans are more familiar with, it’s a story that has some incredibly dark periods but it’s one that definitely needs to be told, given how inspirational it eventually becomes. But in the aspect of getting the complete picture, could you shed a little light on what led to you becoming homeless as a teenager?
So the social services got involved around 2001. By that point, my dad had been charged with this, that, and the other. My mum was an absolute wreck. Police, the neighbours, the school...they all knew that things weren't acceptable at home. By that point, my older brother and sister had pissed off to go and live with one of my aunts. Mum didn't want to let go of me and Deneil but we found ourselves in care anyway. Basically, a rough, underfunded care home in London wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine either. I'm not having a go at the idea of a care system for kids. It's needed. It also needs massive overhauls and reforms. I fucking hated it. They had nothing in place to deal with a case like mine. Yeah, I can admit I was a problem teen but I was suffering from all sorts of abandonment and neglect issues. I was just treated as a "bad kid" and made to feel like I was getting under everyone's feet.

When I was just shy of 16, my dad's brother agreed to take me and Deneil in. It was just more of the same shit, though. Same family, same attitude, even less of a shit given about me. It was more about him getting a government benefit for looking after us. By that point, I was so fucked off with rules and authority. I just upped and left one night. Pride, rebellion, teenage hormones, unresolved issues, not sure what fuelled it most but it seemed like my best option. I would sofa surf, sleep in doorways and sometimes get into a hostel if I had the money. That went on for like a good 18 months, or two years thereabouts.

Obviously that period of time brought a lot of personal challenges to you, grappling with your own identity and sexuality, of course that surely is a different battle when you were brought up in a Muslim household. In regards to your sexuality, of course we all know you are confidently bisexual, but was that realisation and those internal battles something you fought with or was it a case of once you realised you were fully confident to be exactly who you are?
I was about 15ish when I realised I was bisexual. I remember doing an eye roll more than anything once I realised that was the case. My thoughts were; "Great, another reason for people to have a go at me!". It was never a case of hating it or wishing it away. I've always been my own person and very strong-willed. If anyone had an issue with my sexuality, that would've been a whole lot of their problem and not mine. When I had my first sexual experience with another guy, I was in a youth hostel so I was already out there on my own in the world anyway. Not that it would change anything, but I didn't have anyone to answer to. Me embracing my bisexuality thankfully coincided with my newfound freedom. That's if you consider not having a stable roof over your head as "freeing".

And of course on top of this you’ve lived your entire life seeing racism in a very real way first hand. I’ve heard you speak very eloquently on the topic over the years. You grew up in a period where your family’s religion was constantly and of course wrongly associated with extremism. You’re not a quiet person that will keep his head down and let that sort of thing slide today, how difficult was that to understand and deal with as a younger person?
It's quite sad to say it out loud but really, it wasn't a case of "understanding". It was more about accepting. That's the way it was. What I will say is that I find it more shocking, offensive and barbaric now than I did as a kid. When I was on the receiving end of it back then, I just took it as kids and teens being typical dickheads. I used to see it as being on par with mocking someone's hair, someone's teeth. It was part and parcel of growing up on a rough estate. You're going to come across absolute cunts. Was only as I grew older and entered the real world that I truly began to understand the severity of it all. Slurs and aggressions still pissed me off back then and I'd obviously defend myself but it's only now looking back that I can see just how deep-rooted and disgusting it actually all was.

I’d like to think that the world at large is more intelligent and informed to see how abhorrent that thought process is today. That’s a perfect world that I don’t believe we’re living in yet. In my opinion it still exists it’s just slightly more subtle than it was back then. Do you think there’s been much change in comparing those teenage years to now?
I think that more people are talking about it and being held accountable. Actual concrete change, though? Not so sure. I think the younger generation are definitely doing a great job and seem to be growing up in a much more inclusive, educated and open-minded environment. Long may that continue. The older generation and those in power, however? Fucking hell, they've all gone nuts these past few years. Something really shifted in the mid-2010's with the rise of the Tory and Republican parties. The scum of the earth crawled out of the woodwork and feel free so spew their crap on larger platforms. I think that there's no opening their eyes. We just need to come down harder and punish these dangerous people or wait for them to do us all a favour and die.

It seems to me like music has always been the escape for you, I’ve seen you compliment a lot of artists when you first came into this industry as people whose music helped you get through that period, the power of finding the right music at the right time of your life is an incredible thing, just how important were those songs and artists in helping you find the way out of that troubling and dangerous world you were living in at that time?
Music was and still is total escapism for me. As a kid, not only did the beats and melodies bring me joy, but the lyrics told stories and painted little scenarios in my head. I could briefly hop out of reality and live inside these songs. When I sang, it was the only time I was genuinely praised. It was the one thing I was good at and found validation in so best believe I clung onto that for dear life. As I grew older and the problems mounted up, I developed an even deeper appreciation for music and some artists. Listening to music became a healthy way of expressing myself, which I struggled to do at the time. You know, I might have not been able to put into words how I was feeling at the time but someone could belt out my exact thoughts over a sick beat and I'd find comfort in that. Made me want to punch less walls.

To come from where you were to now rubbing shoulders with a lot of those artists that inspired you must be a feeling that gives you a lot of pride in yourself and the journey you’ve been on to get here?
It doesn't feel real at all. Even after all these years, I'm still not used to it. Probably still a little bit of imposter syndrome going on, truthfully. I've slept in bus shelters and shoplifted from Tesco. Why am I now being nominated in prestigious music award categories alongside Stephanie Fierce and Alicia Lena? Despite what you might think, I actually have a pretty chill demeanour when it comes to stuff like that. I don't get outwardly all that excited. I've never expressed how starstruck or nervous I am around a person. I try to play it cool and push those thoughts down but believe me, my stomach still churns like crazy at times. Swear this shit isn't real, haha!



Of course it all changed with one word, ‘Weekend’. I think back to that time when you guys came into the industry and we thought we’d probably see a couple of pop hits, keep the tabloids busy for a couple of years and then something else would come along. Your group is arguably the biggest act in the industry over the past ten years, it’s not been an easy ride by any means but sitting right here today. What are your personal feelings on the group?
I think that we are "the band that could". I hate using the term "role model" because I'm not here to raise your fucking kids. I do think we can be looked at as an inspiration for many, however. We are five guys plucked from obscurity and different walks of life, thrust into this situation with the entire world watching and just told to "go be pop stars". We had a lot against us. Snobbery within the music industry was rife and the press had a field day with stories they could dig up on five young teen lads who weren't media trained and groomed for stardom. I think that plays a big part in why we're still here. Lot of outside factors tried to tear us down from day one and that only made us stronger. We had many points to prove and smug grins to wipe off of faces. We're still here. I'm very proud of the group. Always will be.

Comparing your solo work and your own influences to the music that Weekend have always made there’s always been a contrast between the two. Do you enjoy the music of ‘Weekend’, have you had to constantly fight to try to put your stamp on their music?
With Weekend, there is an element of compromise but it's not stifling in any way. We know our sound, what the fans want, what we want to put out under the band and brand name, and our individual roles within that. It's second nature at this point. I don't huff and puff about not being able to say or do what I want on those records because the thought never crosses my mind. If I'm making a Weekend album, I'm making a Weekend album. I'm lucky enough that I have the means to freely create my own stuff as well. I could understand it being frustrating for someone else who's perhaps in a more controlled environment. That's not the case with us.

Your relationships with your band mates is one that has always been talked about online and in the press, rumours circulate constantly and often come from nowhere, but history suggests that the most persistent ones always tend to have some slither of truth to them. You and Dustyn very close, yourself and Oscar not so much. Do you think that’s a fair and accurate narrative?
I would say so. Dustyn is my best friend. We see each other as our first real friends too. Very different circumstances but we both grew up feeling like outsiders and that we'd be given the short end of the stick. When we joined the band, it was probably us two that experienced the biggest culture shock. We REALLY felt the drastic turnaround. He was also the first person in that situation to talk to me and actively try to befriend me. Others thought I was a bit rough and stayed away from the scowling lad in the tracksuit. Not him. We stuck to each other like glue and really helped each other out. Me and Dust have really grown up alongside each other. Without a doubt one of my favourite people ever.

Oscar and I? That's a tricky one to describe. We're like two sides of the same coin. Both huge music fans but he loves rockier stuff, I love R&B. Both London boys but he's from Mayfair and I'm from Hackney. He went to private school, I went to rough state one with a second-hand uniform. We're also both natural leaders with strong visions and ideas on how things are meant to be handled. Dust, Ri and Scott are more passive and open to compromise. It's usually Oscar and I at loggerheads, haha! A lot of the time, it feels like he totally shoots down my ideas but I know he feels that I do the same to him. We're both very...passionate people. We've been together since 2011, however. We might have a different dynamic but it's still brotherly. There's love there. We don't lose sleep over our squabbles. Either of us could have easily walked away over the last decade but we haven't. Yeahhhhh, I'm not backing down, Oz, mate, haha!

You’re on the verge of releasing your debut solo album titled ‘BILAL’, the obvious first question and we’ll get this out of the way quickly before we delve into this new album, are you done with ‘Weekend’.?
Yeah, fuck 'em! Haha! Nah, this is just another new and exciting avenue for me. I feel like Weekend will never end. Band aside, we're all extremely close and have our own label together. It's more than just singing songs together. Our lives and careers are all tightly woven together. We might go away for a bit to focus on other things individually from time to time but I know we'll always regroup. I've got my own music, Dustyn's got a TV show in the works, but we've also got Glastonbury as a band this summer. We have our fingers in many pies.

Let’s talk a little about the solo career, you’ve already got quite an extensive list of successes with your name attached to it away from the band. It seems like the one run in the music industry playbook that is guaranteed to work is to get Billy Khan to feature on your track. It must be a great feeling to know that so many artists from different genres want to tap into your ability and name power?
Honestly, it's fucking insane. Most of the songs I've featured on came pre-"Attention", my first actual solo song. The very first collaboration I featured on was a song called "The Energy" by mISTER_b. This was way back in like 2012ish when we were under our original label and management. Things were more controlled and manufactured back then. This was also when the spotlight was on another member of the band, I wasn't given as many lines and certainly hadn't dabbled in any solo stuff. It was such a shock that he had this killer track and out of every possible artist out there, he was like, "I want that one kid from Weekend". It sort of snowballed from there. That song and mISTER_b opened many doors from me. It's fucking incredible and humbling to be noted and sought after for your talent.

On the back of that question, just a quick fun one. You don’t need to answer it, but which collab has been your favourite so far. Whether it’s based on the quality of the track, the artist that you worked with or the fun you had working on it?
"Take Aim", Deneil's song was a special one for us. To do a track with my little brother after everything we had to overcome to get to that point was pretty fucking magical. For it to then go on and have such success was the cherry on top. Also really loved remixing Suzie's "Bad Behavior". That's like the naughtiest I've ever been on a track. Was quite liberating being on the mic and just being smutty as fuck, haha!

A couple of early previews that I’ve been given for the album seems to indicate to myself that this is the one project you’ve done that is fundamentality yourself. There’s a lot of stuff on the record that is dark, raw and honest. Moving away from the obvious four minute pop tracks into something with a little more feeling. It feels like this record is completely you.
For sure. I mean, it's called "Bilal" for a reason. Not even "Billy". Going with my actual name because I'm stripping it all back and just confessing, revealing and expressing everything that I want to. Not that it is a "woe is me" affair. There's all sorts of subjects, styles, points of view and tempos on there. The throughline, however, is the honesty.



You’re an artist that isn’t shy on your own sexuality either and this is another part of your personality that you seem to open up completely and delve into, your deepest feelings and passions come through so clearly and so completely unashamed and uncensored on some of the tracks. I think that will clearly bring with it an element of scrutiny and outrage from certain parts of the world. I’m sure that’s not something you’re particularly worried about but are you prepared for the likely attention that the record will receive from that more judgemental section of the world?
I like to take ownership of everything. From the day I was born, people have always tried to scrutinise me for something. I'm not a heterosexual rich white man. There are a million and one ways that you could try to put me down. I like to take the power back. You can't slag me off about anything because I'm either not ashamed or at peace with it. If I fuck up, best believe I'm going to be the first to joke about it. It's the same with sexuality. I'm not insecure and I don't feel the need to feel ashamed or that I should hide things because a nasty little virginal Karen or Keith is holding up a placard. I'm comfortable as a bisexual and I'm sex positive. My nudes are out there on the internet. You, this camera crew, the security that let us in, the whole world, all you have to do is Google my name and you'll see my dick. What else is there to hold back or even bare? It's out there, I'm fine with it. I don't care, haha!

It feels on this album that although you have put yourself front and center in a very big way, you carry a lot of your influences with you. This is a very strong R&B record which we all know is your main musical love, meshed with elements of hip-hop and rap in there too. Just how important was it for you to not only be true to yourself lyrically but also create the sort of timeless record with sounds that will no doubt hold the record up with those classics of the genre?
At the end of the day, as much as I would love for others to enjoy the record and relate to it the way I've done with others albums, the most important thing is that I personally love and enjoy the record, that I am proud of it. If it's my story, my art, my name and face being attached to it for eternity, I want to stand by it. That's why it has been a long time coming and I've left gaps in between single release so they all get their moment. I want to savour this. I want it to play out exactly how I envisioned. You only get one debut album. I have a lot of stories, ideas and influences that make up this record. I want to get it just right. I've went through everything with a fine tooth comb. The lyrics, production, vocals, track list sequencing, artwork, the booklet, the music videos, everything. I want to be able to proudly stand by it and even if it's not appreciated by many people, I can still look at this record in years to come and say; "I did that!"

It has been a pleasure to get to hear some of these tracks and delve a little further into the person and the story behind them. I’ve always considered you to be one of the artists that will carry this industry forward for years to come and definitely hope to cross paths again very soon. Appreciate your time today and it’s not needed but good luck with the record and impending worldwide domination
Domination? You're talking my language, Ashford, haha! Thank you very much for coming over here and buttering me up with compliments. Been a lovely day! I really enjoyed this interview, mate. The amount of people that still ask me crap like; "What's your favourite ice-cream flavour?" is astounding. You're going places!