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tw:
suicide/self-harm is discussed in the post and lyrics. please feel free to skip over this post if that's something you rather not read about.)
Single by
Ryan Ross Hernandezfrom the album Definition of HomeReleased: September 24, 2025
Studio: Prime Recording Studios (Nashville)
Genre: Country • pop rock
Length: 13:56
Label: Electric Gold Sounds
Songwriter(s): Ryan Ross Hernandez
Producer(s): Ryan Ross Hernandez • Ellie-Grace Summers
"What I Would've Missed" is a song by American singer-songwriter Ryan Ross Hernandez. It was released on September 24, 2025, through Electric Gold Sounds, an independent Nashville-based imprint, as a B-Side from Hernandez's forthcoming ninth studio album,
Definition of Home. It follows-up the second single "Permanence", which peaked at number two on the weekly Chart Heat publication in September 2025. Written by Hernandez, who produced the track with country-pop singer-songwriter and frequent collaborator Ellie-Grace Summers. At the time of release, it is not known if the song is part of the track list for
Definition of Home or a bonus track to the album itself. Proceeds from all digital downloads are being donated to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
The lyrics of "What I Would've Missed" detail a suicide attempt from a first-person point of view. The narration opens with the first verse exploring how his death would be accidental, however by the second verse he contradicts himself and admits that he was trying to take his own life and ponders how it would have been perceived publicly. The third verse serves as a confession starting with the date the attempt occurred - which was exactly six years to the day from release. It goes on to reveal the reasons that led him to that low point and the general vacant feeling after the attempt was unsuccessful. Later in the song when the sound shifts, the lyrics begin to go in-depth to share events he would have missed had his suicide attempt been successful years prior. It specifically mentions fellow singer-songwriters Joshua Grimmie, Alicia Lena, and Layla, while detailing moments in his relationship with Summers. Its chorus is minimal throughout, highlighting the lack of a family, before turning by the end towards a more hopeful message of achieving that dream.
The song's runtime of thirteen minutes and fifty-six seconds makes it the longest release Hernandez has had on any project he's created. It is sonically a mixture of country music on the first half, before slowly shifting towards a more pop-rock sound a little past its halfway mark. Both the instruments and vocals are overdubbed to create the expansive sound it takes on as it builds. While the primary instrumentation are drums, bass, piano, and several different guitars, there are some synthesizers and strings added to further round out the track. "What I Would've Missed" features a near two minute long guitar solo before the bridge and final chorus. As Hernandez revealed, the vocals were all done in one-take and include audible pauses to take a breath, and cracks in his voice while delivering the lyrics.
"What I Would've Missed" was met with universal critical acclaim, albeit many publications chose not to give it a score or ranking due to the sensitive subject matter it tackles. Pitchfork's Maddie Clark compared the song to Hernandez's 2020 single "In Hate We Trust, USA" lauding it for its direct and confessional nature: "it's equal parts powerful and uncomfortable." The Guardian's Christina Haywood coined it his "magnum opus" and urged even casual Hernandez fans to give the song a listen. Alyssa Williams of Variety called the lyrics "brutally honest, painful, [and] heartbreaking." Many critics highlighted Hernandez's vocal delivery as a highlight of the track.
Song CommentaryUpon release, Hernandez shared a letter on Instagram with the caption "September 24," which included links to online resources for mental health services.
Ryan Ross Hernandez wrote:"This could very well be the one and only time I acknowledge the existence of "What I Would've Missed" because it is brutal. I want to state clearly that I am in no way trying to sensationalize suicide. I realize how sensitive of a subject it is to discuss in any media or entertainment form that touches upon it. If anyone is struggling right now with suicidal thoughts, going through a dark time, or simply needing someone to talk to, please know that there are many resources within your reach just a call or message away to help guide you out of that headspace. It took most of my adult life to realize that it is not weak to accept help. We all need to take care of our mental health.
I've made a career out of mostly writing autobiographical songs about my life and experiences I've had in my almost forty-eight years on this Earth. I wish that "What I Would've Missed" was not one of those songs. I'm unsure if there is much else I can say that the lyrics don't already cover. It's a conversation with myself, with my partner, and my therapist, all wrapped into the runtime. The structure of the song didn't matter whatsoever. We weren't aiming to make a near fourteen minute song but it happened that way. This was a total stream of consciousness that took some form of a song. I didn't edit a single word. The vocals were all done in one take and we knew they weren't perfect. You can hear me taking breaths, my voice is cracking a bit at times. That was less about keeping an "authentic" feel, and all the more because I simply could not put myself through that again.
I am proud of the music around it and we spent more time working on that portion of it. We wanted the music to have a lot of space to build up but also have the freedom to explore different sounds. I've never released a song this long before and I likely never will again, so I wanted to take advantage of that to allow myself to bring in an array of guitars to mess around with. There's an acoustic, a slide, a baritone guitar, a really cool atmospheric electric solo when the song shifts towards the later part. We didn't do much editing when the other musicians came to form around it, we wanted it to carry a sonic weight that matched the lyrics. I think we did that. I'm unsure how often "What I Would've Missed" will appear on a setlist but I hope that it serves as a reminder for myself and others that even when things may appear bleak and daunting... there's always a light on the other side of darkness. And believe me it's so fucking worth it to get to those brighter days."
"What I Would've Missed"I wonder what they would have said
If I had killed myself
That early fall night
I swear there was no active plan
It was only a passive suicidal ideation
That's what my therapist called it anyways
It would've been marked down as accidental
Having drank too much
Mixed it with a few too many sleeping pills
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfNo wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfIf I had killed myself
That late September night
I lied about it being passive or accidental
I knew I wanted to end the noise
If I died that night
Who would've missed me anyways?
I would've been thrown into an "In Memoriam" tribute video
Maybe some friends would've played a song of mine at their shows
My house with only material things
Sold off to the highest bidder
The will was a blank page
'Cause I had nobody
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfSeptember 24th, 2019
The night I almost killed myself
In my defense it wasn't a masterplan
It was just a string of bad years stuck inside my head
They all tied a tourniquet tightly for me
And kicked the chair from underneath
I saw pictures of some exes who all looked happier
Think the algorithm is trying to kill me
Got another wedding invite from someone half my age
The girls I'd fall back on stopped answering
Bought another gift for somebody's baby shower
My mom died and I completely disassociated
Started binge drinking to forget
'Til I couldn't remember how to breathe
Took down a bottle of pills
I didn't want to rest my weary mind
I wanted to take a permanent vacation
And I failed at it
As I did with love
And commitment
And being a better man
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfNo wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfWoke up in my own vomit
With a headache that made me wish I was dead
I laid there for hours in some paralyzed state
The self-loathing grew where love should have been
I cleaned myself up
Went out to have a solo meal at Nobu
Acted like nothing happened
I didn't talk about it for years
And that was the saddest part
I can't lie to you
Not when you look at me with all that grace
I self-isolated from the world
I was the last troublemaker out in the wild
Everyone else had someone who relies on them
While I spent most of my nights still making a mess
We hadn't talked in so many years
I know it still would've broken your heart
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myself
No wife, no kids, no family
Nobody to carry on my legacy
It would've died with me
If I had killed myselfNow I know what I would've missed
Being a lovesick fool asking Grimmie if you're single
Spending every holiday with your family
Seeing your brother as my own blood now
How warm Nashville gets in the summer
Telling Alicia how I know you're the one
Cat hair all over the couch, I don't mind it
Days we don't even get out of bed
Layla saying that you look so radiant and so fulfilled
Buying a home together where we'll raise our kids
And everything that hasn't happened yet
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful momentsWhat I would've missed?
I would've missed you
Coming back into my life like some newfound divinity
I swear nobody's ever seen me quite like you do
With those eyes shining brighter than a clear blue sky
Took all the broken pieces and made me whole
Again, or for the first time in my life
I'm not quite sure and I don't care now
You leave me bewildered
I used to want to die, now I wish I could live forever
With you by my side
I'm not leaving this world before it's my time
And when I part that won't be the end of us
I'll be waiting for you on the other side
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful momentsI'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'm thankful that I didn't die that day
'Cause if I had
I would've missed all of these beautiful momentsI'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
I'll have a wife, have some kids, have a family
Someone to carry my legacy
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