Artist: Billy
Title: Find Myself or Whatever
Genre(s): R&B, Pop, Alt-Pop
Length: 3:39
Writers: B.Khan
Producer: BLOOM
Label: Pesky
From The Album: Bilal
"INFORMATION""Find Myself or Whatever" is a song by British-Pakistani singer-songwriter Billy. The track was released on June 11, 2026 via Pesky Records. It follows on from his #1 collaboration "SUPERSIZE" with ex-wife
Andrea and serves as his first release as a leading act since 2024's "Model Citizen", respectively. "Find Myself or Whatever" is the eighth overall single to be lifted from his forthcoming debut solo album, "Bilal", and serves as the first offering from the newly rebooted project following a series of delays. Khan initially set out for a 2024 release for the album, however the project was put on an indefinite hiatus as Billy scrapped the majority of the material citing a "personal detachment" from the music. It was later revealed that during this time, Khan's marriage to fellow pop star and
The Stat Nerds member
Jerry Holmes had broken down. Khan abandoned several of the romance-laden tracks and began to work on new material throughout 2025. "Find Myself or Whatever" was written solely by Billy while production was handled by acclaimed producer and close friend Cristian Flores AKA
BLOOM. It is one of the newest tracks to appear on the forthcoming "Bilal", being completed for the project in the spring of 2026.
"COMPOSITION""Find Myself or Whatever" is a mid and down-tempo R&B and pop ballad, drawing on alternative and darker influences within each respective genre. It follows the atmospheric, experimental shift heard in Khan's previous solo releases, "The Entertainer" and "Model Citizen", relying on a bare sonic canvas built around low-end bass and heavy negative space. Critics have noted elements of 90s trip-hop, drawn from its slow tempo, melancholic chords, and hypnotic repetition. A heavy, distorted 808 sub-bass anchors the track, creating an ominous, rumbling undertone throughout while whimsical, washed-out synthesisers float in the background, contrasting sharply with the heavy bassline. "Find Myself or Whatever" also contains a purposeful "anti-climactic" drop as instead of a explosive pop chorus, the beat drops into a muted, hypnotising rhythm that maintains a constant sense of tension. Khan's vocal performance also marks a sonic shift, focusing on his lesser-used lower register and reining in his signature belts and adlibs until the song's last few moments.
Lyrically, "Find Myself or Whatever" is a reflective, personal retelling of the breakdown of Billy's marriage to Jerry Holmes, seeing the singer publicly address the situation for the first time. The lyrical contradictions reflect the perpetual inner turmoil that Khan has admitted to experience throughout his romantic relationships, often giving in to his self saboteur and living by the ethos of "leave before you're left". Throughout "Find Myself or Whatever", Khan makes references to his decade-long relationship with Holmes and all of their dreams and achievements before undercutting them all with flippant and dismissive sentiments - bringing attention to Khan's abrasive self-destructive tendencies that he uses as a defensive, protection mechanism. Lines such as
"Said you and I were two sides of the same coin/But I crashed the market by some decimal points" and
"Ten toes down when I'm standing on my business/Off the ground when I'm running with my ghost shit" reflect the constant contradiction of what Khan yearns for against what he has the mental and emotional capacity to withstand. Despite the chorus seeing Khan be "faux profound" and pushing a mental health advocacy angle in an attempt to feel justified in his leaving, the segment ends with the statement;
"I gotta go find myself or whatever/Yeah, those are the last words of a fool" - suggesting remorse and regret for his actions.
"COMMENTARY"Billy wrote:"I was ready to release my album off the back of my singles "The Entertainer" and "Model Citizen" but behind the scenes, the wheels started to come off in my personal life. It's not something that was public knowledge at the time. I don't like to get into all that shit. I handle my own business and then the music alleviates any residual bullshit I still have to brush off. I write and sing what I feel. Whether it's deep, horny, fun, even comical, I have to feel that shit. I scrapped a lot of songs and went back to the drawing board. "Find Myself or Whatever" is one of the tracks that came from the new sessions and was born a good year after a lot of the crazy personal turmoil died down. I was able to approach the subject with new eyes, more clarity and a less skewed perception. I would've felt like such a fraud had I committed and gone ahead with all the tracks I had in 2024/25. My mind was also elsewhere. This song right here wipes the slate clean. It's a reset button. I want everyone to know where I am now, who I am and how I aim to go ahead with this project. I'm back, I've answered questions and now let's move on."
"Turning 30 was a big thing for me. I don't want to or even like to get all existential. It's an entire rabbit hole I can get lost down and struggle to climb back out of for fucking ages. I don't know how much I believe in cosmic stuff but I truly did feel a shift as I left my twenties and entered my thirties. I didn't sit back and willingly take stock of my life, shit just happened. Feelings changed, priorities shifted, things that once brought me joy now brought me major aggro and anxiety. There was a feeling of entrapment; in my surroundings, my mind, my schedule, my commitments. Everything. My natural instinct is to kick back against. Billy The Free Spirit and all that bollocks. Not saying I was right in my actions. Not at all. I'm just saying that's how I'm wired, even if it's to my own detriment at times. In fact, I fucking know it is."
"I'm not sure how many other people feel the same way I do but with "Find Myself or Whatever", I wanted to tap into an eternal battle that goes on in this fucked up little mind of mine. It's about simultaneously having abandonment issues and too much pride. You don't want to be alone but you sure as hell won't be the one to get dumped. The more you invest in a relationship, plant roots, intertwine in each others lives, grow to love one another and make life-long commitments, the more it hurts and the more you have to lose when it goes tits up. The track is essentially about giving in to that inner saboteur and cutting your own nose off to spite your face. It's a fucked up self preservation thing some of us have and even at 33, still something I deal with. Anyway, go listen to the song and find out more yourself."
"RECEPTION"Upon release, "Find Myself or Whatever" received universal acclaim in regards to both the song's sonic composition as well as the candid nature of Khan's lyrics. Writing for
ThatMusicSite, Peter Worth stated that the track
"finds Bilal simultaneously at his most cutting yet most delicate", drawing attention to the
"ugly truth splattered across the lyrics" contrasting against his
"subtle" vocal take against the
"brooding, off-kilter" production. In a review for
NME, Jessica O'Mara described the song as
"Billy to a fault" and claimed that the
"wink-wink, nudge-nudge delivery of the breakdown of a decade-long relationship is something that only Bilal could pull off with such gusto and conviction." William Platt from
Vulture also picked up on the ironic wording of the song's revelations, stating;
"Admitting to being faux-profound and hiding under the impenetrable guise of the male mental health crisis somehow manages to add more heart and credibility to the gut-wrenching facts. Billy coldly walked out on a 10-year relationship yet somehow, he makes us understand." Anouska King of
Clash dubbed the release
"another genius brand move" for Billy, opining that
"the near-whimsical sonic nature of the track makes one gloss over its borderline callous lyrical truth bombs from the mouth of one of the industry's most divisive figures". King rounded off her review by saying;
"Yet again, Khan remains one step ahead of everyone - taking ownership and standing untouchable. Despise him more after this track? Well, he has already admitted to being an asshole and a "fool" across the runtime. You can't be tried for the same crime twice and Billy plays judge, jury and verdict throughout".
"FIND MYSELF OR WHATEVER"Whatever it is the world thinks of me
I'd place a stack down on the contrary
If I don't even know my own little mind
How the hell would anyone else keep in time?
Said you and I were two sides of the same coin
But I crashed the market by some decimal points
It's a thing that I do and I make no exceptions
Even after a decade of your time, love and affection
No, I don't forget where all my loyalties lie
My self-destruct ambition just don't wanna compromise
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Roses have thorns and I'm all cut up inside
Read all about it, I've left you a letter
I've never been any good at these goodbyes
Time to reflect and get myself better
Sure you'll understand what I have to do
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Yeah, those are the last words of a foolFought the good fight so I could hold your hand
Now I'm all worn out, suffering from sweaty palms
Living the life that so many others dream about
Losing grasp of reality, wake me up, I want out
Don't blame yourself, I'm too fucking complex
A dichotomy, an enigma way above your head
Ten toes down when I'm standing on my business
Off the ground when I'm running with my ghost shit
No, I don't crumble under the slightest pressure
But due to circumstances, I'm needed elsewhere
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Roses have thorns and I'm all cut up inside
Read all about it, I've left you a letter
I've never been any good at these goodbyes
Time to reflect and get myself better
Sure you'll understand what I have to do
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Yeah, those are the last words of a foolI don't mean to leave you all vulnerable
I'm sure we really could've had it all
Guess I much preferred the ideas and magic
Than committing and putting it into practice
Looking at all our conjured fantasies
What lay at the core was you and me
For now, let's just hold on to what we know
Tonight I can love you but tomorrow I let you go
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Roses have thorns and I'm all cut up inside
Read all about it, I've left you a letter
I've never been any good at these goodbyes
Time to reflect and get myself better
Sure you'll understand what I have to do
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Yeah, those are the last words of a foolI gotta go find myself or whatever
Roses have thorns and I'm all cut up inside
Read all about it, I've left you a letter
I've never been any good at these goodbyes
Time to reflect and get myself better
Sure you'll understand what I have to do
I gotta go find myself or whatever
Yeah, those are the last words of a foolCan Be Compared To:
