logo
Welcome Guest! To enable all features please Login or Register.

Notification

Icon
Error
2 Pages12>
How's My Songwriting?
Options
Go to last post Go to first unread
Previous Topic Next Topic
Offline C4AJoh  
#1 Posted : 24 February 2010 08:23:25(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
I'm not a songwriter, I've tried to write songs before but I just can't do it for some reason. But this morning I opened Microsoft Word and just started writing, like I say i don't think I'm good but I wanna know what you think maybe I'm being harsh on myself or maybe I'm not being harsh enough.
Here it is (Please bear in mind that it's the first time I've actually really tried to write a song):

I saw little Janey just the other day
Down by the bridge just out of town
She looked a mess
With her unbrushed hair and her make up, was running down
I ask where she’s going, how’s her life been
Since 97 when she was the prom queen
I remember when we hung out all day and night
We were inseparable never out of sight
Little did I know that she was meant for me
Little did we know how her life would turn out to be

I ask how she’s doing
She looks up with a small tear running
It’s gets the worst at night
I miss every moment we spent as kids
No worries, no care, no fear, no fright
I wish I made the right choice
I was married before I even had a voice

I spend my evenings all alone
And hope that just someone would call
I spend time crying in my bed
As dark thoughts creep into my head
Who would notice if I was gone
If I left this life and went beyond
Who wants to spend their life alone
I don’t even have a place I call home

All you have to do is see the light
Believe me when I say you’ll be alright
Hope is all around just open your eyes
Your future looked great in 95
If you need a friend I’ll always be there
Let’s make this our greatest year
I’d marry you if that’s what it takes
For you to see your life’s not a mistake

We’d move in together have kids and a home
I promise you’ll never be alone
Just open your eyes and see the light
Your not gonna be all alone tonight

(I personally think that the beginning of the song isn't very good but I do think that the end of the song could be pretty good, Again I'm not a songwriter but at least I tried. I don't mind if you say "It's the worst thing ever written" as long as your honest thanks.

Edited by user 24 February 2010 08:44:13(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified
Back to top
Offline Aj  
#2 Posted : 24 February 2010 08:26:16(UTC)
Aj
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 16/02/2009(UTC)
Posts: 2,543
Man
Location: Jamaica

Thanks: 27 times
Was thanked: 34 time(s) in 28 post(s)
I sung it in a Bob Dylan kind of way, it was pretty cool (:
MikeBear
Back to top
Offline C4AJoh  
#3 Posted : 24 February 2010 08:28:05(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
Aj wrote:
I sung it in a Bob Dylan kind of way, it was pretty cool (:


Cool my dad's a Bob Dylan fan and It's been passed on a bit to me not all of his songs but about 7-8 songs. Again this is very new to me and i have no idea how to write songs.
Back to top
Offline C4AJoh  
#4 Posted : 24 February 2010 22:51:27(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
I guess the lack of replies means it's pretty terrible.
Back to top
Offline forkboy  
#5 Posted : 25 February 2010 13:04:26(UTC)
forkboy
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 05/03/2009(UTC)
Posts: 3,255
Location: Glasgow

Thanks: 34 times
Was thanked: 107 time(s) in 82 post(s)
I'd not neccessarily take it as "it's not good" so much as "people don't really care enough to read it, or at least to comment on it". I was certainly in that bracket, I'm just assuming others are too. Perhaps I am wrong.
UserPostedImage
Back to top
Offline Gildermershina  
#6 Posted : 25 February 2010 20:58:58(UTC)
Gildermershina
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 13/02/2009(UTC)
Posts: 3,094
Man
United Kingdom
Location: Probably not here

Was thanked: 113 time(s) in 76 post(s)
Plus, lyrics without music kind of don't work. It's hard to have any opinion if you can't hear the sentiment, the melody, etc.
UserPostedImageUserPostedImageUserPostedImage
Back to top
WWW BLOG
Offline C4AJoh  
#7 Posted : 26 February 2010 00:43:54(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
Ok thanks anyway.
Back to top
Offline bikz  
#8 Posted : 26 February 2010 02:02:32(UTC)
bikz
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Views messages in topic : 6,039
Woman
Location: Bikiribati

Thanks: 129 times
Was thanked: 94 time(s) in 78 post(s)
It's not a case of "can't be arsed", but a case of "don't know what to say" with me. I like it, genuinely, but I think that I should have some better comment than "I like it".
UserPostedImage
There is only one Rockstar Game - and it's your home! <-- still true (:
joshy, neon bras and full frontal neck nuzzling | blacked out by sean smith's neck | startled by joshy's furry presence
Back to top
WWW BLOG
Offline Rincewind  
#9 Posted : 26 February 2010 07:11:34(UTC)
Rincewind
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 10/03/2009(UTC)
Posts: 1,995
Man
Location: i honestly don't know.

Thanks: 20 times
Was thanked: 124 time(s) in 87 post(s)
thats not really song writting... thats posting a really long poem..

im sick to death of people writting long long poems and then calling it music....
no tune... no music...


(sorry if that offends)
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they are like:
Hey, what are you doing here?
and im just like:
Oh you know, hunting elephants
Back to top
Offline bikz  
#10 Posted : 27 February 2010 01:16:20(UTC)
bikz
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Views messages in topic : 6,039
Woman
Location: Bikiribati

Thanks: 129 times
Was thanked: 94 time(s) in 78 post(s)
I had a go at recording it (a cappella of course). The pitch changes sound a bit weird but apart from that, I think it's better than most stuff I've recorded recently.
http://files.fawmers.com/bikki/Janey.mp3
UserPostedImage
There is only one Rockstar Game - and it's your home! <-- still true (:
joshy, neon bras and full frontal neck nuzzling | blacked out by sean smith's neck | startled by joshy's furry presence
Back to top
WWW BLOG
Offline C4AJoh  
#11 Posted : 02 March 2010 02:40:10(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
So i've wrote another song and I actually think it's really good (It's gonna be used for the purpose of 4th Street Band).

A Kiss To Build A Dream Upon
I stood alone on a Friday night
I searched for my friends but they were out of sight
I searched high and low everywhere we’d go
And I realised I was left alone

I met a girl down on avenue A
She looked at me and she said hey
Do you wanna night to remember
Well it’s better than being alone

I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
And before I knew it she was gone
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon

She left me standing alone in the dark
I know there was a connection, a definite spark
I never saw her smile again
And before I knew it I lost a friend

I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
Before I knew it she was gone
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon

If I had just one more prayer
It would be just to feel her hair
I’d hold her hands and clasp so tight
I’d walk around and search all night

I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon
It hurts so much, when your gone
I wanna kiss to build a dream upon

Let me know what you think and also if any of you want to record it for FAWM or something feel free but please send me the link via PM so i can listen to it.
Back to top
Offline xNightsidex  
#12 Posted : 02 March 2010 03:57:58(UTC)
xNightsidex
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Posts: 2,519
Man
United Kingdom
Location: London

Thanks: 4 times
Was thanked: 20 time(s) in 20 post(s)
Kinda on the same ground as my stuff. swish. :3
artbreaker.

UserPostedImage
Back to top
Offline _Python_  
#13 Posted : 02 March 2010 05:31:54(UTC)
_Python_
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Posts: 871
Man
United States

Thanks: 144 times
Was thanked: 106 time(s) in 73 post(s)
Rincewind wrote:
thats not really song writting... thats posting a really long poem..


I thought the same thing, but that's what made me like it. I could see it being a pretty decent song.
UserPostedImage
Back to top
Offline Rincewind  
#14 Posted : 02 March 2010 06:47:24(UTC)
Rincewind
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 10/03/2009(UTC)
Posts: 1,995
Man
Location: i honestly don't know.

Thanks: 20 times
Was thanked: 124 time(s) in 87 post(s)
_Python_ wrote:
Rincewind wrote:
thats not really song writting... thats posting a really long poem..


I thought the same thing, but that's what made me like it. I could see it being a pretty decent song.



oh i agree... as a poem i like it..
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they are like:
Hey, what are you doing here?
and im just like:
Oh you know, hunting elephants
Back to top
Offline bikz  
#15 Posted : 04 March 2010 02:36:05(UTC)
bikz
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Views messages in topic : 6,039
Woman
Location: Bikiribati

Thanks: 129 times
Was thanked: 94 time(s) in 78 post(s)
C4AJoh wrote:
Let me know what you think and also if any of you want to record it for FAWM or something feel free but please send me the link via PM so i can listen to it.

Love it love it love it! :D Too late for FAWM, but bump this thread in July and I'll love you forever. ^_^ (In fact, if anyone wants to write stuff for me to record in 50/90, or before that, when I get my breath back in the coming weeks, you're all welcome. Or if anyone wants to grab any of my recordings and add music, you're also welcome.)
UserPostedImage
There is only one Rockstar Game - and it's your home! <-- still true (:
joshy, neon bras and full frontal neck nuzzling | blacked out by sean smith's neck | startled by joshy's furry presence
Back to top
WWW BLOG
Offline C4AJoh  
#16 Posted : 04 March 2010 02:44:19(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
bikz wrote:
C4AJoh wrote:
Let me know what you think and also if any of you want to record it for FAWM or something feel free but please send me the link via PM so i can listen to it.

Love it love it love it! :D Too late for FAWM, but bump this thread in July and I'll love you forever. ^_^ (In fact, if anyone wants to write stuff for me to record in 50/90, or before that, when I get my breath back in the coming weeks, you're all welcome. Or if anyone wants to grab any of my recordings and add music, you're also welcome.)


Ok. So I'm guessing I'm not too bad at songwriting then.
Back to top
Offline bikz  
#17 Posted : 04 March 2010 02:55:18(UTC)
bikz
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC)
Views messages in topic : 6,039
Woman
Location: Bikiribati

Thanks: 129 times
Was thanked: 94 time(s) in 78 post(s)
C4AJoh wrote:
Ok. So I'm guessing I'm not too bad at songwriting then.

You've got a lot of talent as a lyricist, definitely. (:
UserPostedImage
There is only one Rockstar Game - and it's your home! <-- still true (:
joshy, neon bras and full frontal neck nuzzling | blacked out by sean smith's neck | startled by joshy's furry presence
Back to top
WWW BLOG
Offline C4AJoh  
#18 Posted : 04 March 2010 03:03:16(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
bikz wrote:
C4AJoh wrote:
Ok. So I'm guessing I'm not too bad at songwriting then.

You've got a lot of talent as a lyricist, definitely. (:


It's good to know, I've only written two songs but I'm gonna start writing more songs.
Back to top
Offline C4AJoh  
#19 Posted : 13 March 2010 21:24:20(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
Sammy Please Come Home
Whatever happened to us baby
I can’t seem to figure what went wrong
I never thought we’d lose touch
I always thought we’d die in each other’s arms

We were gonna grow old together
Tell our grandkids about our epic love
It wasn’t meant to be like this
Why did you leave home

Oh Sammy please come home
I can’t stand spending my nights alone
Oh Sammy please come home
I miss you more now that I’m alone

You come through the door on a Friday night
Hey babe everything’s gonna be alright
I wake up and figure that it just isn’t real
I miss your look, love, touch and feel

Oh Sammy please come home
I know we can still be together
Oh Sammy please come home
I’d love more than forever

How did it get like this
A pain I just can’t replace
How did I let you go
Believe me I’ll never know

Nobody will love you like I do
I promise that, It’s so true

Oh Sammy Please come home
I miss this place which was once our own
Oh Sammy please come home
I miss you now that I’m alone

Again please let me know what you think, I'm also using these lyrics for my newest band on the game. And again if any of you want to record then feel free.
Back to top
Offline C4AJoh  
#20 Posted : 23 April 2010 02:18:13(UTC)
C4AJoh
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 18/05/2009(UTC)
Posts: 13,450
Man
United Kingdom

Thanks: 4255 times
Was thanked: 8724 time(s) in 2743 post(s)
Fallen Grace
How can you just say to me
It’s best for you, it’s best for me
A smile and whisper is all it takes
In the summer sun and a falling grace

I thought the world of you
Back when you were mine
I’ve seen you for what you’ve become
I’ve seen the truth this time

Summer’s here and I’m feeling fine
You’ve got your friends, but no love this time
Your not the same person you used to be
I don’t know what changed you, maybe it was me

I made you laugh and even made you cry
How did our love not survive
Winter came and went without a trace
I don’t even recognise that smile upon your face

Whisper to me, that we’re meant to be
That’s all it takes, to forget those mistakes
A Smile and Whisper is all it takes
Forgive me and my fallen grace

Again let me know if you like it, I just thought I'd post it on here to see what you think.
Back to top
Users browsing this topic
Guest (4)
2 Pages12>
Forum Jump  
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Powered by YAF.NET | YAF.NET © 2003-2024, Yet Another Forum.NET
This page was generated in 0.428 seconds.