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The lobby of the Corn Exchange, Edinburgh is packed with the music journalists of the day as they try to decipher why they have been "summoned" to the ECE for such an impromptu Press Conference, and by whom.
A stage stands a few feet in front of where all the journalists are sat chatting excitedly on phones and to each other. On the stage is a table, at it sits two seats, and one pitcher of water, and one glass.
An alarm sounds, and a small man in a suit walks out onto the stage, he is balding, slim and looks a bit on the nervous side...
"ummm, ladies and gents, thanks for coming along to our Press Conference at such short notice, it is very much appreciated I guess you're all wondering just who called you here...so without any further ado, let me introduce to you the former Blood Of Wecz guitarist, Mr Alex Polanski..."
The journalists start to chatter excitedly amongst themselves, some start to dial the numbers of their editors immediately, but all the noise cuts out, and silence is granted, as a stern looking, muscular, non-nonsense Alex P walks onto the stage. He hasn't been seen for the three years since he was kicked from Blood Of Wecz in the most heated manner possible. Alex walks to the front of the stage and stands behind the table, staring at those below him through sunglass covered eyes...
he sits down and the little man speaks again, sitting beside him.
Little Guy: Ummm, Mr Polanski will now take any questions from the floor...yes, you there sir, please.
Journalist: Alex, it's been a fe...
Alex P: Hey FUCK YOU! It's my turn to speak...do you think I called you here to listen to you talk bullshit at me? Get the fuck out of here! Go on, fucking go! LEAVE you horrible little fuck!The shellshocked journalist stands up, grabbing his dictaphone and other belongings and scurries away, out of the door of the ECE. Alex P stares at him all the way, not moving until the door slams shut at the back of the venue. He then turns to those back inside the venue, and lifts his sunglasses to the top of his head.Alex P: And in case any of the rest of you think you can ask me a fucking "question", that's what'll happen to you! This is my fucking time, my fucking place, and my fucking spotlight. If you don't like that then fuck off! He points to the door, and waits a few seconds, no one moves...Good, well I'm fucking glad we all understand each other at last! Now, you all must wonder why I'm here? Right?
Let me fucking tell you all something. Three years ago, I was kicked out of a band who were, let me repeat that, WERE, fucking insanely awesome! Then that little cunt lead singer, Scott H decided that I was getting too much attention, I was hogging the limelight, and I was taking away his fucking superstardom! After all I was only the fucking guitarist!
And sure, those cunts hid it under the pretence of my anger "issues". Let me just say that I have no anger "issues". I have no fucking issue with how angry I am, have ever been or might ever fucking be! And as for that supposed incident that got me fired from Blood Of Wecz, the ranting against Trivial. Let me just say that there was never a more fitting name for a band..those fucking assholes were nothing! Nothing but a tiny little blip on my fucking radar! Sure they pissed me off, I told every cunt what I thought of them, and allegedly that is why those wankers in Blood Of Wecz thought they could just boot me out!
Oh yeah, back to them! As I was saying, I was in an awesome band...since they kicked me out and hired some fucking walking hairball with fingers to take MY fucking place, they have been fucking bollocks! In that time, I have been content to live it up, getting fucking wasted, fucking loads of chicks and not having a care in the world. Now I learn that those two fucking runts Scott and Ryan have been playing the fucking back catalogue! They have the fucking tenacity to stand up to MY lawsuit and play MY fucking songs? Let me tell you something...Battle Of The Bands or no fucking Battle Of The Bands, they have no fucking right to play my songs! So here it is....He stands up from the desk and pulls a document from his pocket, and flashes it to the journalists, frantically scribbling on their notepads......here is the fucking lawsuit! If they want to play the songs, then it's fucking on! He striks a match and holds it to the corner of the lawsuit, letting it burn furiously before he throws it into the pitcher of water. He bangs his hands down on the table and stares into the crowd of journos below...They want a fucking battle? Well they just fucking got one! If they want to play the fucking songs, then I'll play the songs! I AM FUCKING BACK! ALEX P IS HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRREEE. From here on in, I will be a solo artist! You WILL all fucking know me as Ally Desecration, and I will be the bane of Blood Of Wecz' pathetic existence, they wont fucking know what's hit them!
Oh, and as for this...!He presses a remote and a screen behind him shows footage from Blood Of Wecz's set at the Birdies...Scott H is standing on a large platform..."...FUCK ALEX P..."Alex P: Fuck me? Fuck...me? No, fuck you son! You don't know the trouble that has just started for your band!He turns to walk off the stage when one brave journalist pipes up and starts to ask a question...Ally turns back and grabs the pitcher of water, launching it at the journalist...who it hits between the eyes...he falls down, unconcious, and Ally calmly walks from the stage... |
