on at about 3 am on a pbs station near you!
interviewer
erich hess
karoliena verlinden
interviewer: first off,why the cornfield?
erich:i like corn.it's the toughest of all vegetables.corn laughs off stomach acid and pops out your sphincter,fully intact.punk ass potatoes cannot do that.i think i need to pay my respects to this wonder of modern engineering.
interviewer:what's been going on? the war bride hasn't been seen,or heard from in months.
karoliena:well,if you know anyone booking psycho bands,let us know! currently we've been putting on shows at the sex shop we work at.*winks* we've been playing a little music too.
interviewer:speaking of which....lately you guys have been accused of resorting to cheap thrills to fill seats.any comments?
erich:sure we're highly derivative of early rockabilly acts,and i may or may not have stolen stage moves from elvis...but i wouldn't call that cheap thrills.
interviewer:I'm speaking more of what happened the other night...
karoliena:oh THAT. *rolls her eyes*
interviewer:yes...that.
karoliena:i call that talent,not cheap thrills.you have any idea how hard it is to remove your clothes,while playing a double bass,while NOT missing a beat? that's pure fucking skill.
interviewer:i can imagine.
erich:the old gents at the vfw near shat themselves.
karoliena:we were asked not to come back.something about "sanitation" or some shit like that.something about hairnets must be worn around the buffet.seriously?! how do you even wear a hairnet down there? plus,cmon everyone could see i didnt need a hairnet.
erich:damn veterans and their rules.
interviewer: I've heard talk about the war bride prepping a debut single
erich:who told you that! *produces a switchblade and starts waving it around like a mad man* who the fuck told you that?! i swear to fucking god i will cut that afro right off your head.i don't care if you look like my lord and savior,bob ross.i will not stand for such defamation of my character.
interviewer:whoa,relax.i was just trying to give you a plug for your single.
erich:single? oh that's different. *calmly puts knife back in trousers* i thought you were asking if the urban myth that a chupacabra once had it's way with me was true.the truth is,i had my way with it!
karoliena:actually,she was just a girl with a messed up grill.but she coulda easily been mistook for a chupacabra.
interviewer:if we could,the single?
erich:ah yes.the debut single.it's coming along nicely.we are really just waiting to come up with the songs for it.then we're going to move on to writing and recording the songs.
karoliena:we've almost started.
interviewer:what label will this....not yet written,recorded,or even conceptualized work be released on?
karoliea:none.
interviewer:oh,self release.
erich:nope."label" makes it sound so....dirty and greedy.we're going to give this,and all of our releases away for free.
interviewer:for free?
karoliena:cheap asses are going to download it anyway.so why try to sell music? our plan is to give away physical copies at our shows.those people will upload the songs,thus leading to more people at our shows.we're selling experiences here,not music.
erich:the physical copies will include all sorts of special dealies.decals,coloured vinyl,blow up dolls,blotter acid..,the possibilities are endless really.if people want this junk,they'll come to our shows.
karoliena:people love junk.
interviewer:we'll see how long this will last,once you start selling hundreds of thousands of records.
erich:we aren't in it for the money.we're in it for the free drinks,drugs,groupies,hangers on,and all the other trappings of rockstardom.
karoliena:we're sick of working jobs where you can't show up coked to the bone.we're ready to be applauded for it.
interviewer:thats it for now.catch the war bride in amsterdam next week!
ooc:this totally started out better.
