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 It's very common to find stars at what seems to be the end of their career's, grasping for life, and hanging on by a thread. It's very rare to see stars comeback from that in an immense way, as Rock/Pop singer Jennifer Armstrong (soon to be Wellington) has done. She's battled against some of the most dangerous turns in her life, addiction, eating disorders, and even near death but she never gave in and was able to reach new highs in her career that would inspire even the most skeptical. - By Logan Hill
As she pulls up to a large skyscraper on Manhattan's rain-slicked Hudson street, Jennifer Armstrong, Pop's adopted child from Rock, is confidently rocking an all black outfit in the back of a black Lincoln SUV: skintight leather pants, studded rocker boots, and a leather jacket with enough spikes to make you not want to touch and see if they're real or not. "I'm definitely in a great place, probably the best in years," she says, as she makes her way over to the many fans standing outside with umbrellas, trying to get that one shot to use as their new Twitter picture or flood on Instagram. "I was really scared that I had gone to such a dark place and I'd never come out of it. I felt like I would be like the people who let the fame and drugs get to them, I didn't want to be and yet, I was convinced it was over for me." She admits even she felt like she was just inches from suicide herself. "Not a lot of people know my story because I feel like sometimes I don't need to tell it. I've got the scars, physically, emotionally, and mentally to prove it. No one really asks me about it. I guess they are scared of offending me," she goes on to give her advice for those people, "Just ask, it's okay. I'm not going to relapse or anything, I do not mind at all. It's a testimony actually." Armstrong takes a few more pictures, even retaking ones that were clearly too blurry to see anything. The 23 year old has battled bulimia, a drug addiction to cocaine, and even self-harming herself, but she managed to stay strong afterwards and rose to the fame she was destined to achieve in her professional and personal life. Her strong vocals and personality have helped her gain the strong fandom of 'Strongsters' that so desperately protect their idol.
At the same time she was turning her life around, she gained new friendships, lost old ones, and even managed to find love again. Today, her priority is maintaining a healthy attitude and focusing on some new music she has been recording. She just finished a world wide tour which even it had it's on challengers, Armstrong losing her voice about halfway through and having to cancel a total of 12 dates, she has a multi-platinum album that has become her highest selling and charting to date, and seems to be doing better than ever before. At the same time, Armstrong has made herself comfortable in a chair in front of me, her long blonde hair resting on her shoulders and a wide smile as she seems relaxed. I let in a few 13-14 year olds who were shaking meeting their idol in only a matter of seconds. I asked what their favorite song by the singer was and got multiple responses, 'Long Overdue,' 'TWENTY-THREE,' 'Lock Away & Hide,' 'It's Okay To Not Be Okay.' For time, I'll say these were the most popular choices. When Armstrong was asked what her favorite song she wrote was, it took her a while to answer and finally she laughed and blurted out, "I love all my songs." Without wanting to come off as cocky, she clarified her decision. "I mean, I find myself attached to all the songs I've written so it's hard for me to say, 'Well I love this song more than that one,' I just can't. I'm not one of those artists. I really appreciate each song I've made because it's always a piece of me that I share with the world and work really hard on."
Just like the multiple tattoos she shows on her arms, wrist, and even feet. "I got them all around the same time, a few years ago. I recently added the feather and the birds on my arm. They all mean something to me, something personal. I'm not addicted to getting them, I just know that whenever I think of something or when I want to remember something, writing it won't help. I want to tattoo it on me." She flashes her 'Stay Strong' wrist tattoos at me and she smiles. "But these are definitely the motto for me. It's all about staying strong and being yourself no matter what." I asked her why on her wrists and she simply said, "As a former cutter, I couldn't think of a better place to put them. It was a little about trying to cover up the scars but then it became more about overshadowing them with my strength." Armstrong says that they were her motivators and as soon as she got them, "I felt like batman with his suit on, I felt invincible and like I could do anything." She felt she was given the task to not only live but to inspire younger girls who suffer what she has. "There's a lot of girls out there who know what I've been through because they suffer it too but not a lot of people help as much as they should. Most just see it as a joke or something to be disgusted at. I've always taken it very seriously, each case I've heard. There's more attention on stupid things than the real issues out there, and I'm really sick of it. People are dying, everywhere, but only certain ones get covered or talked about. No one talks about the little girl who cuts herself because she's getting abused or feels insecure. It's just terrible to me. There's no lower feeling than that one when you're cutting. You're telling yourself, 'What do I matter? I'll harm myself because it's just pain and I deserve it.' It's not a pleasant thing at all."
Armstrong has always felt like she had a purpose in life but she loss it during her teen years. "I definitely felt like, looking around, I didn't fit in. I didn't feel beautiful or attractive. I've never been super skinny or anything like that and so going off that, I felt like I wasn't worthy of being alive. I would go through this during different periods of my life. I would get moody and be vicious to anyone around me and it hurt everyone who came into contact with me. I just wanted to be alone." She even confesses to attempting suicide. "I remember I had just released my first album and I was on tour and all of that. It felt like....it was too much for me. I got pissed at the smallest things. I hated the back up dancers because they were beautiful and fit, here I was just some skinny, ugly girl, I thought at the time, and I was jealous. I started cutting then. At first, I didn't want to really hurt myself so I didn't cut deep but then the more I did it, the more I wanted to die. I would cut and cut each night after a show and I felt miserable." Even now, Jen doesn't know why she did it. "I think I just wanted to feel pain physically than emotionally. I tried to kill myself, I just wanted to die." Even though Armstrong has never been shy about her struggles, it still feels like she's holding something back. She just shakes her head and shrugs. "I've never been one to put everything out there but I feel like when the time is right, I'll be able to speak about it." Without risk of getting her feisty attitude, I proceeded to move along, to a topic that wasn't any better for her; the death of her brother.
It seemed to happen just as Armstrong was on the brink of death herself. She admitted, she still feels somewhat guilty about it. "I know I didn't cause it but I feel like I should have been there when he died. I was in rehab at the time and that was the worse thing I could have heard then. Max and I were super close. It kills me to know that I'm the same age as him when he died. I always pictured him being alive for my 23rd birthday and he's not. It was in the back of my head but I didn't say anything about it because no one really wants to re-live death over and over again. I never wanted to become that person that has to make a big deal out of everything. I've always been a silent sufferer." She shuffles in her seat, almost as if she were on the brink of tears but manages to pull herself together. Her latest album, TWENTY-THREE, was dedicated to her late brother, Max Armstrong and she credits him for all of it's success. "A lot of people listen to the album and then they don't understand why the entire album was dedicated to him. They understand the single, TWENTY-THREE but then they listen to songs like....'Long Overdue,' and 'New To This' and get confused. The album is for Max because it was basically all the emotions he helped me with. He helped me to feel beautiful and confident but it was almost those personal songs that were about him that made the album. I don't speak a lot about him at all. I know that I should and my family want me to but I can't. It hurts each time. It was hard to record those songs because I had to think about him, I was forced to talk about him from myself. I've never fully gotten over it but it's a process and I'm still going through it."
Another important thing he had helped her with was dealing with the scrutiny of her weight and bulimia issues. "I threw up, a lot. It was really stupid, now, but then it made sense to me. I wanted to be so skinny and pretty. I, like a lot of young people, thought, 'I can only be beautiful if I'm a size 2.' I didn't think it would get serious to the point where I was in the hospital and my family was trying to force me to eat. I hated eating. I would go on tour and spend days not eating and I'd feel weak on stage but I'd still perform. Looking back on it now, I was really playing with fire and me getting burned was just the beginning. I never thought about how it would affect me in the long run." Armstrong says once she started, it was hard to turn off. "I had gotten into the habit of throwing up so much that it was like breathing. Every thing I ate, I went to the bathroom. I just felt like I was going to be so pretty one day." On top of that, she was also becoming addicted to another form of death, cocaine. "I was introduced to it by a friend. It's safe to say, we're no longer friends anymore. I only did it on the weekends, at parties. I became obsessed with it and throwing up. I guess I was like a supermodel at the time." She laughed softly. "I laugh now because I just think, 'God I was so stupid back then,' and I see a lot of young artists who are probably going through it now or they seem like they could and they just...they just have no idea what type of hell that is. It's easy to start but to stop, it was a nightmare." There were even times when she was afraid to get help, causing her to get deeper and deeper into her addictions. She recounts the times when she wanted to speak out and get help but she didn't know where to turn. "There were not a lot of role models, in my eyes, or people I could rely on. Most of my friends were the ones who turned me on to the drugs. Today, I see a few but still, not very many. It is very easy to trust someone and they just turn out to be complete bullshit. So many artists will preach about loving everyone and wanting to help but when the time comes, they just turn their cheek. I refuse to be one of those people. I don't ever want to be that selfish."
Armstrong gets completely fired up while talking about this topic. It's almost as if she was ranting but I don't stop her at all. The fact was, most of what she was saying was true. "I'm not friends with a lot of people in this industry, simply because I can't. I can't fake a friendship. I can't surround myself with everyone. I don't want to, that's one of the problems I had. I was too trusting and it got to me. I let everyone in and it hurt me. I'm very selective about my friends. I can talk to people but there's few I call my friends. Truth be told, there's too much jealousy in the industry these days. People just want to beat each other up and I'm not interested in that at all. I'm solely for having fun and creating music. I don't want to step on someone's head to get there either." Jen smirks a little and then flips her hair. "My Strongsters and I are just too fabulous for that." She even comments on the so called 'bad asses' in the industry. "Chances are...they aren't a bad ass at all. The way I see it, anyone can do drugs, curse, argue on Twitter, all of that but it takes a real bad ass to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone and then walk away. There have been many times I wanted to say something to someone on Twitter or just lash out but I didn't. I do speak my mind but I don't just do it to harm. I always do it with a purpose. There's a HUGE difference. Most people are speaking their mind just to cause havoc. I do it to bring understanding and to let someone know when they are doing wrong."
So, taking her definition of a badass, I've concluded that she is indeed one herself. Recent twitter comments and blogs have openly criticize Jennifer on her weight and among other things. She admits, it was hard before. "Before, I would cry when I read the comments about me being fat or having a terrible voice, all of that. Now I just read them, move on, and talk to my fans. I'm not as easily disturbed as I was before. I don't get upset over things like that anymore. You have to have thick skin in this industry or it will eat you alive. I have struggled with my weight. I've gained, I've lost, and so on. It's just what humans do. I'm more healthy now than before. I work out a lot to maintain being healthy. I love to think of myself as curvy because I do have curves. I'm really happy with myself right now. I'm very much comfortable in my own body so much more than before. I think it's essentially up to the person to come to terms with how they look or the way they are. I love how I look and I love the way I am." It was a far journey, but Armstrong seems to have the sort of confidence that will sweep you off your feet. Sort of like the confidence from her fiance, member of the boy band Weekend, Scott Wellington. Not too long ago, they were calling her 'Mama Jen' and then she dated one of her 'adopted sons.'
"It freaked a lot of people out but I mean, we weren't really related. We just playfully called each other that because I was very, still am, protective of the boys. They are really nice and amazing you guys who are always bashed because of how things seem. I love them all to death, even if we fight." She even gives us some insight on her relationship with Scott. "We don't talk much about it to magazine's because we love our privacy. I don't mind talking about him though. He's the first guy to get me to be completely open and honest with him, and that was a huge plus for me. I'm comfortable around him to the point, I don't need to wear make up around him or anything. I don't have to look like I'm doing a photoshoot. He gets me and that's all I've ever wanted, was for someone to understand me and know me. I love him so much, I can't describe it. He's silly and keeps me smiling all the time, it's ridiculous." She is beaming and almost glowing when she speaks about him. Armstrong, surprisingly, gives a few details about their engagement. "I was shocked, completely. It happened on my birthday, at a surprise party. It was us and a few close friends. I couldn't ask for a more perfect guy for me. He's not caught up on my past and I'm not with him either. We're not perfect but we work well together and we're growing together which is all I need." Although, if many of her fans, or non fans remember, Jen was engaged previously to ex, Aaron Simpson.
"Everything with Aaron and I was rushed and that was partly our downfall. I felt like I needed to please him so I got engaged. We were happy and in love but I wasn't in the condition to get married. I think....we just grew apart. We didn't talk much, we went for long periods of time without seeing each other. It didn't feel like a relationship. Some might think I'm still rushing now but the difference is, I feel ready. I feel like we're both ready for this step and I'm happy and excited. Scott and I were friends first, even if we weren't close friends. It's harsh but I could picture myself without Aaron. I don't want to picture myself without Scott." Without giving too much away, I slyly asked her when the wedding would be or if they had a date. "We're still planning but it's definitely going to be between us and our loved ones." Clearly, she has matured and isn't the same girl anymore. She owes this to her family, her friends, and even her fiance, as people who have helped her through tough times. "My family, definitely my main source of love and power. They've always kept me grounded even when I wanted to go off. My parents are the best. I hurt them so much, and they still welcomed me with open arms. I love them to death. My siblings, they are very supportive of me as well and I love them so much. Whenever I feel like I want to slip or go back into old habits, I'll call them or my friends. I have few friends that aren't celebrities and then I have my main ones that are. They've all witnessed me grow and have at some point helped me. I wouldn't trade them at all. Sometimes when I don't want to be in the spotlight and I just hang out at home, I know I can call them and they'll come chill with my dogs and my family. It's great to have friends like that."
As for her new music, Jen says she's already been recording and written some lyrics. "I don't think I ever stop really. I find inspiration in everything. I can say my next album will definitely take me back to my roots. I admit, I tried to do majority of my album in Pop. I love Pop and R&B but I could never abandon my Rock roots. I really want to have more Rock/Pop songs or just Rock songs. I've got the voice for either really." I asked her if it will be a personal album as her last one. "There's always something personal in each of my albums so yes. I'm not looking for much, I just want to improve myself in every way, in songwriting, in singing, in everything. It'll be a fun album. I'm actually making a promise, no autotune at all. You'll hear nothing but my own vocals. I know I can sing and I know there are people who can sing but they cover it with autotune. I don't want to be that predictable or rely on that. God gave me a voice and I'm going to use it." She also says, it will be an album her fans will be proud of. "I think my Strongsters will love this album because.....you'll see some of the old Jen as well with the new Jen. I may not have the flashiness as others but I have one of the best voices of my generation, in this industry. I rely on that heavily and it works. That's what separates me from others." Music isn't the only thing Jen is looking forward to either. She expresses her love of acting and wanting to get back to it. "I was acting first before music so I'd love to get back into that. I feel when the time is right, I'll definitely go for it. I was talking about it on Twitter weeks ago, but I would love to judge a show or something. I think I'd be very honest and helpful."- - - - THE COSMO QUIZ Name: Jennifer ArmstrongNickname: Jen, Jenny, or ScarlettMy favorite feature is: My skin and booty :)And I play it up by: Wearing tight jeans or dressesMy ultimate beauty icon is: Kate WinsletMy first kiss was: Kind of creepyMy biggest celebrity crush is: Cristina Lake and Chris HemsworthMy biggest turn-off is: Small talkers and guys who smoke anything (especially pot, yuck!)The funniest fan mail/tweet I've gotten said: An email that just said, "LET'S MAKE BABIES."The app I can't live without is: SnapchatMy favorite fashion accessory is: Leather or spikes.The song I have on replay right now is: 'Timber' by Pitbull ft. Ke$ha, loooooove!!!!My favorite tv show right now is: Glee (I'm a GLEEK!)If I weren't singing, I would be: Acting.My hidden talent is: Dancing, all kinds.Something most people don't know about me: I'm double-jointed ;)Edited by user 20 October 2013 23:58:29(UTC)
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