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WELCOME TO ECHOS OF SILENCE- NPR: Tonight we take you in the mind of one of music’s best artist of the decade. As she prepares for her second album Radio wants to give her fans something real and personal. She is opening up like never before as we dip deeply into the mind, music and foundation of such an conversational artist. A woman who has been critiqued for her illness and problems is finally laying everything to rest in this three part interview. Radio emotionally is unstable, she is finally speaking up after the completion of the album after holding back so much to say in these few couple of months. We go into the background of her new album, we take on such an risky moments in Radio’s career and life. Welcome to the inside of Echos of Silence.
Radio: Very nice.. Intro. Epic. I liked it.
NPR: We been waiting this interview for a while. We finally have you in. Tell me why it took you so long to accept the interview?
Radio: For a while, I didn’t want to be seen by anyone. I looked like a dead woman. I didn’t want to be seen, I looked dead and just empty. I was going though such an time in my life where makeup couldn’t hide the flaws and fucking depression, it only added. But I’m glad I’m here.
NPR: Is it a reason you kept going in your depressions?
Radio: Of course. I don’t just get depressed, just to get depressed. I was really fucked up mentally. So much things have happened in my life that it tends to try and creep it’s way back somehow… it was so sad. *begins to cry* so sad, I was alone, with myself and my thoughts and how hard that was. I had to deal with it and that’s when the depression came in.
NPR: I mean, Radio, you have an orphan family, not a really blood family to help you get though the things you was going though. You were busy, you are in the limelight. WHO do you think was going to be there for someone who has pushed so many people away?
Radio: Let me stop you right there. I didn’t PUSH no one away. It times when I wanted to be fucking alone. I HAD PEOPLE in my ear, you have thing, this performance, you have this meeting, I fucking screamed so many times in my dressing room because it was so fucking crazy. I felt like I was losting myself. I never had time to really think and when I did, I wished I didn’t. I want to know, expect you’re so smart about my life, who did I push away?
NPR: Several managers left you because of you as a person-
Radio: That was on their terms, NOT MINES. *screams* I can only be myself and if you cant handle it, BYEEEEE. Good fucking rapture of your life. I don’t care. Fire will burn and I will burn if you cross me. I’m sorry… so sorry.
NPR: Fire will burn? Do you think you go a little overboard because all your life you have been threaten by people, mislead by promises. Why even keep that cloud over someone’s head when you went though it, you bring yourself into that Radio.
Radio: *flips her hair dramatically, then she puts her head down in her hands* maybe because I know how it feels to be left alone. I remember when I was a kid.. And I was just in my bed and when I was young. I loved to sleep with the light on. And I wake up and every time I wake up. *she begins to stare blankly into the camera* my orphan brother Josh was always behind… me… and I reached to touch him and he wasn’t there. SO!! When someone leaves me, a man, a PERSON, just helps and leaves, I know how it feels to be left alone, being afraid…. Being afraid every time you go to sleep…
TRACK RELATED: F.E.A.R
NPR: Where did Josh go?
Radio: He was like my fucking light in my sky. I loved that kid. I found out later that week, he was adopted by a family and I was still there, WISHING AND PRAYING!!! THAT someone will rescue me from this hell hole. People think orphan homes are paradise, lucky me, I wasn’t in paradise. I was somewhere that I didn’t want to be.
NPR: You wanted to leave so bad, at the same time, you kind of wanted to found out where you’re real parents are…
Radio: Been my dream since I was a kid.. Yes, I wanted to be this star and I had these fucking nutheads, telling me, “ You’ll never do it!!” *stands up* WHILE LOOK AT ME MUTHERFUCKERS, I did it. I fucking did it. I wanted to leave!! As a kid, I thought so much about life, where I will be years from now, who will I marry…. *laughs* what house I will say it. *frowns* to it’s all coming down to….. Me abusing myself for love I never had…
NPR: *silent, looks at cards* As a kid, you go to kindergarten, you play with toys, you do all the things a child should do. I think you missed out on a lot of great and memorable moments because of your mind being in that state where you wonder where your life and where your parents are. You didn’t have closure…
Radio: *tears are falling down her cheeks* I didn’t have closure. No one fucking told me where my parents was. I asked my orphan mother, Miss Pearl everyday. ALLLLLL DAY LOONNGG, “ where are my parents? Why am I here..” for a while I didn’t know where I was, until I saw some children with disabilities just like me, running away, laughing while I sit in the corner, dreaming about the day I will meet my parents.
NPR: You think you’re parents leave you because how different you were?
Radio: I think they left me because how I looked. I wasn’t the dream girl. I had so much fucking people, tell me dear, that I wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t as beautiful. I was weird looking… something was wrong with me. It got to the point where I finally started thinking… “ wow, my parents left me because I wasn’t the dream beautiful little girl they wanted…”
NPR: And when you look in the mirror, what do you see? I think you are a stunning woman.
Radio: I see… a girl who can be beautiful but choosen not time because those little voices still go off in my head about how ugly I am.. I went though that until the age of 16. Years and years of pain. I never had that closure…
NPR: We will be right back, this is only the intro. Stay tuned for more of Radio Vine. |
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