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Vanity opens the show with a rock-tinged version of single "Dirty Lover", joined by a guitarist, and wearing an all-black outfit topped with an eye-catching headpiece. Her vocals are notably a lot more louder and aggressive compared to the studio version of the track, and she sings powerfully stood behind her microphone, her body moving rather eccentrically at times in rhythm with the music.
Graham: Vanity everyone!
(Audience claps)
Graham: Come over here, darling. Take a seat.
(Vanity walks over and sits down next to the guests)
Vanity: It's so nice to see everyone, thank you. I love the UK.
Graham: Oh come on, you're just saying that.
Vanity: No, I do! I have an unhealthy obsession with the Queen and fish and chips. I'd be so fat if i lived here, no one would wanna come to my shows because I'd look horrendous in a bra and hot pants. (laughs)
Graham: Some people are into that, Vanity. I mean if you haven't been able to scare people away at this point, I doubt a large gut would do the job.
Vanity: Graham! I'm not scary, am I?
Graham: Maybe not scary, just a little unhinged. (nods)
Vanity: I think we're all a little unhinged behind closed doors, I just like to keep my doors open.
Graham: If I didn't know any better, Vanity... I'd say you were coming onto me.
Vanity: You can be my dirty lover if you like, Graham.
Graham: Normally I'd have to pass, but seeing as it's you, I'll take you up on that offer, love. What about this Tease EP of yours then, it's out on Monday, tell us about it.
Vanity: Well, I've called it my own brand of erotic electronic music, because that's exactly what it is. It's got very sexual lyrics paired with amazing beats, it's hardcore stuff for hardcore you-know-what.
Graham: (gasps) Vanity!
Vanity: It's all natural! I will warn the conservatives though, it's not something you want your children listening to. Be responsible parents and don't blame me, because I always get the blame. (pouts)
Graham: You may look sad but deep down, she doesn't give a shit!
Vanity: Look at you spilling the truth tea. (laughs)
(Vanity's EP cover appears on the screen)
Graham: Looking at that EP cover... what inspired it? That's glitter on you, isn't it? It looks like you've drunkenly stumbled into an arts and crafts shop, Vanity.
Vanity: (laughs) I like that theory, perhaps I did. Looking back at the cover, I look a little drugged up on it, so you never know.
Graham: Well you have to be to put something like that out!
Vanity: You're probably right. That is glitter on me though, or some sort of glittery substance, perhaps I made love to a special man with a glitter... cannon.
(Graham and the audience laugh)
Graham: I'm going to stop you there before this conversation takes a nasty turn. (laughs) We've got some people in the red chair now, they're going to tell us their best Vanity fan stories. If you aren't impressed Vanity, you pull that little lever there.
(Vanity's hand hovers over the lever as Graham turns to look at the screen)
Graham: Hello, can we have your name, age and location?
Person #1: I'm Adam, I'm 23 and I'm from Birmin-
(An intrigued Vanity pulls at the lever which forces the seat to fly backwards, the audience erupting into laughter)
Vanity: (gasps) Noooo! I didn't mean to do that! I wanted to see what the lever does!
Graham: (laughs) Vanity, you don't have something against the Brummies, do you?
Vanity: What's that, darling?
Graham: Someone from Birmingham.
Vanity: No, never! I'm sorry, I love you, Adam!
Graham: We've got someone else in the chair now. Hello, what's your name?
Person #2: Hiii, I'm Louise! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm talking to Vanity.
Vanity: Louise, you're very beautiful. It's a pleasure.
Graham: Louise, go on with your story.
Person #2: Okay so, I saw you at the start of your tour at Wembley Stadium with my friend Gemma. It was my first ever concert, I was so excited.
Vanity: She's adorable!
Person #2: So we were sat down in our seats and then the lights went off right before you came on, and I was bursting for a wee and I don't like the dark and I was so excited. Everyone suddenly stood from their seats and as I did, I suddenly... wet myself.
(Vanity and Graham start to laugh with the audidence)
Person #2: I was bursting for the toilet, but you were about to go on stage and I couldn't miss it!
Vanity: Darling, that's awful! I have terrible timing, you're so dedicated... what did you do?
Person #2: My jeans were getting wet and it was so obvious, I had a big cup of beer with me and I had to pour it on myself to make it look like I hadn't just clearly wet myself!
Graham: So you had to smell of piss and beer throughout the whole show? Oh, you poor thing.
(Audience laughs)
Person #2: Yes! I had to quickly hurry off to the toilets with all this dripping down me, it was horrifying.
Graham: Shall we let her walk, Vanity?
Vanity: Aww, yes! You poor thing, I hope you enjoyed the show at the very least.
Person #2: Best night of my life, love you!
Vanity: I love you so much. Thank you!
Graham: Louise, you're free to walk, have we got time for one more?... Yes, let's see who's in the chair.
(Person number three walks in and sits down, Vanity suddenly gasps)
Vanity: NO FAN OF MINE IS WEARING CROCS.
(She pulls the lever and Graham and the audience start to laugh again)
Graham: People these days, Vanity. Do they have no sense?
Vanity: If I could remove one thing in the world, it would be Crocs, I'm sorry to that fan. I love him though.
Graham: Amazing. Thank you, Vanity!
(Audience claps)
Vanity's Tease EP is available Monday. |
  ACTIVE: Vanity x Nadia Berry |
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