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Season 1 Episode 1 - Pilot
Release Date : April 2nd , 2014
TV Show : Ignorant Art
Network : MTV
Length : 45 minutes
"Next ..." A man behind the screen says and Rum and Coke slowly walks on camera . "Wow , you guys look ... alike ." He shares a small laugh with them .
"Understatement of the year ." Coke says between chuckles . Both Rum and Coke are dressed the same , with a white crop top sweater on and gray baggy sweatpants with pockets and of course Jays .
They both awkwardly pause for a minute and look at each other as they wait for his next question . "So , how old are you guys ?"
Rum points at herself . "I'm 21 ," she then points at Coke . "she's 22 ."
He pauses once again before asking another question . "What's your name ?"
"Rum ."
He asks again . "Your's ?"
She takes a breath before answering . "Coke ."
He puts both of them together and chuckles to himself . "Rum & Coke . How does one get such names ?"
Both Rum and Coke begins to grin at the same time before Rum simply answers , "How do you think ?"
 
Starts at 1:11
Rum
...
So let the music play , don't focus on anything
Just take my breath away , make my needs your main priority
Pray for Us
Coke : Dear America ... PETA ... Fellow God-fearing Christians ...
Rum : Yo ...
C : I'm sending out a prayer request for some of my loved ones .
R : We need to talk about Coke..
C : Ever since I've began to bring pets into a household with Rum , some strange things have been taking place .
R : This bitch crazy .
C : As in strange things , I mean homicide .
R : And delusional .
C : Rum has been killing my pets .
R : She's been so lonely these days , she been getting pets like crazy . Which is not the solution because she's depressing the hell out of them animals . I be seeing it all in their eyes .
C : I think she has a problem . I don't think she's a psychopath , she just has a problem .
R : They kill themselves , right ? No , forreal . It's like they find some random way to die every damn time . Like shit they know dogs ain't supposed to be doing .
C : I have 2 more pets that she hasn't got to yet and ... I fear for their life , I really do .
R : Then she'd have the nerve to blame me ! Like I'm some psychotic white kid . Pshhk .
C : The first pet was Chase . He was a Chihuahua . He used to love chewing on Rum's shoes and one time she caught him in the act .
R : So this dog ... I forgot his name , but this one dog was chewing on my shoes . MY shoes . I don't care if you are Barack of the United States , I'll be damned if you so much as leave an indent on my red bottoms and not get these hands .
C : You know she did ? Well , it's actually pretty ironic , she chased Chase into the street and he got ran over .
R : I was going after the dog 'cause he still had my shoe , right ? But I gave up when he went out the door . That dog was too damn fast . Not faster than that car though .
C : I was devastated .
R : It was tragic .
C : But I found it in my heart to forgive her . Even though the only thing she said when Chase got ran over was , "Why Lord ?! Why my Louis V's ?!"
R : How about she's gonna tell me I killed her dog . Like , no boo . I was standing right here . I obviously wasn't the one behind the wheel . She's so inconsiderate ! Like damn , those were my first pair ! I never even buy heels like that !
C : Then she fed my other dog , Wren , a Snickers Bar . It was a Beagle . At first it was choking because of the peanuts , then it had allergic reaction to the peanuts and then the chocolate kicked in . That was ... wow .
R : The other dog had a really traumatic death . And Coke was super dramatic too . What had happened was , I dropped my Snickers bar and just when I was about to tend to the 5 second rule , it came out of nowhere and ate my shit . Like , the fuck ?
C : I was going to try and save him but she held me back . I can't get mad at her though . I wasn't in my right mind .
R : She wanted to give the dog mouth to mouth . Umm , bitch , chill the fuck out . 'Cause I will make sure the whole world is aware that you over here mouthing dogs . Just pump on his chest , get the peanuts out his throat and sit the fuck down somewhere . We don't have time for that .
C : After all that mayhem when we finally got him to the vet and he died , Rum said he deserved it . Cue expressionless face . What is wrong with this chick ?
R : Well , it should've never ate MY chocolate .
C : Then there was my dog Pia . She was a Pomeranian . Rum said she ran away . Bitch please .
R : OK , so I ran over her dog by accident when I was backing out . I actually liked little Pia . She was like .. the bitch inside of me .
C : One day I came home and one of my fish were belly up .
R : Nobody was even paying attention to her wannabe aquarium .
C : And most recently , she threw Pearl off of the roof of our tour bus . I had Pearl for 3 days . THREE DAYS !
R : See , this is where shit got suicidal . I was just chilling on the roof of the tour bus and it started to move , so I enjoyed myself . Then Pearl meowed . So I was like 'Yo Pearl , what you doing up here ?' And she gave me this look , it was awkward as hell for a minute , and then leaped off the moving bus into the street . I did not deserve to see that . I was just minding my business , you know , being black , and she's just gonna be all crazy .
C : And this is why I am asking for your help . I have 2 more dogs . They are big so I doubt she'll touch them but you never know . I just love all of them all and I want them all to be safe ... and sane .
R : She has some bad luck with pets . She needs to stop before one of these animals she adopts tries to kill us . You know she has one big ass dog ? Well , I actually like him . He lets me dress him up..
C : So tonight , if you please , pray for Rum and my pets' safety . You don't have to surround a whole prayer around them , that's stupid . But just .. mention them .
R : You know what ? Lets pray for this girl . She needs it .
C : It can go a little something like this ...
R : [Starts singing] Father it's me ... [Clears throat] In my Mali voice .
C : Dear lord , we come before you today ...
R : You are good , ALL the time . That's how I know you can bless Coke . Bless her heart .
C : To ask you to guide Rum into a violentless life before I get violent ,
R : Rebuke the depression demons like the mighty god you are !
C : If it's in your will o god , give Rum something to do with her life so that she wont have to kill my pets ,
R : Let it be that Kidd provides her with more surfboard so that she stops riding mine , o god ,
C : [Sings and lifts hands] YOU ARE ALPHA AND OMEGA ...
R : Only you lord ! Only you can save her from her saltiness !
C : [Speaks in tongues] BarbarianCoaCoaButterHashBrowns ! PinaColadaKardashian , hallelujer !
R : [Praise dances]
C : [Falls out]
Rum : Amen !
UPDATE : Pearl did not die . She found a way through the cars and somehow made it back into Coke's arm . But these 2 obviously still need the prayer ..
  
Starts at 00:29
Unidentified voice
Blood on the leaves
Breeze ... breeze ...
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze -- breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees -- from the poplar trees
Who ?
Rum : A year ago this month we debuted with Venom & Versace after some time of being Youtubers .
Coke : It was a horrible album but it was our debut album .
R : Now here we are , with the first Hip Hop album to top the charts .
C : Like , ever .
R : And it just ... amazes me . It took us both by surprise , you know ?
C : I wouldn't say it feels like a dream like every other basic celebrity would say . It just all feels ... too real .
R : Like , I believe this is my reality , I'm aware of that . It feels just like before .
C : Everyday , I wake up and it's the same me . Same life . Same routine .
R : Back when we YouTubed , we used to get all excited about our views .
C : I remember when we first hit a million subscribers .
R : We don't even know a thousand people . [Laughs]
C : [Chuckles] Exactly . We got so hyped over that and now , it's all different .
R : We're not boojie ,
C : Yet .
R : We just look at things differently now . We find less value in a materialistic life .
C : We find sales pointless .
R : Although , there's never anything wrong with doing your part and helping a sista out ...
C : Aftermath is out now . So is The Sweetest Thing .
R : Epiphany's still available . It's been some time so it's prolly a lil cheaper too ...
C : Just putting that out there .
R : Mhmm .
Coke : Anyways , we don't value mon...
Rum : That's a lie .
Coke : [Laughs] Damn Rum , I was tryna keep a straight face !
Rum : [Laughs]
Coke : We aren't shallow people though .
Rum : Not at all . We cool people .
Coke : Yep .
Rum : Yep .
Camera Guy : Yep .
Everyone : [Laughs]
Coke : What is this ? King of the Hill ? Bye .
Rum & Coke Ruins Their Own Song..
Rum , Coke, Anniken and a few of their security guards are in the back of an SUV as it strolls down the roads of Hollywood . "Sooo , we're just chilling in the car , being bored as fuck ." Coke says to the camera one of the security guards are holding .
"Woop , woop ! Give it up for the no lifers !" Rum sarcastically adds .
Coke continues . "Like , we're too important for this . Y'all should be blowing our phone up right now . We should never have to take a Sunday drive ."
"The fuck we look like exploring Hollywood ? Dora ?"
Coke looks over at Rum and sizes her . "Well ..."
Rum reaches over and punches Coke in the shoulder . "I'm Cuban !" She says , smacking her teeth .
Shoving her back , Coke yells , "Don't be hitting me !"
As Rum and Coke go back forth , hitting and cussing each other out , Anniken begins to look annoyed . Next thing you know , Rum and Coke are swinging at each other . "WOAH , stop being stupid before I smack the taste.. Are y'all filming me ?
Rum does a pouty face and looks in the camera . "1-800-CHILD-ABUSE ."
"1-800-CHOKE-THAT-HOE ! Get her ma , she hit me !" Coke laughs , pointing at Rum and backing away .
"I don't have time for this ." Anniken puts on her shades and sits back in her seat .
Coke points at the camera and laughs . "Don't be trying to act all classy now . We already have footage ."
Rum looks back at the camera . "See , in reality , she's abusive . She's just in front of a camera right n..."
Suddenly , Anniken mushes Rum in the face and she screams dramatically , following it up with a laugh . The two then begin to fight while playfully screaming and laughing .
"Yesss , ma ! Whoop her !" Rum reaches back and pulls Coke's hair when she hears her .
Coke screeches and laughs . "You better be lucky I don't believe in jumping ." She says as she untangles her hair from Rum's hand . " Jerome , turn up the radio !" She laughs .
Pretty Girls by Austin Nimmo & Kato just begins to end and Coke jams out .
"My song is on ! Shh !" She puts no effort in actually singing the hook as she bobs her head and snaps her fingers . "Pretty girls, pretty pretty girls/All them pretty girls like you !" When the song ends , the radio host talks for a brief moment and announces they are about to play Rum & Coke's Epiphany .
Coke's eyes widen . "Oh snap ! Blast it !"
Anniken and Rum hears the track on the radio and stops fighting . They begin to get in singing mode as the intro of the song plays .
"Tryna live your life , but this is getting hard !" Rum pointlessly belts without making it vocally appealing .
Everyone in the car laughs and gets excited and sings along as they hear Rum & Coke's song on the radio . The security guards and Rum makes a beat to the song together on the windows and doors .
"Just another typical bitch in denial ." Coke sing as they still beat .
"Must be free , must be free ! Aye !" Says the whole car as it all goes perfectly together . "But just in case you died , at least you followed all the rules .../Working 9 to 5/Got married on the side/Did everything they wanted you to .." Everyone sings in unison . Of course it sounds horrible as they have fun with the song . They all laugh , hearing themselves .
"It's Anniken's solo !" Says Rum as she hushes everyone .
Anniken clears her throat before belting out the part . "Oooooooh !" Everyone bursts out in tears as she holds the part longer than the song does .
Coke waves her hand in laughter . "Noo ma , let that note go , let it go !"
Anniken cracks up . "Stop your hating on the genes you never got !"
"It's adorable when she tries to talk slang ." Rum says , wiping tears from her eyes .
Pray for Us - Side note
Rum & Coke are sitting on a couch next to each other , looking seriously into the camera . "So.." Rum says , breaking the silence . "we just wanted to make it clear that we didn't actually want you guys to go bother Jesus about my relationship with pets and Coke getting surfboard.."
Out of nowhere Rum & Coke begins to snap to the beat of Drunk in Love . "SERFBORT , SERFBORT !"
"Sorry ." Rum says looking down at her hands .
Coke repeats . "Sorry , reflex ."
"I really can't stand that song ." Rum shakes her head .
"Can't stand that lady , period ." Rum & Coke high fives . "But , um , not the point ." Coke continues . "We don't need anybody coming at us .."
Rum interrupts . "Like the Catholic Church ."
"From the front , back and sideways . Because we don't have the time for y'all to tell us where we're going in the afterlife ."
"We already know ."
"Like , haven't you heard the YouTube trolls ? We're whores ... and gay ." Coke states .
Shrugging , Rum says , "Not much of a mystery ."
"Exactly ."
"Speaking of Catholic Church ," Rum begins to form a question .
"Oh lord ." Coke groans .
"What's up with that Pope stuff ? Like aren't you supposed to be looking to Jesus for answers as Christians ?"
Coke waves her hands in the air and shakes her head . "No no no no no . Don't get these people started . If they feel like having some idol figure in their religion and still claim they only praise God , let them do that . I just want to show them the credits and move on with my life ."
Delinquents
Rum & Coke both rush inside the door of their house giggling and out of breath . "Go go go !" You hear as they storm in and Rum trips as Coke locks the door behind them .
"Oh my God , life is over ." Coke says as she dramatically slides down the door . "They're gonna drop us from the label . We're gonna be broke . MC Hammer broke !" She continues to whine .
Still laughing , Rum kicks Coke in her shin while on the floor . " Girl , stop being a drama queen . They'll never know it was us ."
Coke kicks Rum back and drops her head in her hands . "They'll never know it was us ? You sound stupid ! Studio60 headquarters got cameras ! They're gonna know who kicked over their trashcan . We're done . We should just curl up in a ball and die now ."
"Shoot , it was just an accident . They'll be okay ." Rum gets up and dusts herself off . "Besides , if they ask me first , I'll say you did it . I suggest you make up an alibi ."
Coke's jaw drops . "You would do me like that ?"
Rum begins to walk away . "Don't even act like you were giving me the benefit of the doubt ."
"Bump you then !" Coke laughs and throws her shoe at Rum as she walks away .
Edited by user 13 April 2014 06:16:43(UTC)
| Reason: Not specified |
