Ryan Ross Hernandez on His Loud Album and Quiet Life


Ryan Ross Hernandez opens up on his new album "Sex with Former Lovers," the music industry, and life as a 43 year old bachelor

By Madison Clark

March 19, 2021

Ryan Ross Hernandez loves to talk. Once he gets going, holding a conversation with the 43 year old artist is a lot like his songwriting. It's raw, honest, at times long-winded and wrapped in metaphors. Compared to hearing him speak some ten years ago, he appears to be more focused at delicately picking out his words before blurting them out. Now Hernandez barely gives any interviews and tends to keep a low-profile after some very public flubs with the media in his late twenties and early thirties. Regardless, to many people in the public, it is question of who is the real Ryan Ross Hernandez. Is it the generational guitar player whose brand of candor storytelling has made him one of the most successful and reliable singer-songwriters of the 21st century? Is it the celebrity loving A-list player who is a fixture on Culture Uncut and several other gossip rags for his seamlessly never-ending list of pop star girlfriends and who winks at the notion of his fame? The seventh studio album by one of the most prolific male artists of the last twenty years was released on March 12, 2021. After years of shelving the project, Sex with Former Lovers has seen the light of day. The album title, the artwork, and even some of its lyrical content seem to play up into the latter version of Hernandez. The one that pisses people off. Also, the version that keeps people talking about him. A day prior to the album release, I was able to conduct an interview with the musician over a Zoom call while he hibernated in his Livingston, Montana residence.

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It is 2021 and we are sitting here today talking about Sex with Former Lovers, an album that was announced over five years ago and the bulk of it was written and recorded between 2015 and 2017. Why did it take so long for this LP to see the light of day? And in that same vein, why is the album being released after all this time has passed?

RRH: I had to release this record so it wouldn’t haunt me anymore. It would have been a major disservice to the records that I will release in the future if Sex with Former Lovers did not see the light of day. Everybody would have kept asking about it. It would have been this ghost of an album that everyone would be curious about. Originally the album was canceled in 2017 when the record was already in its mixing and mastering stages. We've messed around with the track listing a bit since then. There are a few songs that ended up being cut entirely and the final two tracks were added last minute. I was turning in the masters right before we announced the record.

You mentioned in a press release confirming the album, that the cancelation in 2017 was stemmed from your mother being placed in hospice care and passing away later that same year.

RRH: Yes. That was the main factor. I don’t want to say her illness and passing was a blessing because it wasn’t that. Her death derailed my entire life. I won’t discuss details of that time but I will say that it felt as if the timing of her diagnosis was the last act of an incredibly supportive and protective mother. If I had released this record as it was without any self-censoring, I wouldn’t be sitting here today. I wouldn’t have a career anymore. I think subconsciously, she knew that too.

Why do you say that?

RRH: I had a lot of self-destructive ways about me. If I had gone the route I had in mind with this record in terms of its promotion and the somewhat outrageous plans I had for it, I would have strapped a ticking time bomb around myself. It would have been over for me. I’ve been able to weather the storm in the past. I am incredibly grateful that I have not been completely written off when at times I deserved to be. The death of my mother set my head straight. I needed that wake up call, as morbid as that may sound.

“Controlled Substances” leaked online and that appeared to create the ripple effects of why this record is out now. You mentioned that in order to protect artistic rights, the only way to move forward was to release the album officially through Studio 60 Records. Did you or your team believe more songs would have been leaked?

RRH: We had reason to believe that, yes. I wouldn’t say it was a successful bullying tactic to get the album out there. When it became clear that if we did not act quickly, most of Sex with Former Lovers was going to be published online, we opted to get all the pieces right for an official release. As an artist, regardless of what level of fame or success you have, if you bust your ass working on something, you should be compensated accordingly. That’s not a bad thing to say or recognize. My two singles last year were entirely donated to charitable causes and that was my decision, nobody else’s. At the end of the day, if I had said I did not want this album to come out, my team and my record label would have respected that. Seven albums in and a pretty good track record of success, I've earned that final say.

The first preview the public got off this record was the single version of “The Younger Heart” a song that was immediately dipped in controversy given its blunt sexual nature and references that have been tied by the public to be about pop star and your ex-girlfriend Isabel Merjos. What was the mentality in having that be the first single in 2016?

RRH: I thought The Younger Heart was an incredible song. I still think it is. That’s why I performed a bit of it at the Fan Choice Awards last year. I love playing that song. I did not write a damn thing between the summer of 2013 and that song in late 2015. It ignited that fire to be a songwriter again. If I could go back in time, I likely would have not made that the first single. If that song had just been quietly released with the rest of the record, I don’t think we would be having this conversation today.

How so?

RRH: The album would have actually been released in 2017 or whenever it was ready to go. The public perception of that song, the witch hunt that went into it, the slander that it was receiving, it truly sucked the life out of the room. My mother’s health at the time was the main factor to put everything on hold, but I would be lying if I said the public reaction to that song didn’t contribute to the overall downfall. I tried for months to dismiss it. The biggest issue as a songwriter that you run into at a certain point is when you are pushed so hard to say that a song is about or inspired or directed at someone, when you have to protect your artistic license at all costs. I don’t care who you think the song is about. Music should not be consumed that way. Put yourself in the shoes of the narrator. Put yourself in the shoes of the subject matter. Do not listen to a song and visualize something you have no idea about.

Did you ever speak to Izzy after the release of that song?

RRH: Out of the abundance amount of respect and admiration I have for Iz, I won't be answering that.

The album version of “Younger Heart” to me sounds like it not only compliments the rest of the record but it also sparks a new life line to the song. It has a true indietronica and synth-pop sound. Where did that idea come from to completely reconstruct that song when the original had received such great acclaim?

RRH: I believe the new version modernizes a song that was released over a half decade ago. The original demo of the song had been built around drum machines and synths. I was just messing around one night and built the melody of it before ever touching a guitar. I wanted to take it back to that essence when I first wrote it. There are some exceptions to this rule on the back end of the album, but I truly wanted to make a shamelessly pop record. Sex with Former Lovers is that to me. I’ve done pop rock records, acoustic records, blues records, folk-country Americana-esque records. If you’re a fan of what I do, if you have been a long-time fan, you probably have some level of trust that what I’m putting out there is genuine.

The follow up single to “The Younger Heart” was “Don’t Read the Headlines.” Why do you think that latter song did not reach the same level of commercial success as the previous single? And, on that note, why was that song left off the album?

RRH: Honestly, the release for it was rushed and that was done on purpose. We were not going to drop a second single until May or June. We were going to let The Younger Heart simmer through the late winter and spring before we dropped the follow-up. When Don’t Read the Headlines came out five or six weeks after Younger Heart, it was my way of mostly wanting people to move on. I was tired of hearing about The Younger Heart and seeing all these breakdowns of every line in the song, trying to pin it to someone. It was exhausting. I wanted to turn the page. On the follow-up question, Don’t Read the Headlines is not on the album because it did not match the aesthetics of the other ten songs that are on there. There is no other hidden message to it. I think at that point, the album was half baked and I did not know what direction it was going to take, so it was always on the fence. I know some people really enjoy that song and I’m sure it will make its way onto a setlist in the future.

Do you have regrets about those songs or this album in general now that it’s available for everyone to listen?

RRH: I used to. It’s difficult to say because after enough time passes by from the end of a relationship that ended without any malicious intent, there’s a zone you reach where the fears you have of seeing an ex or hearing their name, it all sort of dissipates. You shed that skin. That’s for everybody, not just me. If this record came out in 2016 or 2017, all the wounds may have still been too fresh to revisit. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m not preparing myself for people to tear these songs down too, trying to decipher some code within them. It would be naive of me to think that’s not going to happen.

Is there a part of you that thinks one of your ex-girlfriends might reach out due to something they hear or read about on this album?

RRH: No. There’s a mutual respect among people in this industry where you understand that as a writer, you will take from your experiences to build a story within a four minute track. If there are songs out there about me, painting me good, bad, or downright ugly... I can accept that. If someone listens to a song of mine and believes it is about them, by all means. I’m not going to change my approach to writing. There are exceptions to this rule, however I deeply believe that I have never crossed those lines as someone’s significant other. I’m not perfect by any means. I’ve made my mistakes. I’ve hurt people I love. I’ve apologized. I’ve been put through the wringer, deservingly so at times. I can’t apologize for the rest of my life. I need to allow myself to not be a self-loathing mess. You have to pick yourself off the ground and forgive yourself. You have to learn to be kind to yourself.

What about someone you’ve been romantically involved with commenting publicly or on social media about this album?

RRH: That could happen. If it does, they have every right to do so. Why would I be upset about that? I can’t beat myself to death about all the what if’s. I am my own harshest critic. I do not need all of these other factors that are so beyond my control, adding to my worries. Every single woman I’ve dated in this industry, I have a great deal of respect for.

Since your personal life has been a fixture of your career for such a long time, I think it is fair of me to ask this; are you single or involved with someone at the moment? You do not have to share any details. I just feel like people are curious about that.

RRH: Naturally so. I understand that. My record is called Sex with Former Lovers for fuck sakes, I’m not oblivious (laughs). I won’t answer that question directly. All I will say is that for the first time in my life I feel as though the wheels are in motion and heading in the right direction. I’ve cut out some bad habits of mine and worked on getting my head straight. I needed that time away from everything to better myself before exploring any romantic relationship with a woman. For a lot of years there my foot was stuck on the accelerator and I was not working on improving myself. For the first time, I feel as if everything in my life is now at the same level, which is a relaxing state to be in. My life is a welcomed bore right now compared to what I was doing some ten or eleven years ago. I am comfortable being 43 years old.

What is your favorite song on Sex with Former Lovers?

RRH: Um... In Delay. That’s the saddest song I have ever written. The lyrics are brutal. I barely got through recording it. There are some songs of mine that have this glossy layer on top of them. This almost like brash facade that I’m portraying myself as to not be too vulnerable on tape. Grandeur is definitely one of those songs, as is Past Tense and a few others on this album. I know not everyone grasps that because it is easier to just pin me as that type of guy rather than seeing under that cover. Which is perfectly fine by me. I’m doing it in a very much self-aware manner. In Delay is not that. Questions I Never Asked You is not that.

It’s interesting that you mention those songs because I do feel like the final three tracks on this album are you at your most honest and vulnerable. The kind of bravado you have through the front half of this record dissipates as you go on.

RRH: That’s why the track listing was something, once we knew it was going to be released, I spent a good four or five hours trying to find the right sequence for those songs. I knew they had to be grouped together. That is my favorite sequence of songs on any album I’ve ever made. I don’t know if those songs will ever be played live. I still get tears when I hear them.

On “Questions I Never Asked You”, it appears as if you are talking directly to someone you were previously involved with and going through a set of questions after a breakup. A line on it that stood out to me was when you sang “was it an abuse of power on my part,” which is a heavy line to deliver, especially in this era where, rightfully so, men have been called out in Hollywood and other fields for misconduct towards women. Can you tell us a bit more about that song?

RRH: It is a heavy track. That song is pretty much, how I visualize it, is when you’re alone in the middle of the night in your house and you catch a reflection of yourself. It’s articulating your thoughts aloud, with nobody around you to respond. Recording that song was absolute hell. I wanted to hurt myself. I literally was singing in the booth while looking at a picture of this person on my phone and wanted to convey this message of “I don’t know if I did this or the extent I hurt you, but here’s me laying it all on the line.” It is important to recognize that male privilege and have the difficult conversations. That lyric you pointed out is not an admission of guilt. It is not stating any physical or emotional abuse. It is a transparent view of wanting blunt, painful honesty from a former partner. A lot of things can be said about me but I have never been any form of abusive with someone I have dated. I will always stand by that.

The early assumption is that both "In Delay" and "Questions I Never Asked You" are about your relationship with Ellie-Grace Summers a decade ago.

RRH: It's part of the narrative that people want to attach a certain name to every song on this album. I will never speak in an interview or to the media about those personal details. People can speculate all they want within the measures of a song, but I'm not going to speak out on any relationships I've had. She's an incredibly talented artist. That's what we should be talking, not about a song being about her or anyone else. Women should be elevated past that.

This is the only interview you will ever do about your seventh studio album, Sex with Former Lovers. You will not promote it. No new singles will be coming out. What is the lasting impression you want this record to leave on your fans? What do you hope they take from it?

RRH: I hope it follows the timeline of my discography. If you are a fan of what I do, I hope you can go into it with an open mind. I’ve always tried to experiment with new sounds and this is no different. It may not be for everyone. You may not like the direction the album takes sonically or the overarching theme of the record. That’s okay. It’s a chapter of my life that I’m putting out there. These pages, the ink dried years ago. There is nothing more to say about it. All the stories are in past tense. There’s a lot of new music coming from me that has been written over the last year and being worked on right now. Those will be the current pages of my story. It will be a new era, a new chapter. That’s that.

What can you tell us about that next chapter? How is your next album looking so far?

RRH: It’s completely different from Sex with Former Lovers in every sense. I’ve never been so excited for a project of mine as I am with this next record. Nobody is going to see it coming. That’s all I can say about it.

When can everyone expect to hear more about that next project?

RRH: Sooner than you think.

I would say there are some very outspoken fans out there of both yourself and Joshua Grimmie who want you guys to collaborate. That feels like the next big song that the public is awaiting.

RRH: I get it. I really do. I know I sort of started that because after the Fan Choice Awards last year, first off I was blown away by Grimmie’s performance. That kid absolutely owned the stage. I had gone on right after that, so I was occupied on making sure everything was ready to go for my performance that not until the plane ride home right after was when I watched the whole thing and was like “fuck, I had to follow that up?!” I tweeted him and said something along the lines of “let’s link up and make a song.” I have a lot of respect for Joshua and I have no problem admitting that at this point of our respective careers he is a bigger star than I am. 100%. We will absolutely collaborate but we have no timetable for it. He just released his album GOLDENHEART which is fantastic and I’ve been busy with my own projects that we are not going to force anything. When it comes to be, it will be. We’ve had discussions about it, him and I are close friends, he has a good scope of things like I do.

You mentioned that you two are close friends now. What drew you to Joshua as both an artist and person you could form a friendship with?

RRH: His humility is absurd. He is the biggest artist in the world right now and he doesn’t even know it. I’ve spoken to him about this before. His depth is greater than what I had at his age, that’s likely why we get on so well. And we both have a deep respect for music. Everything we put out to the world is meaningful to us. His songwriting is similar to mine where he does not self-censor and wears his heart on his sleeve. We’re both storytellers. I’m drawn to that writing style.

I’d say it is fair to call you one of the more respected veterans in this industry, where it feels like you can pick up the phone and collaborate with whoever you like. Aside from Grimmie, who are artists in that list for you at this point?

RRH: That’s tough because there are so many artists who I admire and love their music. Amy Meyer and I doing something together I feel like falls under that same category as Grimmie and I. I produced Riot in the Boulevard’s debut album and her and I worked together to produce a Reported Failure’s record some time ago. Our wavelengths have never been that far from each other, we’ve just never come together to work on a track. I love Amy and if she rings up my phone any day, I’ll be there. She’s supremely talented. Layla, whom I’ve praised a lot lately, is a brilliant singer. She’s one of my favorite voices in pop music today. I have not interacted much with her but I got her number through mutual friends and pretty much told her that if she ever needs any help on a song to reach out. Whatever it is. I’m a lot less these days concerned about having my name in lights and more about collaborating with another artist to make the best possible song, regardless of what I do. My ego is nonexistent these days. Radio Vine is such an interesting artist. Whatever she does I’m captivated by the sheer effort she puts into her craft and image. I would love to at least hop on a track with her and play guitar or something. Mandy Williams is fantastic. Eilidh has one of the best voices I've ever heard. I love what Madison has been doing. Jen Armstrong has such a strong vocal presence. There’s so many artists I would love to perform with in one capacity or another. The list goes on.

That’s a hell of a list. I think you doing anything with any of those artists you mentioned would be a big deal. I know you are wanting to remain fairly mum about your next album coming later this year, but is the door open on that project for collaborations? I know you’ve only ever had three artists guest on your solo albums.

RRH: Glamazon, EG [Ellie-Grace Summers], and Serenity Scott, right? All of those duets came naturally. If there are songs that come up in this next project or future ones which I feel like they would be better established by having another voice present on them, I welcome the prospect. I would also absolutely work with any of those three again too, by the way. They are each brilliant in their own right, I’m honored that they are a part of my discography. That will never be erased.

Interestingly enough everyone you’ve collaborated on your own projects with and everyone you mentioned about possibly doing something with are all females. Is that just a coincidence?

RRH: It is, although I also feel like women are running the game. There are so many incredible women who are inspiring an entirely new generation of artists. Women should be at the forefront and I want to do what I can to be the best ally I can be for women’s equity. I’ll add real quick though and maybe this will overshadow everything else but in terms of male artists, I’m a big fan of Austin Nimmo. That song he did with Lincoln is pop music excellence. Silver Spoons is killing it too in his realm. It’s honestly a great time for the music industry overall.

What is left on Ryan Ross Hernandez's bucket list? Both personally and professionally.

RRH: A wife and kids. That's all I have left to check off on life's scorecard. I recognize that I've lived a life full of extraordinary experiences. Falling in love, getting married, and becoming a dad are the only things that are missing in my life. That overshadows anything I could wish for professionally.

That's surprising to hear because a lot of people visualize you as the type that could easily be a bachelor for your entire life.

RRH: Maybe I've wrongfully given that vibe off in the past. It was never my intention. I don't think dating around and trying to find that person for you is in any way an indicator of me not believing in love or marriage. I want that. As you get older, your perspective of things changes. I have no desire to still be dating into my fifties. That's not for me. I partied. I did all the things that you're suppose to do in your younger years. I am not impending any mid-life crisis because I lived the hell out of my twenties and into my thirties.

On a professional level, do you think your career will take a backseat when that happens?

RRH: I wouldn't describe it as that. I will always be a musician and songwriter. That is engrained in me. It would naturally slow down a bit but it already has without having a family. The time in my career where I would be touring an album for two years and then rushing to the studio to record the next one right after has passed. I am no longer in a place where I have that chip on my shoulder thinking that if I take a break for a few years or don't tour as much I will be forgotten. That was an actual fear of mine for years. I've been fortunate enough where I can step away, take a breather, then come back when I'm ready and my fans understand that.

How would you describe your life now at 43?

RRH: It is very calm. There's not as much noise around me. I can come out to Montana and unplug or go back to LA and weave through the bullshit easier than ever. I'm on my way towards happiness and fulfillment. It may take some time. I'm okay with that. I've never been so patient and atone in my entire life.